What is the funniest way to derail an active-shooter training?

“Will the company cover all medical costs if we’re shot during our normal work day?”

ask them what to do when the cops refuse to put themselves at risk

ask them how to tell a roided up terrified cop you're not the shooter without being shot

ask them how much the active shooter training course cost the district, then ask them how much improving access control (an actually useful preventative measure) would cost and if it were considered as an alternative

ask if healthcare coverage at work covers injury from shooting, and then break it down by shooting type: drive by? targetted? mass? police involved? coworker? stranger? manager? go through all the scenarios "what if i was shot while technically off the clock but on work property because i was coming back from my break"

"will the company cover funeral expenses?"
"has this ever been effective?"
"will you be issuing us rifles?"
"can the company buy us some plate carriers?"
"am i a soldier now? i don't want to be a soldier :("

"Has this method, as disseminated by this company, ever been tested in a real incident?"

If so: "How did that go? Can you substantiate that it actually helped things?"

If not: "What reason does someone have to believe this will help? Is there any sort of real empirical backing or are you profiteering off of HR agendas and fearmongering? Do you accept any sort of liability if your method fails to help or even makes things worse? [Obviously not, so] Why should any of us have confidence in this to preserve our lives when you don't even have the confidence in it yourself to accept that liability? Is there any observable difference between your presentation and that of a reasonably competent snakeoil salesman?"

The last time I had to do a workplace violence awareness training, we were given a very long and very specific list of red flags to watch out for. I relentlessly reported to higher ups any time I noticed a red flag from someone higher up than me at the company. I was reprimanded for it every time.

Start asking them for how to respond to increasingly bizarre situations:

Start with something plausible like a team of shooters then move on to like "What if they have access to a rooftop helicopter? What about an armed Humvee? How do we deal with tanks?"

ask them when the passive-shooter training day will be

"How long will my job be held for me if I'm injured during an active shooter event while I'm recovering in hospital?"

(Also... to kill the fun... you can absolutely be fired for fucking around too much during these things)

"Can i use my health savings account to buy a flak vest?"

"Will the company be doing flak vest matching?"

"What about tourniquettes?"

"Is a flak jacket osha required ppe now?"

"Is it true you can cover a grenade with a trash bin? Should we get steel trash bins for the grenades?"

"How long do we have to shelter in place after the cops decide not to do anything?"

"Can i take the rest of the day off after a mass shooting?"

"What about a flak helmet can i use my hsa on that?"

"Okay but what about some gym memberships so we can get good at running away, the company will cover that, right?"

"How come the executive elevator has to get buzzed in by security but not the normal elevator?"

"What if i fall over while running away from te shooter is that a workplace injury?"

"Who do i report it to if my manager got shot?"

"Who will do scheduling if my manager gets shot i don't want to get fired for no showing"

"Is it a work place injury of the cops shoot me by accident?"

"What if the cops shoot me on purpose?"

"Hey what are we supposed to do with the office first aid kit it only has bandaids and tylenol and expired in 1978"

"Come to think of it did we get the fire extinguishers checked this year?"

"Okay but if i get shot by the cops, and there's blood on the ground, but there's no " caution slippery liquid" sign, and i fall down the stairs, that would be the company's fault, right?"

"Do we have to pay for our own ride to the hospital?"

"If i'm stuck sheltering in place and my kids have to uber home and order a pizza how do i submit that as a reimbursible expense?"

"What if i get actively shot on a business trip in another state and they take me to an out of network hospital?"

Just hold up pictures of the Uvalde cops standing in the hallway with a quizzical look on your face.

Make them actually test the systems they're trying to test: Don't show up at the panic area. When you're in the area, make it hard to count you all by making everyone walk around a lot. Ask questions all the time. Take charge of leading people, lead them down the wrong path. Insist you are doing this to make sure an actual drill will work, since actual drills don't go perfect (Honestly this is what you're supposed to do when you're running a drill, you're supposed to test the strains of the system, see where it fails, so you can improve upon it for the future.)

Alternatively start a fire

eat a whole lot of beany chili the day/morning before

Write everything down from this thread on a comically rolled up piece of paper. When the opportunity for questions arises get your comically long list of questions out and unroll it bugs bunny style, then begin.

Be totally and completely serious about the questions you have. This is a shooter situation after all, it's an incredibly serious matter and the details all matter.

the objectively funniest would be to choose that day to go postal

please don't actually do that though

Ask them question whenever the active shooter training intersects with some other corporate rule

"So do I still have to lock my PC if I get up during an active shooter drill"?

"Do I have to clock out when I leave the premises?"

etc.

the more bullshit the underlying rule the better.

Do this

Bring a real gun

"I thought 'active shooter training' meant you were going to train us in active shooting"

“Can I pretend to be the shooter?”

call the police and give them the description of the instructor(s)

Ask for ballistic rating of various pieces of office furniture.

try and press them for info on the real threat: the Sea Peoples

The phrase/term "active-shooter training" shouldn't exist wtf is wrong with America

repeatedly ask the trainer to spar with you, and shadow box the entire time. make your own wind noises like mac from always sunny.

Ask when the 30 schoolchildren and their teacher will arrive for their active-shooter training.

come in wearing like a cheap Halloween costume soldiers' uniform (DO NOT BRING IN A FAKE GUN)

uhhh ask them if you can contribute something, then recite last rites collectively to everyone in the room, bring the catholic priest kit with the holy oil and such

Do a real active shooting, as a joke

Wear a tactical vest

Wear squeaky clown shoes and be sure to shuffle your feet if you aren't meandering between kill rooms

sitting in a room listening to someone talk

Pretend to have really bad digestive problems. Take frequent bathroom breaks that day, and deliberately miss the first 5 minutes in the bathroom. As you enter, announce that you're having the worst gas of your life, and apologize to the people around you. Keep a whoopie cushion in your underwear so you can "let one rip" every few minutes.

Party poppers.

The training is going to be about the three "stages". Flee, hide, fight. They'll tell you to run if you can, hide if you can't, fight if you have to.

Act like you're trying to get information that would make you a more effective active shooter.

"Where would you say the places are that someone is most likely to hide in this office"

Either that or in the last third start highlighting how stupid the training is.

"How much are you getting paid to tell us to bring a stapler to a gun fight?"

"How is this advice any different from "get shot loser"?"

trusting crackers with "fake" guns

le alec baldwin face and le bruce lee face and le bruce lee's son's face and so on and so on

Shit your pants and do the doodoo walk, that will make everyone uncomfortable

We recently had this training in my school. The thing I wished I did is to prepare a few well researched facts about red flag gun laws, gun crime statistics and how they can protect people so we don't have to barricade the door and cower in the corner. My state already has laws on the books that allow judges to take weapons away from people deemed unstable. The police that ran the training didn't mention it once, but they showed us how to use staplers to defend oneself. Lol.

I’m assuming no kind of derailing will be appreciated or probably tolerated.

Probably don’t take ideas from strangers on the internet for this either.

Flashbang grenade

If they do the fake guns thing claim you got scared it was so real do a ground and pound on an off duty cop move consequence free.