Not Confident
Not Confident
jordan @jordan stratton
In order to get a true representation of each country's athletic skill, the Olympics should randomly select citizens to compete like it's jury duty:
Who's next on the balance beam for the US? Is it Simone Biles? Nope it's 39yo electrician, Dale. Wow he does not look confident
39 Year old Electrician Dale walks across it without any issue. You see, it's just like one of his jobs that someone else engineered from a desk without ever seeing that the job is impossible. But, Dale is the man who pulls it off by crossing narrow trusses carrying tools and the new equipment, while his assistant watches from below rethinking his career knowing Dale's the man he's going to have to replace in the next 10-15 years.
Way to go, Dale!
So this could be great the way you would have to make it work though Is each country would have to have 100 Or more citizens competing in each event. So that 1 or 2 really good or really bad citizens don't throw the entire competition.
And how much more invested would people be when there are more people who they actually know personally. Hell yeah if my 87 pound next door neighbor gets picked to do shotput am I not going to watch them Throw that sucker 3 feet?
For most events, the country would typically hold qualifiers first to vet the people they actually send to the Olympics. Could have it be like jury selection where you are called to the qualifiers and then they pick the best people there.
39 year old Dale the electrician and father of two young girls would be VERY CONFIDENT. What he wouldn't be is skilled.
He'd run at full speed (for Dale) onto the mat, fall on his ass and then start making snow angels.
He'd run to the bars, grab on, go halfway up, fall on his ass and then start making snow angels.
Balance beam? He'd run up at full speed, realize he has a bad back, run to the side of it, tap, tap, tap, fall to the ground and, you guessed it, snow angels.
And of course after each event he'd stand up (well, someone will probably have to give him a hand), but he'll stand up, do little finish, hands straight up as the crowd applauds. Whoops did I saw hands straight up? I meant finger guns. Pew pew Dale. Pew pew.
Dale will revolutionize the Olympics. New scoring categories will be added for 'attitude', 'pizzazz', and 'puns'.
Dale has expertise in all, a true champion
This will just devolve into an international Red Bull event, and I'm all for it.
I think there should also be the "Ultra" Olympics where each country puts forward their most highly performance enhanced athletes.
“Next up on the javelin throw is Ivan Ivanovich. Weighing in at 450 pounds of pure muscle and built like two refrigerators side by side. Let’s see if he can beat his previous personal best of 2,5 miles…”
With performance enhancing drugs allowed, right?
I would be much more interested in sports in general if they removed all bans on performance enhancing drugs entirely. Football players the size of Buicks who can run through a brick wall without so much as a bruise.
On a slightly related topic, baseball would be a much better sport if you could take the bat with you after you hit the ball.
For safety, maybe an age range of something like 18-65. Now, how do we prevent the selection from being rigged?
You think the Olympics would be safe for an average 65 year old office worker?
Safer than a 90 year old... Maybe there'd be a basic physical the person has to pass? Can't have it be too stringent though as that'd defeat the purpose of getting the "average" person
I am now picturing a baby competing with a 100 year old in the hundred meter dash.
You've now made me discover some great YouTube videos
Take all my money I must see this.
Now, how do we prevent the selection from being rigged?
Let all the other countries openly select "athletes" from your country's official census data. It'll turn into a complete shit show, but it will be entertaining. Dale's entire company is going to get tapped for the 100m dash, but so will a bunch of farmers from rural China.
But you also have to remove the incentive to rig it in the first place. The current Olympics are used as a tool to promote your country as having literally stronger people than others. So that's gotta stop. This means no prizes, events that celebrate the worst along with the best, and last place gets as much attention as first.
Meh, it's entertainment value would be lost after after the first couple go around. Would have to switch it up to Japenese Ninja Warrior style competitions to keep it interesting.
Would be better to place random people in government as true representation of the people. I truly believe anyone who wants to run for office is not fit for office.
But yet "Survivor" is still on the air...
Are you saying survivor needs more ninja warrior? I'm game.
This is how the Hunger games actually started before they got bored of the bloodless competitions.
This is basically what the draft accomplishes.
I don't understand jury duty and have a sneaking suspicion it's a deeply flawed system. I've never been called to do it and have been on the voter registry for decades. I have family members who have gotten it several times and at least one who was on a grand jury. They are not the last people I would think were capable of making informed, reasoned, unbiased judgments on whether someone committed a crime or was liable for a civil issue, but they're definitely low on my list.
That's the point. They intentionally avoid people with higher education for a reason.
Basically Jeux Sans Frontieres
Various Lumberjack competitions actually capture this vibe pretty well.
We all know this idea would work.
Might be a bit far-fetched to call it a true representation, but yeah, the Dales and Susans would make it more diverse, but also potentially Hunger Games-like.
I’d certainly watch that.
I would too!
Curling comes close, as the only Olympic sport that I'm aware of where some players have quick sandwich while competing.
Would professional janitors and gardeners be disqualified from being the sweeper in curling?
It would actually be quite entertaining if you let people choose their field, that way you'd get people at least somewhat competent.
Or do half and half. Let one half be random and the other half people that "want" to be there, and call it out. "That's Dave, he's doing terrible, especially considering he specifically asked us to let him do this one."
Putting an average person anywhere near gymnastics is just preparing to watch someone break their neck.
Would the people be forced to participate?
Selective service style. Either show up when drafted, or go to prison.
"Hey, what're you in for?" "I didn't feel like running 100 meters"
There would be a lot more drownings that’s for sure.