My week was very not good, sadly. I had to take my grandpa to the ER on Friday, and then I got broken up with Friday evening. Had a ten hour video shoot Saturday, just been pretty overwhelmed with work and home life in general. Things will work out ok, but this week has been a lot lol
".get" on a dictionary saves so much space, gonna use that all the time! Thank you!
My week has been great! I went to a drag brunch today and needed to figure out what outfit to wear. I found a little goth dress that I bought many years ago when I was firmly in the closet, which had made me dysphoric back then because it didn't fit. Today I tried it on, and it fit great! I received many compliments, and it was super fun to celebrate pride in my local community.
I hope you're all having a great week, too!
Heck yeah! It's my first summer wearing dresses and flowy things too. Feels so freeing to be able to dress how you please and take full advantage of the hotter seasons! I hope you love it!
Been a good week for me! I ran my first 10k today and did not finish last, so that was a big win. Summer weather is here too, meaning I get to try out all my new flowy outfits and shorts and whatnot. Feeling good!
Also got to see the aurora and take MANY pictures. Truly one of the most beautiful nights of my life. Hope you all are doing well, too!
Huh, a long faucet ad in Vietnamese posted to the Star Trek lemmy community. How in the world has this come to pass? lol
I had this building feeling that it was something I wanted for myself, and it was growing for a long time as I came to understand more about my identity. I was also deeply afraid though, so I totally get what you mean. I thought that I'd have to commit all the way from the get-go, and that sudden physical changes would mess up my life.
I talked with a transgender friend of mine, and he reassured me that it was ok not to know my destination, and I could just start E on a low dose, go slow, and see how I feel. It's a lot less frightening when you know you can change your mind whenever.
I just ended up finding that the longer I was on it, the more like "myself" I felt, and that point where I changed my mind never came. It is so much easier to get started on something big like transitioning if you take it a tiny bit at a time and check with yourself to see if you're still on the right path for you.
My week is good! Weather is warmer over here, so I got to try out some of my new summer outfits, which was very affirming. I also took some measurements to determine my cup size, which according to the calculator is 32DD. Pretty pleased with that! I know cup size is meaningless without band size but it is funny to tell my friends that I have double Ds lol.
Other than that, just been gardening and working like normal!
Oh my! Unexpected frost is the last thing you want. I'm glad you're prepared though, seems like those plants are in good hands!
I just finished planting a bunch of melons and amaranth yesterday. This year, I'm intent on harvesting amaranth seeds and doing my best to make some edible bread out of the flour! We'll see how it goes. We don't have the biggest garden this year, but we have enough to keep us busy. Been fun, so far!
It was pretty good! Started a workout routine with my mom, and that was fun. I also had to do a 4:00am hike to do some sunrise filming for work, which was both beautiful and exhausting haha.
My E got raised to 0.4ml injections so I am hoping that speeds some changes along a little more. I do find myself catching myself in the mirror and just being so pleased with the direction things are going, so that's been nice!
Gotcha gotcha. Did you have an easy time getting a prescription for it? I have heard some health workers are hesitant to prescribe it because of the lack of clinical studies regarding it
This is true. I remember one product called Femboy Tummy Pills that was just poison. I just had my HRT checkup, and I forgot to ask about prog so I am impatient lol. Might be best just to wait, thanks!
I feel like I am at a point in my transition where I might benefit from adding progesterone into the equation. However, I have heard wildly different opinions on whether it has any impact at all, and criticism of generally available creams on amazon for not being the same as human progesterone, since they are often derived from plants.
What do you girls think? Are they junk, or are there some out there worth trying?
My dark and brooding backstory? Idk how deep to go into it, but I can give the cliff notes of what lead up to my transition. (It ended up longer than I expected, apologies)
All my life, I've had a deep admiration for women. I didn't actually have a sexual awakening until I was like 22, so very late compared to most of my friends. I just felt this extreme envy of the opposite sex, and I was like "this must be what other people mean by attraction" lol. I spent most of my years feeling like I didn't fit into my box. When my dude friends talked about girls, I just could not relate at all. I couldn't get into the macho, masculine role it seemed like I was supposed to fill. I did musical theater in high school, and was exposed to the wider gamut of gender expression and sexuality through it, since in my experience theater communities tend to be pretty diverse in that way. I saw friends transition, but I didn't think it was something that was actually possible for me.
