how's your week going, Beehaw

I'm not doing well. Extremely upset due to politics and unsure how to manage my feelings of dread and inaction. I need to do something, but I don't know what.

Might organize a protest some time soon. Never done that before.

Mostly miserable. Two people commented on my attire today though. That made me feel good.

Hi, its been a gazillion years since I was last on this platform but I hope you've all been doing well.

This week I have been doing some self reflecting due to politics, and I am trying to figure out how to get involved in my local community. Currently starting off small by finishing my high school diploma after a decade, and seeing if I can help my fellow classmates out with the resources I know about. Since they're also all in similar situations with educational and financial issues, I have been collecting resources on things like digital literacy, sexual health, financial planning sites, and local food banks.

I am also thinking of conquering my fear of meeting my ex in-laws and going to the local LGBTQ drop in, but that will have to wait a few weeks. Got too many appointments.

Other than that, I started talking to my friends again after dealing with social anxiety caused by being "chronically offline" for once. Since I am studying now, I need to work on my school-life balance too.

I'm focusing on myself right now. I know that my difficulties with executive function make it hard to accomplish a lot of things my values would require of me, so I'm trying to focus on self-care as defiance. Being trans, alive and happy is a small victory in itself.

Pretty stressful, I am in the midst of exams which are a major source of anxiety for me. It's hopefully the second to last exam phase, and I really don't want to prolong my study even further. So I have to at least pass the two that are left. Which hasn't really been an issue in the past, but I have been postponing exams where I wasn't satisfied with my preparation which is part of the reason that I am studying so much longer than anticipated. I just need to push through.

On the upside, I will be so relieved when this is over. I bought a bike last year and can't wait to go on extended trips with it again as soon as the weather gets warmer here in Germany.

Rough one. On the market in Academia. Got 4 rejections in a row. Like within minutes of each other. Gut punch and soul sucking.

Good! Unfortunately I found out that sleeping outside isn't possible in the mountains so I cut my stay there and got to Valencia. I hope that weather here will be better for camping so I will save on accommodation.

For now I have rode just 500km so about 9500 still to go...

Just found out I might need to attend my girlfriends grandmother's funeral, but she didn't really know her very well so we're both kinda like damn thats awkward. Anyone know how to mentally check out around a bunch of distraught people?

I don't want to be sad but I tend to get like...empathy for people. Lol that wording is horrible but I hope it makes sense.

I feel bad but like...I don't want to be sad either lol. Does this make sense?

pretty alright so far! i’ve been busy but the workload should be light for the rest of the week. also i get a break next week which is nice [:

Kinda poorly, I broke a dental filling and had to pay around $450 to fix it.

I am mad that the people who could help with this fascist regime seem willing to tuck their heads down and do “self care.” I wake up every morning now to see what rights have been taken away—I wake up in agony.

I can’t tuck my head down. I can’t change my skin color to one acceptable to these people. I am intersex and can’t change that I look androgynous and queer in all clothing. I am leaving the house with my passport in my pocket just in case. I can’t pee in a public restroom without threat. It doesn’t matter how kind I am, how conscientious, I’m subhuman to these people.

Please if you have a conscience defend the targets of this administration and MAGA ideology. It starts with you. Please don’t let us be abused in silence. Prevent security guards or literally random men from attempting to “verify” genitalia, call out your unhinged families or at least remove your children from their influence.

It must feel so nice to ignore the evil around you, warm in the knowledge that you’re safe. Wake up, Elon felt safe and supported in his decision to sieg heil twice on national television. I have eyes, you have eyes, yet the media waffles on about “strange gestures” or “awkward movements.”

I am tired of speaking gently to you, the white American. You are failing every time an ICE raid separates a child from their parents and no one yelled “la migra” so that they could have a few minutes to plan to find each other. Every time. You can pretend it’s not that bad, but history will remember you differently.

We sneer at the German populace who fell in under the Nazis. Most Germans did NOT attempt to help, save, or shelter their Jewish neighbors.

Terrible, dealing with racists in beehaw's foss community has drained me.

Apart from that, taking a few days to rest as a lot has happened, including that in the last few days.

Wishing Lemmy had proper blocking, but as far as I know it's just an 'ignore' button meaning all the racists can still see my posts.

