With it becoming increasingly clear that Donald Trump will almost certainly win the US election, the moderators and I felt it important to say a few words and direct people to crisis support resources.

We know this outcome is devastating for so many of us. It's difficult to see the outcome we feared come to pass, and it's completely understandable to feel heartbroken, fearful, or even numb. We need to come together as a community now more than ever. We need to support each other. We need to ensure no one is alone in their fear or pain.

The challenges ahead may seem insurmountable and frankly overwhelming, but our voices and actions are still powerful. Staying engaged in your local community, in advocacy, and ensuring our voices are not silenced is more crucial now than ever.

Crisis Support

If you or someone you know needs immediate support, here are some US-based resources (from GLAAD):

• The Trevor Project‘s 24/7/365 Lifeline at 866-4-U-TREVOR (866-488-7386) or TrevorChat, their online instant messaging option, or TrevorText, a text-based support option. If you are looking for peer support, you can visit TrevorSpace from anywhere in the world.
• Trans Lifeline at 877-565-8860

We do not consider the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline a safe resource for the trans community due to their history of involving local law enforcement without the caller's consent, which can result in indefinite detainment.

Mutual Aid

Now is the time to lean into local resources and community groups. The people around you, especially other LGBTQ+ advocates and allies, can be a source of great strength and stability. Here are a few ways to connect:

• Blahaj has a community Matrix free for anyone to join.
• The Trans Housing Network Chat helps connect unhoused people, or people in unsafe housing, to those able to provide temporary shelter. Contact xilliah@beehaw.org to join.
• Mutual Aid Hub has a list of mutual aid resources across the United States
• The aforementioned TrevorSpace offers peer support globally
• Trans Resources provides a global collection of community, support and advocacy groups, as well as many other kinds of resources.
• If there are any other resources we've missed, please direct message me on Matrix @emily:mtrx.nz or leave a comment

The best mutual aid and support is local. We encourage everyone to research trans advocacy groups around them, local queer facebook pages, and keep connected with their community.

Moving Forward

While the outcome is devastating, our community is strong. It's important to remember that progress in queer and minority rights has always been a story of hard fought battles through adversity. In moments like these, we stand on the shoulders of those who fought the battles before us. This is a time to lean on each other, amplify our voices, and advocate for the protections and rights we deserve. Organize, reach out, educate, and support one another as we move forward. Every action counts — from contacting representatives to showing up for each other in times of need.

Please stay safe and take care of yourself, especially in the coming days.

If you are thinking about harming yourself — get immediate crisis support. Connect to a crisis counselor 24/7, 365 days a year, from anywhere in the U.S via text, chat, or phone. The Trevor Project is 100% confidential and 100% free.

https://www.thetrevorproject.org/get-help/

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.dbzer0.com/post/31696866

> I am a cisgender man with dual citizenship between the USA and the UK. My husband is a transgender man who does not have UK citizenship. > > As part of our threat modeling, we are developing a shortlist of nations where we would migrate if things get rough. The UK, while being on a worrisome trend line with regards ro trans rights, made the list because it would be relatively simple for us to move and work there with my citizenship already sorted. > > Could any UK trans people help us to understand the GRC? My husband has fully transitioned with respect to his US documentation. When we married, he was also a man. Since all his documents match, could he get by without a GRC, or would he be forced through the humiliation of immigrating as his birth-sex and then acquiring a GRC once we moved? Would a GRC be necessary to receive basic healthcare and/or hormones?

TLDR:

• Updating state documents and IDs
• Maintaining a supply of medication
• Changing your social security office gender marker
• Consider moving now, if you want to
• Make decisions around staying or going “stealth.”
• Relying on local community allies

And older talk, but regrettably still very relevant to us, especially given recent events.

A friend shared this in our group chat, I thought I'd share in case anyone here would find it helpful and or people want to donate

I socially transitioned before I started hormones, and when I went out in public wearing women's clothes, people would look at me frequently, and some people would stare at me. It was obvious I didn't pass from these kinds of responses, but I also got somewhat used to that treatment.

Over time, with hormone therapy, I get fewer and fewer instances of this. I haven't been stared at in a long time, and I think people look at me less.

At one point I would describe my experience as being a "woman shaped object" - in people's peripheral vision I looked like a normal woman, but if someone interacted with me they could tell I was trans.

