What nonmurder crime would you commit if all crime was legal for a day?

I'd go to Iowa and lie about butter.

Nuke the world.

That's not murder; it's a war crime.

Transmitting radio without a license

Arson.

Crime means breaking the law, correct?

No location is named, so I will assume this refers the laws of physics and reality.

I would:

expand time so that it lasts a near infinite duration, contained entirely within this day of no crime
transmute a bunch of the rocks in my apartment into gold
alter my DNA to include working wings like a bat, a prehensile tail like a monkey, gills like a salamander, enviromental adaptability like a chameleon that's selective so I can hide these enhancements from others
one more enhancement related to a very specific part of the anatomy of a horse or blue whale, or whatever it is people want these days
remove all genetic defects of my body, like susceptability to cancer and addictions, grant it full immunity to diseases, put it into a perfect equilibrium with near instantaneous regeneration and longevity and thus allowing my life to last as long as I desire
create a star from nothing and collapse it in a way that stores all of its energy into a pocket sized battery with perfect functionality and adaptability that is nearly indestructable
hold hands with two chicks at the same time

It's fun to dream of the impossible.

I’d go rob the people that made my entire 20’s and 30’s into indentured student loan servitude for exactly the dollar figure they stole from me plus the insane interest that they tacked onto it because they owned politicians who eliminated all avenues that I could’ve used to get out of that contract.

The figure they stole from me: $197,355.49

Quick question: How does it reach this figure?
- It was the CitiAssist.
  
  It had to be a private student loan because my parents made slightly over the max to qualify to public loans even though they refused to pay for school. That left me with loans with insane interest rates. Most of what I had to borrow was to cover $150k to pay rent in the college town I lived in while attending school.
  
  Then, Joe Biden wrote the bankruptcy protection bill, making it impossible for students to disburse their student loans in bankruptcy two years after I graduated. They also refused to allow me to consolidate 8 loans which all had monthly payments that were each intentionally calculated as if it was the only loan I had to pay. Then my loans got bought and moved around and are now owned by Trellis. There’s a lot more to it as well. Housing and healthcare plays a HUGE part.
  
  TLDR; hyper-commodification of basic human needs like education, housing, healthcare, and food coupled with legislation that sentences those that can’t pay their feudal lord up front to a lifetime of serfdom. (Not to mention my union wages barely keeping pace with inflation).
- I had a loan like this one. Probably a plus loan. For a while the rates for plus loans eclipsed 8% and plus loans accrue interest while you are in school. So if you don’t know what you’re doing, you can take on 4 years of interest before you even start paying. Turns a $20k loan into a $30k loan before you even graduate. Plus loans recapitalize interest whenever they come out of deferral so you actually pay interest on the interest as well. So by the time you pay the loan off that is then $41k in total payments for what was originally a 20k loan
  
  Do this 4 times for each year of undergrad and you’ll have 164000 in total loan payments over your lifetime.
  
  Plus loans are a government backed scam to fuck over poor kids who can’t front the cash for what the federal aid program covers. My base grants were only ~40k over 4 years and my federal unsubsidized and subsidized loans only were ~24k over 4 years.
  
  Meanwhile the prestigious university I was accepted to charged 24k per semester. So I had 64k of aid and low interest loans to pay a tuition of 192k. After my work study added an additional 20k/yr I was still short 48k and poof there the plus loans were to “help” me.

I know of an exploit on a horribly designed website for a national car park company that would allow me to write a script that would effectively give me and anyone else i know free parking for ever for all car parks administered by this company in the country (which is a lot of car parks).

So i'd do that

I love that you have a very specific and arguably moral crime in mind, and it inspired this post.
- tbh, i was inspired by a post with the same title while lurking on reddit. i have a rule about not posting there though so i bought the conversation here

if I still had my last dog then walk her without a leash.

I'd go to the art museum and consume copious amounts of hallucinogens.

I did that at the Van Gogh museum in Amsterdam
- i got baked in vondelpark before going there
- Great museum, I saw the "Potato Eaters" there.
Before I moved from DC I did that and wandered around the Mall and went to the Hirshhorn with two friends. Lovely day.

~~Illegal~~ Legal immigration.

I didn't even think of that. i could apply for US and EU passports
- Why'd you go for a US passport considering their globally reaching tax laws?
I would move to Scandinavia, maybe Denmark or Netherlands.

Jaywalk then torrent a movie.

It's crazy that you guys in the US can get a ticket for crossing the road
- Freedommm!!
As a non-American, everybody jaywalked back in London. You just go with the crowd when there aren't that many cars, so you don't get hit by a car.

Go shoplift anything I want. Snack/trinket party!

Banksssss! Rob banks! Then use that money to buy snacks forever!
- That'd require planning tho.

The law does not currently prevent me from doing anything I want to do.

I keep my head down. No legal consequences isn’t the same thing as no consequences.

I’d torture the shit it out of the parasite sack of shit that is my landlord

I'm a renter, so I'd throw a brick through each window of my property manager's tesla.

Rob Fort Knox.

Rip the toupee off trumps head and get a good picture.

you still gotta deal with security though remember
- But security be off committing their own crimes…
All that for $0 and a shitty toupee?
- It said no murder. 🤷‍♀️

It the best day of the year to get rich from the imaginary economy of assets. Set a bot to match the trades of some people who will be insider trading and cash in every year.

I don’t think that is illegal now. As you are technically not an insider
- The difference is that on most days people would need to hide their inside trades. One day a year it would all be out in the open because nothing could happen to anyone. It would wreck the economy and collect wealth in the hands of those who already have it, but if you ride the corruption wave you may not end up among the have-nots.

Assuming we got some time beforehand to prep, blow up a pipeline or 7

Hopefully you mean ones still in construction... No need to cause an unprecedented environmental disaster after all.

Man, I gotta brew something up in case a Crime Day comes up.

I'd like to do some proper money laundering but I'd need dirty money first. Idk, if skill wasn't an issue, I'd hack the bank and erase my debt? No, make the bank owe ME.

Rob a bank.

You're thinking small fries...

Rob Elon Musk.
- If you think billionares have like money in a bank scrooge mcduck style, we'll I have some sad news for you, they effectively are broke to a normal persons point of view (how much actual cash they have).
  
  Instead they have their "wealth" as stock ownership of companies, get a loan from a bank for whatever they want to buy, and then just pay it back with the growing value of their stocks, that's how they don't pay taxes in the US and still get to buy whatever the fuck they want.
  
  Basically, something like this. https://youtu.be/t6V9i8fFADI
it might be legal but you still have to deal with security

> Tries to rob a bank

> gets shot

I would steal a single nuclear icbm and take it to a pizza hut and just leave it there. Just seems like it would cause some interesting conversations.