Why are there no "adults only" places anymore?
Why are there no "adults only" places anymore?
A bit of a rant, pre-sorry but so sad and annoyed right now.
Went to my favorite barber shop today. It's built on being nice, upscale, and men's haircuts. They do the works, good cuts, beard trimming/shaping, hot towel, the whole thing, and it's built to be man's place, they have a pool table, they have a couple of kegerators, they'll pour you a whiskey while you wait. Very nice.
(Note I say man's but really if you're a woman/any other gender and you like that sort of thing, then awesome. I mean man in the masculine sense)
Until recently this was my favorite place, but apparently it's gotten on the mom groups online and now the last few times I've gone it's just filled with children and moms. Where I could go and get a whiskey while I wait and find someone to shoot pool with, now kids are literally running around and as for the pool table they're just throwing the balls around. Meanwhile the moms are either talking with each other or hovering over Bradley getting his hair cut and how cute it is.
On top of it all, because there was a group of them instead of my normal 20 min wait it was almost a 2 hours wait. I just walked out.
I'm just so tired of it, this place obviously was built for adults but god forbid we have any adult places that aren't "actually meant for children". I mean obviously it was built for children, there's 2 kegs and a shelf of nice scotch but yes, bring all of your children here.
How come every place that used to be for adults is now a child zone? My favorite breweries used to be great places to let off steam after work and now I have kids playing tag in the middle of them. I flat out don't go to movies anymore because even the super late showings are just dumping grounds for inattentive parents to leave their kids. And god forbid you ever mention outside a community like this that you want to drink a beer without a kid running around or you're literally the devil who should be shunned.
Anyway, this isn't going anywhere specifically, I'm just really sad, and I didn't get my haircut today.
Stone restaurant and brewery added an array of chicken tendies and there's kids climbing all over the rocks.
The struggle is real.
I wish there were more adults only places/days. I am autistic and children are very overstimulating. Plus I like doing childish things so.... Gimme a no child night at an arcade or mini golf or something and I would be there so fast
Agreed. God help you if you want to have a special date night at a mini golf place. Oh you wanted to have a romantic night? Sorry billy and Jimmy are going to just push you aside while they play. Their parents dropped them off and won't be back for an hour
It could be argued that these are children's spaces and you should have no expectations of it being free from children, or romantic in any way.
Late stage capitalism, savage capitalism, an overcapitalized society, whatever you want to call it... It's a bunch of different factors that all eat away at the social fabric that make raising kids easier
Housing is expensive, and people frequently move for a job. It's pretty unusual to live next door to family, who would often give free childcare. You also don't get neighborhoods full of young parents anymore - everyone is just living wherever they can afford to
For-profit media - thanks to decades of horror stories (of crimes that peaked in the 80s, but are great for viewership), leaving a child not in the hands of a specific, designated adult is grounds for a CPS visit in a lot of places. You can't drop them off at the park (even if there are many adults present) or leave them at home anymore, regardless of if they actually need the supervision. It's one thing if they're 3, but a 7 year old can generally keep themselves alive pretty well, especially if you prepare them for it
Monetization and over scheduling - activities for them are paid and have specific time slots. Tae Kwon do is an hour at 6, soccer is 5-7... If you're late you need to find someone to watch them. And most of that requires money and a big time investment because of car culture
Babysitters are the exception, but they're either rare or expensive. Minimum wage isn't near enough for teens to want to do such a crap job (parents often treat them like crap and expect a lot more from them now), and teens are less trusted. They even have certifications for teens that are a few hundred bucks to teach them what to do in an emergency - basically the heimlich maneuver, how to change a diaper, and when to call 911. Adult professionals have regulations to meet, and are a significant cost
Finally, we're pushed hard to be individuals that can be interchangeable and portable labor. Outside of family, we don't have the same tight bonds of friendship our parents or grandparents did... And even family doesn't mean what it used to
As someone who has kids, it's a fucking Act of Congress to get child care. I wouldn't trust my parents to watch a potted plant, and her parents really aren't interested in the whole grandparent thing. Hiring a babysitter is both sketchy and expensive, and asking a friend is awkward since
- most of our friends are nokids and/or not super comfortable around kids and our kids were deeply blessed by the ADHD fairy and have never met a stranger in their whole lives. And
- We don't see our friends often, so "hey, wanna come over and watch our crazy heathens try to beat the shit out of each other every 3.5 seconds?" Is kind of a hard sell.
