Anyone else feel like ~99% of their life was kind of wasted?
Anyone else feel like ~99% of their life was kind of wasted?
In the last year or so I started to see so many people of my age that have done truly incredible things and still doing more.
For the vast majority of my life my only goals were gettimg academic satisfaction and doing unproductive stuff in the free time to get temporary pleasure. No end goal whatsoever.
I kind of don't know what I've been doing in the last 17 years while someone gets a patent on solar systems, other invents a new recyclable plastic, and another found a successful startup. I mean, they all find what they're supposed to be doing with their lives and excel in them.
I feel overwhelmed for trying to pace up with these kind of people. Yet I don't like the way the things are and I can't do anything but envy those people.
Anyone with experience in this regard? How did you deal with this? Did you eventually "pace up" with these people or was it too late or an unattainable goal?
Edit: Whoops, I didn't expect so many replies! Thanks, I'll look into them all
I’ve improved my life quite a lot but it’s hard to give advice to others.
The comparison mindset is really bad though. It literally doesn’t matter what another monkey on this planet does. Your thoughts about how to improve your life are ones you have to discuss with yourself (maybe guided by a therapist). There is no wrong way to live but you have to make the choice on how you want to.
When you look at someone else’s life, you only see the Highlights Reel. You don’t hear about all the boring in between moments, their struggles with imposter syndrome and insecurities, their relational arguments or troubles with their family, all the BS.
Life isn’t about keeping up.
It’s a parlor trick, magically coming into existence for a fraction of a moment in this infiniteness of time and space. The best thing we can do is cherish the miracle and squeeze the most happiness for the time we have. It’s respecting life.
For some, that means service to others. For others, it’s patenting science projects. And then there’s those that find it in an honest job, being good to people they love, and exploring hobbies from time to time.
Happiness is definitely not a contest. Especially one that you put yourself through fully knowing you won’t win.
But if you feel like you need more value in your life, it’s never too late to do something new.
In 100 years, very few of those people will be remembered. In 1000 years very, very few of them will have had a tangible, lasting impact on the world.
We are meaningless specs of dust in the universe. Don't hold yourself accountable to imaginary standards being set by the rare few that manage to create a footprint a microcosim larger than the spec of dust they are. Enjoy yourself and create as much joy as you can in your tiny corner of reality as possible, and you'll have lived a damn good life.
This idea that we have to be "productive" with our time is perhaps the biggest source of human suffering, not just for ones who feel guilty for not being productive, but also the overly ambitious psychos who force their "greatness" on everyone else (just think of tyrants who want to rule over others to make a name for themselves).
- Comparison is the thief of joy.
- The relationship between hard work and success is tenuous at best.
Your mentality is fucked up IMO. You don't need to keep up with anyone. Just do what you think you can. Live your life instead of chasing someone else's.
unproductive stuff in the free time to get temporary pleasure
You do realize your whole life is temporary, right? The way you phrased that makes it seem like sitting down to listen to your favourite songs is a waste of time.
Now it's my turn to tell you basically what a lot of people here have already said, but maybe you can get something extra out of this telling.
Everyone who was mega-successful, in old age or young, has had a huge advantage somewhere that people rarely talk about. There are no exceptions to this, only cases where those advantages are lost to time or secrecy. And nearly every time, family wealth is involved in some way. Usually directly, but even if they never got a penny, being in a wealthy family brings you so many casual advantages.
You're comparing yourself to people who were dealt winning hands from the start. Like, a kid who gets a patent at a young age? Someone was coaching them, possibly someone with an agenda. Invents a new plastic? Uh-huh, at what age did they get into polymer chemistry? Who even told them polymer chemistry even existed? There's something else going on there. Don't let the media gaslight you into thinking you're "behind."
It's okay to be you! It's not a race, and even if it was, the people you're comparing yourself to had a gigantic head start.
This is what happens when you grow up with boomers in your ear, yelling at you to get a job and make a family. They insist that's what life is about. But it's not. Life is about being happy. When it boils down to it, that's all we really want. Even terrible people do what they do because it makes them happy.
I'm only just taking my baby steps out of this mindset. I learned I can do things no one else around me can. Some may not be marketable skills, but that's not always necessary.
I don't work. Thanks to autistic burnout, I'm a shell of my former self. But in that time, I have saved 11 kitten lives and given 3 very short lives happiness they never would have seen otherwise. I've brought kittens from the brink of death by starvation to stocky, healthy kittens who now have loving homes. It takes time and effort to do that. One was so sick from starvation he barely moved, and I got him strong enough to get up and play.
It's not worth any money to have this talent. Not to me anyway. They are all attached to a shelter that makes the money. They make me happy.
