Trying too hard

A lot of liquor stores will give you a book of matches for free with a pack of cigarettes. It's not common anymore.

Many small independent liquor stores still do this, but you have to ask. But yeah, long gone are the days where every restaurant had matchbooks right next to the peppermints and toothpicks in your way out.
- I love it when they do. Always take one on principle. Its been about 2 years since I last saw one in the wild though

For people like me who are out of many slang loops, can somebody explain what "You're not a vibe bro" is saying, and also why it's cool to mock somebody for using matches in the same world where disrespecting their pronouns is hateful?

The poster is saying that match-man isn't cool. He then goes on to say that he does think match man is cool and that he's just jealous that he can't be cool.
He's not really mocking the person, although I guess it could be considered a backhanded compliment.
- I get the feeling people can almost use words any way they want now and somehow it's recognizable because of general shared culture.
- In my life I have been mocked for things I did to try to be cool... And the mockery was justified every time.
- So it's good to mock somebody because you don't approve of what your psychic powers tell you is in their mind - Got it!
I think I can help with the first part: I think saying someone is "trying to be a vibe" is sort of like saying they're "trying to pull off a look/personality"
For another example, if someone buys a Harley, dresses head to toe in leather, and starts talking like a tough guy.
OOP is saying they're not pulling it off, then comes back and admits that they kinda were pulling it off.
- People talk about how they hated the whole high school social world, but for some reason they bring it with them into adult life.
You are a sidekick but you are not lovable
Boomer, get these kids off your lawn.

I think I get it, but can someone translate to plain English just in case ?

"using matches isn't cool
just kidding it is, I'm just jealous"
- Thank you
- Neat, thank you !

I'm annoyed that smoking looks even cooler in comparison to vaping which basically always looks dumb.

Smoking is cool... until you want to kiss a non-smoker. Few things narrow the dating pool quite as much

The only reason I miss smoking is because there is nothing better than calmly busting out a cigarette at a bar, pulling a real deal strike anywhere match out of the same pack, lighting it with my thumbnail, lighting the burnie, and continuing my conversation with the beautiful woman that I was 100% trying to impress like it was nothing. Fortunately for my lungs (and un-, because I want them) they don't make the matches anymore.

Sidenote if anyone has a red phosphorus connect hmu, I'm not making meth I want my matches back.