So, it's just easier to take them everywhere, and if we can't take them, we don't go.
Ah, so just to recap, you chose to have kids, they made socializing difficult, and now everyone else has to deal with your "crazy heathens".
These are reasons why people choose not to have kids, not reasons to justify ruining other people's times because you decided to have kids and it had predictable outcomes.
The question asked, I answered. To be clear, we didn't specifically sit down and plot to make you and other people miserable when we decided to have kids. Also, we don't let them run wild, which usually results in us just leaving because they're going to start melting down over not being able to go harass strangers who just want to be left alone. Besides that, we try to avoid adultier venues, but sometimes shit happens. When I say we normally don't go unless we can take them, the emphasis is on the 'we normally don't go'. We kinda figured that the grandparents would at least be able to help, as has been the case for millennia, but it turned out that my mom has all the parenting skills of a pair of scissors and her parents want almost nothing to do with it. I'll save you the sob story and just say that it's been fucking difficult, and sometimes it feels like my brain is going to melt out of my ears; we're not fucking sitting around laughing about ruining your night out, and that's even if we do go out, which we usually don't.
Because mom groups are filled with awful, awful people who don't care how their behavior affects others.
It'll be fun! We'll take Jayden kaiden and Brayden and go get everyone hair cuts and we'll get a chance to catch up!
Just please take them to great clips or something
Let's expand childcare so it's not so prohibitively expensive!
It’s the people that changed. It used to be common sense. There were places parents knew that you just didn’t bring kids. But now, parents are taught to be entitled. They demand to bring kids everywhere.
I’d suggest that a minor contribution to this would also be stagnating wages; inflation; and increased cost of childcare. Now the ‘adult’ activities we want to enjoy are more expensive; we’re earning less money (in real terms); and childcare is more expensive, leading to a lot of people on the lower end of the socioeconomic spectrum to be faced with the choice of ‘take your kids or don’t go at all’.
I definitely agree with you though. Western societies have been becoming more individualistic and entitled and that’s likely the biggest cause. I just don’t think it’s the only cause. As with everything in life, the reasons why something happens are usually varied and can rarely be boiled down to one thing.
Individual selfishness is responsible for... People having children, raising them, and bringing them places?
Am I insane or does that just on its face not make any sense?
Your first paragraph is the actual reason here. It's too expensive for a lot of parents to get a babysitter, so they need to bring their kids with them if they want to go do something. And for many people like me who work from home (I don't have kids yet but the point stands) that one night every week or so that we go out to dinner is basically the only time I go to do anything fun outside the house that isn't working out. When I worked in an office (which I ever want to do again) I'd go out to lunch with coworkers and occasionally do a happy hour after work, but that isn't an option anymore.
If I had kids we'd be bringing them with us when we go out because it would be significantly cheaper than hiring a sitter for a few hours.
I'm sorry that happened to you. Let the business owner know that all of those kids are ruining the vibe that you patronize their business for. Solving this problem could be as easy as the barber shop offering something like a kids day where they don't serve whiskey and instead serve lemonade or something, allowing that day to be the main kids day.
I think you don't see those adult only places much any more because to most they have outlived their usefulness. There are 2 factors behind this. First, there are far fewer children around nowadays than before. When everyone had multiple children, adult only spaces were necessary if anyone wanted to get anything done. The second, and honestly a great thing from a childfree point of view, is that between birth control and abortion, most people who do have kids genuinely want them. I suspect that most of the demand for those adult only spaces in the past was from people who were seeking peace from their own kids. Of course all parents need breaks from their kids, but ever noticed that the people who complain the most about their children are the ones who had them out of obligation rather than desire?
I have a kid and not by choice because even with birth control and abortion in a Christian family community you aren’t left with options.
because even with birth control and abortion in a Christian family community you aren’t left with options.
Those are both perfectly fine options. You are your own person, do what you want.
I don't mind a well behaved young child at a brewery during the day. But running and playing tag inside is not okay. Especially if it's busy.
Sounds like OP has met bad parents? There are lots of them and they make shitty kids who run around like demons.
I've seen kids who sit quietly at a brewery coloring. They are definitely the minority but it does happen.
What happens all the time are parent who think their kid is in the well behaved minority. I have yet to meet a parent who isn't convinced that their kid is "one of the good ones"