It's not about "pacing up" as you say, or making a mark in history. We need those people, but you don't need to be one of them. If everyone made breakthroughs, they wouldn't be as important. The bar would just get set even higher. You make a difference to the people around you. I don't value my life, but I learned to appreciate that other people do value my life, and that's good enough.
Everything comes with a cost. To be successful in one area means missing out in others. Everyone likes to post their success on Facebook or LinkedIn, but they also don't post about all the evenings spent arguing with their wife or missing out on their children growing up or whatever. Success is not easily defined.
Most people like to keep things balanced, as in not having extreme losses in one area, but that also means that they're not successful in something particular. That kind of balance is a success in itself, though it's rather invisible.
You're not supposed to do anything in your life. When the grim reaper comes along you won't be able to bring it along.
You're not dead. Be successful in whatever you want.
This type of thinking is very common and incredibly toxic. There is nothing wrong with wanting to strive, it's healthy and important. The comparison is where it becomes detrimental. I discovered this when learning endurance running. I kept comparing my times with peers and at some point I looked at what a world record time would be. However much effort I put in, it would never be enough to win against someone who is truly gifted in this area of life. The running became more relaxed after that, I was in a race against myself and the goal became improving my own time and helping others.
Because life doesn't have a goal. There is no waste. That's a point of view that makes people suffer needlessly. The objectives of a cow in a meadow are to eat grass, sleep, defecate and socialize a little. Many living things have even fewer requirements. They might have survival and reproduction in common, but if they don't meet them, they haven't lost either. For some humans, this may be depressing, but it would be if their perspective* has led them to reason that.
*Their perspective and their context, because we are social animals and we do not live isolated from other people's requests.
The best time to make a change in your life was 10 years ago, the second best time is now.
Don't base your happiness on your achievements as compared to others. Life isn't deterministic, every person is working with a different set of skills and circumstances. Set your own goals based on what you want to do, and work toward that.
If you don't know what you want to do, start trying new things.
Hmm, take it easy on yourself. You don't have to be someone known. Just enjoy what you have and stay satisfied. I know its harder to do than to say but human desires can keep you wanting for whole life.
Our realm is full of noisy things, making us chase/desire what we don't have, and that is deliberate.
Fill your life with positivity, Change your prescription. Greed and envy will only give you negativity.
I feel it. Not so much "wasted" as "taken from me." Between school that did nothing but hold me back and cause me anxiety to the time since that I've lost to said anxiety and probably-related depression, I feel like my life never really began. Now I look around at the things I "have to do" or "have to get done" and it's all so overwhelming that I just want to sleep instead. Even though I know damn well I'll feel better and enjoy the payoff if I actually do the things. And then I see people half my age doing all the things OP mentions, and honestly I feel exhausted just looking at those people. Like how the fuck do you run a startup? I have a goddamn master's degree and I can't figure out how to register a business let alone run one. And you do this every day? I mean, I remember doing ten-plus-hour days when I was working and going to school at the same time and I didn't have a choice, but now? Holy shit, no.
Comparison is the thief of joy. Life just is.
This is the result of alienation from your labor that capitalism excells at, get hobbies or start organizing as a way to break out of it.
We don't need to change the entire god damn system to be useful, but at least building towards it is infinitely more rewarding than doing nothing IMO
For a long time our goal was simply to survive and maybe have sex a few times. Now we're suddenly under pressure to "accomplish" things but not that many people are really wired for it. There's a reason some of the best creatives are weirdos and assholes.
while someone gets a patent on solar systems,
Rarely achieved by individuals, rarely achieved by someone intentionally aiming to achieve that particular goal. Most were just doing a job.
other invents a new recyclable plastic,
Rarely achieved by individuals, rarely achieved by someone intentionally aiming to achieve that particular goal. Most were just doing a job.
and another found a successful startup.
Less than 10% chance. The other 90+ are now worrying about their FAILED startup. Also.... Rarely achieved by indiv- yadda yadda
Why are you this worried? The vast majority of humans are NOT special, and your framing for accomplishments is all weirdly skewed if you think those require a special human. This doesn't take a stoic or a realist to realize, it's just true. You're boring and so am I, because almost everyone, even whatever celebrity you can name me on the spot, is also fundamentally someone boring who likes doing boring things in their spare time. And boring people can achieve great things. The opposition to that notion exists only to glorify whatever chucklefuck narcissist-serving philosophy dumbasses at social gatherings believe in, and pink magazines' financial security.
I've seen people be like this even with entertainment, and it's not healthy. People worried about matchmaking ratings, or pissed at themselves that they can't be as good as Fireb0rne when fighting Hollow Knight bosses, instead of just taking things at their pace, putting the effort they enjoy and accepting the results those bring.
Not really. After having been through some deaths and illnesses of people close to me, every normal day is a good day to me. No news is good news, I can live my life quietly and how I want.
