Trans megathread for the week of September 23rd to 29th. - How to preform CPR
Trans megathread for the week of September 23rd to 29th. - How to preform CPR
(Images can be enlarged if needed)
Cardiac arrest, also known as Sudden Cardiac Arrest, is when the heart stops beating suddenly. The lack of blood flow to the brain and other organs can cause a person to lose consciousness, become disabled or die if not treated immediately.
The terms ‘heart attack’ and ‘cardiac arrest’ are often used interchangeably, but these are two different heart conditions.
A heart attack occurs when there is a blockage in the arteries that stops blood flow in the heart. Due to the lack of blood and oxygen flowing in the heart, the heart muscle tissue will become damaged. Heart attacks can increase the risk for cardiac arrest because heart attacks can alter electrical signals in the heart.
CPR – or Cardiopulmonary Resuscitation – is an emergency lifesaving procedure performed when the heart stops beating. Immediate CPR can double or triple chances of survival after cardiac arrest.
If someone experiences cardiac arrest, they need immediate treatment to increase the flow of oxygen-rich blood to their organs. CPR is the compression over the chest to manually pump a patients heart. Rescue breaths are preformed to provide oxygen to the body.
During CPR, proper hand placement on the lower half of the sternum is crucial. Placing hands over the sternum ensures effective chest compressions directly above the heart, optimizing blood circulation throughout the body.
According to the American Heart Association (AHA), the overall survival rate for out-of-hospital cardiac arrest is around 10%. However, survival rates can be improved if bystander CPR is started immediately. Studies have shown that bystander CPR increases the chances of survival for someone experiencing cardiac arrest. In fact, the AHA reports that survival rates increases to 40% or higher when bystander CPR is performed promptly. The surival rate is between 24% and 40% for those that happen in the hospital, according to the report published online in the Emergency Medicine Journal.
CPR is preformed between 100 - 120 beats per minute. Famously Staying Alive by the Bee Gees is the same beat. A large list of songs with the correct BPM can be found here
The American Red Cross gives the following list of steps to asses if CPR is needed and how to preform:
1 CHECK the scene for safety, form an initial impression and use personal protective equipment (PPE)
2 If the person appears unresponsive, CHECK for responsiveness, breathing, life-threatening bleeding or other life-threatening conditions using shout-tap-shout
3 If the person does not respond and is not breathing or only gasping, CALL 9-1-1 and get equipment, or tell someone to do so
4 Kneel beside the person. Place the person on their back on a firm, flat surface
5 The American Red Cross CPR guidelines recommend 100 to 120 chest compressions per minute, 30 at a time. Remember these five points:
Hand position: Two hands centered on the chest
Body position: Shoulders directly over hands; elbows locked
Compression depth: At least 2 inches
Rate of compressions: 100 to 120 per minute
Allow chest to return to normal position after each compression
6
Give 2 breaths
Open the airway to a past-neutral position using the head-tilt/chin-lift technique Pinch the nose shut, take a normal breath, and make complete seal over the person’s mouth with your mouth. Ensure each breath lasts about 1 second and makes the chest rise; allow air to exit before giving the next breath Note: If the 1st breath does not cause the chest to rise, retilt the head and ensure a proper seal before giving the 2nd breath If the 2nd breath does not make the chest rise, an object may be blocking the airway
7 Continue giving sets of 30 chest compressions and 2 breaths. Use an AED as soon as one is available! Minimize interruptions to chest compressions to less than 10 seconds.
Sources:
https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/conditions-and-diseases/cardiac-arrest
https://cpr.heart.org/en/resources/cpr-facts-and-stats
https://www.mycprcertificationonline.com/blog/cpr-success-rate
Instructional images from the AHS Basic Life Support Manual (2020)
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hi, does anyone wanna make the mega in the upcoming weeks? if so, reply to this post and i'll add you to the list!
the list as it stands:
Luna* (9/30 - 10/6) Eco* (10/7 - 10/13) oscardejarjayes* (10/14 - 10/20) HelltakerHomosexual* (10/21 - 10/27) GayTuckerCarlson* (10/28 - 11/3) * after name denotes someone who has posted before and will be skipped by first-time posters
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transphobia, bad friends
I need better friends 😔. I came out to one of the only people that actually stayed with me after the giant falling out I had with my entire friend group after my ex went and fed them all lies about me and they believed her implicitly without talking to me.
He told me he "cares enough about me" to tell me that he doesn't think it's right for him to respect my pronouns, but that he still "loves and respects" me "despite my being trans," whatever the fuck that means.
I feel like I have virtually no one in my life that genuinely cares about me, and I don't know what to do about it with my apparent inability to meet new people.
so I'm a few years in, and the dysphoria hits a lot less than it used to. conversely so does the euphoria, it's all just very normal to me now, which is fine and cool. but when the euphoria does hit... it's a real treat. last night i was preening a bit in the mirror over my hair, which is probably my favourite physical feature of mine. it's overgrown at the moment so instead of my preferred messy short-ish bangs I've got a middle part. my fringe has grown enough to be past the awkward stage and I actually quite like the style on me now. for fun I decided to sweep my whole fringe sideways for a scene hair kinda look... i looked really cute, but I wasn't prepared for the emotional impact on my little emo heart. i just really had one of those we made it moments. I broke down happy crying, totally overwhelmed (I had been feeling fairly dysregulated throughout the day). those moments, while they might end up fewer and farther between, make it all worth it. cultivate and cherish trans joy comrades. love you all
this thread making me wanna unsub from every comm except this one:/ reset the hours since misogyny on hexbear counter gang. as usual the cishets are not alright
TFW Israel just started an invasion and the old News Mega is locked but the new thread is unpinned
We had a little girl who was obsessed with axolotls. She had axolotl plushies and squeeled in delight when I brought her axolotl colouring pages for being SOOO brave by putting her nasal prongs in for oxygen
I guess that's the next big thing if you wanna break into it. No more unicorn everything (unicats, classic unicorn, unidog, etc), sequins are on their way out
Reading a student's personal statement, and she's so based.
