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counselwolf @lemmy.fmhy.ml

2y ago

DAE Feel the Urge to Connect with an Old Friend Again but at the Same Time Feel Afraid/Relunctant?

DAE Feel the Urge to Connect with an Old Friend Again but at the Same Time Feel Afraid/Relunctant? What do you do in these cases?

Sometimes an old friend randomly pops up in my mind and the thought of catching up with them feels good. But at the same time it feels overwhelming, like I'm stepping out of bounds of some sorts.

Side Note: I'm using Jerboa for Lemmy and I'm not able to do text posts, hence the gorgeous Across the Spider-Verse image. How do I do a text post?

Asklemmy @lemmy.ml

counselwolf @lemmy.fmhy.ml

2y ago

DAE Feel the Urge to Connect with an Old Friend Again but at the Same Time Feel Afraid/Relunctant?

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17 comments

At my age, this has happened more times than I care to admit. With some people, it’s like no time passed at all, and everything is great.
With others, it has become very evident why we lost touch.
I haven’t discovered a way of seeing who is what type without just trying to reconnect and seeing what happens.
- Well put. Good friends are the ones you can talk to without skipping a beat whether it's been a month or a year.

Just leave the image line blank for a txt post.
And yes that's a very natural feeling, particularly for introverts. I've always found its better to push past it and reach out anyway.
- How do you push past it though? I just keep thinking that we'd bore each other out or something.
  
  The generally worst case scenario is that you'll be bored and (will continue to) not see or talk to that person after. Maybe a few hours are wasted. You no longer have to wonder what if.
  Best case scenario the friendship rekindles fully.
  Little to lose. Lots to gain. Why not reach out?
  
  Same way you force yourself to do anything else you really don't want to do for some reason.
  
  Usually I start with small talk and mention such and such thing I saw reminded me of them and wanted to share it with them.

Yeah. Mostly I don’t go through with it because I don’t want the drama or baggage that will inevitably show up. I’ve got enough on my plate without having to be someone’s therapist, mover, or some other kind of free labor.
- I feel this. I can barely manage to keep my own shit together. An old friend of mine recently got out of prison (nothing creepy or violent or anything) and has been trying to get hold of me and I absolutely do not have the time or the energy to help them pick up the pieces right now.

The only reason why I don't reach out is because the conversation just goes nowhere... Once you update each other on your life, the conversation just dies in an awkward way (for me anyway)

Thought of a friend today when I heard a song, got a text from friend I haven’t heard from in maybe a year, he’s in town and we’re grabbing drinks because he heard a song and thought of me too. Life be doing life

Yes! I did this. I fell apart from my friend group when I married. I was a few years ahead of the others when committing..anyways, I focussed on work and building wealth to help with ease of living later on. I'd keep in contact with my friends loosely via Facebook. After about 9 years I noticed one friend had stopped wishing me happy birthday and Christmas which was just something we did. 3 years later of the same thing I reached out to other people to see if he was ok..got lots of dead ends, old stories of arguments he had had..found his sister that had kind of estranged herself from her family and married and changed her name and moved to the opposite coast. She passed my number onto him and told me he was doing ok. Later on, he reached out and we had a good chat and planned to meet up. This happened just after the first major wave of covid. We met for about 4 hours and he talked about himself the whole time. Not once asked me about me and my family, how I was doing.. haven't spoken since. Your mileage may vary

The good news is that research shows that if you do reach out you'll very likely receive a warm reception. So, give it a try!

I have thought this many times for different people. But an image comes in my head of the two of us standing awkwardly away from each other not knowing what to say or do. Me feeling guilty for not trying to reach out earlier than I did.

Yeah every so often. Sometimes I get reminded of people I used to people very close to and wonder how they're doing. I guess it's just a fear of "We already lost contact before, what if I connect with them and then just lose contact again?" Idk maybe I should just do it sometime just to get the thought out of my head, but the idea makes me very anxious

Yes I've been thinking about that recently with the Threads/Meta discussions. Not that I would ask for it, but let's say all my long lost Facebook friends made their way here? Would I even want to reach out? My guess is probably not or I already would have on Facebook.

17 comments