Lost_My_Mind @ Lost_My_Mind @lemmy.world

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10 mo. ago

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But enough about you robbing the local blockbuster at gun point!

The vast majority of the public hsve no idea what you just said.

Their brain goes "I like book. I buy book! No more book? But I buy book!"

Yes? Did something happen at band camp?

Correct me if I'm wrong, but I thought everybody was making a big deal over Civ 7 getting an official release because denuvo doesn't work on linux?

I read people saying the lack of denuvo made the linux version the best version just for the fact that it's the PC release without denuvo?

Did I misunderstand?

So notepad isn't behind a paywall, AI features nobody was asking for is behind a paywall, and this headline is bullshit.

That's my takeaway.

I don't know if this fits here. This is just awesome!

Ha ha ha.....you said breast!

American here.......I'm good with being south Canada, as long as we have whomever your government is. And healthcare, and whatever.

Holy shit......are they having an orgy? One time, 20 years ago I saw 2 ladybugs having sex, and then a 3rd one came over, and started fighting the one on top. Then they fought each other, until finally the one who was having sex went back to having sex, and the 3rd ladybug just watched.

I'm pretty sure I saw a ladybug get cucked, as 2 humans also watched.

......wait, does that mean I got cucked by a ladybug?

Otherwise… Try craigslist?

Yes. PLEASE hire your bodyguards through craigslist. I'm not even a CEO killer, but I feel we could ALL use the laughs from how hilariously trashy that would turn out.

"Hi, it's iFixit! Today we're going to clean this old NES cartridge contacts. You'll need a few Q-Tips, and isopropyl alcohol!"

"NOOOOOOOO!!!!!"

..........why is the modern age full of new words that didn't exist 20 years ago? I'm afraid to ask what it is.....

"I promise cupcakes for everybody!"

"Thats terribly bold of you sir...what about the diabetic?"

"Don't worry Johnson. It's just an empty promise! I'll be the only one to get cupcakes! Mwa ha ha ha ha!!!!"

People don’t even read the

Kind of strange of you to end your post on the word "the". Usually there's more words after "the".

Right before she insults you for dressing like a poor person.

I had to search what that even is. I thought it was going to be Kraft's brand of ranch.

Kranch.

C'mon. You can see why I'd think that. The pieces are kinda stupid, but they're all there. But as stupid as that would be, the reality is so much dumber. It's just ketchup and ranch mixed. How is this a product that exists???

If I were a CEO of heinz, and someone pitched me THAT idea? I'd probably reach into my desk, pull out a WWI era musket, and casually shoot the guy. Then move about my day as if nothing happened. Well, I mean I'd tell the cleaning crew that there's a bloody mess on the rug. Then laugh as they lose their shit. I mean they'd probably call the police trying to report me, but then ICE shows up and deports them. Because THATS what this current timeframe is all about. Using money and positions of power to bully those you feel are benieth you.

What? That's the world we live in now. The joke is that I'm just saying the truth really really loudly and bluntly.

If there's any young people reading this, I want you to take notice of what just happened here. Perception becomes reality....except it's not reality.

People thought this guy was just SO popular, that he was too busy for them. Which means in reality, he wasn't popular AT ALL. Nobody wanted to be his friend, because everybody assumed he was too important to be their friend. The only people who were his friends are the ones who tried.

This works with dating too. There's women of all ranges of looks. Some women are just born so naturally beautiful that they become intimidated to even TRY to talk to her. Everybody thinks she's out of their league, and that's total bullshit. If a person think they're out of your league because of looks, they're right. They're totally below you. BUT there's also people who OTHER people assume she's out of their league, and all she's doing is waiting to be asked out. Nobodys asking her out, because everybody thinks she's going to turn them down, and what ends up happening is you can get some real Homer and Marge situations.

Because let's be real. Marge could do SO MUCH better than Homer. I realize that because of the way animation works, they've had to retell the way Homer and Marge met and retcon the previous versions. But no matter which version you pick, Homer as always been an overweight buffoon with no real qualities to endeeer himself to Marge. But he TRIED. Sometimes that's enough. You just go up to whomever you have a crush on, and just, go for it.

And maybe they will turn you down. I'm not implying that every time you flirt with someone it will go well just because you tried. There's a whole list of variables to take into account that you can't possibly know before you try. The end result will be maybe she's just not that into you. Or maybe she is. You don't know until you try. I know so many people who "got the girl", whom everyone is baffled by, simply because they were the only one who asked.

So just come up with a funny little pickup line. Something cheesy. Cheesy is good. The pickup line isn't what's going to win her over. You're what's going to win her over. The pickup line just measures her level of interest. If she's giggling at your little pickup line, it's not because the cheesy pickup line was that good. It's because YOU are that good to her. The pickup line is just a measuring stick of her interest. So don't worry about the perfect pickup line. Just a funny cheesy one. Preferably one she's never heard before.

One thing I will say, is that it has to be "girl funny". To me, the funniest pickup line ever is telling her in a totally straight deadpan voice, "My love for you is like diarrhea, I just can't hold it in...."

To me, that's hilarious. That SHOULD be a great pickup line. It's not. Don't use that one. You'll get gross looks, as if you actually are holding back from shitting yourself. So maybe don't include feces in your pickup lines.

Man, I wish. I used to drink Whiskey and beer all the time. Then my colon said "FUCK YOU ASSHOLE!!!". Now the doctors tell me to not do that anymore.

You want some beer? No, you'll get cancer.

Want some cheeseburgers? No, you'll get cancer.

Want some potato chips? No, you'll get cancer.

Want to drive a Tesla? No, I'm not a nazi. Plus they're ugly as hell.

I just want to steal products off of Pierre's shelves. He's a smug little shit. Just like George Clooney, the smug bastard!

I'm not sure you can't date Robin just because of her relationship. There HAS to be another reason! I mean, Clint is DESPERATELY single, yet you can't date him. Willy is maybe the creepiest first impression I've ever had with a character in any game. I REALLY thought he was trying to rape me. "Come down by the docks alone when it's all dark out. Ol' Willy's got something for ya!" STRANGER DANGER!!! BAD TOUCH! BAD TOUCH! But, still....you can't date him either.

Now WE all know that the Mayor and Marnie are fuckin', but the town doesn't. What's preventing someone from trying to date Marnie? The excuse with the Mayor is that he's the Mayor, and thus shouldn't date residents. Which I always found bullshit. You're a mayor, not a monk. Go get your rocks off and enjoy yourself, ya boxer losing weirdo!

And what about the bartender Gus? As far as I can tell he's single.

And Pam is.......a wildebeast. She will eat raw bark off a tree if it contains alcoholic sugars. I shutter to think of the man that actually impregnated her. Somewhere, out there in the world, SOMEBODY impregnated Pam. Presumably consentually. Someone made the conscious decision that "Yes, I am going to get with that." Linus digs through the trash, and even he wouldn't touch Pam.

And of coarse, nobody dates Pierre because he's a fuckface. Fuck you Pierre! Taking credit for my god damn blueberry wine, and selling at a huge markup. You'd have ZERO quality goods if I didn't sell to you. That's why I STOPPED selling to you. I put my shit in a box, and some system that I don't quite understand gives me money. I think it's Willy. He pulled my unconscious body into bed when I came home late.

............guys, are we SURE Willy isn't a rapist?