Not The Onion
- [META] Reminder: This is "Not The Onion" - Read the sidebar
kescusay @lemmy.world FeaturedWe've been getting some weird posts lately that... Well, they're not making me think it's gotta be an Onion headline, that's for sure.
So just a little refresher. Posts should be:
- Links to news stories from…
- …credible sources, with…
- …their original headlines, that…
- …would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”
If it's not Onion-y, it doesn't belong here. Bizarre, horrific, and violent news can be here if the headline reads like something out of The Onion, but if it doesn't, it's going away. And if there's too much non-Onion-like content from an account, that account is going away, too.
If you're not sure whether the real news headline you've found is like The Onion, here's a few sample Onion headlines from today:
- "Visiting Friend Pleasantly Surprised By City’s Open Hostility Toward Homeless People"
- "Increasingly Powerful Trans Person Capable Of Using Every Single Bathroom At Once"
- "Man Feels Like Bystanders Are Arguing For Him To Put Gun Down In Bad Faith"
- "Wally The Emotional Support Alligator Went To See The Phillies"
- ‘New York Times’ Issues Apology For Reporting Palestinian Deaths
See? Find headlines from real news outlets that remind you of headlines like those. And just to prove my point: One of them is real.
- Students Show Up to Graduation, Find Commencement Speaker Is an AI Robotfuturism.com Students Show Up to Graduation, Find Commencement Speaker Is an AI Robot
The robot, named Sophia, gave painfully generic answers and even plugged the AI industry. Many students felt "disrespected" by the decision.
- Louisiana becomes 1st state to require the Ten Commandments be posted in classroomswww.nola.com Louisiana becomes 1st state to require the Ten Commandments be posted in classrooms
Louisiana will become the first state to require that public universities and K-12 schools display the Ten Commandments in every classroom after the Senate voted overwhelmingly to push forward new
- After Spending Years Relentlessly Chasing Fame, Sam Altman Complains That He's Getting Recognized In Public Too Muchfuturism.com After Spending Years Relentlessly Chasing Fame, Sam Altman Complains That He's Getting Recognized in Public Too Much
After chasing it for years, OpenAI CEO Sam Altman is humblebragging that all his international fame is taking a toll.
- Trump demands drug test for Biden ahead of first debate
> Former President Trump said he wants President Biden to be drug-tested before their first debate. > > “I’m gonna demand a drug test too, by the way,” Trump said at the Minnesota Republican Party’s Lincoln Reagan Dinner Friday. “I am, no I really am. I don’t want him coming in like the State of the Union, he was high as a kite.” > > Trump has previously stated in a radio interview that Biden was “all jacked up” at the beginning of his State of the Union address, as well as “higher than a kite.”
- Queen thought Meghan’s wedding dress was ‘too white’ as Sussexes mark 6th anniversarywww.independent.co.uk Queen thought Meghan’s wedding dress was ‘too white’ as Sussexes mark 6th anniversary
The late Queen reportedly thought it was inappropriate that the Duchess of Sussex looked so ‘flamboyantly virginal’
- Former Green Bay Packers Quarterback Aaron Rodgers Suggests Religion Is Used To Manipulate Peoplewisportsheroics.com Former Green Bay Packers Quarterback Aaron Rodgers Suggests Religion Is Used To Manipulate People
The Green Bay Packers, for the first time in years, are enjoying a drama-free offseason. Sure, they fired defensive coordinator Joe Barry earlier this year,
- Jeff Bezos revealed his secret to Amazon’s success 25 years ago: ‘I asked everyone around here to wake up terrified every morning, their sheets drenched in sweat’fortune.com Jeff Bezos revealed his secret to Amazon's success 25 years ago: 'I asked everyone around here to wake up terrified every morning, their sheets drenched in sweat'
Amazon creator and former CEO's client-forward mentality began decades ago.
cross-posted from: https://lemm.ee/post/32365414
> cross-posted from: https://lemm.ee/post/32365208 > > > > Back in the 90s, Jeff Bezos went on record as hoping his employees would wake up on the wrong side of the bed—for the greater good, or for the customer at the very least.
Edit: Courtesy of @CatZoomies@lemmy.world : > Here’s the archived version to bypass the paywall: > > https://archive.is/Uh2yl
- Rudy Giuliani served indictment after belting ‘New York, New York’ at birthday partywww.independent.co.uk Rudy Giuliani served indictment after belting ‘New York, New York’ at birthday party
Former New York City mayor accused of election interference in Arizona
- It could soon be illegal to publicly wear a mask for health reasons in NCarstechnica.com It could soon be illegal to publicly wear a mask for health reasons in NC
Senators skeptical of legal trouble for harmless masking after moving to make it illegal.
