What's the difference between a cow and 9/11

You'd stop milking a cow after 23 years

Seems a bit unnecessary when you could just dress the ivy up like schoolkids and the yanks would wipe it out in a week

(Yes, we're going to keep making these jokes until yous apathetic cunts DO SOMETHING)

I've got the entire collection of Hyacinth Bucket in Keeping Up Appearances, along with every programme Fred Dibnah ever did

You're welcome to them to get you started as long as the site wallpaper is fine bone china with hand painted periwinkles

Whaur the fuck did ye think The Proclaimers came fae?

Yeah, it was about a hamster called Grignotin

No idea what it was called and it was only 45 years later I found out that "grignoter" is French for "to nibble"

Nothing

Apart from actual fucking pizza maybe

I would rather shite in my own hands and clap than buy a "pizza" from those fucking abominations

Pizza is a massive cash-grab as it is; they're so easy to make with very few ingredients. Why the fuck would you just hand money to shareholders like that?!?

made it better

"Had to have it simplified because we're a couple of sandwiches short of a picnic"

Amerikanske tilstande" which translates to something like "conditions like America", which is an expression for just about the worst that can happen.

Lol how the mighty have fallen

No idea who that is, no idea why people give attention to ragebaiters

Can anyone ELI5 what's going on at Valve regarding this? I've read a couple of articles and am Nun the Wiser

The Auchtermuchty Stepladder will change your life

Which? - the UK consumer advice group, did an investigation into this and found that 92% of items they checked had been cheaper within the previous year than they were on Black Friday

Apparently we have the Nazis to thank (?) for that. It was going to be pulled down but it made a very good radio transmitter antenna, so it stayed up

The Sweden I know has got gangs of loonies murdering eachother with grenades every five minutes

Which Sweden were you thinking of? 😂

"I jizzed in the drinking water hole"

"Ugh, don't fancy your well-cum, Matt"

Literally anything by The Pogues

The three tensest films I've seen -

Flight of the Phoenix (original B&W one)

Duel (Spielberg's first film)

And one with David Wotsisname that plays Poirot but he's a terrorist on a plane