Trans Megathread for the Week of 10/14 to 10/20
Trans Megathread for the Week of 10/14 to 10/20
(i ripped this off wikipedia real fast so sorry if it's lib)
In October 1776, the Public Universal Friend contracted an epidemic disease and was bedridden and near death with a high fever. Their family summoned a doctor from Attleboro, six miles away, and neighbors kept up a death-watch at night. The fever broke after several days. The Friend later reported that [deadname redacted] had died, receiving revelations from God through two archangels who proclaimed there was "Room, Room, Room, in the many Mansions of eternal glory for Thee and for everyone". The Friend further said that [deadname redacted]'s soul had ascended to heaven and the body had been reanimated with a new spirit charged by God with preaching his word, that of the "Publick Universal Friend", describing that name in the words of Isaiah 62:2 as "a new name which the mouth of the Lord hath named".
From that time on, the Friend refused to answer to their deadname, ignoring or chastising those who insisted on using it. When visitors asked if it was the name of the person they were addressing, the Friend simply quoted Luke 23:3 ("thou sayest it").ā Identifying as neither male nor female, the Friend asked not to be referred to with gendered pronouns. Followers respected these wishes; they referred only to "the Public Universal Friend" or short forms such as "the Friend" or "P.U.F.", and many avoided gender-specific pronouns even in private diaries. When someone asked if the Friend was male or female, the preacher replied "I am that I am", saying the same thing to a man who criticized the Friend's manner of dress (adding, in the latter case, "there is nothing indecent or improper in my dress or appearance; I am not accountable to mortals").
editorial note: I think this is a very cool story and I really love hearing it. We've been around forever and we've been doing variations of this forever. It's really beautiful
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Deleted because I'm stupid/Catholic/wilding/I just wanted friendsI thought I was describing gender envy and my sort of freeze response in social situations, but I made people mad
I wouldn't tell a Hexbearian to "grow up" or that you think "like a teenager". So it's confusing to be called out in that way, I guess. I thought talking about this stuff with other queer people would be constructive, but like some of you said, I have reflecting to do.
Next time you break it to someone that their Catholic upbringing has rendered them unable to function, I'd ask you to be a bit friendlier as you drive my jaw into the curb. Thanks!
They're people just like you and me. I can see how heteronormative social coding would make that sort of, "approaching someone" difficult but also, women are just people Idk. I can remember thinking this when I was like 12, but all the mystique is not real and invented, probably by straight neurotypicals or something.
I get that they're people, the issue is that I'm not fully people. I look at them and I look at me.
spoiler
It's like, can I just burst into flames and then look like you instead? Please? How do I look like you? How do I be someone who is pretty and nice and shops with her girlfriends?
The social coding is precisely my problem, I don't know how to approach anyone because I'm in-be-fucking-tween. I feel pressured to approach situations as a guy because that's how people see me. Women don't know I'm nonbinary when I walk up to them. When I do get to drop my Man Impression?
I'm tired. Maybe I should take a breather. Come back to Hexbear when I turn 13.
You're supposed to be at least 13 to use hexbear iirc =)
Women be shopping, uh it would be pretty rad if you could just burst into flames and then look like beautiful cis woman I guess. I'm kind of weird I guess because I thought transition kinda rules.
I dunno how the social signaling works with this, too much autism. I have read tell of women being able to tell sort-of-subconsciously that the ostensibly-man is actually an egg because they're effusive and dorky and such, but idrk how it works. Not doing a man impression is awesome though
Also sorry if I'm being weird or anything today, stupid, I'm goin off a prescription and my mind is kinda funny.
Not relevant to the conversation, but now that you mention it, holy hell I want few things more than for a woman I come out to to tell me they saw it coming due to my dorkiness or effusiveness
yeah thought like this until i turned 16 cause i went to all boys catholic institutions and didn't make any real girl friends until then lol
It's cool when you actually talk to women and find out "waow just like me fr fr!" honestly. One of the few cool parts of my upbringing...
