No? Idk, im not sure what constitutes a heat injury. I get confused and exhausted in the heat (~30c is about where that starts, anything above ~25c is uncomfortable), but idk if thats a heat injury?
After almost 2 years, im still just as intolerant of heat as I ever was, but now I get cold way easier. So my comfortable range is narrower 
Theres obama kush, so ykw i could absolutely see a future where she has a strain of pot named after her while she continues to oversee the imprisonment of people for posession 
For me there was like 5 years between "i wouldnt mind being a girl" and "i really wish i was a girl", and then another decade and change before "oh shit i think i might be trans" and then another few years before coming out.
exhausted for no reason
Im tired and exhausted. Ive only been up for 5 hours, and only been doing stuff for 3 of them. I havent done much, just visited my mamas kittens and played with them a little (theyre very skittish), dropped off some film to be developed, and grabbed a burrito.
Why am i so exhausted? Why does everything tire me out so much? Some of it is obvious, like the english tourist who kept looking at me and then whispering&giggling to her friend, but that shouldnt be enough to exhaust me. I know I can do more than this, so why cant i?
Is this about those threads asking men things that i avoid clicking into for fear of psychic damage?
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Im glad youve reached peace with yourself around it ^^
I really want to be ok with not loving again, it would be easier for me, but im not. I love so much and so hard, i love my friends and my family, and i want to love romantically too.
Edit: fuck i even love people who want me dead or have deeply hurt me... Its the love thats the issue, isnt it? Theres a part of me that still loves my ex friend who slowly became a straight up nazi, no neo- prefix or anything, who was telling me I was "one of the good ones" and similar shit. I dropped him and we will never speak again, obvs, but theres a part of me that still wants him to be happy, to find joy in his life, and that part of me loves him just as deeply as when we first became friends back when he was a commie leaning liberal.
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fr fr that magnetic pull especially, its so alluring! I try to control it and manage it but i just end up spending every possible moment with my partner or friends or romatic interest(s). Its impossible. I dont know how to be alone and it sucks. I never knew how to be alone. My hobbies are boring unless im with someone else. Fuck i often dont eat because eating is a social thing for me, like i dont care about making a nice meal for myself cause i dont matter, but i love to cook for others. Idk, the solution is probably self esteem from what other people in my life say? But i dont have low self esteem in the way I used to, and when I had managed my codependency well with my ex my self esteem was way lower than now... Idk, not to wallow but it just feels like theres no way out.
want someone who does the same that i can come back to
I want this so badly. But no idea how to make it happen, cause Im not an overly social person... Idk, my brain fucking confuses the shit out of me sometimes
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Ugh i know, i worked so hard to address the codependency between me and my ex, then we broke up, i started dating someone new like 6 months later, and suddenly it was like all that hard work had never happened and I was right back in my codependent processes in full force. I need to learn how to be a person before I can reasonably date, but im failing so hard at that right now. I try and fail and try and fail and it never ends. Idk, just feels so hopeless sometimes...
I get into this space where I want to be vulnerable, open, and share myself with someone. But i also get freaked out by that. So i end up being super hot/cold and being super close one second, and the next i sneak out and leave in the middle of the night (literally had to stop myself from doing this, i felt so terrible that i was even considering it).
Idk how to get out of it aside from having a bunch of stuff seperate from your partner. Its one of the reasons Im hesitant to date friends.
random yearning analysis and thoughts
Godddddd i want to be pair bonded so bad. It feels so nice and wonderful. But i know that its a really bad move for me right now. So i tell myself Im only available for casual relationships. But am I? Really? Pair bonding feels so good that I dont know that I can trust myself to not try and dive into it, or try to bring it about without realizing it. I want to fall into someone, and that desire is unhealthy for me. I want to get to a place where I want to walk beside someone, instead of fall into them. Its a moot point regardless, i dont meet new people like ever, and theres no way in hell im about to start dating my way through my friends and aquaintances, and physical attraction is often rooted in emotional attraction for me, so 
Im sorry life is being so rough on you right now 
And you never need to apologize for struggling 
Yuuuup he was a shit person iirc. Idk anything specific, or if he tried anything, but he gave major creep vibes. and he would kinda bully the girls in his class and treat the boys with much more respect.