I went out yesterday and got my nails done, went shopping, went out for dinner, etc. and interactions with people made me think they couldn't tell I was trans, but I just don't know whether they can actually tell or not.

While waiting in line to buy some clothes, a woman wanted to chat about how long the line was taking, and she interacted with me as though I were a normal woman - there wasn't a hint of stigma, curiosity, etc.

Anyway - this just makes me wonder: what are others' experiences with passing and not-passing, what are little clues that you aren't passing or when you are?

I assume you just can't actually tell when people are being polite vs not knowing, but maybe there are little hints.

Thanks!

If you are thinking about harming yourself — get immediate crisis support. Connect to a crisis counselor 24/7, 365 days a year, from anywhere in the U.S via text, chat, or phone. The Trevor Project is 100% confidential and 100% free.

https://www.thetrevorproject.org/get-help/

Template for anyone who wants to use it:

!

Satirical rant incoming:

We all know that transphobic trolls are pretending to be trans in order to make trans people look bad and take away their rights. Therefore, as trans allies, it is our duty to restrict the rights of trans people so that trolls can't use it.

Trans people deserve to identify as whatever gender they so choose. Lately, transphobic trolls have been abusing that right, by pretending to have nonsense genders that make no sense. In order to safeguard our community from trolls and protect the rights of trans people, we must therefore treat any supposedly "trans" person with a nonsense gender with suspicion, in case they're a troll.

Oh, and pronouns? Pronouns are vitally important! Any trans person absolutely deserves to be referred to with whatever pronouns make them feel comfortable. That's why it's essential for us to immediately ban the use of neopronouns, which transphobic trolls have been using to make us realise that we hate neopronoun users.

Remember: We're oppressing trans people because we're allies!

/non-sarcastic: What the hell is up with people who say this kind of thing?

I imagine most of you might know at least the basics of keeping your privacy and preventing tracking, since you're on here instead of Reddit.

But I thought it would be sure to expand on it a bit just in case after the US elections. These are easier to use solutions for people who don't know or can't for whatever reason run their own home server, email, etc.

1. don't use Google products (at least, unaltered ones). Don't use Chrome, don't use Search, don't use Android*. The government will use Google to buy profiles of their enemies and possibly do even worse. Use a Fairphone with /e/is or install /e/ on a Samsung, or get a *Pixel and install GrapheneOS. /e/ does at least have an easy to use installer for certain phones (https://doc.e.foundation/easy-installer).

For email, Proton is easy to sign up for and outside of the USA. For messaging, I recommend going with something that won't use a phone number, like encrypted XMPP (removed Matrix from recommendation due to possible encryption issues). For keeping social networks I recommend taking a look at this as well (https://circles-project.github.io/). You can also keep apps updated easily using something like Obtanium. For browser, I'd avoid Firefox too if possible and maybe go with something a bit more hardened, like Librewolf or Mullvad. Also use a VPN. Proton has one, and so does AdGuard for phones, both being easy to install and use.

I'd avoid Apple phones because they can still be tracked easily, but it's still better than an unaltered Android phone.

2. don't use Windows. Use any Linux distro, but not Windows. If you absolutely must use Windows, look into using Rufus to stop the telemetry, and using a non-consumer version of Windows (massgrave.dev/windows_ltsc_links) or look into ReactOS (although in Alpha, apparently still runs many popular Windows applications).

3. turn off any smart features your TV has, and don't use Netflix etc. Eventually they'll target media habits as well if they can. Although I sell a device that uses Plasma Bigscreen to legitimately run things that use DRM in Europe, I'm making a package that'll run on an Odroid C4 that instead includes programs like Lidarr, Radarr, etc and release the package publicly so people can install it easily themselves.

4. block trackers on the router level. Easiest way of doing this for someone not too technology inclined is to just get a Gl.inet router and activate/install the AdGuard Home plugin on it.

These are just some basic quick tips. Stay safe. You still have some months to prepare at least.

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.nz/post/16110319

> This video was cute so im sharing it

Right now, you're able to select the appropriate gender marker on your passport without a note from a medical professional (and a passport can be used in the vast majority of situations you'd use a birth certificate) but because the self select gender marker was done by executive action, it's extremely likely to be reversed when Trump takes office.

