"Oh just get it done when you have the time. It's all good!"
"No! No it is not all good! I need a deadline otherwise it will never be done! The deadline is not for how long to spend on the project, it's to know how long I can realistically procrastinate before the bug up my butt makes me finish the entire project in a single night."
I recently found my limit regarding this. I couldn't think during one of my most important exams of the year,. Turns out you can put too much pressure on yourself, too. Now I live in perpetual fear!
Its a gift and a curse. For work I always seem to somehow pull miracles out of my ass, but only last minute. It's likely that days of panic and anxiety are what fuel my miracle powers
I'd rather just never have to deal with the pressure. Doesn't matter if it brings out my motivation and focus. It's unpleasant to be worrying about it the whole time. I'd rather function normally and be able to handle situations as they happen than procrastinate even if I get great results because instead of spending the time on it immediately I'm wasting energy and feeling stressed by putting it off.
Only time it's useful is in real emergency situations which I also don't intend on getting myself into.
I have so much homework due tomorrow but I also condensed my schedule so much that I am on campus from 8 am to 6 pm and there's no way in hell I'm gonna do any homework tomorrow but fuck I can't get out of bed rn
Well, what stinks is that I have a degree in software engineering, and quite like it. Neurotypicals in my situation would work on personal projects and that’d help them eventually get a job… but I really need the structure of a job to get work done. Otherwise, I just end up writing little scripts for random stuff, things I can complete in a few hours…. But they’re not resume worthy projects.
I’m working on social anxiety rn, but hopefully I can get networking and then maybe do like you said, I can find some cool people that can get me in at a workplace that may be enjoyable even if not the best paying.
If you relate a lot, you might. Checking out adhd symptoms and if you fit most of the them, you can consider a diagnosis if you thinking that's important (or you think you need medication) , or just start looking for ways to handle the adhd in areas you think are affecting you.