You guys are given spells?

Bard: I rock so hard that I can almost kill a guy.

Druid: I'm, like, totally in tune with nature, dude! Hits blunt
Necromancer: magic is dead

Broke: Being a magical nepobaby

Woke: Working hard for your magic powers and actually understanding them.

"Magical nepobaby" that's going right into my vicious mockery list

As an outsider - can someone explain the warlock one to me?

Warlocks make pacts with powerful beings to get their magic, mostly demons
- Thank you, and thank you to all the others who answered. I am now more cluefull
- Ironically, a bunch of their potential patrons are typed as outsiders...
- Hey now, they also pact with Fae, ancient outsiders, and even Celestials!
- Does this mean that if I hire a wizard to do magic stuff for me, I'm a warlock?
Warlocks obtain their powers by making a pact with and otherworldly entity (Archfeys, Demons, Lovecrafttian horrors, etc...)
Sorry, can't. I'm only humanoid and don't have a way to change that.
A warlock gets its magic by forming a pact with a magical entity like a god, devil or powerful demon.

I'm not knowledgeable at all, but it seems like charisma is more useful than intelligence in DnD

I'm not knowledgeable at all

Well now we know what your dump stat was.
- I'm still trying to figure out what to do with 17 INT 6 WIS IRL... It's not much I can tell you.
Sounds realistic imo
- Well now I'm sad
Depends on the campaign. One of my favorite characters to play is a INT/DEX artificer who got roped into somehow being in charge of saving the world.

I think a college student wizard would be fun to play. Maybe the DM will allow for elf-style rests in addition to tons of coffee.

"I'm sorry guys, I can't go into the Portal of Destruction with you, I have midterms."
- The real reason they take on dangerous adventures is to pay off student debt.
- There's a joke about how this is also something that would be said by the player, but I'm too sleepy to come up with it.

Wizards are the only ones who actually work for their spells

Clerics spending hours a day praying and years of their lives serving in temples means nothing?

Same for druids tbh
- You're right. Also, if they have to pray most of the day, how are they able to do anything else like battles or eating if there too much happening at the same time or if they are prevented from praying? What would happen? And why is it not an explored restriction that would logically make sense?
Well Warlock for it after they get it.

Sorcerer: "I know three spells. I hope one of them is useful."

Warlock: "My sponsor says to burn things, so I have sixteen different ways to light shit on fire."

Cleric: "I'm not allowed to cast any spells until someone gets a big boo-boo."

Wizard:

I am the very model of a modern Arcanologist

I will Divine, then Transmute time, and Conjure cross the Astral Mist

If you've got trouble, I've a spell that always is the perfect fix

And maximize the casting to eliminate a hint of risk

I'm very well acquainted too, with every skill imagine-ble

Cause high int scores and bonus feats make this class unbelievable

You think I studied hard for this? You're right cause I'm a dungeon pro

Both in real life and in the game, I am a true professional

Sorcerer: my father was privileged

Warlock/Cleric: I'm the pawn of some privileged being

Wizard: I work hard and become powerful on my own terms

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Is there a difference between warlock and cleric?

Popularity of the patron.
Prayer.
- more specifically, both are a transactional relationship. deities gain power through the prayer and devotion of mortal souls. like Goku with the spirit bomb. you don't actually lose anything in the transaction, but it will go away of you stop praying and following your deities rules.
  
  warlocks on the other hand typically lose something in the transaction. but really it's just a more traditional transaction is all. you have some patron of some power beyond mortals and they want something other than prayer because they are not divine and prayer won't help them much. most classically this is a demon giving power in exchange for a soul, but it could also be the tooth fairy in exchange for the molars of your enemies if you really wanted.
I think a cleric can choose a domain without choosing a god. They can also stop following their god without grievous consequences. Warlock patrons aren't kind to pact breakers.

Just read it? No, somehow pour gold into the pages in order to learn it.

Where is that money going? Who gets it? The guy who wrote the original, or is there a giant magic scroll guild stealing all those hard earned spellwriter's profits? Is Spellify taking it and not passing it on? I have to know!

Gold is a reagent and is consumed upon casting the spell.
Wizards don't actually commit spells fully to memory, at least not typically. The times they do they have to be simple and are called cantrips.

Scribing a scroll to learn a spell is the wizard copying the scroll into their spellbook, requiring expensive magic ink that costs money.

Are clerics allowed to use bladed weapons these days?

The rules allow any character to wield any weapon. Usually characters weapons are chosen based on race, class, stats, and the whims of the DM.
Yeah, only for the last 23 years or so.

In the most recent ruleset, certain Divine Domains such as "War" and "Tempest" get proficiency with martial weapons including swords.

Replace that coffee with a billy flip and I think it'd be spot on

The first thing I learned in Magick: you have to do it all by yourself. It's not a shortcut, it's not the easy way. But the reward at the end is worth it. That, and much more. And that's the truth.