Also, having one might be a good idea in general.

I submitted the paperwork a while ago but it seems there's a pretty big delay

I read something somewhere that said that we're likely to enter another stonewall era. What exactly does this mean? I'm aware of the events at the Stonewall inn but don't understand the era part of it.

I was dumb and was hoping he couldn't win. I want to get a passport. I have an old one I could renew, but it has my dead name and old gender marker. Has anyone renewed their passport after a name change gender marker? Or should I just apply for a new one in person?

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.blahaj.zone/post/18287301

> If you want to attend, they ask that you RSVP through the Google form on this page.

I'm thinking of switching from gel to injections. If anyone here has experience with that, how is your experience?

As election day nears in the United States it can be a stressfull, scary and anxious time for everyone. As such, the moderators and I felt it important to say a few words.

Remember that your voice is essential. Every vote counts, and showing up to the polls empowers our community and influences the change we deserve. If you have not yet voted, please ensure you have a plan.

The National Center for Transgender Equality offers an excellent checklist aimed specifically at trans voters. It contains instructions for what to do on voting day, as well as information to show to poll workers that advocates for your rights. Please print and carry the document with you.

Stay Safe While Voting

For those of you voting in person, prioritze your safety. Bring a friend if possible, stay aware of your surroundings, and remember it’s okay to leave and return another time if you feel unsafe. If you ever feel threatened, don’t hesitate to contact local authorities or seek a safe space nearby.

Crisis Support

If you or someone you know needs immediate support, here are some US-based resources (from GLAAD):

• The Trevor Project‘s 24/7/365 Lifeline at 866-4-U-TREVOR (866-488-7386) or TrevorChat, their online instant messaging option, or TrevorText, a text-based support option. If you are looking for peer support, you can visit TrevorSpace from anywhere in the world.
• Trans Lifeline at 877-565-8860

We do not consider the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline a safe resource for the trans community due to their history of involving local law enforcement without the caller's consent, which can result in indefinite detainment.

Mutual Aid and Support

Reach out for support or mutual aid if you need it. This community is available to all who need to discuss issues, get something off their chest, or find support. We allow mutual aid requests with prior approval from the moderation team, so reach out to us. In addition, the following communities and resources are available for mutual aid or support:

• Blahaj has a community Matrix free for anyone to join.
• The Trans Housing Network Chat helps connect unhoused people, or people in unsafe housing, to those able to provide temporary shelter. Contact xilliah@beehaw.org to join.
• Mutual Aid Hub has a list of mutual aid resources across the United States
• The aforementioned TrevorSpace offers peer support globally
• If there are any other resources we've missed, please direct message me on Matrix @emily:mtrx.nz or leave a comment

The best mutual aid and support is local. We encourage everyone to research trans advocacy groups around them, local queer facebook pages, and keep connected with their community.

A Personal Note from Emily

As someone watching from Australia, I want you to know that you are not alone in this. The international community is watching this election closely, and most of us feel a deep anger that your rights can be and are on the ballot.

This specific trans community and each member is extremely important to me. You make the world a better place. I care deeply about your safety, your voice, and your wellbeing. No matter how things seem right now, know that there’s a global community standing in solidarity with you, holding hope, and offering support in every way we can.

Please stay safe, take care of yourself, and reach out for support when its necessary.

If you are thinking about harming yourself — get immediate crisis support. Connect to a crisis counselor 24/7, 365 days a year, from anywhere in the U.S via text, chat, or phone. The Trevor Project is 100% confidential and 100% free.

https://www.thetrevorproject.org/get-help/

If you are thinking about harming yourself — get immediate crisis support. Connect to a crisis counselor 24/7, 365 days a year, from anywhere in the U.S via text, chat, or phone. The Trevor Project is 100% confidential and 100% free.

https://www.thetrevorproject.org/get-help/

Link to poll: https://www.dataforprogress.org/blog/2024/10/23/voters-prefer-candidates-who-are-supportive-of-transgender-rights-think-recent-political-ads-have-gotten-mean-spirited-and-out-of-hand

> When voters are asked whether they are more inclined to support a candidate who backs transgender rights or one who opposes them, voters overwhelmingly choose the candidate in favor of transgender rights, by a margin of 21 points. This trend holds true among Independents, with a 19-point preference. Even 22% of Republicans indicate they are more likely to support a candidate who favors trans rights—a significantly higher percentage than the share of Democrats who would back a candidate opposing them.