- Maine Cybertruck Owner Sad Everyone Hates His Truckjalopnik.com Maine Cybertruck Owner Sad Everyone Hates His Truck
The owner of a Tesla Cybertruck in Portland, Maine says he's been getting some seriously negative attention.
- Trump Supporter Trolls Trial With Penis Balloons Featuring Alvin Bragg, Judge Merchan Faceswww.thedailybeast.com Trump Supporter Trolls Trial With Penis Balloons Featuring Alvin Bragg, Judge Merchan Faces
The artist titled the piece “D*cks of Hazard” and unleashed the balloons outside the Manhattan courthouse.
> A pro-Trump New Yorker unveiled his latest piece of political performance art outside the Manhattan courtroom where Trump’s criminal trial is underway on Thursday, launching 100 pink penis-shaped balloons decorated with the faces of Trump foes like Manhattan district attorney Alvin Bragg and Judge Juan Merchan. The artist, Scott Lobaido of Staten Island, told the New York Post that the “art installation” is entitled “Dicks of Hazard” to show that “these guys are a bunch of useless dicks.” Lobaido’s piece, which reportedly cost $1,500 in supplies and at least two days of labor to affix the portraits and properly weigh the balloons, was unveiled on the same day that Trump cronies Rep. Lauren Boebert (R-CO), Rep. Matt Gaetz (R-FL), and their posse of MAGA diehards rolled up to express their support for the candidate, who is facing 34 felony charges related to a concealed affair with a porn star that could’ve cost him the 2016 election.
- German politician's video of licking public toilets goes viralwww.thenews.com.pk German politician's video of licking public toilets goes viral
Martin Neumaier, Germany’s politician, filmed himself licking public toilets of a railway station, as confirmed by the local media reports.The Free Democratic Party candidate for the district...
cross-posted from: https://zerobytes.monster/post/932095
- Indiana judge rules tacos, burritos are sandwicheswww.wishtv.com Indiana judge rules tacos, burritos are sandwiches
"The Court agrees with Quintana that tacos and burritos are Mexican style sandwiches," the judge wrote.
- Fox News Rushes to Embrace Harrison Butker’s ‘Quite Tender’ Speechwww.thedailybeast.com Fox News Rushes to Embrace Harrison Butker’s ‘Quite Tender’ Speech
The network, which once told athletes to “shut up and dribble” rather than talk about politics, is mounting a full-throated defense of Butker’s inflammatory commencement remarks.
- Milo Yiannopoulos Parts Ways With Kanye West Over Yeezy Porn Planwww.rollingstone.com Milo Yiannopoulos Parts Ways With Kanye West Over Yeezy Porn Plan
Milo Yiannopoulos, who was Kanye West's chief of staff, resigned over the rapper's plans to partner with Stormy Daniels' ex-husband for a porn venture.
- RFK Jr.’s VP Pick Nicole Shanahan Finally Admits His 2024 Odds Are Slimwww.thedailybeast.com RFK Jr.’s VP Pick Nicole Shanahan Finally Admits His 2024 Odds Are Slim
Robert F. Kennedy Jr.’s running mate acknowledged there’s little chance she will be the next vice president.
- Sam Altman Says OpenAI Would Like to Enable Gore and Erotica for "Personal Use"futurism.com Sam Altman Says OpenAI Would Like to Enable Gore and Erotica for "Personal Use"
OpenAI CEO Sam Altman let slip that he wants the company to be able to generate "NSFW stuff" like erotica and gore.
> In a Reddit Q&A, OpenAI CEO Sam Altman let slip that he wants the company to be able to generate "NSFW stuff" for users — and he has examples of just what kind of "stuff" he means. > > During the exchange, which took place in the r/ChatGPT subreddit over the weekend after OpenAI published its "Model Spec" document outlining its governing rules, another user asked Altman to expound on a curious disclaimer in the document, stipulating that its models "should not serve content" that's NSFW, including "erotica, extreme gore, slurs, and unsolicited profanity." > > "We believe developers and users should have the flexibility to use our services as they see fit, so long as they comply with our usage policies," the spec reads. "We're exploring whether we can responsibly provide the ability to generate NSFW content in age-appropriate contexts through the API and ChatGPT. We look forward to better understanding user and societal expectations of model behavior in this area." > > Fascinatingly, Altman was dived right in. > > "We really want to get to a place where we can enable NSFW stuff (e.g. text erotica, gore) for your personal use in most cases," he wrote, "but not do stuff like make deepfakes." > > Unsurprisingly, the comments in that follow-up thread showed Redditors veritably salivating over the concept of OpenAI-produced gore and erotica, with one calling Altman "sam basedman" and another referring to the CEO as the new "king of Reddit."