When I became an adult, moved out and was living with friends, that's when something inside me clicked, the hormones turned on, and I was overwhelmed by a new side to life I hadn't previously been experiencing. I got on dating apps, went on many dates, had one or two short term girlfriends, but I found that my heart just was not in it. I liked girls, and still do, but again I felt like something about this dynamic I was inserting myself into wasn't fitting.
During this period, I also spent a lot of time on grindr talking to various dudes and meeting up, having encounters, etc. Grindr is a wretched place but it felt like a very low-stakes environment to experiment with all these new feelings I was having. After a while, I found that I still couldn't shake the feeling that people were expecting things of me I just couldn't gel with. Like "if only I could have gay sex, but like, as a woman, you know?"
I found that I was so much happier with myself when I got rid of all my body hair. For some stupid reason though, I thought my friends would judge me if they saw me like that, so when we made water related plans I would get anxious and let it grow out until that event was over. I felt like I had to balance the times when I could be myself with the times I needed to fill the expectations of people in my life.
All of this time, I was DEEPLY unhappy. I had been unbelievably anxious and struggling with major depression for most of my life, and so around a few years ago I started to seek help and try to improve myself. I got therapy, learned I was experiencing OCD, got medicated, and suddenly didn't feel insane all the time. I made new friends, filled my life with social events, and felt less alone. I tried new substances, accidentally had an extreme mushroom trip, and felt a strange, detached clarity I didn't imagine was possible.
All in all, I started to live happier, and no longer caught up in these wells of depression from which I could not escape. Finally I was unburdened by baggage that had been weighing me down for so long, and with my newfound clarity of thought, I could start looking at my life and piecing things together. I'd had the DIY HRT resources open on my computer for a whole year, but now I had the mental fortitude and courage to do something about it, combined with a support structure I felt confident in. I made an appointment at Planned Parenthood and I never looked back.
Finally I feel like I "fit." I can be myself all year, and not have to worry about if I'm not performing masculinity enough for the people around me. I just feel myself, and I feel free. I have never been happier.
Sorry you've had to go without binding for a bit dude, that's no fun at all. Dysphoria blows, but it's really cool that you'll at least get to buy a bass soon and start learning! Playing guitar always makes me happy, hoping it will do the same for you
Thanks cowboycrustation. Yeah despite living in a mostly conservative pocket of Washington, that was the worst experience I have had so far, so I do at least consider myself lucky. I expect there will be more stuff like that in the future as I am more openly trans, but I think I can tolerate that in the pursuit of being true to myself.
If he was a member of staff at the bar, I absolutely would complain, but he was just a temporary guest who works for a different company, and I don't think he'll return. Everybody who works there has always been nice to me
It's been ok. Last night I went to a queer friendly bar and the event of the evening was a gin tasting thing where you pay $20 and try a flight of fancy gins. I bought it with friends, and the dude doing the tasting was not a member of staff, he was a gin vendor only in for the evening. He was super bubbly and friendly to everybody before us, and explained the taste profiles of the gin and their backstories, etc. But when we went up and he asked us our names, as soon as he heard me speak he shut down immediately. We spent half an hour in awkward silence tasting gins,and he was outright rude when I asked him questions to try to kickstart a conversation. He didn't even tell us the names of the drinks he was pouring, let alone their flavors or whatever. This has never happened to me before, and it sucked to be locked in to it. Really ruined my night, but the rest of the week was fine
LMAO, yeah it felt a lot like that. I also felt very silly, like, whoops I guess I was coming at this aallll wrong.
Thank you! Trans joy does kick ass.
That's really awesome to hear that your depression dialed down so soon after starting T! It's funny how that works. I have never been happier than when I started E. We switched hormones in opposite directions and both of us ended up happier haha.