As for success in life, if I take care of myself, try not to make things around me worse, and try to help others I'm pretty happy with that. In my work we make a few products from scratch so I feel like I contribute to society.
I guess to add to what a lot of people have said already but many people would argue that there is no inherent meaning to life as a whole and therefore you need to find your own. For some this may be wanting fame or glory, for others it's putting in a good day's work. There is no correct answer. You only get one shot at this life so ultimately do what makes you happy.
If you spend your life comparing yourself to others it is going to make you miserable, especially if you compare yourself to the history books, only a percentage of a percentage of a percentage of people ever make it in them, what happened to all those people who were theorising about gravity when the apple fell on the head of mathematician in Woolsthorpe?
The same goes for fame too, look at all the people who start making content with the only goal of "making it big." How far do they realistically get before they give up? Audiences also aren't silly, they can tell when someone is phoning it in, people want to see authentic stuff.
For me then, well, I'd be a liar if I said that I have never chased something, because I'm chasing something right now, it's just that it's a personal goal and I know achieving it will bring me personal happiness. If it makes other people happy too that's a bonus, it's not going to change the world, it's not going to set the world on fire, but it's been fun.
But I will not deny that in the past I too have had to deal with nihilism, and that was a very difficult period of my life. One that at the time I just couldn't talk to people about because how do you word that?
Besides, you don't know how many people out there are looking at you right now and going, "damn, wish I was OP, having the maturity to question their place in the universe at only
xxyears old!"Edit: Grammar
As others have said, try not to compare yourself to others. You could take inspiration from others, and shape up your own path. You will always lag behind if you follow someone else's path. If you make your own path, then you might be able to walk side-by-side with others. An analogy would be in starting a new business where you wouldn't want to directly compete with established businesses, so you would add your own twist or handle a niche uee case instead.
Also, there's different kinds of success which also depends on perspective.
I don't know if I'm answering, but few years ago I've figured out and started to test this hypothesis:
Memory is context-driven, and such is our own ability to retrospect about spent time.
For example, let's say I spent whole Saturday doing one of my favorite combos; playing Factorio and listening to podcasts. Next day I would go to a dinner with a friend who (as most people on the planet) is not really interested in neither of these things. There's no way I could justify day spent, to my friend it would look like time wasted. Thing is, it's actually easy to come to a similar conclusion just myself -- I would feel like from some "objective", "classic" point of view, the time spent in Factorio was wasted.
However, one thing is easily missed: due to the contextual nature of our memory, the memory spent in one mindset (playing Factorio with podcast) is not readily available outside that mindset. (It has to be like this to some extent, right? we don't need to remember how to ride a bike when not close a bike!)
It sometimes happens to me that when I open old map from Factorio, memories from "the Factorio mindset" would start coming (including topics from podcasts or audiobooks), as if I visited some old place. If my friend walked up to me while I'm playing Factorio and asked me about how I spent my time, I could probably share lots of stories about how I came up with this structure and how I found myself stranded among enemy bases, etc. It's he change of context that prevents me to do so at the Sunday dinner -- part of the new context is that I'm with someone who's not interested in Factorio or podcasts.
The question is then, do all these experiences contribute in a positive way to something more long-term, like my personality? While playing/listening, am I training something that is going to be useful later on? It boils down to comparing what else could I have done, which is ultimately a futile enterprise anyway.
TL;DR: Could it be that in retrospect time can feel wasted but it's just because we're trying to "reach" the time from another context? Maybe we always spend our time the best way we can, it's just that we're not equipped to judge the time properly, at least not from any context.
If you're happy and satisfied doing what you doing, more power to you friend.
If you feel like you're stagnating and want a change, dive into something you're mildly interested in with an open mind and see what happens.
Best of luck to you!
Comparison is the thief of joy. What others have done in their life says nothing about their level of happiness during those times. Accomplishments are just one sentence with so much that happens in between that you don’t know. I feel like society has really done people a disservice by convincing everyone that you have to do big things in order to have a great life and if you don’t do them all before you’re 30 then you’re old and wasted your life and that could not be further from the truth.
You don’t have to pace up with anyone, your path is completely different from theirs and your thing that you do can start any time because it is NEVER too late. As long as you’re living you can start your next path any day you want, saying you can’t is like accepting that you won’t try anything new again until you die.
Lastly, even if you don’t have some big accomplishment like you’re seeing others have that doesn’t make you “less than” anyone else. You can still lead a perfectly happy and wonderful life without having some really great big goal in mind. Your goal can be to be the best you that you can be to everyone you interact with and that would still be a valuable goal in life. Take a look at what you value in life and when you focus on those things and surround yourself with others with similar values then you’ll naturally find your next goals in life. You’re exactly where you need to be.