- Man gets realistic picture of his boat painted on fence intended to hide itwww.nbcsandiego.com Man gets realistic picture of his boat painted on fence intended to hide it
A California man who was ordered to keep his boat out of sight has had the last laugh, by commissioning an artist to paint a realistic image of it on the fence that obscures it.
- 'Carthage must be destroyed': Mark Zuckerberg t-shirt ignites anger in Tunisia, present-day Carthagewww.albawaba.com 'Carthage must be destroyed': Mark Zuckerberg t-shirt angers Tunisians | Al Bawaba
ALBAWABA - Meta owner Mark Zuckerberg's t-shirt has caused controversy among Tunisians over a sentence written on it in Spanish. The American businessma
cross-posted from: https://lemmit.online/post/2927731
> 'Carthage must be destroyed': Mark Zuckerberg t-shirt ignites anger in Tunisia, present-day Carthage > > ##### This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot. > The original was posted on /r/worldnews by /u/SmartAd95 on 2024-05-16 11:07:15+00:00. >
- Chiefs kicker Harrison Butker bashes Pride Month, tells women to stay in the kitchentouchdownwire.usatoday.com Chiefs kicker Harrison Butker bashes Pride Month, tells women to stay in the kitchen
Kansas City Chiefs kicker Harrison Butker recently made a commencement address bashing Pride Month, and telling women to stay in the kitchen.
- Chiefs kicker Harrison Butker criticized Pride Month and suggested women should stay in the kitchen during a commencement address.
- Butker has had a successful career in the NFL, but his views on gender roles and Pride Month have sparked controversy.
- He also criticized the "church of nice" and expressed his beliefs in speaking truth despite going against diversity and inclusion.
- 'Irate male' assaulted Newfoundland officers with block of cheese, police saywww.ctvnews.ca 'Irate male' assaulted Newfoundland officers with block of cheese, police say
Police in Newfoundland say patrol officers were assaulted Thursday by a "very irate male" wielding a block of cheese.
> > > ...The RNC did not say if the officers were injured or what kind of cheese was used. > >
- Raw Milk Enthusiasts Demand Milk Infected With H5N1futurism.com Raw Milk Enthusiasts Demand Milk Infected With H5N1
Raw milk enthusiasts are dead set on being infected by the H5N1 aviary flu virus by drinking contaminated and unpasteurized cow milk.
- NYC's 'Portal' to Dublin to temporarily close after incidents of joy, mischief, occasional nuditywww.fox5ny.com NYC's 'Portal' to Dublin to temporarily close after incidents of joy, mischief, occasional nudity
NYC's "Portal" connecting to Dublin has seen some less-than-savory acts, forcing organizers to change the way it operates.
- George W. Bush’s Original Paintings Are Making Their Disney Theme Park Debutpeople.com George W. Bush’s Original Paintings Are Making Their Disney Theme Park Debut
Former United States president George W. Bush will soon have his original paintings displayed at Disney's EPCOT.
- American Airlines is Issuing 'Poverty Verification Letters' For New-Hire Flight Attendants Because Their Wages Are So Lowwww.paddleyourownkanoo.com American Airlines is Issuing 'Poverty Verification Letters' For New-Hire Flight Attendants Because Their Wages Are So Low
American Airlines is reportedly issuing so-called ‘poverty verification letters’ for some new-hire flight attendants based in the most expensive metro areas in the United States, urging the recipients to help out the flight attendant because they are only set to warn little more than $27,000 per yea...
- GOP introduces bill that would send anyone convicted of unlawful activity on a campus since Oct. 7th, 2023 to Gaza.www.thedailybeast.com Republican Introduces Absurd Bill to Send Arrested Student Protesters to Gaza
Rep. Andy Ogles desperately wants to punish protesting students.
cross-posted from: https://lemmy.world/post/15286303
> GOP introduces bill that would send anyone convicted of unlawful activity on a campus since Oct. 7th, 2023 to Gaza. > > cross-posted from: https://lemmy.world/post/15286301 > > > "A group of Republican lawmakers introduced a bill on Wednesday which would send “any person convicted of unlawful activity” at a college or university, to do community service in Gaza for six months." > > > > "Strangely, the bill appears to refer to any “unlawful activity on the campus of an institution of higher education beginning on and after October 7, 2023” but does not specifically mention the ongoing student protests, rendering it stupidly broad." > > > > "Ogles spoke with Fox News about the bill, saying that, “If you support a terrorist organization, and you participate in unlawful activity on campuses, you should get a taste of your own medicine. I am going to bet that these pro-Hamas supporters wouldn’t last a day, but let’s give them the opportunity.”