> Furthermore, voters showed frustration with the wave of anti-trans advertisements. When asked if they thought political attack ads against the transgender community have gotten mean spirited and out of hand, far more voters agree than disagree (+28 points). This finding holds true for independents (+23 points) as well, with even 31% of Republicans finding that there were too many political attack ads.

I've come across bad news that my home state has passed a really shitty law regarding trans people. Are there things I can do to help change this and all of the other shitty policies and attitudes at home?

Just wondering for those who have seen it, what your thoughts are about the recent documentary Will & Harper.

The final print volume of the manga is out, and I guess this will be the plot of the movie, so spoiler alert!

Is Makoto trans? IMHO, it doesn't matter, and that's the point. This is a really trans- and (queer-) positive story.

Aside from the obvious themes of trans presentation and queer romance (whether Makoto is trans or not then at least one of Ryuji and Saki ain't straight!), there is a very strong message of self-acceptance.

Makoto's grandfather's arc teaches us to accept ourselves, even at the potential cost of estranging our family (and although it isn't shown, it's pretty clear that the path is open for reconciliation with Makoto's mother). There's a great line from the neighbor too after doing Makoto's makeup: you decide whether it suits you!

The Ryuji/Saki + Makoto romance line is all about how there are people who will appreciate you for your true self, and you don't have to lose your friends.

Saki in particular struggles with what it means to find someone "special", and who she should live with: in the end she realizes you can just decide it for yourself! And also comes to understand that while her parents maybe fit the socially-expected role, it's the people that actually care for and are there for her (her grandmother and Makoto) that are important.

And then there's "I just want to live as me" Makoto. Maybe a femboy; maybe a trans girl; certainly exploring. This of course echoes that "but am I really trans" self-doubt, and the answer is: it doesn't matter! It's up to you! Just be yourself (can't be anyone else!). Makoto recognizes himself in his grandfather, and turns there for advice in the end. By the end of the story, all the characters are living more true to themselves, and are happier for it.

Plus seeing Makoto's hair gradually growing out hit me right in the feels 🥲

PS I only realized recently than Pom is also the creator of trans meme icon Kurumi-chan! (Menhera-chan) I hope we see more from this author in the future.

If you are thinking about harming yourself — get immediate crisis support. Connect to a crisis counselor 24/7, 365 days a year, from anywhere in the U.S via text, chat, or phone. The Trevor Project is 100% confidential and 100% free.

https://www.thetrevorproject.org/get-help/

If you are thinking about harming yourself — get immediate crisis support. Connect to a crisis counselor 24/7, 365 days a year, from anywhere in the U.S via text, chat, or phone. The Trevor Project is 100% confidential and 100% free.

https://www.thetrevorproject.org/get-help/

So. This is something I've never talked to anyone in my real life about, but for whatever reason I'm more comfortable asking a bunch of strangers on the internet for advice. Deep breath.

I am coming up on 40yo, and since I was 16 I've mostly been in dedicated heterosexual relationships. I have always considered myself a cis male and maybe a little bi but things are... changing rapidly, I guess. I am single for the first time in years all this freedom and time means I'm doing some long overdue introspection. I don't think I've ever been particularly happy with my body or my gender. I am finding myself much more attracted to people with penises, and more importantly, I am finding myself wanting to play a different, more submissive maybe, role in the bedroom. I finally have an opportunity to try new and different things with all sorts of different people, and that's sort of exciting, but I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing or even what I'm feeling.

I see a lot of trans folks self-actualizing and I'm super happy for them. I envy them for knowing what they want. I don't know what I want and it's driving me a little crazy lately. I would kill to have that level of knowledge of who I wanted to be. I am not a particularly masculine man, but I don't think I feel like I would be more comfortable being more traditionally feminine, though that doesn't necessarily repulse me, either. I would certainly be happier with less body hair. When I was I kid I wanted to be a robot. Now as an adult I maybe just want to be a robot who fucks occasionally, gender irrelevant. Fully functional, you might say. I don't really know what to do with that feeling, though.

