The 2012 Baby

J.H. Kellogg also claimed to be a straight man who wasn't interested in consummating his marriage and felt no need for sex, and that the industrial-strength pressure washer enemas that blasted his prostate with gallons of water every single day were for medicinal purposes.

Didn't he also invent corn flakes to somehow stop people from masturbating?
- He just didn’t think pleasure was good in any form - sex, sugar, games, etc.
- His brother was more responsible for the corn flakes, John Harvey thought they were too flavorful.
- Masturbating with corn flakes is not easy
Isn’t he also the guy who made circumcision a family tradition in the US?
- And carbolic acid burns for baby girls, yup. Anything to reduce sensation and stop masturbation.
The Victorian mentality of “I saw alcohol kill bacteria under the microscope so I’m prescribing vodka to everyone.” Good that everyone is sane in this century and no public figures make deductions like these anymore.
- In John Harvey Kellogg's case, it was even worse. Much like the guy who invented graham crackers, it was "So drunkenness leads to cirrhosis, gluttony leads to obesity, pre-condom promiscuity leads to syphilis, sports lead to injuries, and laziness leads to being a soft couch potato. Clearly this means that pleasure is actually bad and you should make sure you don't eat anything that tastes good, don't drink, don't lift weights, never have sex except to produce one or two children, don't play sports, don't listen to music, don't have fun, don't enjoy anything"
- I love me some heart dewormer, though
- You forgot about anti-vaxxers
Water enemas yes, but his favorite was yogurt.

So declared J.H. Kellogg

Kellogg also claimed that his corn flakes would stop people masturbating because it was super bland.

If bland cereals prevent masturbation, that must be why Tony the Tiger is so enthusiastic about frosted flakes.
- Wait, what is the frosting? WHAT IS THE FROSTING?!?

Make the skin yellow and put a leaf on the head and you‘ll have a yellow Pikmin.

Pikmin 3 released a year later in 2013. Holy shit!
- The 2012 baby found work doing mo cap for pikmin.

Within 2 centuries? How fast do they think evolution works?

Well he was a seventh day Adventist who though cumming made Jesus cry and shot yogurt up his ass and commented that “someday black people could learn from whites how to be close approximations of people”, I don’t think science was his strong suit
- I mean, if you believe that Earth is 4000 years old, you can’t really appretiate the time scale required for evolution...
  
  However, bat ears and more sophisticated speech organs would be a cool way to speed up interpersonal communication, which was still going strong back then.