~30 year old Lemmings who live in apartments, do you make friends with your neighbours?

Typically, not friends. I'll greet them and make small talk.

I walk my dog multiple times a day at similar hours and other neighbors do as well. So I'll run into the same people regularly. We'll talk a little bit. Sometimes I'll talk a few minutes, sometimes it's just a greeting.

I have asked on two occasions in 3 years for a neighbor to take out the dog. So generally no, but it has happened

My wife (then gf) and I moved in to the current apartment when we were ~25 (we are now almost 30). We made little notes introducing ourselves for all the neighbours, and one couple responded by bringing us a bottle of wine as a gift. We ended up friends with them, playing board games, video games, D&D, and the occasional party. We dont hang out consistently, but its nice to have friends in the building.

When I first moved in to my apartment, I became friends with one neighbor because I could hear him coughing through the wall and asked to buy some weed off him one day. He would occasionally ask me to take care of his dog when he was out of town. He has since moved and a nice old lady moved in. On the other side of my apartment is a special needs adult with care workers constantly coming and going, so not so much making friends anymore.

My last apartment (~2020) was at less than 30% occupancy and I was the only person living on my floor. Yay housing crisis.

My apartment before that was in an older Orthodox Jewish Ukrainian community that was very hostile to outsiders, and particularly my interracial relationship. The head door guard was especially racist. There was one other guy with a dog who was super nice and friendly we'd talk a bunch especially while walking. He was feeling as unwelcome as we were and they drove him out a few months before we got driven out.

Now, as a homeowner I've exchanged misdelivered packages with my neighbours and done trick or treating. I don't really know their names but i recognize their faces. There was one guy that was a creep to the femmes of our building but he's moved out thankfully, but it kinda spoilt the first impressions a bit.

• Watering plants: yes.
• Talking to each other 10+ minutes: yes.
• Chatting via a messenger: yes.
• Hang out: no.

Eh, kinda. Not really friends though, more like I have a few neighbours who I'm comfortable having as barely acquaintances.

There's the lady across the hall who occasionally brings my parcels/post up and I do the same for her.

Protein shake bro, who lives next door and has a loud blender. I've not actually met him but am deeply comforted by his shake making regularity.

The chubby Brazilians, the couple who sometimes take parcels for me when couriers insist on banging on the wrong door, and I've done the same for them too a few times.

The lady with the inverse door number to mine, we swapped numbers at one point but only ever text about recieving each others Amazon parcels. She stole my pasta maker during the pandemic though, so I lost her number. I see her on her balcony sometimes and used to hope she texted me so I could be like "no pasta maker. who dis?" but alas.

Aside from this (and tbh actually, including one or two) there's a lot of crackheads, mentally disturbed, and domestically violent in my building, so it's not really somewhere I'm comfortable being known by or inviting neighbours into my flat.

No but I'll talk to some in the halls. A lot of my neighbors are Arabic, south Asian, and African newcomers, and I'm almost always in the common part of the building with my dogs, and 99% of them hate dogs and run away from me, despite the fact my dogs are little and one is very elderly and uninterested in people. It's just not their culture to own pets I guess, so none of them want to talk to me.

My neighbor broke into my apartment while I was on vacation

So no, no I don't.

I always try to make friends with my neighbours, with varying results. Most of my neighbours I’ve met have been nice, I think most people are. Some people are just shy though. And some are just miserable assholes.

Varies person by person. Some I'm not particularly interested in, some seem satisfied with a head nod. I don't force it.

I do have neighbors I ask to water plants. Usually, I ask a neighbor if I can pay their 8-12 year old kid to do it. Lots of parents like the opportunity for their preteens to own some responsibility. I'm also among the neighbors that goes out after a snow to clear off walkways and cars for the elderly neighbors; that contact tells me which other neighbors are into the local community.

I've been in one super tight knit neighborhood where we did actual community things. Like I setup a little outdoor movie night in the common lawn and hosted a popcorn melodrama. I had the projector, audio, and movie. A couple other parents brought tons of popcorn. Everyone brought chairs and blankets to sit on. The kiddos had a riot eating it and throwing it at the villain on screen. That condo neighborhood is the gold standard I hold in my mind and compare all others I've lived in to.

Personally I love to bake, so when I first moved into my current apartment I made a bunch of small coffee cakes and just cold knocked on the doors of all my neighbors one evening. Some folks weren't home, but for the people I did meet it broke the ice and set us up to chat more when we ran into each other in the hall. And I was lucky enough to even make 3 good friends who I trade pet/plant care and favors with!

This exercise also quickly identified some people that I would not be friends with and that was valuable too.

I live in a small building with few units. My neighbors and I get along great, although they're much more eager to socialize than I am. I don't really mind, but still

We used to watch GOT and go to bars with our upstairs neighbors. I don’t remember how the introduction started but once we found out we had common interests we started hanging out.