Carry it with you everywhere lyube, just to be safe ^^
(cw misogyny) Not AP, but my gov/econ teacher went on a long rant one class about how he *knows* the reason misogyny exists,
and that it was because women give birth, and that because of that their bodies need to be biologically weaker and need to be taken care of so they can take care of babies, and so it was only natural that men were protectors, and thus it was only natural that men get upset with women when they provide and then only get more mouths in return. He wasnt explicitly saying women deserved misogyny, but his whole rant was steeped in that attitude and justified with bioessentialism.
Very normal thoughts he had 
Thats pretty fucking rude of them 
Im sorry hufsa/mörkö traumatised you though! Dont worry, she cant hurt you but if youre worried just carry around a shell in the shape of a heart. Worst case scenario you give hufsa a gift and she goes away, best case you have a cute shell with you everywhere you go ^^
Depends on if you are doing informed consent or not. I think planned parenthood does informed consent tho, so yeah make an appointment and explain to the therapist/counselor that youre trans, what you want from transition ^^
If its not informed consent youll need a diagnosis, which is really frustrating.
Aww hufsa is so sweet tho, shes just doing her thing, and wants the pretty shell 
I want to live in mummidal in a little cottage and go on simple cozy adventures, go fishing with mumrikk, listen to hufsa on the cold wind, and eat pancakes. If there was a highspeed rail going to a larger city, that would be lovely as well, but not needed.
That film had me crying afterwards, like you say its so heartbreaking. I should rewatch it, its been a decade, but id need to be in a good emotional space to see it...
That film had me crying afterwards, like you say its so heartbreaking. I should rewatch it, its been a decade, but id need to be in a good emotional space to see it...
How do you write a cover letter for a job doing very basic tasks? I feel like Im either shmoozing and being way over the top, or being realistic in a way that will keep me from getting the job. For reference the job is to package coffee and make other products. I guess i just dont understand. I need a job, they need a worker. This work can be done by most people, its not some field thats relevant, its putting beans in bags and brewing coffee, how can I say "i really want to work here" when in reality any job will do, this is just the one that vibes best with my social capacity and is offered by the least offensive corporation. Like what am I gonna say, "I love brewing coffee, i spend every day constantly brewing coffee and moving my coffee beans from one bag to another, because I just like handling coffee"?
I have also been studying or doing self employed things like tutoring for the past 10 years and my cover letter skills were shit before this and have only gotten worse.
Cant I just write "job. Me need job. You have job. Me need money for survive. You need worker for labour. You give money, i work. I work good." and be done with it?
Its just so exhausting and upsetting.
excerpt from a conversation from yesterday (CW transphobia)
Transphobe 1: its too tall!
Transphobe 2: what is?
Transphobe 1 gestures at me
Transphobe 1: that thing
The conversation continued with additional transphobia.
And like i get it okay, im not a person, not even a human, but can we just skip the whole conversation? Or is the whole dehumanization and inflicting pain thing the enjoyable part?
I guess a positive is that it shows who the fake and fairweather allies are, like i was surrounded by people i thought were allies but no one said a damn thing. It was transphobe 2 that actually called out his friend cause 'you just cant say that stuff anymore' 🙄. Transphobe 1 proceeded to try and defend his actions by claiming he was using gender neutral language cause he didnt know how to gender me. Like, no motherfucker you fucking werent! Gender neutral language isnt dehumanizing language! Now i get to go organize an event with these same "allies" who said nothing. I demand that you shoot me now, so i dont have to do this.
Im not sure why im so upset about this. Its not that bad, really just par for the course. Not like he was beating me or anything. And allies should be assumed to be false unless otherwise proven. Its just so tiring. So damn exhausting.
Thanks for listening to me