Hi hi. I'm new. My best friend recently lamented how they wished we could have one normal year for once. I shook my head and wished the same with them. I live in SoCal. Started taking antidepressants on the election week last year and wasn't sure if it was side effects or I was just sick from the results. After two months it was evident I needed a dosage adjustment. The week I upped my dosage my home ended up half a mile from one of the LA fire evacuation zones and 14 families of friends lost everything. SO... all in all I am not sure I'm ever going to know if the antidepressants are working. As my other friend on antidepressants said, "Melp... you picked a crazy time to start fixing your mental health." Anyway, hey. Glad to finally be here with you all.

My best friendship might be over, I don't know. I thought about letting him drift off but my therapist convinced me to reach out. He said he doesn't want to talk about it, and I asked if he means not tonight, or not all. He just said "I don't know".

I ain't gonna pressure him, but that was his last chance.

I tried to make other friends, I joined this Meetup group I was really excited about. Waited ages for it. Had fun for the first several hours, and we were already talking about future events, and then it came up that they're all conservative.

There's very little else on Meetup and most of it has "sponsored by the church of Scientology" buried at the bottom of the text. I've just been trying to hit the gym and be productive around the house since then. Kinda sucks because I need to finish unpacking but I have so many gifts and mementos and photos with people who moved on.

A lot has been going on in my head lately and I think I need to calm down. Just last week I've finally ended my 20 years of fluctuating depression/suicidal thoughts and actually want to live and do something with my life. This world and everyone and everything on it is absolutely beautiful. Yes, there are thorns, but that's what makes the blooming rose even more beautiful.

I don't know who I am or where I'm going, but damn it, life is one hell of a ride.

But seriously, I do need to calm down.

Nonetheless, I truly wish everyone to have a pleasant life. It's hard, man. I don't know who you are, but I feel you. In my opinion, we are all astronauts on this spaceship called Earth, so we might as well try to get along.

It's 0°F outside, feels like -18°F, but the dew point is -14°F so my Garmin watch is describing it as "pleasant."

I feel like there's some joke I'm missing.

I had a nice weekend which was needed. Met up with a friend to go to a techno party. One guy who came and danced with us for a while called us cute. I'm guessing he saw us having a good time enjoying the music and talking to people and it seemed like he enjoyed our vibes. It was a super nice compliment for both of us though.

After the party my friend and I went back to her friend's apartment to chill until the morning when I could catch a train back home. We talked and shared music while she sketched away. It was so chill and a nice way to unwind.

When she dropped me off at the station, she gave me a hug that felt a little extra, like there was a little appreciation behind it. I think she was happy to have someone who was able talk and laugh about some small mistakes which she was able to learn from throughout the night.

I treat her like a person just as I would with anyone else. It makes me feel good to have that affect on people. It also makes me a little sad that this type of treatment towards other people seems to be rare... It really takes far less energy to be accepting than it does to wake up angry and bitter at innocent people.

Other than that, I'm really growing tired and frustrated with technology dependence we are being cornered into using. Technology is a constant source of frustration and yet it feels like the majority have normalized the use of technology and headaches it comes with. It feels absurd and it's exhausting.

I'm trying hard to enjoy the moments and people that bring me happiness but there are times where my mind wanders towards the future. It gets so hard to breath in those moments...

Baaaaaad, Lemmy has been bad and meatspace has been bad too

I'm going back and forth between feeling panicky because I am postponing a lot of serious talks and feeling weirdly calm.

At least work is okay at the moment, but even there I have moments of feeling panicked, like when my coworkers review my code and I feel worthless all of a sudden (even though rationally I know they are nice people that give me feedback with the best intentions).

I've realised that the past couple months, when things go wrong, I blame myself because the thought of confronting others just scares me so much. And it's getting worse. I've been thinking maybe I need therapy?

Unfortunately previous experiences talking to mental health professionals have made me wary because in this country being a functioning adult means that your issues aren't serious enough to warrant intervention. On the other hand I guess I know how to answer their questions in a way that makes them more likely to help me.

Idk I just feel very stuck and would love to not be stuck but also don't really see a way out of this. I guess I'm hoping for a breaking point to magically appear so I have an excuse to open up about things to people around me 😕

Starting a ye olde Dragon Age: Origin playthrough after a few years of being away. I miss oldschool Bioware.

Fourth Reich is definitely starting out pretty chilly!

Got a nice snow storm overnight. Always fun when I don't have to be anywhere.