19h ago

Pentagon Warns China Developing Love, The Greatest Weapon Of All

theonion.com Pentagon Warns China Developing Love, The Greatest Weapon Of All

ARLINGTON, VA—In a high-level alert that revealed a geo-political rival of the United States could soon become the first nation capable of wielding the most powerful force in the universe, the Pentagon warned Friday that China was actively developing love, the greatest weapon of all. The alert, issu...

The Onion @midwest.social

RmDebArc_5 @sh.itjust.works

3d ago

Pentagon Warns China Developing Love, The Greatest Weapon Of All

theonion.com /pentagon-warns-china-developing-love-the-greatest-weapon-of-all/

554 21

The Onion and other satire w/ layers @sh.itjust.works

RmDebArc_5 @sh.itjust.works

3d ago

Pentagon Warns China Developing Love, The Greatest Weapon Of All

theonion.com /pentagon-warns-china-developing-love-the-greatest-weapon-of-all/

45 2

18 comments

"This concept of "Wuv" confuses, and infuriates us!"
- That's because you're all modern in your ad hoc relationships. "Mawwige," as we all know, "is what bwings us togever."
- Humans are so primitive. My wife could take over this planet with one tentacle tied behind her back!

I bring you love!
- Don't let it get away! Break its legs!
  
  if nothing else the first half of the Simpsons run captured
  mob mentality so well

Ok but they’re actually kind of doing this. 🥺 I’m starting to suspect that Xiaohongshu is the simplest, greatest psy-op of our time. Just get the Americans on the platform, be really nice to us and boom we’re China-pilled.
- I already was China-pilled before xhs, but you’re 100% correct. My interactions on it have been sharing pictures of our cats with people around the world who have cats with similar colors, and realizing a shared love of “harlequin ducks” with people from countries all throughout its migratory footprint. It’s like the internet I'm used to but without the toxicity clouding everything lol.
- It’s working. We’re so used to dealing with a55h0les online that it’s like an oasis.
  I’ve been on there daily the last couple weeks.
  
  That's what actual good moderation does, and so-called ebil commie "censorship"

China is believed to have put similar resources into its far more successful program, with surveillance reports indicating that by 2030 the nation will have obtained an emotion that can create a profound sense of oneness with the universe.
China confirmed to be working on the Human Instrumentality Project. Please, President Xi, the American people yearn for the Tang.
- They already have an emo bisexual boy now all they need is a weirdly calm and super powered gay boy to complete the process! We need to go to DEFCON 1!