I missed the original post, but I can definitely sympathize with gender envy. For most of my life I've also never really been in women's spaces or been close to women other than the few times I dated, and even then it was weird because I wasn't treated like another woman, so I was still excluded, if that makes sense. The world of women was always something that to me represented a better, happier place that I would forever be excluded from, and that always made me sad. This distance also probably prevented me from coming out as trans sooner, since my ideas of what a woman was (what I really should be) were a bit nebulous. But then I realized I was trans and that all changed. Since I officially started transitioning I've been in boymode but allowing myself to act more feminine, which feels great, and women I interact with seem completely welcoming towards that as far as I can tell. Maybe it could help to start experimenting with being more fem on your own?
no
cis women do not have a special magical energy. Sorry if this is harsh, but approaching a woman like they're a regular person won't make you seem like a creep, but thinking about them like this definitely will
I'm scared to approach everyone, though. Apparently that's a punishable offense.
I'm genuinely trying to make sense, am I better off not paying attention to anyone? Is my concept of gender supposed to be completely internally sourced? Is it immoral to see someone and want to look like them?
pro yapping, probably shouldn't even post but
Referencing both the Tommasi comment as well as the second, much kinder CrookedSerpent reply, it's the borderline deification of cis womanhood and seemingly very rigid adherence to related social norms that people are chafing against. Not a real healthy component of any gender envy, I don't think.
"cis women do not have a special magical energy" "approaching a woman like they're a regular person won't make you seem like a creep" and the less kind comments about intangible "feminine energy". I think what people dislike about the original post is that it reflects this weird idea that masc presenting people and cis women are different species, and that like, they can't be friends for whatever reason and that would be creepy. Also making it cis-specific is kind of oof.
This is why you are being told to read theory, nobody is saying or even insinuating that you somehow shouldn't look at people or whatever. You should def read Serano though.
Also I'll take this op to say, when I said I could remember thinking like this at age 12, the intent was not to be harsh or call you out, it's because I just actually remember thinking that way. I was also out full-time at age 17 so I have a Very Special Brain fwiw.
This was a familiar feeling when I was much younger and also didn't know I was a woman. As someone who is now a proper adult and a woman, I do not get the feeling anymore lol
Sometimes, a particularly breathtakingly beautiful person - man or woman or enby or elsewise - may knock me off my proverbial feet. But I don't stumble so much over my words or turn clumsy or whatever. I guess it's part confidence and self assurance that comes from just living longer authentically and partly, I've met a lot of people and even the pretty have to do stuff like pick their noses or poop lol
It seems to be deeply unfamiliar to most people. I thought everyone notices people around them and what they like. I observe everyone, I'm a wallflower and a people watcher. I underestimated that you guys are just imagining what you want to look like and how you want to behave without a reference.
What's new to me is the rapid shift towards shaming me for sharing my thoughts. That's actually kinda Catholic, frankly.
???
???
I was responding to you talking about the feeling.
The Catholic thing just keeps coming up in comments and it's like, everyone is shaming me for trying to navigate this. But that wasn't directly in response to you.
Oh, to me it seemed like you were suddenly super hostile lol which I didn't think you were, hence the confusion
Riiiight. Cis women, specifically, have an intangible "energy", and of course before even approaching them, you know that they are in fact cis, you can tell , can't we all? This fact elevates them to such a degree that you can't bring yourself debase their (cis) "feminine energy" with your meager presence.
I mean this with all the love in the world. Grow the fuck up.
Okay.
Do you find that telling eggs to "grow the fuck up" is conducive to building a community where people feel comfortable speaking about their vulnerabilities, or is there potentially a more diplomatic way to encourage discussion around the feelings we are trying to navigate for ourselves.
Like, if "energy" isn't a thing, is there not a discussion about what things are, what they mean, where they come from? If I'm the only one considering the intentionality of this stuff though, I might need to spend time elsewhere.
I don't know what I want. Maybe you all know what you want.
The fact that you are even considering that you may be the only person here thinking about those things screams to me that you need to do one of two things, preferably both. One, read some queer theory, Whipping Girl by Julia Sernao is an amazing place to start, it's required reading for you, do it. Two, get some life experience as the gender you really are. You will learn so so much about yourself, about other people, and about gender by living it for yourself, the sooner you can stop questioning and start living the way that feels whole to you, the better. I know it's scary, I've been there, leaning into the fear and living your new life is the greatest possible thing you can do, so do it. I apologize that I came off as brash, I understand that it isn't diplomatic or particularly helpful to address your comment like that, but the specific type of brainworks you are posting about really rub me the wrong way.
Look, i'm gonna cut you some slack here because i ... kinda have a hunch where this is coming from, but waltzing into the trans mega to gush about the "energy" of cis women is pretty cringe. Might wanna put a spoiler for internalized transphobia or cisnormative BS or gender envy on that one.