Lost_My_Mind @ Lost_My_Mind @lemmy.world

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10 mo. ago

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Ha ha ha.....you said breast!

American here.......I'm good with being south Canada, as long as we have whomever your government is. And healthcare, and whatever.

Holy shit......are they having an orgy? One time, 20 years ago I saw 2 ladybugs having sex, and then a 3rd one came over, and started fighting the one on top. Then they fought each other, until finally the one who was having sex went back to having sex, and the 3rd ladybug just watched.

I'm pretty sure I saw a ladybug get cucked, as 2 humans also watched.

......wait, does that mean I got cucked by a ladybug?

Otherwise… Try craigslist?

Yes. PLEASE hire your bodyguards through craigslist. I'm not even a CEO killer, but I feel we could ALL use the laughs from how hilariously trashy that would turn out.

"Hi, it's iFixit! Today we're going to clean this old NES cartridge contacts. You'll need a few Q-Tips, and isopropyl alcohol!"

"NOOOOOOOO!!!!!"

..........why is the modern age full of new words that didn't exist 20 years ago? I'm afraid to ask what it is.....

"I promise cupcakes for everybody!"

"Thats terribly bold of you sir...what about the diabetic?"

"Don't worry Johnson. It's just an empty promise! I'll be the only one to get cupcakes! Mwa ha ha ha ha!!!!"

People don’t even read the

Kind of strange of you to end your post on the word "the". Usually there's more words after "the".

Right before she insults you for dressing like a poor person.

I had to search what that even is. I thought it was going to be Kraft's brand of ranch.

Kranch.

C'mon. You can see why I'd think that. The pieces are kinda stupid, but they're all there. But as stupid as that would be, the reality is so much dumber. It's just ketchup and ranch mixed. How is this a product that exists???

If I were a CEO of heinz, and someone pitched me THAT idea? I'd probably reach into my desk, pull out a WWI era musket, and casually shoot the guy. Then move about my day as if nothing happened. Well, I mean I'd tell the cleaning crew that there's a bloody mess on the rug. Then laugh as they lose their shit. I mean they'd probably call the police trying to report me, but then ICE shows up and deports them. Because THATS what this current timeframe is all about. Using money and positions of power to bully those you feel are benieth you.

What? That's the world we live in now. The joke is that I'm just saying the truth really really loudly and bluntly.

If there's any young people reading this, I want you to take notice of what just happened here. Perception becomes reality....except it's not reality.

People thought this guy was just SO popular, that he was too busy for them. Which means in reality, he wasn't popular AT ALL. Nobody wanted to be his friend, because everybody assumed he was too important to be their friend. The only people who were his friends are the ones who tried.

This works with dating too. There's women of all ranges of looks. Some women are just born so naturally beautiful that they become intimidated to even TRY to talk to her. Everybody thinks she's out of their league, and that's total bullshit. If a person think they're out of your league because of looks, they're right. They're totally below you. BUT there's also people who OTHER people assume she's out of their league, and all she's doing is waiting to be asked out. Nobodys asking her out, because everybody thinks she's going to turn them down, and what ends up happening is you can get some real Homer and Marge situations.

Because let's be real. Marge could do SO MUCH better than Homer. I realize that because of the way animation works, they've had to retell the way Homer and Marge met and retcon the previous versions. But no matter which version you pick, Homer as always been an overweight buffoon with no real qualities to endeeer himself to Marge. But he TRIED. Sometimes that's enough. You just go up to whomever you have a crush on, and just, go for it.

And maybe they will turn you down. I'm not implying that every time you flirt with someone it will go well just because you tried. There's a whole list of variables to take into account that you can't possibly know before you try. The end result will be maybe she's just not that into you. Or maybe she is. You don't know until you try. I know so many people who "got the girl", whom everyone is baffled by, simply because they were the only one who asked.

So just come up with a funny little pickup line. Something cheesy. Cheesy is good. The pickup line isn't what's going to win her over. You're what's going to win her over. The pickup line just measures her level of interest. If she's giggling at your little pickup line, it's not because the cheesy pickup line was that good. It's because YOU are that good to her. The pickup line is just a measuring stick of her interest. So don't worry about the perfect pickup line. Just a funny cheesy one. Preferably one she's never heard before.

One thing I will say, is that it has to be "girl funny". To me, the funniest pickup line ever is telling her in a totally straight deadpan voice, "My love for you is like diarrhea, I just can't hold it in...."

To me, that's hilarious. That SHOULD be a great pickup line. It's not. Don't use that one. You'll get gross looks, as if you actually are holding back from shitting yourself. So maybe don't include feces in your pickup lines.