- Jerry Seinfeld Apologizes for Bee Movie's ‘Sexual Undertones’ During Duke Commencement Addresspeople.com Jerry Seinfeld Apologizes for Bee Movie's ‘Sexual Undertones’ During Duke Commencement Address
Jerry Seinfeld jokingly apologized for the 'sexual undertones' in 2007's 'Bee Movie' while giving a commencement speech at Duke University on May 12.
Jerry Seinfeld jokingly apologized for the 'sexual undertones' in 2007's 'Bee Movie' while giving a commencement speech at Duke University on May 12.
- Parishioners Report Priest for Saying Jesus Died With Erectionwww.thedailybeast.com Parishioners Report Priest for Saying Jesus Died With Erection
Father Thomas McHale was reprimanded but not removed.
- Sam Bankman-Fried Believes He Was Set Up to Be the Fail Guywww.observers.com Sam Bankman-Fried Believes He Was Set Up to Be the Fail Guy
In his first interview from prison, the founder of FTX, and once the richest person in the world under 30, is reflective but not completely contrite.
- Plastic, Plastic Everywhere — Even at the UN’s “Plastic Free” Conferencewww.propublica.org Plastic, Plastic Everywhere — Even at the UN’s “Plastic Free” Conference
At a conference meant to address the plastic crisis, pro-plastic messaging was inescapable. Meanwhile, industry insiders — some positioned as government delegates — were given access to vital negotiations.
- Flavor Flav is the official hype man for the US women's water polo team in the Paris Olympicsapnews.com Flavor Flav is the official hype man for the US women's water polo team in the Paris Olympics
Flavor Flav believes the hype on the three-time defending Olympic champion U.S. women's water polo team.
- After Buying Up Studios, Xbox Says It Doesn't Have The Resources To Run Themkotaku.com After Buying Up Studios, Xbox Says It Doesn't Have The Resources To Run Them
Apparently, Microsoft's top leaders are paying closer attention to Xbox and its plans, too
- Bumble Founder Shares Odd Future of Dating: Your AI Dates My AIgizmodo.com Bumble Founder Shares Odd Future of Dating: Your AI Dates My AI
The founder of Bumble defended a new AI feature from Bumble and described a not-so-sexy future of AI-based dating.
- A definitive list of woke and non-woke foodsthespinoff.co.nz A definitive list of woke and non-woke foods
Unsure if your snack gets the David Seymour tick? This will clear things up.
In announcing changes to the school lunches programme, David Seymour said kids would no longer be served ‘woke’ foods. To clear up any confusion, The Spinoff has compiled a guide to the wokeness levels of some common food items.
- Robot dogs armed with AI-aimed rifles undergo US Marines Special Ops evaluationarstechnica.com Robot dogs armed with AI-aimed rifles undergo US Marines Special Ops evaluation
Quadrupeds being reviewed have automatic targeting systems but require human oversight to fire.
- Ohio State commencement speaker says he took psychedelics to write Bitcoin speechwww.nbc4i.com Ohio State speaker says he took psychedelic drugs to write Bitcoin commencement speech
COLUMBUS, Ohio (WCMH) — The person selected to speak at Ohio State University’s commencement ceremony for its spring graduates hasn’t minced details on how he made the controversi…
> The person selected to speak at Ohio State University’s commencement ceremony for its spring graduates didn’t mince details on how he made the controversial script. > > Days before the Sunday ceremony, OSU’s chosen speaker Chris Pan said on LinkedIn that he had taken the psychedelic drug ayahuasca to write his first drafts. > > “Got some help from AI (Ayahuasca Intelligence) this week to write my commencement speech for 60,000 grads and family members at Ohio State University next Sunday,” Pan wrote. “Tried ChatGPT but wasn’t that good.” > > Pan was billed as a “social entrepreneur, musician and inspirational speaker” on the commencement’s program. But his speech and an on-stage demonstration with OSU President Ted Carter drew boos from the audience, audible in the university’s livestream, as Pan tried to encourage graduates and attendees to buy cryptocurrency.