Any advice on how to navigate literally any of this would be awesome. I feel like a teenager again, no idea how any of this works or where to even begin. I don't have the knowledge or the language to talk coherently about any of this stuff, and certainly no experience. I am doing my best you guys but all of this is confusing as fuck.

I want to preface this by saying that we have a zero tolerance policy for transphobia. Your comment will be removed and you will be banned if you spout transphobia here. Our existence is not up for debate.

That said, how do you differentiate being transgender and being trans racial?

I'm curious how to answer this question in a good faith debate with someone. Emotionally I know that they're not the same and that one is wrong and the other is not wrong, but I'm unsure as to why that is and am curious if anyone else has given any thought about it.

LONDON, 11 October 2024, 3:50 PM—6 young trans activists infiltrated the LGB Alliance’s annual conference at the Queen Elizabeth II Conference Hall in Westminster, some of whom fled quickly after while others were held by security for a period before being let go. They did so with intentions of ending the conference early, which they describe as a horrendous breeding ground for fervent and violent transphobia.

The group released approximately 6,000 crickets from bags hidden on their persons which they snuck through security just before a talk on the “dangers” of medical transition. They made sure to spread the crickets (which do not infest and pose no danger to humans) across the entire hall, in order to ensure the conference could be safely brought to an end. The speech was postponed and later speeches were cancelled. They filmed some of the earlier speeches using hidden cameras in order to “expose the fact that this group really has no interest whatsoever in promoting the rights of cis LGB people, and exists entirely to hurt the trans community as much as they possibly can”. Speakers at the anti-trans event told the audience to “Squash them, kill them, kill the buggers!”

One bug carrier said they’ve “been feeling physically ill with nerves, mentally cycling through all the possibilities and worst case scenarios, a thousand times over. I’m scared. But I fear more for the outcomes if we don’t go through with this action.”

The LGB Alliance claims to stand for the rights of lesbians, bisexuals, and gay men, but a challenge from Mermaids and the Good Law Project against their charitable status objects that they “dedicate most of their output to denigrating trans people”. The crick-kids say that “the LGB Alliance’s hate and cruelty resonates out into the political sphere”. They believe the result of the conference, if it had gone ahead as planned, would have been an acceleration of transphobic hate and misinformation, which drives much of the attack on their healthcare and dignity in all other parts of their lives.

Speaking hours before entering the conference:

“It makes me really angry to see trans kids being talked about like a bunch of brainless children who can’t make decisions for or speak for themselves. I’m sick of having our voices taken away by bigoted people like the LGBA who speak over us instead of listening.”

“Whilst we, the trans community, cobble together what little support we can to keep each other safe, this group claiming to stand for social progress spends hundreds of thousands of pounds annually to keep us down. We are trans kids, we are loved, and we deserve dignity.”

“They may try to ‘sound the alarm’ on trans youth accessing life-saving healthcare but we cannot and will not let them. Trans youth are powerful and we will let them fucking know it.”

All trans youth apprehended by attendees have been released and returned safely home.

once again, to my chagrin, I feel it drawing near

it never seems to stray, too far away, this feeling of unease

I try to stand tall, careful not to fall, as I wipe away the tears

now I'm begging, end your nagging, before you bring me to my knees

the way they look, they read me like a book, it's exactly what I feared

judged by my cover, decided by another, I'm just begging you please

I don't want to hide, let me decide, the things that I hold dear

I don't understand, why this world is so bland, if I wanted I could blend in with ease

I just can't decide, do I really want to hide, or face the challenges here

and the last line won't rhyme, cause life isn't perfect, but fuck it at least I still have you.

If you are thinking about harming yourself — get immediate crisis support. Connect to a crisis counselor 24/7, 365 days a year, from anywhere in the U.S via text, chat, or phone. The Trevor Project is 100% confidential and 100% free.

https://www.thetrevorproject.org/get-help/

Other day I made a post about transphobia in the Fediverse and I crossposted to several communities, one of them was !fediverse@lemmy.zip. It seems the post I made attracted the attention of the mod and he decided to come over to this community and post transphobia apologia here. He was banned shortly afterwards. I would encourage people here to avoid that community, and any other communities he moderates. Since as a moderator he can easily exercise his power to silence dissenting views and to intimidate others. It's not best to participate there.

