I've evaluated my net worth to be over $100,000,000,000 (based on the appreciation of my beanie baby collection) so laws don't apply to me anymore.

That seems fair
- Sweet, I've convinced one now I only need to convince like 30,000,000ish more and it doesn't matter if it's true or not.
  
  Loan them to me, then they're still yours but I can claim they're mine as well.
- Wow wow wow......wow.

Now reasure me that the reasons my life sucks are due to no fault of my own, but to other people. Give me a target for my impotent rage which stems from the fact that I know deep down that I'm a failure. Tell me it's someone else (or group of people)'s fault. I can't wait to blindly support you!

My mom used to be an official Ty ^® dealer. She has bags and bags if those leftover in her basement. Iirc she has the Erin one that is worth an absolute fortune.
Right before the market crashed on them, some flipper sold one to a secret Ty representative and told a story about how she bought them at my mom's store. They instantly pulled her from being a dealer. It was devastating at the time. Just suddenly cut off her main source of income. In the end though, I think it was a fortunate blessing.
She was skirting and Ty's rules though. She couldn't sell them for more than the price set by Ty. But she could give them away as a promotion if people bought other merchandise. So she would give away the highly sought after ones with a purchase of $100-200 of other merchandise. She had lines out the door.
- When I was very young I was gifted a tiny stuffed yellow fish. Apparently a very early beanie baby. I immediately tore the tag off.
  Had I left that on, it'd probably be worth something.

Well good for you. Do we now get to eat you?
I've been working on a blog-post to showcase my "Fall off the Bone Billionaire" recipe.
- You gotta season him first. Thoroughly...
  
  A Keel haul should do it