She's rejecting liberal feminism in favor of Marxist feminism and is explaining how patriarchy infects every aspect of life
You love to see it 😍
surgery
FFS done! Doctor told me that the went very well. Now I am wrapped like a mummy for a week. First night inpatient after the procedure was rough, but I did it! Nearly a year of planning coming together.
I’m surprisingly still cognizant if absent minded at the moment, capable of doing basic enough tasks.
i guess this is like a public diary thing. mainly checking if anyone else feels this way
i don't really feel like i belong anywhere. i'm very social in my real life, i have friends but i can't help but feel separate from them. like i'm always an outsider, an observer of people, but i don't ever allow myself the chance to be a part of a group in any meaningful way.
this happens in online spaces too; i like to float through social groups, sampling everything and everyone without ever really putting down roots. real roots require vulnerability i don't want to express to anyone except for myself.
i feel like i'm constantly wearing a mask, even now. i'm giving information that is easy to share without getting into my underlying reasons because the thought of actually sharing what causes my neuroses terrifies me to no end. i hate giving people power over me despite feeling like an island literally every day of my life. maybe it's just more comfortable than talking about something real and rolling the dice to see if people are cool with it
dating??
So I've liked this guy for a while and at a party yesterday we flirted a bit. Today he's been messaging me and hinting for me to come over to his house and I want to so bad but I also haven't been with anyone since I transitioned, and I'm simultaneously super terrified and excited and aaaaaaaaa i don't know what to do!!!
I'm passed feeling bad about not being able to present queer in normal society.
Frankly, I feel bad for them because they don't get to see my luscious hair and glorious outfits.
Instead, they get to see Norm Cisman
Sucks for them~
Pro: I cried today and I'm feeling things
Con: What I'm feeling is a mental breakdown
first bottom surgery letter appointment done, letter should be forthcoming SOON™
one more appointment to go, then on to the joys of finding someone to
hook my bits up to a car batterydo the electrolysisput on new sweater
tiddies visibly showing through
:) it's the little things
A lot of babies and toddlers sleep with their heads down and their butts in the air (it looks very silly), it's the fetal position just not on their sides. I don't have anything in particular to say about it but it does make my soul-ovaries squeeze in joy lol
Women... pretty...
lol I found a typo on wikipedia
Charles II (29 May 1630 – 6 February 1685)[c] was King of Scotland from 1649 until 1651 and King of England, Scotland, and Ireland from the 1660 Restoration of the monarchy until his death in 1995.
I think this is the first time I ever found a blatant typo on wikipedia
dreams, drugs, and suicide mention
Had an awful vivid nightmare last night. I was back in college and staying late on campus for some lab thing when news broke that the US and China declared war on each other and that nuclear strikes were on their way. I sprinted home and was trying to get my car to start so I could go find my sister but it wouldn’t start. I then just kind of wandered out into the streets and found this old man standing by himself. We had a brief conversation and I gave him a hug then the nukes fell. It all felt so real and I like accepted my mortality and that this was the end
Not this exact dream but this scenario of nuclear war is a reoccurring nightmare for me and it all ways feels so vivid and real. I have a couple other really bad vivid reoccurring ones like one where I kill myself and another where I’m attacked and eaten by roaches.
I’ve heard people say that weed gets rid of dreams but I smoke as often as I have money to do so and I still get awful vivid dreams
misgendering
Who's that? Is that your brother?
No, that's my sister.I love my sibling. Sometimes it's the little things
i h8 h8 h8 every variation of
"thing will take [estimated timeframe for completion]"
- "you have [fraction of timeframe given]"
& it happens so much in star trek
like it seems to me that at best it suggests "everyone below me in the hierarchy is actively deciding to be inefficient" & at worst "threatening / harming people will give them the ability to perform superhuman acts in your service"
i want a movie that sets up a situation like that & then rapidly develops into a crime farce because Doing the Thing literally was not at all possible
idk why but today i feel extremely femme and pretty. it feels great!
Dumb chronic pain shit
Me yesterday: "Dyke lifts dyke lifts lfg, becoming powerful!!!
Whatsup everybody I'm productive and powerful, today was a good day, lfg"Me today: "Oooooooough
My chest ow fuck my chronic painy nerves, even walking is hard, how joever is it 
"Wow I feel so fuckin bad, I am not moving today. Cooked, washed.
Update: after taking the usual bullshit pill mix it's still kinda painful but I can move okay. Not like last night where I could barely get up to walk.
bedroom stuff / drugs / sad
ok so i didn't end up playing Celeste BUT today's been really good :3 been spending quality time w/ partner. i love it when we get distracted by a thing & then suddenly we've been talking for two hours
but also we've been all over each other all day hehe. excited to explore the kink stuff partner is interested in. ended up getting a touch overstimulated tho but weed & pregabby are helping w/ that.i mean i also heard that grandpa's in hospice & i'm on the other side of the planet. i knew this would happen & it sucks. but i've actually been feeling like myself again so i'm trying to remain positive.
Once I was in a CPR class where the instructor was heavily emphasizing how important it is to not do the compressions too fast. No more than 1/second. Instructor was walking around telling everyone who was doing it the correct speed to slow down.
Also the instructor had a big section about how you need to organize all your information if you call emergency services (like 9-1-1) so you can tell it to them all at once in a logical order. TIP FOR CALLING 9-1-1: You do not need to volunteer information. They will ask you the information they need in the order they need it. Don't even start talking until you are asked a question. Then, answer exactly the question you are asked and no more. The operator is aware they need to ask you your location, you don't need to interrupt them to do it. They actually deal with people like you all day long, every day.