I don't know of many good ones that could be used instead, perhaps someone could start a fediverse community on lemmy.blahaj.zone, but that's beside the point of the post. Main point is to share this information with the community so you can avoid using a community run by a known transphobe.

I've only been on Lemmy a few days and I've already witnessed a lot of thinly veiled transphobia, anything from people dismissing the existence of trans people, to trying to claim we are predators. I've also seen people downvoted in the general communities for expressing trans support, or seemingly for no reason other than simply being openly trans or visibly queer. I know it's an ongoing effort to moderate transphobia on Lemmy, and the fediverse as a whole. We have to also address mentions of thinly veiled transphobia and transphobic users. Transphobia isn't just a differing opinion, it is a dangerous hateful sentiment which causes harm to vulnerable people and it needs to be addressed, at the instance and community level. We need to put in the effort to identify transphobic dogwhistles and language used by transphobes to eradicate this type of behavior from our communities and servers alike.

Some people will argue that the light stuff isn't something to worry about, but that's not true. This is a tactic they use to blend in with normies and make them think that nothing they are doing or saying is wrong. It's what transphobic right-wing YouTubers and Facebook users do to avoid being banned for hate speech. We are better than these corporations though, Fediverse is run by communities and for the users, we should not let these things slide as easily as Corporations do, they're in it to make money, we... We're in it to create a community for the users. Part of that means kicking out those who don't have all our best interests at heart.

The first friday of every month is Fashion Friday! Give us your favourite fashion tips, tell us what you love wearing, or even post a photo!

Quick preface: I thought nanowrimo was this month for a second, so I started typing, thinking I'd do a fictionalized version of myself that came out when her egg cracked instead of waiting 30 years. I was like 3/4ths of the way through the day's word count when I realized I'm off by a month, but writing this was so cathartic that I kept going.

Amber, she thought, would be a good name. The hard part would be getting people to call her that. Or to acknowledge that she was, in fact, a girl.

Amber was moving to Colorado, because the doctor had determined that she was allergic to the entire state of California. Her dad had found a job doing the same things with computers that he always had done, but in Colorado instead, so they moved. A move seemed like a good time for a fresh start, a fresh name, and a fresh gender.

She was scared to tell her parents what was going on, but she was more determined than scared. All she needed to do was to find the right words and the right time. So as they drove through the endless desert, she sat in her seat, staring at the nothing out the back window of the station wagon, and tried to find the words. 'Hey mom and dad, I'm actually a girl and my name is actually Amber.' but that wasn't quite right, there was so much more. And that sounded so defiant, didn't her parents know best when they gave her a boy name and acted like she was a boy? But that wasn't right either, maybe -

Just then the baby woke up and started crying. Mom and Dad stopped their quiet conversation up in front, and Mom called out softly "It's ok Ben, we'll pull over as soon as we get a chance." Right, Amber thought, I have to call him Ben now, because the new baby is on the way, and she'll be the baby, and he'll just be Ben.

But the desert of nothing dragged on and the crying kept escalating, so soon EVERYONE in the car was grumpy. Sally started poking Amber instead of staying on her side of the back seat, and Betsy just kept drawing in her sketchbook, but with one finger in her ear, to try to quiet the noise. Dad finally gave in and pulled over on the side of the freeway, because there hadn't been a sign in five miles.

While Mom took care of Ben, changing his diaper and nursing him, Dad dug out some snacks from somewhere and passed out a handful of GORP to each of the three big kids. "Good ol' raisins and peanuts! Don't just pick the M&Ms out, I don't want to be cleaning all your peanuts out of the car later."

"How much longer will we be in the car?" asked Amber. "Well our hotel is in Salt Lake City, so I think we are more than halfway there." said Dad. "Halfway! Uggggggghhh..." said Amber. She ignored Sally, who had resumed her poking as soon as Dad wasn't looking, and turned to Sugar, her little snow white teddy bear, and pretended to feed him peanuts, which fell directly on the floor of the car. "Can we at least get out and stretch our legs?" asked Sally. "No," answered Dad, "we aren't even at a rest stop, there's just this road and a bunch of prickly plants, no where safe to run. Just... take a nap or read your book or color, we'll be at the hotel before dinner and you can take a swim."

