edit: my day got way, way better and i had to make some edits

I realized i'm not nb that was just a cope and i'm Transfem. Thought it was going to go well. It's not going well it looks like I'm going to lose my partner of 25 years. I know it takes time but they just seem, really not okay with it all. even though i still look exactly the same they have stopped touching me. A good new friend explained that my partner is just mourning the loss of her husband. I'll give them all the time they need but it ain't looking good.

It's actually going really well and by this afternoon things are going amazingly well and i'm so positive for the future.

i am however very pretty and I love myself limitlessly so that is nice. And I'm wearing a pink skirt that i bought because I liked it not for anyone else's approval. Even if i got nobody else i got me andi'm pretty cool so things will be okay.

Went to the HRT appointment yesterday and am getting bloodwork thursday to move that along :)

Feminine clothes all seem like much pricier with less material for very similar garments! My friend explained the pink tax to me. Awful! I have an entire wardrobe to build here!

I protested every day against the far right, I'm also dysphoric because I can't seem to see myself as a woman in the mirror for some reason this week.

I've been fantasizing about how much I'll get to cuddle and snuggle with a girl once we meet in person.

Not out socially, so Father's day is weird, getting together with family and all; constant affirmation of my imaginary masculinity, yuck.
At least it's over. Back home and chilling with my wife and our child, enjoying a quiet evening.

Very strangely, home life is going great. I've joined a new family! Last one friggin' tried to kill me and did a piss-poor job of raising me, so having one where people talk to me and I can speak my mind and ask questions and they actually maybe even care about my life, rather than just trying to push me to make my life what they want and screw how I feel, basic decency, any kind of respect... Three decades is too long to keep treating someone like a misbehaving child! Anyway I've got a new name to wear, if I want 🤔 Idunno what the others with that name think about that, nor quite exactly how I feel 🤔 Hmmifications!

Went out to an extended-family partyish thingle just now. Got an odd Long Island Iced Tea! It was sour. That was odd. I liked it, though. Tried to get a Mai Tai but they didn't have something(s) they needed for it 😅 Tried to save some of the burger and tots for later but then I accidentally ate them all @.@ Was good :3

Adulting-life isn't so hot but hopefully it'll work out. Some like... paperworky governmenty crap to deal with, accidentally fuxxored up a money transfer and it's in the wrong bank and bleeegh that'll take a minute to fix. Gotta figure out income and get my head checked and fixed and also possibly find out what if anything is wrong with my liver 😅 Gotta wait for more paperwork before I can do that, though. Too much paper up here 🤔

Online/personal-quiet-???-life is... sadness. Apparently everycritter just assumes that what I need is to be left out in the cold like nobody notices or cares that I'm missing, or why, or anything. Depressness. I hope some day I'll have some healthy relationships and get to feel like I matter. Head's busted, though. Hard enough to properly feel anything, then there are messes and problems and glitches and on top of that there's the fact that hunams are very strange and I don't belong on this planet :|

It's kinda sickening to come back to my computer and just be like "Oh, right, I ran away 'cause nobody gives a shit and now I'm upset 'cause nobody gives a shit. Nothing left to do but sit around alone and dwell on my loneliness."

frusses noisily :-\

So that's where I'm at. Up here in my attic, sadness. Downstairs, new fam. Downstairs even more, phonecalls and other stress in the basement 😅 🤷

After 2 months of being on antidepressants (again) and feeling pretty great, I finally had another one of my little depressive episodes that come on from time to time. Erratic sleep, erratic diet, erratic work schedule... I even ended up crying after finishing my laser hair removal session. I mean, I cry a little bit at the end anyway cuz it hurts like hell, but I cried more than usual this time.

On the bright side... I did get laser, so I'm glad that's moving along still. And I got to use the weekend to recharge. Hopefully this week will be better.

Decent week, watching Lord of the Rings in-theater for the first time since.... learning to read? (I'm told toddler me was in awe of the movies and well behaved in the theater when they came out), plus it's the full extended edition 😊 1 movie per day. There's a foreword honoring Bernard Hill (Theoden) each movie 😢

It's hot outside and I hate it. 90+ with no rain for this whole damn upcoming week