Probably when my dad died and my mom (understandably) fell apart.
I will say though - it has gotten better. Much better. I would not call my life difficult now. Only took half a century!
My mother scream crying in front of all of us during dinner when she received another rejection from her latest job interview. We were having baked potatoes. Which was a special treat to us as kids, but years later she told me it was what we ate when she couldn't afford to put a full meal on the table.
When I realized that a lot of people will be difficult, and add trauma to your life, for no gain to themselves. I was like 9 years old. I'm 48 now, and still, fuck those people.
Starting university
When I was about 12 and searching the local paper to learn local rent costs. I was looking with the plan that I would move out at 16 and take my sister with me so we could escape the abuse we were suffering from our mom.
What a brave move and what sad to have to make that at such a young age. I hope things turned out allright.
Hooked, more please
this experience started my understanding that the people in charge are no different than you or I and will do anything to protect themselves and their power at all costs sometimes and doing so will usually work for them.
Made an escalating series of mistakes during a single year in my early 30s, leading to a mental breakdown. That was 5 years ago, I still have trouble letting go of what could have been
Probably it was the first time as a young adult that I found myself out of money and realized no one was going to give me any more. It's kind of a jarring experience the first time you realize you have $50 left in your account, you don't get paid again for another week, and mom and dad can't help you.
I'm honestly glad it happen to me sooner than later, because it taught me a lot about how to be resourceful, how to budget more carefully, and that as a grown adult I should really be able to handle these things on my own.
When my current job cannot for the life of it, be consistent in anything it swears itself by. Making every week of mine, a challenging obstacle course of bullshit that never should've been a thing but somehow is.
In university when I observed others having an easier time due to talent, connections, or wealth.
When I born to shit but forced to wipe
When i had a mental breakdown in my early 30's.
At various points in my life, my understanding of that grew and grew. I'm sure there will be a point soon where I fear my future twice as much as I do now.
It always was for me, the moment I realized was maybe the first move we had where we got rid of 90% of stuff we owned so it could all fit in the car.
When I saw people with much larger advantages than I struggling.
Sometime in early-to-mid university when I realized that college in the US is just a glorified and expensive High School degree which doesn't get you much, and that being smart was not enough to get what you dreamed or felt you deserved in life. Then I had to struggle to not just drop out from total disillusionment. I finished just to not disappoint my family but was terribly depressed realizing it was a waste of time and money and my life was going to fucking suck after it was over. I wasn't wrong.
If you're not born rich then you need to be incredibly lucky, if you're not either then life will be really tough.
When I started school.
Lose your job in this economy and you'll feel it alright