I will admit to have become pretty snarky during this class.
Geeze a lot has happened since the last time I posted. It's been an eventful and transy month for me. Let's see, where to begin?
long winded recap of the last month
My husband told his mom and sister about me. He wanted to be the one to break the news, so I left it up to him. His sister is absolutely fine with it, but I knew she would be. His mom is I guess confused but ok with it. She's way more confused about him being ace than me being trans. His brother is another story. We aren't telling him for a while.
I confronted my mom. I came out to her a few months ago, but she keeps misgendering me and stuff on the phone. She was in town so I flat out told her this is happening and I'd like it if she got with the program. She's doing better since our talk, but she still keeps misgendering me, but I think that's more habit than malicious.
I have my second appointment with at the awesome gender clinic tomorrow. It will most likely be my last because they are closing in a few months. Which is extremely sad. However, I'm still excited to go. I had blood work last week and got my results yesterday and my levels are fantastic. E was at 213, while t was just 6. Big win for IM estrogen and bica. It's been 3 months now officially and things are coming along nicely. I'm pretty sure I have the titty growing gene cause these things are starting to be a whole situation.
And for the most memorable thing that happened in the last month is that my husband and I went and saw one of our favorite bands. He found the band back in February, right after I came out to him and he was still struggling with it. The band is a folk band called Tophouse, and almost all their songs are sappy little love songs. I absolutely love them, and my husband credits them for helping him accept me and us and our future. He got us the tickets in March as a sign of his acceptance and it's kinda been a milestone approaching that I've been looking forward to for a long time.
Anyway, we got a really cool hotel room for the night. The venue was outdoors, in the queer part of town. The weather was incredible. The band was absolutely fantastic. I ended up crying like 4 times out of pure joy because of how much the night meant to me. E is a hellofa drug because I've never cried like that in my life. Afterwards we went bowling because the hotel our room was in had a vintage bowling alley in it. We were the only ones there and it was so fun and really special. He even put my girl name on the scorecard. All in all the night was really special and I love him so much.
Beyond all of that, I've started looking for a new job. I need to get out of the blue collar trades. I don't want to work on an industrial environment around chuds anymore. What little patience I had for them has completely evaporated and I'm so tired of coming home covered in scrates and bruises from the work. There are a few data centers being built nearby, and tho I don't want to contribute to that for ethical reasons, it would be a nice way to change careers in the short term.
Anyway, my ramble is over. One last thing tho:
I love my trans comrades!
The sun is transphobic for revealing the flaws in my skin 😖
dysphoria
If I ever needed any confirmation that I'm doing the right thing, I just need to let my sister show me photos from high school. Yeah, I'm not going back to that
. Looking back, I was kind of a mess, and I looked a bit dead inside. Like, I could smile on the outside, but everything else about my appearance said something different.In a strange way, despite my experience of high school ranging from the deepest depression of my life to pretty mid, I kind of wonder what it would be like to go back, to be who I am now, going through that experience in a better way. Maybe it would be something I could look back on knowing I was happy, or even just see pictures of my present self sitting with my sister at that lunch table, rather than who I was.
So this isnt super trans related but it's been like 10 months on estrogen and in some ways I actually feel stronger. I started climbing and can now deadlift like 300 pounds somewhat easily, something I couldn't do while on testosterone (I also didn't climb though). My bench press has barely suffered, I used to bench like 85 pounds dumbbells for 5, I can do 70 pound dumbbells for 8 reps... My squat is steadily rising also. Idk lol I'm a bit surprised honestly
It took about 8 and a half months, but my left boob now fills out an A cup
there's still an awkward pocket of air on the right side thoughHow do you cope with the dysphoria?🥹
Dysphoria and other bad stuff
Yaa idk I'm starting to feel awful and suicidal again. Like I've come pretty far, I seem to pass and be semi-stealth in day-to-day life (though I'm not sure), but dysphoria is still getting to me. I just get constant reminders, like I'll never be able to have kids, dating is a nightmare, I hate being trapped in my disgusting body. Puberty mangled me, and I'll never be able to fix the damage, and I doubt I'll ever find a boyfriend. I have a big urge to start selfharming again.
The thought of being stuck in this body for the rest of my life makes me feel sick, and I often wonder if it's all worth it. Like why suffer through the next many decades like this? I'll never have the life or body I want😞
One of the "signs you're trans" symptoms I see often is "imagining yourself as the opposite gender". For a long time I didn't think this one applied to me, but thinking back, it kind of did. I didn't think it applies because I never imagined a feminized version of myself, but sometimes, in some situations, I imagined myself as a fictional female character, or some completely imaginary person that doesn't look anything like me (in terms of facial/body features, ethnicity, etc). Did anyone else experience "imagining yourself as the opposite gender" like this?
i baked a thing
vent about hormones
Wondering if my hrt degraded during the heat waves of summer, and so my monotherapy isnt working the same for to block T. No breast growth, fat slowly moving back to more masc places, more acne recently, and its all been very slowly getting worse over the past like month or two (to my perception at least). Im on 15 u100 units of 40mg/ml enenthate (works out to 6mg (i think)), but if it degraded idk if it still works out to that amount. Im getting levels done for the first time in 2 weeks, but idk if i should bump my injections by a couple units or not now, vs waiting for my levels to come back. I hate being my own doctor.
Not to brag,
but my hair continues to grow obnoxiously. The longest strands are now just below my butt, which is the first time its length has changed meaningfully in like three years? If your hair seems done growing, add some jojoba oil or something, I guess.Also I am digging this whole lifting thing. I can feel myself enstrengthifying every time I do it. I would do it several times a day
if I weren't a noodle armed lil gayand I plan to become the strongest dyke lfg.I accidentally touched the needle after putting the E in my syringe, so I injected it into my bed before I threw it away. Will it make my mattress softer?
