Get yourself together. Move to Philly. Buy a loft. Start a noise band. Get 6 or 7 roommates. Eat hummus with them. Book some gigs. Paint. Smoke cloves. Listen to Animal Collective. Start some type of salsa company.
You probably aren't that bad at taking care of plants.
It's just that a lot of them are raised as quickly and cheaply as possible by using hormones, so when you get them they suffer from cold turkey withdrawal
What many people don't keep in mind is that plants are usually sold in way-too-small plant pots - they usually need to be repotted immediately and can use some fresh soil, optionally fitted with some kind of plant-benefical nutrient.
What you mention is definitely true, but from my experience, a lot of my friends' and acquaintances' plants die because they don't repot them.
I grow basil in my bedroom before it's warm enough to survive outside. A 100w equivalent led bulb has been enough to light up a couple square feet of room to grow.
Bonus: if you put it somewhere near your eyeline you'll notice when they start wilting and need water
A lot of us have been where you are. The simple fact you want to cut back on the boozing(keep it at once a week or so but don’t try to quit completely. That shit don’t fucking work and there is no reason a
Mother fucker shouldn’t be able to get drunk on thanksgiving or whatever) and are doing positive things in your life will bring about your next iteration