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memes @lemmy.world

DytallixB @lemmy.world

1mo ago

God was there....and that face

70 comments

Is this a parody, or did someone actually brag on twitter about having sex? I honestly can't tell what's satire any more.
- Could be either way, honestly. He's a fundie who bragged about remaining a virgin until marriage. He finally got hitched to a former Miss Universe of all people, at age 32 or something.
  
  Miss Universe
  That shit's so rigged. Always an earthling. SMH
- Ummmm, this is so cringe:
  https://www.orlandoweekly.com/news/looks-like-tim-tebow-has-finally-had-the-sex-26678445
- Likely real
- The other posters replying to you are as bad as the clickbait links they posted. I'm not about to go searching this guys social media, but this image or quote it wasn't in either link they shared.
  What the fuck is wrong with you posters? Not answering the question and posting a link to a news article that also doesn't answer the question? Fucking don't wast my time jesus.
  
  jesus
  Jesus was not there.
  
  The whole of the internet to figure out if something is factual or not and yet you demand someone else does the thinking for you
  No wonder AI will replace us so easily
  
  Omg the logic in this comment is miraculously inconsistent. I’m honestly impressed with the fact that this came into your brain, proceeded to flow out of you into the keyboard, and not once did you stop yourself to think “wait a second, does what I’m saying even make sense?”
  Congratulations. This is probably the dumbest comment I’ve read in months 👍

Like a sea turtle trying to get up on a raft.
What a mental image. Brain bleach, stat, please.
- I’m still chuckling over this.
- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oaYSZbmc04Y
  
  That's not helping...
  
  I was at the zoo a few years ago when Aldabra Tortoises were fucking. It was that but a few octaves lower, and you could hear it from the start of the section. If you imaging what a large turtle fucking would sound like in some dumb sex comedy movie, it was exactly that.

He had THE Sex. You know the one sex you get in your life and then never again.
- Considering sex dries up after marriage it's pretty accurate
  
  Only if you don’t keep working at your partnership and are just there for the comfort of not being cosmically alone, sure.

God was there
In the corner
Quietly jerking off
Then cumming over the two of them
God is a kinky dude, I like him.
- “And the Holy Spirit came upon them…”
  
  Would you call that a blessing?
  
  Can you feel the Holy Spirit inside you?
- He was on the cuck chair
- He got that woman pregnant once before her husband had even had a go.
  From prima nocta to prima knocked-up.
  
  And God was there!

Just keep in mind God doesn't think anal and oral sex (hopefully not in that order, but no shame you do you) counts according to some religious people i met.
- The legends of the poophole loophole are still spread to these days.
- He's definitely okay with oral. Provided you swallow.
  There is nothing outside a person that by going into him can defile him, but the things that come out of a person are what defile him.
  -- Mark 7:15
  
  Damn! Mark was one kinky motherfucker.
- My understanding is that anal and oral are "wrong" in the same way masturbation is, it's spilling your seed outside of sex for procreation.
  But like, clearly a tier better than premarital sex so...
  
  If you believe Jesus, even looking at a woman with lust in your heart is equivalent to full-on adultery, so no tiers. Many Christians actually believe that and, for example, would treat discovering a partner watching porn as if they've discovered the partner cheating.
  
  That also isn't the moral of that story, despite what they tell you in Sunday school. Onan was punished because he didn't want to impregnate his brother's widow, which would have legally given his late brother an heir rather than Onan inheriting the property. Look up "levirate marriage".
  
  They're both considered sodomy
- according to some religious people i met
  🥴
  
  Known Biblically

Five years ago...
- Probably had it a couple of other times since then. Would have to check his posts to be sure. Willing to bet there were maybe a few times where God was not there.
  
  I used to fill in for god to watch him have sex, I thought him having god watch was for religious reasons, but he just can't get off unless someone's silently judging him in the corner.
  
  Are they still married?
  These types typically call it quits quickly

Even almighty God cannot witness things that fast.

Man, what a waste.
In Tebow's shoes I'd have been having sex with every woman I see.
- So did Magic Johnson

he had the sex

And he came in three seconds.

70 comments