chapotraphouse @hexbear.net MemesAreTheory [he/him, any] @hexbear.net 1 yr. ago

I'm literally dying and you think this is a joke: why white people are the real victims (of fusion cuisine)

Oh, you think it's funny that I turn red and have palpitations when I eat spicy food? You think that just because I'm white my pain and suffering doesn't matter? That eating spicy food hurts my delicate little tongue and far more delicate little asshole? I might get dehydrated from sweating too much, that's dangerous you know. You get a real good laugh when you order habanero salsa for the table, and then when I try to say I don't want any all my poc friends start chanting "SALTINE BOY SALTINE BOY SALTINE BOY" until I load up a chip and begin a 3-4 hour medical ordeal that only ends when I shit my pants while running to the bathroom? Is this a joke to you? I already put black pepper on the table. Any more flavor out here and I might literally have a heart attack, and science proves it. I just want to be able to fully appreciate the ingredients of my dish, whole boiled potatoes and salted meat. If that makes me a SALTINE BOY then so be it. I will not eat the peppers, and I will not get into the pod.

If you all keep teasing me I'm going to join lemm.ee and give you an aneurysm with my liberalism.

26 comments

“The food of the true revolutionary is the red pepper, and he who cannot endure red peppers is also unable to fight.” -Mao Zedong

Sorry, I don't make the rules, lib.
Apparently there are two kinds of white people in America.

Those who consider oregano a wildly exotic spice, and those who buy gallon jugs of a sauce that doubles as aligator poison.
- Yeah it's kinda sad to me with the MEGA CHILI DEATH MURSER SAUCE "enjoyers" that put some weird thing with a scoville level only achievable thru synthetic addition of capsaicin on their food in order to prove how manly they are or whatever.
  I like spicy food, no need to make it my personality though
SALTINE BOY
- Why would you do this to me in my moment of vulnerability
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im white enough to reflect light yet i never have a problem with spicy foods messing up my stomach, or any foods really.

just built to be a carbage disposal trash mammal ig
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- If you've never had good fresh-baked bread with some butter and a bit of salt on top, I feel sad for you. Bread rolls are great stuff when done right.
  Spicy food is also nice, but sometimes you just want a nice piece of bread
  
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I want to eat my old favorite spicy noodles but they all include fuckin beef or pork in the sauce/stock. Hardest thing about trying to eat more ethically was not dropping meat, but all the foods that have secret hidden meat/animal products for no damn reason.

Anyway I get symptoms 1 & 2, but never experienced the severe distress cracker-Americans won’t shut up about. Can we also talk about that? How mfs wanna interject and expound at length about their burning asshole whenever you mention Indian, SE Asian, Latin American etc. cuisine.
- Can we also talk about that?
  
  I'd rather not tbh
It also tastes good! That's also a thing that happens
It's about the journey, not the destination.

I'm pretty , but I still think it's worth it. Serranos are one of my preferred peppers. Nice medium heat with tons of flavor.
- Serranos are wonderful. The next time you are cooking over an open flame throw some on. You won't regret it!
is there a reason i only get the first two? like ive never had stomach/digestion problems or a burning asshole from eating spicy food, and i eat spicy food all the time
TIL some people get the shits from eating spicy food.
- I always thought it was a meme tbh.
  
  I did see a believable explanation here regarding it and Taco Bell though: most people don’t get anywhere near enough fiber and the “white people spicy” Taco Bell is actually good at getting people fiber.
SALTINE BOY SALTINE BOY SALTINE BOY
Eat the One Chip or GTFO
I do wish I could eat spicy food without my nose running like crazy. I like the flavor and can handle it emotionally but I can't help how my sinuses react.

So I end up eating spicy stuff all the time when I'm alone but avoid it around others because having to blow my nose three times during a meal is embarrassing lol
- I love spicy food and I still get a runny nose from spice levels below what I can even detect anymore
  
  My nose knows stuff is spicy before I do
Gonna pour one out for all my serranos and jalapeños in my former garden. Only got to eat one serrano The part of the garden with peppers didn't fully burn, but they were all well roasted, soft, and in the unsafe temperature zone for days
shoutout to balduk instant noodles for expanding my spicy horizons
- I got the double spicy ones once
  
  Oh geez, that was a mistake
  
  Last time I was at the grocery store they only had the 2x spicy ones, guess this confirms I was right to pass on them that time.

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