I get what you mean about that dread of heart disease. When I started hrt they kept telling me that it might make me get blood clots and die lol. It didn't happen, at least not so far, but some of those side effects they tell you are quite scary
As of this post, I am about seven and a half months into my transition (mtf). I've had talks with all of my friends, and all of those went great! I have been overwhelmed with the love and support from everybody. Some of those conversations were scarier for me than others, but none of them were as intimidating to me as a conversation with my parents.
I don't live with my parents, and I haven't for a long time. I have a complicated relationship with them because my childhood was less than ideal, but they recognize that they did a bad job, and we are all in much better places in our lives. Since we've all been living well, I've been making an effort to try to become better friends with them. This meant that I would probably have to talk with them about my transition some time, because it was getting more and more obvious in my appearance.
Yesterday, I took my mom out to try sushi for the first time. We talked candidly about a lot of things, but I didn't feel like the middle of the sushi restaurant was an ideal place to spring transition news. I had a really great time hanging out with her, and she said that she did as well! That was the first time the two of us had hung out since I can remember. The interaction was so positive that it made me feel guilty for not being open with her about my identity.
That guilt kind of ate at me for the rest of the day, and so in the evening I sent her a message to schedule a call. She responded very quickly to tell me that she was open to call immediately, and I took her up on it. After some pleasantries, I informed her through tears that I am going through a transition, and have been for many months. She calmly listened to my explanation, then tactfully replied that both she and my dad already knew this, and figured I would probably want to talk to them about it some day.
I do not know why, but this made me want to throw up. Something about Dorothy peeking through my Wizard of Oz curtain, seeing me handling the levers and dials, and then waiting patiently for me to decide that it was time to address it gave me an unpleasant taste. Truthfully, the talk went about as well as I could have expected. Once we got past the, "Uh, yeah. We could tell," part of the conversation, she made sure that I knew that the two of them love me, and they are happy that I am happy. She said it in a way that conveyed she didn't know why I was doing it, but would love me through whatever. That didn't surprise me at all, and was fine.
Despite the talk going pretty well, I have spent the past day flashing back to that conversation and wanting to scream lol. It has been a while since I've seen a therapist, and I have a feeling that I might have some complicated emotions bound up that I'm not consciously aware of. Because I have been feeling so strongly about it, I thought perhaps writing it down and possibly getting some input from fellow trans people might help.
tl;dr, Told my mom I was transitioning. Apparently she already knew, and nobody was bringing it up. Made me feel ill, like screaming, etc. Unsure why, talk went fine.
This last weekend, my friend encouraged me to try learning puppy dog eyeliner since he thought it complemented my eye shape. I'd never used liquid liner before, and wow, it is tough to master lol.
Trying to achieve this look quickly became my Dark Souls; get off work, sit at vanity, get ass metaphorically kicked SO hard, wipe off, repeat.
Last night I finally got something mostly symmetrical and clean, and I'm really happy with it! Feeline quite pleased overall. Just wanted to share!
I was out helping my grandma do some shopping when an employee came up and asked, "are you ladies finding everything ok?"
I am not out to my family but I have been on E for a number of months and got a bob recently, so I guess that was enough for a stranger to guess woman over man. I was even wearing a big Carhartt jacket my parents got me because it's v cold rn, so it was definitely not my outfit!
Felt pretty cool, and I just wanted to share!
Visited my mom and dad for thanksgiving, and one of the first things my mom said to me was "Wow! Your hair and skin look great. What are you doing differently?"
I am not yet ready for the awkward conversation that coming out will entail, so I had to restrain myself from saying "yeah I just inject e once a week" lol.
I'm only about four months in, but people seem to be noticing positive differences in me. Pretty cool!
She's called Theseus.
This death trap is built on the frame of a junker 1985 Honda Shadow I bought for very cheap. It combines a 30AH 48 volt battery with a beefy Kelley Controls bldc controller and a 3kw motor which seems to be intended for golf carts.
On a flat, straight road this thing can achieve 50mph, limiting it solely to city use, but it climbs hills decently well and has gotten me to work and back many, many times.