My fake rural fake hick fake small town is showing the fucking Matt Walsh flick. This is a town where people drive immaculate lifted trucks to get Starbucks (and can't reach down far enough to get the coffee) and slow down before driving where the road was torn up because they dont wanna damage their shocks, they were the cleanest cowboy boots you've ever seen to an office gig, it's too big to be a small town and too small and conservative to be a city, there's one museum hidden behind some kind of maze at the local library except for the museum that shows off "ancient" farming equipment like og tractors from 100 years ago
They didn't screen I Saw The TV Glow, the didn't screen Civil War, they didn't screen It Ends With Us, oh but they'll screen Matt Walsh. And they're probably right that it'll sell out.
They are screening Megalopolis though which honestly is just a weird decision given the above
holy fuck i love estrogen so much i actually feel alive now
navel gazing, journaling
I need to be talking about kink more, I think. I have the seeds of the kink special interest, maybe. Dangerous ground but the sort of uh, psychology? Mentality? Internal goings-on around and related to kink fascinate me utterly, I adore it. I also think it's stellar how it intersects with things like autism, or even trauma. It's very fucking cool, there's something deeper to it. Coincidentally I'm really glad I did all that ugly trauma processing months ago so that I can more directly talk about this stuff, and have it be relevant to me.
Also I just love (trans) people, truthfully. I don't get on with most because I'm jagged and weird socially but I love talking interpersonal stuff, especially when you and your conversation buddy can bounce back and forth between light chatter about your interests and deep, considered discussion of interpersonal or internal matters. Bonus points if you have threaded conversations and talk about both and more at once. I really feel a fast and firm connection to anyone who can do this w/me.
The trick is not to talk to allistics (or cis people lmao) so much. A few of them might be okay, but while not everyone with autism is a cool person obviously, talking to autistic people that you really click with is on suuuuuch a different level. Thank you, autistic conversation partners
my beloved.I am such an eepy trans girl, I keep falling asleep without really meaning to. Maybe I'll try to go to bed earlier
idk even know what to spoiler this tbh
god she's so unbelievably cute wtf. i don't know how i always managed to stumble ass first into random bouts of infatuation like this but wtf she's so fucking cute and i'm laying in my bed clutching a pillow kicking my feet like a school girl just thinking about her what the fuck i am a grown ass woman
Second laser session on my face this morning. Burning hair is dysphoria leaving the body!
Also a question. I don't have a lot of body hair to begin with. Will the hormones pretty much wipe out my nipple and stomach hair? The laser clinic is running a deal right now and I can get both of those done for 35 bucks a month (for like three years of payments).
Considering that's like two packs of cigarettes and I'm trying to quit smoking anyway, I'm seriously considering it. But if the estrogen is going to take care of it likely then I figure I should save my money.
Curious though what have other people's experiences been with body hair?
I started writing this, and then before posting I (for once) actually considered if this should be spoilered lol
weird horni thoughts
In the realm of possibilities it's kind of bullshit that we have such boring courtship rituals and no rutting season.
Imagine, if you will, humans had a 4 month rutting season - the other 8 months of the year, sex doesn't matter, you don't even notice any secondary sex characteristics even. What a relief! Now combine that 4 month rutting season with bird courtship rituals. You want to mate this season? You have to build me a house. Also do a funky dance. Also put a bunch of blue around it. Hmm, okay you're cute enough and you did build me a house.
I'm not being unreasonable, of course I'd love spider habits of eating anyone's head off as a nice snack if they didn't do well enough for me (sometimes even if they did do well enough but I'm hungry). I'm not saying we should have that. I am saying we could've had something neat and weird and we ended up with dating apps.
This is stupid as fuck and I need to talk about this or I’m going to almost certainly be overthinking it all night.
heterophobia?
I had a long and pleasant conversation with a guy and one of his friends tonight that went sour pretty quickly and I’m not really even sure what just happened. He was very charming all night and his friend (also a woman) was very nice. Somehow the topic of sexuality came up and we were playfully saying things like “I like tacos and cucumbers equally”, just dumb stuff like that. I was teasing him a little because he said he “didn’t like hotdogs”, to which I cheekily said “free your mind of its shackles, young padawan. there is no spoon.”
He starts going off about how he must just be different because he doesn’t “force his opinions on anyone else” and after thinking he was also still just joking around, I said, “fine, fine I’ll quit bullying you, for now”
He was completely serious! He went on about how I “give people like me (a bisexual woman) a bad name” (???) and by this point I was completely done with the conversation. I was taken aback that he was being so serious about this and told him “you must not be very confident if this is all it takes to get you riled up”, checked out and left immediately.
Listen, like I said, I know this is dumb as hell, but was I actually in the wrong? I thought I was just being a little teasing, nothing serious, but apparently I was “shoving my opinions on everyone else.”
Trans mega, was I a jerk? Or is this guy a weirdo?
I came out to the first time to a person outside of Hexbear. She's also a trans leftist, and an online gaming friend. I had this massive pit in my chest, but she is super supportive (which should have been obvious to expect, but I have bad anxiety).
So, I am happy, and I hope that it keeps getting easier.
it's very funny that there are people out there with the surname bourgeois
like imagine being poor and your surname is bourgeois lmao
made some tofu scramble and toast for dinner and now I'm going to unwind with some tea and painkiller (the FPS game)
also I am on day 3 of quitting alcohol and so far it's been fine but I have a slight headache and I really hope it's not a sign that I am actually going to have withdrawals
The RETRVN of horrifyingly weird trauma processing and sexposting!!!
