The ADHD urge to lie about why you didn't do something because "my brain refused to start on it" doesn't make sense to a lot of neurotypicals.
The ADHD urge to lie about why you didn't do something because "my brain refused to start on it" doesn't make sense to a lot of neurotypicals.
The ADHD urge to lie about why you didn't do something because "my brain refused to start on it" doesn't make sense to a lot of neurotypicals.
This behavior has gotten me into a lot of shit over the years😬🤦♂️
#ADHD #neurodivergent #neurodiversity #neurodiverse #neurodivergence #ADHDmemes
Jokes aside, I'd love to figure out how to help my kid with this. Sometimes shit just isn't in the cards and it causes a lot of pain between us.
@Gradually_Adjusting @adhd well I hope nobody perceives it as a joke....I'm dead serious. I've lied SO much when I was younger about why I didn't finish something. But I live in the US Deep South and nobody believes in mental issues here.🤦♂️
It depends on what specifically you’re trying to get him to do, but something I’ve found very helpful is setting up the environment in a way that will lower the “initiation energy” of something to make it easier to start doing. YMMV on what does or doesn’t work for him, my spouse and I have found labels and organizing by task to be a huge help in making it easier to start things because now I have to devote 0% of my brain power to wandering around finding everything I need and staying on task, and I don’t need to root through drawers to find it.
Sensory adjustments to the environment might also be useful, like changing light levels, noise blocking headphones/ear plugs, or playing white noise/natural noises. And it sounds hippy dippy as fuck, but time in outdoor green spaces has been shown to improve symptoms in kids with ADHD, so if you guys aren’t regularly spending time outside or at the park it could be a good to incorporate it.
You’re already doing a lot more than many parents just by trying to understand and empathize instead of beating it out of him, so fist bump from a former neurodivergent kid. 🤜
Or because they're tired of hearing "I just forgot". You can only say "I forgot (because Zi was overwhelmed, because the task wasn't interesting, because I got distracted, because I can't remember lists, because I do a soft reset every time I walk through a doorway)" so many times, even though it keeps being true.
This is why I love my current job and my friendship group's. In both circles "I didn't do that because I've been struggling with my ADHD" is a completely valid reason.
I mean, at work it's followed by a short "what do we do to get over that hurdle?" because obviously I can't just, not do my job.
But at least I'm not having to make shit up, and I can actually get to the root of the problem (being neurodivergent in a neurotypical world) and address it. Even if addressing it is just my boss giving me a fake deadline to put the pressure on the task.
Ugh my current boss is one of those "what's wrong with that guy calling in suck when there's work to do" guys, I hate it.
I have anxiety and on bad days like today and yesterday I'm absolutely fucking useless.
NGL, I've just accepted that it won't make sense to the neurotypicals.
I'll straight up say "sorry, my brain wouldn't let me do it" or "the guy upstairs is really fighting me right now" while pointing at my head.
Best case, they understand what I mean. Worst case, they think I'm crazy, which is a best case in and of itself.
Yeah the co-workers that think I'm "crazy" leave me alone and don't ask me to complete stuff so its a huge win.
I promise you "Yeah I just kinda fucked it off" resonates with many more people than you'd think.
If you'd like to try and find a faster way to alienate a neurodivergent person, this is basically it.
My parents still have no clue how to regulate there comments when I mention my difficulties. They love pointing out how "pretty much everyone struggles with getting their real life taken care of."
Yeah, and I'm sure everyone else also sits there for hours at a time, lamenting themselves for not being able to get up and getting it done. It's less about the inability to get started, and more about the excruciating guilt you feel when simple tasks take hours of internal bargaining to finally get done.
The OP was talking about the feeling of needing to lie for fear others won't understand, but my suggestion is to not lie, being transparent works way more often. It works for me, anyways, and if people don't understand then that's their problem, not mine.
No idea where you dug all that shit out of, though, but good job I guess.
ADD/ADHD is an executive function failure related to feedback and it’s relationship to motivation. Normies never experience that on anything approaching a regular basis. As such, trying to explain that to them is like trying to explain what the colour of the number seven smells like. They’ll be all, “well, just do it. How hard could it be?”
They’ll be all, “well, just do it. How hard could it be?”
Though sometimes that’s exactly what I need someone to tell me. To the point that I do this with some of my other ADHD friends. “Do it right now. I’ll wait.”
seriously though it doesn't even make a lot of sense to me.
nor does forgetting the thing - like no one I work with has this problem why me
I usually just say something like "I did say I was going to do that didn't I, sorry I haven't got to it yet" and people chuckle and move on. YMMV depending on your workplace, obviously.
I'm a fan of the "haven't had a chance yet" language.
If they press me on that, I just tell them what other tasks I have on my list.
No, it makes perfect sense. You're trying to avoid responsibility for a problem which is natural and human.
Why lie? If someone's going act like a cunt about it tell em to FOD. Maybe not mean like that.... But fuck em.
Because I'd like to keep my job.
I think it's very healthy to not lie... But as a 37 year old I was raised (rather firmly) with the understanding that "I didn't feel motivated to start" was a fully unacceptable "lazy" excuse.
For me, spinning some bullshit reason is so second nature that I'll do it before I realize it might be easier to just be transparent. To further complicate things I'm such a high achiever that I can usually dig myself out of the hole before eating any real pain so... I rarely eat serious shit for my lies.
If you can be honest I think that's by far the better tactic.
Shame usually, and the fear that they'll reject me for my shortcomings
And of course a(n) (un)healthy sprinkling of self loathing for failing (yet again) to do the things I set out to do
I'm better at it now than I was before but accepting myself was the biggest step in stopping those lies