You're not wrong, though.
It can be easy to put up a front around other people, and hide parts of yourself. Tempting, even. If people don't know that information about you, they can't judge you on it.
Let's say two strong dudes were side by side, one of them acts "tough", and the other doesn't care about people knowing about his fascination with antique figurines. I would always think that the second guy is tougher.
I don't know what happened, but "tough" seems to only mean "following the buff crowd" to some people. "Tough" isn't just muscle strength. Nearly anyone can pretend that they're like someone else. It takes a certain kind of self confidence to let yourself be passionate about the things that you love and enjoy around others. It shows mental strength, which I think is a huge part of being "tough".
In the earlier hypothetical, the latter guy would probably be the one to stand up for what he feels is right, regardless of what he's told to think. He probably also wouldn't be as easily swayed by judgemental people, and would probably be less anxious and insecure as a result.
Haha not on your life!
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...like getting myself (intentionally) robbed and then shot to the head? I mean, you are not wrong -- it'll surely make me a better person in the end...
...if I survive, that is.
So I'd rather leave it as it is, thank you very much.
???
I don't get it. I don't get the equivalence - if that's what you were going for.
Nice whataboutism.
I agree, but I also think there's too much "vulnerable" nowadays. It's important to be vulnerable, but it's also important to be tough, mostly when there's no big deal. "Some people on the internet are saying bad stuff and it triggered me and now my day is ruined..."
Do you think vulnerable and tough are on opposite ends of a spectrum?
Also the post are talking about real interpersonal interactions with people in your life. The fact that you instantly made the post about culture war bullshit is telling.
I didn't say anything about cultural wars. I specifically avoided the issue in my example. Getting really upset because some wrote something is not a good thing for real life IMO, doesn't matter who wrote what (provided it's not news, of course). Part of a good society is the old adamant "I don't agree with you at all but will defend your right to say it".
We are constantly selling vulnerability as a gift, and I agree it's important to be yourself and be able to show your emotions. what about people who know how to be vulnerable but not know how to be tough? Do you think that is healthy?
For instance (this happened to me) : you have a son and he breaks his arm, you are taking him to the hospital and he is crying and worried, he is only 8. You don't know the extent of the injury, but it looks bad. You, as a parent, can calm him, even if you yourself are really scared. For me that is time to be tough. I can also show my vulnerability and tell the kid "I'm scared, I hope it is not anything serious" but in this case I find this showing of vulnerability a bit selfish, since you are adding to the kids angst.
As someone posted, being tough is not opposite of being vulnerable (that's op's fault, not mine) but if those are the options, sometimes it can be necessary to be tough.
By the way, I did cry once the kid was being taken cared of, and his sibling was with me in the car, and I explained to him that I was sad but confident everything would be ok.
People just wanna be themself, that also includes people not being forced to fake strong too hard to survive or be respected.
Also, your example is present also from the other side: "I said something so incredibly out of touch and bait rage on people online because I am such a tough person, look how tough I am!" isn't good either.
Looks like both extremes have their issues.
I answered to another post.
I don't know why everyone assumed I was chosing a side.
Actually I was trying to make a blank statement. I agree with you but I don't think people who post that kind of posts you mention are tough at all.
There are toxic people being upset all around and being triggered because someone is defending their rights. I think we as a society should be more tolerant in general and stop dwelling in absolutes.
But that's another issue. My point is that if the two choices are tough or vulnerable, give me a little bit of both depending on the situation. I wrote a personal example further up.
Dunno if you're targeting the emotional impact or drawing the line on interaction style - but being respectful and non-toxic does not cost anything more than the opposite. I certainly prefer interactions without toxic noise that have little to do with the people or topic involved.
Vulnerability is not the same as sensitivity.