They moved out a year after that. The next upstairs neighbors let their dogs piss on their balcony (which ran down onto my deck) so they can go fly a kite.

ive tried but they don't seem particularly interested

Usually just greet or have short smalltalks and be on my way, but it’s nice to have a good relationship with 1-2 neighbors to help each other water plants, receive parcels and so on.

About five years ago a new neighbor moved in downstairs and put a note up with her number saying who she is and that she is happy to get to know her new neighbors. Unusually forward but cool, so I wrote her and we met. We became running buddies, she sometimes took care of my dog, I helped out with handiwork, or we just hung out together and talked. She moved out a year later but we are still very good friends to this day.

In my current apartment I unfortunately don’t know anyone. The only neighbor I had a good relationship with is gone and the others keep to themselves.

Nope. I'd love some community but most people move every year or two here

No. I don't talk to strangers without a reason.

i didn't talk much to the people at my last place but i'm going to make an effort now that i've moved. seems like a good safety net to have in case something happens.

Why bother? I will be moving in a year because the rent will go up.

A handful, never had bad neighbor experiences before. Many pals and some watch my pets or get packages.

Nope. Neighbors in apartments change far too frequently for various reasons - life changes, rent hikes, property issues, etc. It very rarely seems worth the time to invest in a potential acquaintanceship. The only people that ever seem to be eager to be friends in my experiences end up being the elderly and the younger folks anyway.

It also makes it far more awkward when you have to eventually have a neighborly conversation and ask them to not leave their trash in the hallway or keep their volume down or something else minor.

No, everyone in my building is loud and obnoxious. A lot of vandals here and the kind of people I don't trust to even leave my laundry in the laundry room.

in my building, owner use informal tu and first name but when talking with renter they use vous and last name.

To be fair owner see each others at owner's association meeting and have seen each other in the building for years while many renter move within 2-3 years

And for the fun fact, my owner association ordered a security audit, and the consultant recommended organizing a building/neighbour party/barbecue over installing security camera. As people knowing each other care for each other

The little old lady next to me says hello and sometimes let's me know if there's a package waiting for me.

The people on the other side I don't know. They don't seem especially friendly or unfriendly, but I'm happy to live and let live.

My wife and I hung out with a couple just a few times. They were cool, but it's hard enough to find time when my wife and I are both off and awake; lining that up with two other working adults (plus they have a kid) was impossible to do regularly.

I can get along okay with pretty much anybody, but most people I've met have proven to be a little too incurious or even hateful for me to want to go out of my way to spend time with. With every passing year, I value my time more and more (as I'm sure almost everybody must) so it's hard to justify setting time aside for building friendships with people if I don't naturally want to hang out with them. That having been said, I work rotating 12 hour shifts, so I'm not off every night and weekend like a lot of people are, and even if I am off I may be swinging my sleep schedule to prepare for not being off. A lot of people just can't understand that yes, I may be off that day, but I didn't get home until after 0500 and I need to sleep at some point. Or yes I'm off that day, but I need to be in bed by 2000 at the absolute latest because I need to get up at 0230 for work the next day.

I would recommend making a friend or two with neighbors if your work schedule isn't as shitty as mine is lol. Especially if your neighbors suck less than a lot of mine have. Just don't force a friendship where there doesn't need to be one just so you can feel better about asking them to water your plants while you're away for the weekend. If they're cool, they'll do it for you just knowing that they can ask you to return the favor down the road.

If I didn't have two dogs and social norms dictating so.
I very much wouldn't. I'm glad the directest neighbour is never there.

i was friends with our neighbours for the past 2 years and it was very nice

they moved away fairly recently, i hope the new neighbours will be just as nice, i guess you never know if you will like eachother

Why is this aimed at ~30yo in particular?

Growing up, my parents and grandparents had the same neighbours for decades, even in apartment buildings. Of course they knew and talked to each other frequently. Hanging out in each others' apartments also happened on occasion, drinking some pálinka and listening to the radio. My dad used to go down to the ground floor to watch the evening news and story time at the superintendent's apartment along with the other children in the building. The only person who had TV in their commie block.

This already changed a bit in the late 80s / early 90s when I was growing up. People started moving around or dying. Out of the city to live in burbs. Or just left for another country. My dad was also less jovial with people as he couldn't stand stupid, so he often drove neighbours he disliked away.

Once I grew up, I moved into the apartment of my late grandparents. I still talked to my direct neighbour on a weekly basis, but by this time most everyone else died or moved away. Also I had to introduce my girlfriend now wife to my neighbour at least monthly due to her... seemingly selective dementia.

I'm in my forties now, and both at this and my previous apartment I've made sure to always say hi to neighbours. Oddly at the current place, the thirty something year old neighbours approached me first, stating they do some sort of communal hippy living here. They seemed friendly but then also moved away within a year or so.