Conception begins at ejaculation
SB2319 (As Introduced) - 2025 Regular Session
If you cannot stop the zanies, dish it yourself.
Bill introduced in Mississippi State Legislature to levy fines for ejaculation without intent for reproduction.
This was a sarcastic bill by a lawmaker in opposition to restricting abortion.
Yeah, it's kind-of the onion in that it's a satirical bill, presented to the House.
(2) It shall be unlawful for a person to discharge genetic material without the intent to fertilize an embryo.
Then Judah said to Onan, “Sleep with your brother’s wife and fulfill your duty to her as a brother-in-law to raise up offspring for your brother.” But Onan knew that the child would not be his; so whenever he slept with his brother’s wife, he spilled his semen on the ground to keep from providing offspring for his brother. What he did was wicked in the Lord’s sight; so the Lord put him to death also.
Not only was God pissed off with Onan, but now the State of Mississippi was weighing in.
My favorite part is that if you actually read this story it's not even about masturbation, it's about how shitty it is to try and rules-lawyer your way out of doing the right thing.
Onan's brother died and left a childless widow. In Jewish culture at that time, as a widow, she would've needed a son to collect the inheritance / be taken care of, etc. The workaround (in lieu of not being misogynists given that these were ye olden times) was that your brother in law would knock you up and that kid would legally count as your dead husband's for the purposes of inheritance.
But Onan thinks he's reeeaaaal clever and figures if she just magically can't get pregnant, he could just keep all that land, tents, horses, and whatever else. So he just keeps pulling out, she never gets pregnant and figures he's home free and puts his brother's widow out on the street to become a prostitute. There's some specific symbolic way that he gets his divine comeuppance for all this but I can never remember that part.
This was just the example my childhood pastor used to like using when he explained the problems with just letting someone else tell you what the Bible means instead of reading it for yourself. The man was very educated and gave a lot of sermons on the historical cultural context of a lot of the texts. In fact I'm pretty sure all of my childhood pastors had Master's degrees.
This is also the same guy that founded the interfaith community in my city to promote cultural exchange and coordinated charity efforts. Basically Fred Rogers' spiritual twin was my childhood pastor; if they weren't alive at the same time it would have me believing in reincarnation (they even looked similar and were even both Presbyterian).
The man had a congregation in the hundreds and he knew the name of every person in every family, what their jobs were, what their kids were studying in college, and if they had any sick relatives, and would stand by the gate at the end of every service shaking every single persons hand and chatting about that stuff for a minute or two each. When my brother died he was on our doorstep within an hour of the cops notifying us. Regardless of how my personal spiritual beliefs have waxed or waned at various points it took me a looong time to understand how someone in that position could hurt people through either malice or incompetence.
The message I took away from that story was "do what an actual fucking deity standing in front of you says to do"
discharge genetic material
Could you not argue that a woman is doing this every time she has her period?
Also spitting, crying (tears), blowing your nose, pissing and taking a dump, losing hairs and dead skin cells,...
I mean, if it was written well, it might say something like discharge reproductively viable genetic material. It looks like an unfertilised egg disintegrates before leaving the body, so isn't viable.
'Discharging genetic material' on its own includes a nosebleed.
BTW, masturbation is called Onanieren in German... a bit imprecise, biblically.
It's also called that in Japanese. I guess they got it from German/Dutch.
"onanism" is a word in English too. just not as popular.
keep in mind, that Onan, levirate marriages weren't about love or anything like that.
Like most (all?) cultures at the time, women were property, and couldn't own property.
Technically, Er's firstborn son would have inherited everything and then "taken care of" everyone else. Or rather, Tamar, would, on the son's behalf. but Er got smote by god for being a particular kind of dick before he had a first born son.
