Drugs Time!

Cats love to play hunt though, for most cats their hunting drive is so strong that I think a lot of indoor cats get screwed over by the idea people have that you don't have to play with them the same way you do a dog.
If you want your indoor cat to be happy you do have to play with them (they will be happy outdoors too but they will murder wildlife needlessly :( :( ). Play doesn't just mean interacting with them and giving them attention however, in fact some cats barely desire or need that.
Play means giving your cat an athletic challenge where they can use their bodies in a burst of energy and skill to try to stalk or catch something.
The most longterm successful cat toy I have found is just a wire close hangar straightened out with a length of string and a knot or bit of cloth tied at the end of the string for weight. Make the string wiggle across the ground or through the air like a snake using the springy snap and even if you don't think your cat likes to play hunt they will likely go nuts.
Laserpointers are fun for you, they don't give your cat something satisfying to actually succeed or fail at catching, which on that point when your cat successfully catches the toy, let them have it so they can proudly walk away with it in their mouth like a lion.
Every damn time I make a cat toy for people, show them how it works, and give to them, their cat IMMEDIATELY nails the toy and then they sit their frustrated their cat got it so quick and tug on the string trying to get their cat to let it go. Cats don't generally like tug of war, they like hunting tiny little squeeky things in ambushes. Let the toy go so your cat can be proud of their catch and walk away with it, this is your chance to praise them! Then pick the toy back up 30 seconds later.
This is also simply hands down the best way to befriend cats because they will immediately associate you with the joy of hunting...which for 99% of cats rockets you to the top of their list of favorite people, especially if you are nice to them too.
- Who are you that are so wise in the ways of feline?
  
  I am one of those millenials that took down the U.S. economy by spending too much time chilling with cats instead of having enough money to buy a home and start a life shrugs.
  Adults kept telling me to grow up and learn how to be an adult, but my response always was "but you losers don't even know how to correctly annoy a cat? I have nothing to learn from you".
- My younger cat taught me to play fetch with her. She finds a receipt or other small bit of paper, brings it to me, and wants me to crumple it into a ball. Then, after throwing it, she brings it back and drops it at my feet. This normally continues about 10-20 times until she gets bored or loses the paper.
  
  Be aware that receipts (or any thermal paper) are toxic and leech through your skin. I’m not sure how they affect cats, but I certainly wouldn’t recommend holding them longer than you need to.
- My cat has zero reaction to catnip anyway, so this comic wouldn't even apply to him. But he does love to play and if we don't play with him, he'll find his own play. Find some small paper or plastic thing somewhere and swat them away then chase them. Or pick it up in his mouth and fling it up to then catch in mid flight. Lately we took out one of his older cat toys (a ribbon on a stick basically) and it's his new favorite toy. He carries it around with him everywhere he goes, including up and down the stairs. And even though he's over 13 years old, he's more playful than he was as a kitten.
  
  my brain has so many crossed wires, or I have read wayy too much james joyce, or both because I didn't even realize I did that lol
- It depends on the cat. I've seen (indoor) cats that need no human intervention whatsoever to enjoy their play hunting. They just go off and do it themselves lol. They don't even need a cat toy necessarily; they'll find something to play with (like those plastic pull tabs that seal milk jugs)
  
  You are right, those cats definitely exist, I am just warning against generalization.
  A lot of houses (most houses) are purposefully completely devoid of the kind of stimulation cats need at a basic level.
  Imagine walking through a house if you were as tall as a cat, most houses are just a series of blank, sterile surfaces without even any visual or texture variation.
  You can't assume cats will just entertain themselves, they might be happy to do so but it is kind of cruel to assume they will given you are the one that locked them in a box. Like a bored predator, they need dynamic, reactive things they can discover, stalk and pursue, not static objects that are briefly compelling to swat at.
  
  I have one of each.
  One will look at you like you're an idiot if you try and play with him. Cuddle monster is in your lap every time you sit down however. He satisfies his instincts with toys that struggle instead of run. A motorized fish toy is his current favorite. He'll "kill" it then parade his fish around the house yowling. I give him a good boy pet if he decides to show me.
  The other wants to cartwheel through the air and destroy pop-up tunnels chasing twine for 5 minutes before it's back to bird watching.

Credit: Sarah Andersen

I had to give my cat meds from an eyedropper.
Waited until she was napping then put it on her tongue. Worked like a charm.

Enjoying drugs and other states of mind is natural.

Do dogs even have drugs equivalent to catnip? 🤔
I know I've seen CBD products meant for dogs at the dispensary. But I also wouldn't give those to my dog unless prescribed by a vet since I have no idea how it would affect them.