Man, I wish. I used to drink Whiskey and beer all the time. Then my colon said "FUCK YOU ASSHOLE!!!". Now the doctors tell me to not do that anymore.

You want some beer? No, you'll get cancer.

Want some cheeseburgers? No, you'll get cancer.

Want some potato chips? No, you'll get cancer.

Want to drive a Tesla? No, I'm not a nazi. Plus they're ugly as hell.

I just want to steal products off of Pierre's shelves. He's a smug little shit. Just like George Clooney, the smug bastard!

I'm not sure you can't date Robin just because of her relationship. There HAS to be another reason! I mean, Clint is DESPERATELY single, yet you can't date him. Willy is maybe the creepiest first impression I've ever had with a character in any game. I REALLY thought he was trying to rape me. "Come down by the docks alone when it's all dark out. Ol' Willy's got something for ya!" STRANGER DANGER!!! BAD TOUCH! BAD TOUCH! But, still....you can't date him either.

Now WE all know that the Mayor and Marnie are fuckin', but the town doesn't. What's preventing someone from trying to date Marnie? The excuse with the Mayor is that he's the Mayor, and thus shouldn't date residents. Which I always found bullshit. You're a mayor, not a monk. Go get your rocks off and enjoy yourself, ya boxer losing weirdo!

And what about the bartender Gus? As far as I can tell he's single.

And Pam is.......a wildebeast. She will eat raw bark off a tree if it contains alcoholic sugars. I shutter to think of the man that actually impregnated her. Somewhere, out there in the world, SOMEBODY impregnated Pam. Presumably consentually. Someone made the conscious decision that "Yes, I am going to get with that." Linus digs through the trash, and even he wouldn't touch Pam.

And of coarse, nobody dates Pierre because he's a fuckface. Fuck you Pierre! Taking credit for my god damn blueberry wine, and selling at a huge markup. You'd have ZERO quality goods if I didn't sell to you. That's why I STOPPED selling to you. I put my shit in a box, and some system that I don't quite understand gives me money. I think it's Willy. He pulled my unconscious body into bed when I came home late.

............guys, are we SURE Willy isn't a rapist?

Why does EVERYONE want to fix Shane, when George is already a menace on wheels? Just don't mess with Evelyn. They have an open marriage, and they based the Fast and the Furious movies on George. You mess with Evelyn, and he's speeding down the valley hunting your ass. Because you messed with his.....family.....

Haley would misunderstand, and think a Lemmy is something you order at starbucks......which I guess in this game would be Jojo Coffee?

Quick suggestion.....why make this same topic every week, pin it, only to 7 days later create a NEW post that's the same topic? Why not just keep ONE of this topic pinned, and just never unpin it? I come to this community today to see some good ol fashioned stardew valley talk....but 4 out of the top 6 topics are just duplicate topics of this topic from weeks gone by.

Really clutters up the place.

Middle aged white women LOVE to claim they love wine. I even sometimes see them buying decorative signs to hang in their house that say "Live Laugh Wine".

And yet......blank looks anytime I ask what distro they're on.

Ya know......as much as I hated Bush in his day, he was never a nazi. I called him a LOT of things over the years.....but I never remember calling him a nazi.

How the fuck are we living in a timeline where a president who used a terrorist attack as justification for invading countries that never had anything to do with it, is now looked at as "he wasn't so bad...."

This isn't The Onion's fault, but the world has gotten so stupid, I don't even know what this headline is suggesting anymore, or how things like "DOGE" and "LiteCoin" are actual words, spoken by real humans, who understand their meaning.

I'm waiting for the 2029 headlines that say:

"President Dollywap engages the fruitasmo thrusters to engage the roryxorp."

And other people will nod their heads, and say "Uh-huh, uh-huh, sure sure sure. I fully understand the severity of the situation."

But then The Onion will write a headline:

"President Dollywap removes the motortino thrashers to disengage the roryxorpilly."

And people will be like "Ha ha ha! Another quality zinger from The Onion! I mean, can you imagine? Disengaging the roryxorpillies??? Hoooo boy! What a day that would be! Dollywap would have some explaining to do!"

And another person would say "Dammit! I ate the onion on this one. I was real worried for a second...."

Meanwhile I would be like "Ya know what? Screw this. I'm turning off the tv. I'm cancelling the internet. It's been said that you can either watch the news and be misinformed, or not watch the news and be uninformed. Well I chose uninformed! The fucking lot of you have gone nuts, and I'm just going to go home and do the only sane thing I can think of......go build lego sets in my underwear.