So in typical religious fruitcake fashion, instead of fixing the original problem- that Tamar had no way of inheriting anything or supporting her self- they decided the obvious solution was for the brother-in-law to get the widow pregnant.
of course Tamar was the same age as the third brother; who needed to grow up a bit before she could marry him... (ew, right?) so instead she gets sent back to her own family and- eventually- becomes a camp follower of Judah's.... and, ah. yeah.
I mean, these were people barely out of the caves trying to populate a nation. Mainstream religion has always been political propaganda, and kind of intentionally missing the point.
🎵 Every sperm is sacred... 🎵
...Every sperm is good
Every sperm is needed
In your neighborhood
Everything is cool.when you're part of a team
Everything is awesome!
Conception begins at meiosis. If you don't want to procreate, don't produce ova/sperm. Produce a million sperm cells and only make one child? Off to death row with you, mass murderer!
Please don't give them any ideas
It's suddenly a problem when it regulates men. Bet.
(4) This section shall not apply to the discharge of genetic material:
(a) Donated or sold to a facility for the purpose of future procedures to fertilize an embryo; and
(b) Discharged with the use of a contraceptive or contraceptive method intended to prevent fertilization of an embryo.
If you’re going to rub one out do it in a condom. Or claim that sock is an intended contraceptive.
contraceptive method intended to prevent fertilization of an embryo.
Have we forgotten the pullout method? Blowjobs, handjobs, etc also seem to be methods intended to prevent fertilization. Even masterbation is a fine way to prevent fertilization.
I'm also a bit confused here. My 6th grade biology taught me that you have eggs and sperm and that when they combine, you get an embryo. You don't fertilize an embryo, you fertilize an egg.
Like most of these laws, it seems this one was written by idiots or written specifically to not be enforceable.
so IVF is banned, and surrogacy is banned. and these 2 things primarly affect well of white families.
Baptists believe if you can't conceive easily, it's because God damns you as a sinner.
Becauae it's so easy for them to knock up their cousin by accident, there must be some reason you're not doing it right.
Might be a stupid European question, but aren't anti choicers against that stuff already? The ones Ive met tend to be.
Meanwhile, JD Vance fucked a couch...
If you wipe it off, that's an abortion. Straight to hell!
Well hang on -- we don't know of that couch got pregnant or not!
"Life began about a billion years ago and it's a continuous, ongoing process." - George Carlin.
This has got to be some kind of protest bill. Otherwise, why would it specifically call out 'use of contraceptives' as an exception?
It is.
This section shall be known and may be cited as the "Contraception Begins at Erection Act."
OP has been mislead by Big Ejaculation /s
Joke's on them. I've had a vasectomy
Now they've just gotta make Cumception pop off
... and so does nap-time. 😴
I think that's "inception".
I don't have the original I wrote in college but it kinda makes me want to redraft A Modest Proposal: for Men's Anatomical Responsibility to Their Offspring. The key point is that men should be required to provide anatomical gifts to their offspring until the children become adults. These anatomical gifts include any transplantable organ from kidneys, livers, and lungs, to blood, skin, corneas, and possibly even limbs as that becomes a viable surgical procedure. The increased time and gravity of the gift is balanced by the decreased likelihood, and by only taking organs and tissues not essential to life (while a pregnancy can in some cases cause heart failure). All exceptions (rape, incest, etc) are welcome to be made to whatever extent they are also made for women. Any additional thoughts?
I don't think I'm fully understanding the satirical nature of the topic. What is the preamble or reasoning for the proposal?
I've read the original A Modest Proposal and it's more clear about the reasoning despite the humour being somewhat self-evident.
these sort of laws usually aim to repress women but this time they went so far as to target men almost exclusively. I wonder if they forgot what their goal was. or perhaps the simpler explanation is that these legislators lack braincells
Once again, Lemmy users prove completely unable to recognise satire.
The bill is an act of protest.
I would like to acknowledge how much more difficult recognizing satire is right now.
BTW, this absolutely represses men, women, children, etc, as "genetic material" is contained in every cell of everyone's body. In nails, hair follicles, urine, saliva...