I cannot express adequately the magnitude of my fucking disdain for the fact that pretty much everything sex related is going to be a trial, for the rest of my life. I'm also really incredibly bitter and salty that it's all because my ex from when I was literally 15 was more interested in using me as a sex toy than having a partner
and so now I'm saddled with a very high chance to freak the fuck out if I try anything remotely spicy.Uuuuuuugh fuck why why why
I'm really envious of people who and and do just do stuff, like engage with kink naturally (this is important because most people don't feel compelled to do fuckin research) and enjoy it, instead of even a "test the waters" type thing being a huge daylong highly emotional ordeal. I hate this so passionately, it would be cool if I could just do the neat thing! the space! but my neurotype also seems to be sabotaging me because emotional dysregulation really does not help either. Literally cannot even just chill and vibe anymore (I guess I never could lmao) because of shitty snobby bratty MIC failchildren, what the fuck.
They will pay for this, all of them
trauma/abuse
I have been talking with my two closest friends about some of my childhood. They both think my parents were abusive.
I don't know how to process this. I have been in fight or flight for the last like, day. I didn't eat yesterday. Got like three hours of sleep at 7am. I have cried so much. After finally telling someone some of what I remember its just... so sad. They loved me... but still did things I have had trouble getting over since. I have wondered for a while. I knew it was wrong, I knew it made me feel awful, and scared, and many other things... but it felt normal. I blame(d) myself.
I feel sad. Numb. Broken. I feel/have felt for a long time that what I dealt with was not enough to be legitimate. I'm still denying it a little bit. I guess always feeling on edge/a bit scared around dad makes sense with this framework though...
self harm
I am fighting the urges. My brain is convinced this would be easier to deal with if I did it. I am keeping myself from doing it only because I feel like other people would say its bad.
Thank you for reading. I am feeling a lot and I don't know how to deal with it. Advice is welcome, I'm not ready to talk about details though so please don't ask.
Democratic Kittens Republic of My House update 🐈⬛🐈⬛
The kittens' papa visited today :3
He's still very skittish but got something to eat and marked territory in the yard. The kittens always greet him and they nudge each other and groom each other's fur.
Their littermate neighbor visited today too, they all got to play together. I love her whiskers and long ear tufts
Okay I was planning to sleep, still am, but I want to ask a dumb question about Orange Book.
mega spoilers
Is my epub damaged, or just it just end with James H. ditching Maria, calling his girlfriend, and having him drive her home? If so, lol lmao, but also ... I'll post more thoughts tomorrow. Am literally asleep right now (I'm sure you can tell)
Thanks to all the nerds on hexbear (particularly @BountifulEggnog@hexbear.net ) I am playing Minecraft Java again, really really, for the first time in almost ten years.
What's a shield? Why is there is dopey sword icon under my crosshair?
Coming down with a case of gear acquisition syndrome
If I were rich I could easily see myself blowing like twenty grand on instruments and amps and pedals and recording stuff
Currently looking at basses
A Bass VI makes the most sense for me but I kinda love Mustang PJ basses and this Orange O-Bass is really neat to me and it matches most of my wardrobe and cats lmao
minecraft peaceful mode seems so damn creepy. minecraft is already a pretty empty world, even less than that with the occasional cow or sheep feels like actually unsettling
surgery recovery
Day 2 FFS recovery! So far, so good. Only breathing, eating and drinking through your mouth is quite challenging, but so far manageable. Never been more tired in my life, sleeping approximately 20 hrs a day. Speaking is challenging after being intubated for anesthesia for multiple hours.
Painkillers they prescribed me are making this not too bad thus far. Tis a long game of recovery though.
Hit me up if you have any questions! Might be slow replying due to sleeping.
watched the barbie movie. it's aight. the stuff I liked the most was costuming, set design, and choreography; the plot was pretty fucking mid. the ken discovering patriarchy stuff was kinda funny, but a pretty meh plot overall. it's just the same kinda fuax aspirational liberalism barbie has always been while integrating critiques of itself to be like 'actually, we get hyper femme perfect barbie and president barbie is unatainable. you just have to be you. and things will be not great, but ok :) ), and I found that pretty mid.
why was this movie so popular? like it's ok, it's not bad, it's just not non stop months of memes and pop cultural relevance good. is it really just the barben-himer thing?
Just listened to SOPHIE for the first time.
First song, "It's okay to cry" :
Aw, this is gonna be a cute album
The rest of the album:
Pet medical issues (not severe)
Had to take in one of my cats to the vet emergency room today. He broke a tooth and had to get it removed, and the wound didn't heal properly, and I found it to be inflamed/infected. The ER vet ended up giving a two week prescription of antibiotics and cleaning instructions for the wound to see if it heals on its own, but I am utterly emotionally drained from the two hours in the waiting room.
Its kinda weird reading something from 1995 saying something like
There’s a lot of writing about gender now. I keep reading the magazine articles, the newspaper columns, and the text books, pre- and postmodern. I read, watch, and listen to all the ads and commercials. You can learn a lot about gender from those commercials. I’ve also been watching the talk shows, listening to the call-in programs, and browsing the electronic bulletin boards. When I was very young, growing up in the 50s, I read the medical texts, devoured the tabloids, and hoarded the pornography—because I was intensely interested in me and my people.
