Funny how this is supposed to be absurd - upside down duck, cake, “bizarro” and all - but it’s actually pretty accurate. So many products out there that require you to download their shitty spyware in order to do the things they are supposed to do.
Find me a new car in 2024 that doesnt store every GPS coordinate you've driven at for eternity. Genuinely, I'd like to see the non-garbage option because my '04 is getting old.
For the basic plan, based on usage though it looks like you'd save more with our premium tier that allows unlimited flushes per day and includes our smellfesh scent subscription.
As long as they can convince their shareholders this will eventually make money and you buy into their eventual $30/flush subscription they won't have to go out of business
The Japanese have already perfected smart toilets. There is no app, but there are loads of buttons, including for a heated seat and some music or ambient sounds to help you relax and disguise unpleasant noises.
The disparity in toilets in that country is insane. You have ones with full remote controls on the seat in some places then others that are squat holes that flush
I laughed a lot when I saw this and I sent it to my parent who laughed too. This is my parents house right now. They want buttons for their lamps but they were forced to get an app for most of them and had to fight the company to put in buttons. They also got a ventilation system without buttons and they could not get buttons except if they payed for a very expensive hub, so they went for the app. But only one person can be connected at a time and you have to unpair before someone else can pair, so the app act as if it is the hub.. it is very strange
My parents had a house built a couple of years ago and it's the same with them. It's real hard for me to say "I told you so" like every time I go over there and see them fighting with some app bullshit on one of their appliances. It pisses me off so much because there was nothing wrong with their old house and now I'm going to be stuck inheriting the new one that's worse in every way. Probably right around the time all the cut corners in the construction start coming out as the place falls apart.
But don't you see the benefit - the data on your flushes helps our Trusted† FlushMe Partners ® provide more relevant service to you, and also helps us partially offset the cost of our running our flush servers, allowing us to provide service to you for only $29.99 monthly††!
†: All FlushMe partners have undergone creditworthiness checks.
††: Limited time one month introductory offer. FlushMe may, but is not required to, provide you with a personalised monthly price for renewal of the service.
Funnily enough, my toilet has it's own app.("Japanese style" shower toilet by a German company)
It's non-cloud, Bluetooth only, all functions work without it,but it tells you when preventative maintenance is due and enables you to configure the user profiles easier.
Free trial exhausted. Subscribe now to keep using server infrastructure. After all, all you bought was the toilet, you can't expect the server space for free.
Android has this feature of "Work Profile" that allows you to put these shitty apps in a separate profile so they can't accept any of your data. I mean it'd be better if we don't have distopian apps to begin with, but here we are...
(I used an app called "Shelter" that sets up a "work profile" and put apps in there and the apps can't access my photos contacts, or anything basically)
It tracks the quality of your shits, draws a graph of the daily amount that you can share on social media and recommends a list of sponsored foods depending on your needs.
I know you're joking but a toilet that analyzes your stool would be quite remarkable health monitoring device to go along with our smartwatches and stuff. I bet there's loads of health markers you could see from it.