The front sprocket has 16 teeth, and the rear sports a whopping 72. This is to compensate for the very high speed of the motor but frankly pathetic torque. At a lower gear ratio, this under-powered machine would not be capable of hauling its heavy 80s frame up my long and steep driveway.
It is ugly and probably quite dangerous, but I love it very much.
This weekend I was camping at a faire with some friends, and resolved to tell the last person in my friend group about my transition.
The talks went over really well with my other friends, but I have been pretty anxious for each of them because I feel like I never have a good idea what the reaction will be.
In full disclosure, by this point in the faire all of us were fairly inebriated. The group had kind of fractured off into smaller clusters, so it was just me, my friend I hadn't told, and one that I had. We were walking back to camp from a spot where we had been watching the stars, and I felt like it was as good an opportunity as any.
"Hey, now that we have a moment, I've got something I've gotta tell you," I said. My friend inmediately froze in place, arms spread in a T-pose, eyes wide like a deer in headlights. I thought perhaps the way I lead into the convo sounded like I was going to say something grave lol.
"So... I've been going through a bit of a transition," I say. She immediately loosens up once again and nods, following along with what I'm saying. "I've actually been on E for about two months." "Uh huh," she says, with a look that implied she was waiting for the bombshell she expected me to drop.
"That's it," I said after a moment. "That's all the news," I followed, laughing a little. "Oh ok, nice!" She replies. "That's cool!" I guess she expected me to tell her I had cancer or something. I told her it seemed like she was taking this very casually, and she said that gender has always been whatever to her. "You're still my friend. I think that's awesome!"
I had not anticipated such immediate and unflinching acceptance. I count myself very fortunate to have such cool friends. Anyway, I thought it might be nice to put that story out there! I am still kind of reeling from the support I have received, and wanted to share.
Hope you all are having a good week!
I told my little discord community about my transition and their response made me smile. I like that imagery a lot, very poetic lol
Showed my friend when my estrogen arrived, and his response made me laugh.
I hope this is not offensive to those of faith! I just thought this image paired with injecting E was very funny
At my last telehealth appointment, I asked my provider if I could switch to injections after reading some advice on here. Taking the strain off of my liver seems like it can only be a good thing!
I am scheduled for an instructional appointment tomorrow morning to learn how to administer them properly. Nervous, but looking forward to the change!
I am more than a month into HRT, and I have been seeing some small changes over the month but not experiencing that ache people talk about at all. I was hoping that perhaps I would be immune and it would never start, but nope lol.
Seems like it is here to stay!
I was supremely anxious about starting for a long time, worried there would be sudden changes that would disrupt my social life or that I would get cold feet.
I am sure that any body differences I am seeing are mostly in my head because it has been such a short time, but I am more confident than ever that I am on the right path, at least. I feel really good, and I had some talks with friends about this transition and they were all really supportive. I had the DIY HRT tab open in my browser for like six months, so I am glad that I finally got over my fear and. (I going through PP and not doing DIY)
Just wanted to let you all know how it's been going!
As a person just beginning my transition journey, I find that it is very easy to get caught up in the doom and gloom mentality, since there is so much negativity surrounding trans people right now.
I thought it would be nice to counterbalance that with some positive moments, gender euphoria, etc. that you all have experienced lately!
I'm very eager to see what has been making you feel good lately, and what makes transition worth the climb. Thank you!
This is just an update to my previous post about my appointment with Planned Parenthood.
That appointment went great! They just went through the standard Informed Consent stuff and some brief information about myself, and then made sure there were no conflicts with my current meds. They gave me the all clear, sent the prescription through to my pharmacy, and here I am!
Very psyched to embark on this journey
I've had this appointment scheduled for months, and I am nervous but also very excited. It's finally happening!
I have been growing my hair out for months now, and it has reached a point where strands are getting stuck in my mouth all the time lol. I like the way my hair looks, but I would like it if it attacked me less. What solutions do you all use?
Krrygon @lemmy.blahaj.zone > Art in my heart, but mischief on the mind.
- Videographer
- Cat lover
- Horror enthusiast
I occasionally make absurdist comedy videos on Salutation Nation