they found something denser than lead

acute malarkey shortage artificially sustained by federal malarkotics bureau interference with private malarkey industry production chains in bullshit-rich sectors of the market

you will be praised once (1 time (uno)) upon the moment of the completion of your one millionth dodge roll

he was cursed by the evil fox deity that inhabits rupert murdoch's corpse

the fruit of the nutbird vine (invasive species, cognitohazardous)

sir your vehicle has testicular cancer

the disassociated lefty to painfully insightful doomer girlboss pipeline is measured down the length of a needle full of estrogen going into a thigh

found too infirm to stand trial

sorry kamala, he already did

gimme da gril pil

the resemblance is uncanny

getting a low back tattoo CW LEWD BUTT

without a big x or a red cross through the hand how am I, Everyman Amerikanski, supposed to know the pear is not for me?

oh this one's a gem, a real "Pluto's Pluto" ya know?

this is the idf's army corps of engineers getting really fucking bored and deciding to increase the ambient racism with a trebuchet that sets crops on fire

looks like you can't off two whistleblowers a week before the literal door falls off one of your airliners in midflight without taking a couple HITS to your BOTTOM LINE

chiquita, formerly the united fruit company, which, well, you know... (wikipedia)

The Banana Massacre was a massacre of workers of the United Fruit Company, now Chiquita, that occurred between December 5 and 6, 1928, in the town of Ciénaga near Santa Marta, Colombia. A strike began on November 12, 1928, when the workers ceased to work until the company would reach an agreement with them to grant them dignified working conditions. After several weeks with no agreement, in which the United Fruit Company refused to negotiate with the workers, the conservative government of Miguel Abadía Méndez assigned Cortés Vargas as military chief in Magdalena department and sent 700 from the Colombian Army in against the strikers, resulting in the massacre of 47 to 2,000 people.

lmao that is certainly a range, wikipedia. which do you think the real total is closer to, hm?

he's been terminating the happy hour 2 for 1 beers and tacos deal

the 6th, 7th, and 8th times will feel awful and useless, but by the 9th time it'll start to feel good and relevant again! this is the effect of age and rising atmospheric CO2 levels, and not a sign of things getting better.

the guy in the middle without wraparounds on is the host, and he only doesn't have wraparounds on because the studio thought it would be good for the host to "appear impartial" (?????)

oh god no, he went nuclear, he released the fucking snugglebunnies