2d ago

not a metaphor for anything

185 comments

I’m personally kind of reminded of how “faggot” and “dyke” are being “taken back” and used jokingly/sarcastically, but I still get really uncomfortable if someone uses them with me. They’ll say “oh I don’t mean it offensively!” But it’s not really up to you to decide what’s offending another person or not.
- Yeah, it's like people say "Please don't call me that," and instead the person who called them that hears "You did something wrong for calling me that," and they get defensive. It's one of those things that, once you notice, you'll see it everywhere. Not just about nicknames. It could be anything. It's like no matter what you say in response they just view it like you're angry or saying they're a bad person. "I know you didn't mean anything by it, but I don't like it and would prefer that you didn't." Nope. Some folks just can't comprehend it. "I know other people are okay with it. I'm not saying you should stop calling them that." Nope! Their ego is now in defense mode lol.
  
  instead the person who called them that hears “You did something wrong for calling me that,” and they get defensive. It’s one of those things that, once you notice, you’ll see it everywhere.
  And not just about language and people addressing each other.
  This phenomenon has been enhanced and amplified with online discussion, so that now we all "choose" to spend our time around people and spaces that reflect how we already feel about a variety of things. So that as soon as you encounter someone outside of that comfort zone who has different preferences, you will see it as stressful and hostile.
  In the Great Before Times, when people talked to each other face-to-face, we all learned pretty fast that we need to be compromising and thoughtful and actually listen to each other without presumption of hate or hostility, or we get pushed away from people and end up alone. Or punched in the snotlocker.
  
  Yep, you really hit the nail on the head
- I have one friend who uses the R word and insists it's to reclaim the term, but they almost exclusively use it in a self-degrading manner. They seem to be the only one in their circle that uses the word, and they've had lively arguments over whether or not it's a word to reclaim. I've stayed out of it but when the only person I've encountered who says they're trying to reclaim a slur seems to be using it to degrade themselves, I question if it's worth even trying to reclaim. It's just a word, let it be entirely forgotten to the sands of time like "forsooth" and any other words I don't know because they've left virtually all people's lexicons
  
  I can be such a forsooth sometimes.
- I once had someone tell me very very earnestly that the word Queer - a word I literally marched under in protest - was the worst most horrible slur ever, then turn around and use fruit.
  Baby comm members need naptime methinks
  
  Some older folks have a genuine visceral reaction to “queer” because, whether it’s been taken back or not, you can’t just psychologically undo a lifetime of that word having been weaponized against you.
  
  Tbf, that word in it's original definition literally means "Weird" or "Unnatural". Like: "A circle in the triangle factory? How queer!"
  As for all the other words and their association with LGBTQ I have no clue.
  
  I'm fine with it as an adjective, not a noun, which I'm aware is a pretty fine distinction for a lot of people.
  But I also use it exactly because of the reason you describe.
  I don't just want scrubbed white monogamous wealthy gay men like Peter Thiel and Neal Patrick Harris to be free, I want everyone to be free, particularly when their self expression is highly unusual.
  There never needs to be a square liberation movement, but there will always be a need for queer liberation.
- Whats removed? I have no idea what this post is about.
  
  It appears on my instance, FWIW.
  
  Oh I didnt even realise it was actually removed by the instance. I thought removed was literally the slur and I didnt get it.
  I'm going to type removed to see if it appears for me.
  Edit: wasn't expecting that.
  
  A bundle of sticks
  
  Oh I didnt realise it was used as anything other derogatory. Crazy
  
  His grandmother calls him a f@@@@t at the table?
- I grew up with those words being common and I hope they don't come back in any form. They're very damaging even to straight males. But I'm sure as long as there's a counter culture they won't go away.
  Case in point, I've been getting really into Latin dance, taking group classes, taking private classes, etc. the people that I see dance that look amazing are having a lot of fun with the dance and the music, the body movements, everything. When I try to move a certain way with my hips there's this fucking voice in my head that's snickering saying "gay" and if I can get out of my own fucking head and just feel the music, feel myself and connect with who I'm dancing with I have a great time and I get a lot of compliments. I hate that even when I know it's wrong and even completely illogical the fear of being perceived as feminine or weak is something that I have to struggle with on a personal level.
  
  I've been transitioning for 10 years and these thoughts still haunt me sometimes 🙃
- That's how I feel about the Q
- Not sure what the link is for, I’m fine with people using it in their own life and media. But using it referring to me or in reference to lesbians makes my skin crawl as someone who used to be called that by homophobic teenagers

185 comments