Like, I was too young then to be noticing such, but its still weird seeing that when I don't think I really had even a vague idea of what transsexual/transgender was until probably the late 00's or maybe even early 10's. My parents frequently took us to LGBT family events as young children, so I wonder how much representation the T's got or if it was almost exclusively the LGB at those? Doubt I'd have noticed though... I remember one time being at a church my parents had taken us to occasionally (mostly for Christmas service) and I had missed that it was largely an LGBT church until I was in the middle of high school because I simply didn't notice all the same-sex couples (suddenly it made sense why my mom went so far out of the way to go to that church). So maybe I was just oblivious.
death to the amerikkkan medical system fr. the process of trying to get a diagnosis for my fatigue issues so that i can have accommodations for them is so overwhelming and frustrating (and i'm so, so sick and tired of being told that it's psychosomatic. if it is, well my mental health improving over the past few months has done nothing to get rid of it)
I need to log off but this place is my only source of news and by far my best outlet for both gender feelings and political rantings.
Fuck. I wasn't always this compulsively online on here, but the fixed active algo has got me goin again.
I'm sick and my girlfriend went to sleep before me. Someone call the police.
random yearning analysis and thoughts
Godddddd i want to be pair bonded so bad. It feels so nice and wonderful. But i know that its a really bad move for me right now. So i tell myself Im only available for casual relationships. But am I? Really? Pair bonding feels so good that I dont know that I can trust myself to not try and dive into it, or try to bring it about without realizing it. I want to fall into someone, and that desire is unhealthy for me. I want to get to a place where I want to walk beside someone, instead of fall into them. Its a moot point regardless, i dont meet new people like ever, and theres no way in hell im about to start dating my way through my friends and aquaintances, and physical attraction is often rooted in emotional attraction for me, so
Growing up, my mom would say she couldn't wait to embarass me at my wedding - after I did some cringe little kid shit. It mortified me. Jokes on her, never got married and never will at this rate sucker ha ha
Shed also, in exacerbated moments, wish that I would have a child just like me. Well, she made it sound so unappealing and having kids was the wrong decision for my parents so- I don't have any and likely never will lol
I guess for her generation and before, it was impossible to conceive of yourself as NOT married and NOT a parent after 30 but for me and my friends and their friends, the weirdos are the ones who married and had kids. I think I have 1 friend who did both. I have a friend who was married and divorced (never remarried), so that's something too I guess.
Kittenposting 🐈⬛ 🐈⬛ 🐈⬛ 🍴🐟
I realized that I'm basically Ken where my job is "cats" instead of "beach"
Oof, I'm doin autism. Getting into the comfort-groove of watching half hour videos on Game Boy Pokemon glitches...
I just heard that adults are responsible for self-regulating all their emotions? Yeah right. It can't be true. It can't be true. It can'
Edit: I'm confused, because self-regulating sounds a lot like never bothering anyone with your silly emotions. But it's toxic to be codependent and share your problems with people?
I need some crayons or something. I'm confusing myself
I can't believe I feel like I already need more clothes. I thought I would be done, but I was very much not ready for the season change. Anybody have some recommendations on what looks good to wear in the fall and/or winter? I have very bad fashion sense, all I've gotten are a couple of pairs of jeans.
dysphoria
I really need to work harder on transitioning, I think that's a lot of my problem. There's so much to change and it feels like little has. I am really hoping to push myself to take more steps this next week.
I try not to think about it much, but I really wish I had better irl support. My therapist does not understand the importance of transition to me or the impact my other issues cause me. He wants to chalk everything up to my avpd and that I don't try hard enough, basically.
i hope the hormones i ordered come in time
I bought a giant mega game for vampire the masquerade.
I do not have 64 people to play vampire the masquerade LARP/boardgames in my town. There is a significant chance that there are perhaps a half dozen people in this town who would even do this, and besides me they'd probably rather play D&D anyway
I bought it because I could and I've seen it on the game store shelves for 12 months taunting me... "terminal... you want me... you need the ridiculous board game..."
finally replaced the cartridges on my elastomeric, feeling good
With all the discussion of gay kitties lately, it brings me no joy to confess that not only are my cats heterosexual, they are in a problematic age gap relationship (~3 years).
(In all seriousness, they are adorable and love each other very much.)
surgery
3 days postop FFS recovery is slow, but not nearly as bad as I expected! Cannot wait for the day I can breathe out of my nose again. Two separate friends sent me flowers to wish me well in recovery. I have never gotten flowers before, I am getting so emotional about it.
I don’t think I have ever felt more loved than this last few months of my life.
every woman in legend of korra is very pretty, the artists were on fire with this show
Chronic pain and dysphoria got me down.
But ordered a new journal and going to start the gender euphoria workbook videos. Also working through a pain management workbook.
Hoping to get my physical health and dysphoria on an upward spiral. Going to bed stoned so I can sleep and waking up inflamed everyday is not the life I want.
If I had a Twitter or whatever and just posted my random thoughts, some might do well. But I'm also obsessed with stutff like human sushi. My tumblr timeline would look... well probably not different from anyone else's lol.
my kinky hardcore tumblr timeline
- Hardcore vore
- Blood play
- Trans rights
- Standardized meme for mass consumption
- Passing random thoughts like "we should have new slang for breasts, boobs, tits, knockers, fun bags are all tok played out
- Random mini book review for something I read at work
- More hardcore vore
- Vampires
I am SO ready to be done work. I still picked up an extra shift this weekend and a few days ago but I'm just exhausted.
mental health, mostly positive
Been working on trying to reign in my irritability and stress response lately. I'm going through some rough family shit that I might hash some of it out here later, but I've been trying to remind myself that the initial impulse of wanting to snap at a stressor and overreact is a hind brain response and not a conscious choice to feel, but the way I internalize and act after having it is and to be kinder to myself and be prouder of dealing with shit sometimes without lashing out at anyone or throwing a tantrum.
On that note, I got a recommendation to just set aside a little thing that brightened my day or I thought was neat as a mindfulness thing to try to look for positives in mundane day to day stuff even when I'm stressed and anxious or depressed.