-----

Finally they had made it to the hotel! Hotels were fun because they had a pool, but Amber wasn't as excited about the pool as usual. Her swimsuit was a boys swimsuit, and she felt self-conscious about her chest. Sally's swim suit was bright yellow with red flowers and covered her chest, but Amber's was just dark blue and looked like a pair of shorts. But a pool still sounded good after a long day of sitting still in the car, so she just kinda awkwardly tried to carry her towel in front of her until she got almost to the pool, then dropped off the towel and jumped into the pool in one quick motion, so no one would see. Once she was neck deep in the pool she felt much better about it, so she stayed at that depth and splashed and played with her family and the other kids at the pool.

-----

The drive the next day was much more interesting, the scenery more varied and the mountains loomed. Soon, Amber's dad was driving through tunnels and across bridges and up and down switchbacks, and Amber's mom was trying not to swear at him for driving "too fast" or "too close to the edge". They got out and stretched their legs and the kids got their photograph taken with the big sign that said the Continental Divide, and spit on both sides of the slope, so their spit would end up in both oceans. Amber didn't like getting her photograph taken, because they always looked like some boy instead of how she felt she should look, but she smiled anyway, big and cheesy and forced.

-----

After getting to Denver they drove up to The Rental and all got out. The moving truck was already there, and there were boxes of stuff everywhere. The Rental smelled funny and had weird stained glass windows, and even weeks later, when things had been unpacked, it didn't feel like home. Amber wasn't comfortable, in her skin, or in this house, or with the sights and smells, and she was definitely scared, so she never found time to tell her parents about what was going on. She also was sad, because Sugar's best friend, Oatmeal, a little brown teddy bear, somehow didn't make it to Colorado in the move and was lost forever. Her parents, also, were busy with the new job and putting things in order, and looking for an actual house to move into.

-----

It was always one excuse or another, there was always something going on that kept Amber from speaking up. They moved out of the rental and into a proper home, and then promptly all caught the Chicken Pox. They had met new friends at Church and at Co-op, who took care of them while they recovered, but Amber still felt like no one really knew her, because they called her a boy and didn't use her name, but she still hadn't found time to sit down with her parents and have this very important conversation.

-----

Finally it was her Birthday. She was turning 8 years old today, and her new friends were here, and there was cake and presents... but everything was slightly wrong. The cake had blue icing instead of pink, and had the wrong name on it. She got hotwheels and legos in her presents, when she wanted polly pocket and lego in her presents. When they sang happy birthday, they used a name that fit her body, but not her brain. And all the cards had "birthday boy" instead of "birthday girl." So when she closed her eyes and blew out her candles and made a wish, it was that everyone could see her as she really was.

When she opened her eyes, everything was suddenly right. The cake was pink, the hotwheels were polly pocket, and her big present from her parents was getting her ears pierced. But then she opened her eyes for real, and reality was still good, she was still surrounded by friends and family who love her, but it was all slightly off again. The ice cream was melting and making the cake and the paper bowl both soggy, so she went out in the back yard and played with her friends, pretending to be the puppy while the other girls played house.

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A month later and the baby is here! Her name is Gabby and she is a princess. Amber thinks she's so tiny and lovely and she'll love her forever. Grandma flew out from California to take care of the kids while Mom and the baby settle into some kind of routine. Amber likes her other grandma better, because she doesn't make them eat their veggies and gives them extra desert. This grandma says that eating your veggies will "put hair on your chest" but Amber doesn't want that. She is worried that she'll grow up to look like her dad instead of her mom, but doesn't know how to say any of that without offending anyone, and she doesn't offend people, she the good one, the quiet one. Sally is the loud one who offends people.

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School starts and Amber has to get up in front of everyone and lie to them, give them a boy's name instead of her own. She was hoping to tell her parents before now, before she had to lie again, but it's so hard to talk about, she doesn't have the vocabulary, and they'll get mad and... she's not even sure how they will respond. She wishes she knew more, like does this happen to everyone or only some people or am I the only girl in the world born into the wrong skin? Can a doctor fix her body with medicine or a preacher fix it with a miracle? Her parents might have answers to these questions, but they get mad about other queer things like this, and I don't want them to get mad at me and stop loving me...