I cast Hold Person, then attack with my warhammer.

With how atrocious the quality of this is, this had to have been intentional at some point. Can we not hold ourselves to a higher standard than this?

Hey thanks! This is so much better.

Well this one is easy, just ask them "is my butt big?"

Yes, it is.

So which brother am I?
- How could you say something like that!? You don't care about me at all!

I'm amazed that none of these comments are mentioning the subject line of the post is a reference to "Stop! Hammer time!"

This has the same solution as the original. You ask them "which door would your brother say leads to certain doom?" and then you take that door.

"He'd say door A or he likes little butts."
If you trust the guy telling you this, you can just ask him which door leads to certain doom. If not, you have no way of knowing if you're in a knights and knaves puzzle.
You'd take the OPPOSITE door I think

"If I were to ask your brother what kind of butts he likes, how would he answer?"

Am I missing something? If you ask brother A, he would say his brother likes small butts. If you ask brother B, he would also say his brother likes small butts. How do you differentiate?
- It works the same as the original puzzle. If you ask the lying small butt brother, he'll lie and say his brother would say he likes small butts. If you ask the truthful big butt brother, he'd say his brother would say he likes big butts, because he knows his brother likes small butts and would lie about it.
  
  Essentially the negatives work out so that each brother answers with the kind of butt they themselves like, which you can then use to determine which is truthful (though at this point that somehow seems less important).

"An anaconda that is sprung?" What does that mean?

- Oh, so the goal is to get the certain doom?
- I like the implication that anaconda was not a real word beforehand.

My internal groove got bamboozled.

Easy. Since you tell the truth, where’s the anaconda?

The person telling the story could always tell lies, which would mean his brother would only tell the truth.
- Or the person telling the story lies some of the time in which case it's not a riddle and you're just talking to a normal person
- So it’s the same as always?
  
  Which door would your brother say leads me out and then go through the other one?

points to random door

You, which kind of butts would the other guy say he like?

Gordium called--they have a knot that you might want to take a look at.

Let's not bring furries into this - not everyone likes looking at knots

I am invisioning a snake coiled into a spring shape saying "dOn'T sTeP oN mE" and I really want to smash it

Damnit, now that song is stuck in my head!

I prefer Elvis Presley's version

I've never liked it when the Two Brothers riddles are worded like this. Either the "always telling the truth" brother is the one saying the riddle, and you know who to ask which door is safe or its the "always lying" brother, in which you don't know what the actual riddle is (as the one they just told you is a lie) and both doors probably lead to the certain death.

(I should probably add that I get the refrence in the post, I'm just being nitpicky)

Honestly. Im not sure which door I would prefer to go through.

Calling someone a cock, and even rightfully so, does not make them a person.