If it's a little knickknack kinda thing like a coin or a cool looking rock I find or something and it ends up in my pocket, at the end of the day I end up putting it in the windowsill in my kitchen before I start getting ready for bed. Anyway, today I got a lil' feather from a Stellar's jay that I found while changing the water in my bird bath. It fits perfect in this little incense holder, and I just think it's neat.
People always talk about playing the long con
We should play more short truths
Who gives a fucking shit about anything? Anyway go to a cpr class
Just woke up
drugs / bidya gemas / health stuff
partner's been passed out for a while. they need it
my brain is still super broken, but i was comboing a lil & i can actually sorta feel it :3 like for a stretch nothing i'd take would work, which sorta sucks when you can't exist in an upright position.long covid + risperidon withdrawal is a 0/5 experience that I cannot in good conscience recommend. like, i was disabled enough already
anyway. since this is the best i've felt in like two months, i'm kinda getting the itch to play Celeste finally :3 i dunno if my brain can handle it yet, but i think i'm gonna smoke a lil & give it a go!!!
Moody & gay very late at night..........
dysphoria
I shaved all my depression scruff and moisturized and pampered myself a bit with a fancy soap and feel better, please clap
I don't know when or if laser or electrolysis will be options for me but holy fuck am I exhausted of this
It's tedious and awful feeling enough for me that I'm tempted to try the special facial depilatory cremes but I'm pretty sure those would make my face melt off like I looked in the Ark of the Covenant
I have an anxieety disorder and panic about shit all the time; but my actual true deepest fears tthat put me into a mind bending brain fuck? I think they're quite rational you know. I think my biggest fear is the fear of space, and of huge objects, cosmophobia I've seen it be called. and yeah, it's pretty crazy out there with quazars and roche limits and an infinite empty void of nothing in pretty much all directions. being uncomfortable at that? that's prettty damn reasonable I think for a tiny monkey on a wet dirt ball
hoping that funny feeling in my pelvis is my hips getting wider
I quit dreaming at some point last year. Suppressing nightmares I think.
I started dreaming again recently. And had a very vivid one night before last that was pleasant.
Had an argument with my gf last night, we worked everything out but apparently I had some lingering emotions.
Had a nightmare last night that a very manipulative exgf was hanging out with my current gf. I think some of it's brainworms and doubts. As that was a lot of the narrative manipulative ex was pushing about me.
I need to find a gender therapist. I like my current one but she's cis and treating early transition people isn't her wheelhouse.
mental health
Managed to hold off a panic attack I felt creeping up while grocery shopping
Grounded myself with paying attention to my breathing and fidgeting with my keys in my pocket
All in all it wasn't that bad after the fact but I hate how fucking overwhelmed I can feel from mundane shit, it was crowded and noisy and I'm not feeling well and big stores and having to deal with driving in heavy traffic and squint at harsh LED headlights is exhausting to me
I hate how infantilizing the term "adulting" is but forcing myself to do shit like that makes me feel like I'm just always swimming upstream and I'm not a good swimmer, busy public places make me feel so out of place and lonely and depleted
On the plus side I got myself a little treat and found almost everything on the list and talked to a nice butch person in the checkout line and we each thought each other's shoes were cool and it was like the same hat meme but for being queer and wearing skate shoes
🛹 🛹
got a first aid, including CPR, certification at my last workplace. nice thing to have, never know when you might need it
CW mention of mental health/healthcare
So, I have a psychiatric medical consult coming up. I don't know exactly how it could go, since I have never had a psychiatric appointment and I have ~15 years of untreated mental health issues to unpack, along with gender care. I am worried about HRT not coming up. I will definitely insist on discussing it, but I am curious if anyone has experiences they'd been willing to share.
While you're off "saving the world" I'm doing real work staying at home and teaching men how to suck off better
Revenge tastes best when wearing a dress
Kittenposting 🐈⬛ 🧺🐈⬛
Gay baby basketThey all got baths today and I didn't lose any blood in the process!
I wish there was a tactile version of how you can record sound and visuals to share online because I'm pretty sure they're the softest things in the world when their fur is dry after a bath omg
Flying microtonal banana
@LocalOaf@hexbear.net from last thread: I do like me the odd Mellotron. I dig some keyboard synth, ngl. Also a Hammond enjoyer.
dysphoria
Lowering myself into a vat of Nair like it's the bacta tank they put Luke Skywalker in after he got fucked up by the snow monster on Hoth
GENDER IDEA (nsfw)
Petplay but the pet is a newly hatched trans person and you get them a collar with their new name on the tag for bonus gender euphoria. Is this anything? Should I even be allowed to cook?
I am glad that we have the no selfie rule so I can't share my first (failed) attempt at makeup. It felt really nice though even if I poked my eye with the mascara brush, and I failed to completely correct for the beard shadow, and I overdid the eyeliner, and I can't really tell if the tones I got for concealer/foundation make my skin tone. Just knowing that I can make my face more feminine, even prior to HRT, makes feel better about looking at the thing. Just like with the nail polish, I was super nervous and apprehensive about even trying it, and now I want to do it everyday.
Even if I don't feel comfortable having eyeliner at work, I think I can get away with concealer. It's easy enough to explain that I am frustrated with the beard shadow.
"Staph A, what's that? Does she have to take the antibiotics?"
Oh no, I've become one of those healthcare workers that forgot how to talk to regular people 😱 - I'm sorry, I will tell you next time it's a type of bacteria FIRST before listing the shortened nickname
This is how we got a post op kidney stone lithrotripsy lady in who didn't know they were going through her urethra, it wasnt explained in normal people language and she didnt feel she could ask questions I guess - although there were a lot of failures that happened to make it so that she didn't know her urethra and vagina were 2 different things... poor gal.
@GayTuckerCarlson@hexbear.net overwatch
YouTube: "HEY GIRL YOU WANT TO SEE EVERY SPOILER FOR CLASS OF 09' FLIPSIDE IN YOUR RECCOMENDEDS! HERE'S HOW EVERYTHING ENDS"
Me: "OH FUCK YOU also nice it's the 23rd, i nearly forgot!"
Good mega! Everyone should learn CPR
Why does a baby shower need to be so gendered? Like, no surprise in our current culture the baby's gender is overemphasized since you know nothing except whether or not it has a penis, and I guess "It doesn't have a penis!" doesn't seem as polite as "it's a girl", but why also gender some of the activities too?
Finished Fake It by Lily Seabrooke some spoilers
I dunno about this book honestly, like it didnt really carry me the whole way. I feel like the narrative as a whole took a step down and got a bit worse after they fucked for the first time.
The end interview scene was good though, if very cliche. I just skipped the last few chapters, apparentely they made love for the first time or whatever.
Also four sex scenes is EXCESSIVE for the word count and reminds me of the worst fucking fan fics I've ever read. You don't need to write them fucking every time they do! ugh anyway, the first half was good, but then it became straight up meh.
Kudos, but no bookmark.
first real dream(s) last night about going through the whole transition process. it was sort of a series of scenes/time skips.
up until now it's only ever been "you're just a girl" or "vaguely feminine entity" in most dreams
this is how my brain finally fully comes around to this and overcomes the last of the anxiety/doubt
It aint easy being a transsexual himejoshi
I keep getting email notifs for every time an author updates some unspeakable gay trans smut on Ao3.
watching highlander today :)
Yeah my cassettes all still have their record tabs
started reading 'The Modern World-System I: Capitalist Agriculture and the Origins of the European World-Economy in the Sixteenth Century' by Marxist Immanuel Wallerstein. it's his 4 part magnum opus on modern history, an analysis of imperialism, and all that kinda stuff. why shit is how it is. I suggested to me wife we both to read through all 4 books together, and compare notes as we go. gonna be a whole long ass thing, but it is an area I am quite well read in already and one I wanted her to read more on, as well as myself. she's far more into the value form theory than I am, but she has a sociology degree so it's not like all of this is foreign to her. the development of modern capitalism and he proliferation of capitalism is just a special interst of mine
stupid
It is kinda gratifying to be ten years down the line, and have like interpersonal problems or whatever where The Gender just isn't involved. Really feels like I can exist in spaces and under conditions as a real solidified person with a firm sense of self. I like The Gender a lot & think about it frequently, but it's more fun to think about how it positively interacts with stuff, and not worry when it comes to whatever dumbass problems I have.
sex talk
"okay chat, i think i'm about to cum. get ready to clip this" me during sex
here's to your fuck, frank
Orb is hugboxing me smh
when she said "pippo pappo pippo pappo pii" that really spoke to me
Driving to work and Nandemonaiya by Radwimps starts playing, so I think about Your Name/Kimi no Na wa and suddenly feel like I'm about to cry hard. Probably would have if I wasn't about to laugh at how silly that felt. E be weird sometimes.
I have this mirror on my desk for some reason, and I just caught my reflection in it, and turns out my hair looks really nice today :3 I should probably trim a couple things but 0 regrets cutting my own hair lol
i think eraserhead may have broken my partner
i also think it should be required viewing in school
@rainn@hexbear.net & @GenderIsOpSec@hexbear.net
s Wayhaven Book One spoilers
Huh, that's what I figured but I saw the "bloodtransfusion" field in the save data, wasn't sure.
you know, I don't think we have contact with aliens, but like I totally buy the government would not tell us immediately if they did. people would totally freak out if they knew aliens were real
hatsune miku if she was from hatsune miku if she was from hatsune miku if she was from hatsune miku if she was from hatsune miku if she was from hatsune miku she was from hatsune miku if she was from hatsune miku if if she was from hatsune she was hatsune miku she was from if she was from hatsune miku from hatsune miku if miku hatsune from hatsune miku if she was from hatsune miku if she was from hatsune miku if she was from hatsune miku if she she was from hatsune miku if she was from miku if she was from hatsune miku miku miku miku miku miku miku miku miku
I don’t think this NyQuil is working
aw man Class of '09 Flipside was actually Class of '09 Midside
this whole world's wild at heart and weird on top
Thinking about the orange book got me thinking about Otros Valles and now I really want to finish it and write about the two.
I wish I could have had a physical copy of Otros Valles, but that's not going to happen unless I take it upon myself to make/commission a one of.
I also wanna find and read her Incomplete Short Stories and Essays as well as Nameless Women by the collective she was a part of before she withdrew from the internet.
[VOMITS AND FARTS LOUDLY]
trains gender
Need to get a notebook because I have so many gay little jokes that I think of when I'm about to get on bed to sleep, and I just forget them in the morning
I simply need someone to take to my cognitive distortions with a hacksaw
So like cyproterone acetate, lupin estradiol, that stuff all has half-lives longer than a day right? I ask because if I miss a day of hrt I feel like weird, out of sorts moodwise. This tracks because several medical professionals have said I would be diagnosed as a "hypochondriac" if they still diagnosed it. I want to maybe try 6mg cypro but Idk...
I'm listening to Wodos :)
new mega's up, get in here nerds! https://hexbear.net/post/3573704
well, what do you know, henry?
You have a figurine of Edelgard from FE3H, whilst I have a martian from Mars Attacks (trading cards) we are not the same
Got into MUNA because of their support of Chappelle Roan. Folks why did nobody tell about these lesbians with a host of bangers?
?
Post harder.
colors. Cute? Cheesy? Based? Cringe? All of the above? Whaddya think
it won't let me change that unless I pay them and I don't have the budget for that rn