A couple of years ago, I used to work for one of the major oil and gas companies. The work I did in my first assignment was interesting, and I met amazing people. I could see myself working there the rest of my career and becoming a subject matter expert. It was a somewhat prestigious job, I lived pretty cushy, and I put the rest of my earnings away in retirement and savings. It was supposed to be the ideal life for a white collar professional.
And I was miserable. I couldn't see it until I left the job, and by that point, I was in a horrible place mentally. I worked remotely for a bit before leaving, and my closest friend back in the city said I was the happiest she'd seen me in a long time. Before the pandemic I had been a fairly heavy drinker, and was already trying to cut back, but during the pandemic it turned into full blown alcoholism. I couldn't feel relaxed on the weekends unless I "took the edge off". I also couldn't focus well at work, thanks to hidden ADHD that I had been able to mask as a student with my drive. It became a much bigger factor from the pandemic onwards.
I could keep going but I think you get the idea. I spent those years living to work and neglecting my mental state. I was a zombie, a shell of myself wearing a mask for the public. I already knew that money didn't buy happiness, but it turns out, prestige doesn't either. Being successful as society defines it doesn't bring you purpose or joy or fulfillment.
You've got a lot of time ahead of you. The only thing that's a waste of time is spending too long worrying about if you've wasted your time and being so distracted by it that you miss out on the present. Take each day as it comes, pursue your plans, and be ready for your plans to take a detour. The best laid plans of mice and men go awry.
Choose what you can't not do.
Dood. Don't trip. The Colonel started KFC when he was 40 Vlad didn't start impaling until he was 32. Samuel L Jackson was 42 before he landed his gigs, after being addicted to heroin and cocaine. Even Billy Joel Armstrong's kids thinks he's lame.
Life is a journey. Not a race with accolades and a medal at the end.
Only way to see anything on the journey is to take the steps and enjoy the view.
You might feel like that now but almost certainly not forever. Growth and progress happen so slowly, making it very difficult to perceive. Comparing yourself to others and their achievements makes it even harder to see and in some cases may even undo growth/progress.
The only fair comparison to make is present you to past you. Sometimes that won’t give you much but sometimes it will and those are good moments.
My hope for you is that you learn to trust yourself and cultivate pride so that one day you realize you’ve been more satisfied with life and can’t be sure when things changed.
I absolutely do. Up until my now-wife entered my life, I feel very strongly I did nothing with my life and just coasted along. Living on benefits, in single room bedsits, wasting my life doing bugger all and barely coping with life.
Since my amazing wife entered my life, I've held down a well paid full time job, lived in a full flat for the first time in my adult life (never going back to room let's!) And feel content and happy.
We'll be coming up to our first wedding anniversary in October, and I regularly reflect in how different my life used to be. I genuinely owe my wife my life. Companionship and having love in your life is a massive motivator.
For me, happiness is the goal. My boss is a few years older than me, is a millionaire, work is his entire life and he's absolutely miserable. I can say with full conviction that I am happier and more content with my life than a millionaire two years older than me
No matter how you get there, we all end up the same way, just remember that.
I spent 14 years with an abusive (ex-)wife and I didn't achieve anything. Felt like my life was wasted. But you know what? It wasn't. It's all life-experience. It has shaped who and what I am today, and the person I am today I'm damn proud of. If you can call yourself a good, decent person, that's success to me.
Don't measure yourself against others (like everyone else says). Find your values, and if you excel in those values, who cares you didn't change the world? Or hold a patent? What is "Excelling at life" aside from making yourself and the people around you happy?
Occasionally. I think it’s natural to do so. This reminds me of a lyric from The Butt Hole Surfers
"Well, son, a funny thing about regret is that it's better to regret something you have done than to regret something you haven't done." "And by the way, if you see your mom this weekend, would you be sure and tell her... " Satan! Satan. Satan!
"But what do you really want to do with your life?" is a question that comes up a lot in our lives. I've spent a chunk of my life trying to find the answer before realizing that what I want to do or think I should be doing is inconsequential. The important question is how you want to feel. You could patent the whole universe and be the richest person on earth and still feel like a failure or an imposter. That's why rich and famous celebrities kill themselves -- despite achieving what everyone desires, the promised happiness remains elusive, if not even more distant.
As time marches on, you'll find yourself remembering lesser and lesser of what you did with so and so, but you'll always remember how they make you feel.
How you feel has to do with your attitude in life. You can feel happy and contented right here and right now, without changing anything externally. Live every moment as if it's your last, then you'll always know what's important in life.
As the saying goes, life is a marathon, and not a race. I spent my 20's feelings very sorry for myself as a result of sheltered upbringing and a lack of ambition. However, please bear in mind that the people you hear about on the news are a very small minority, and not a median representative, and that many of them had resources that they did not disclose in order to curate a favorable image
I am 30 years old and no achievements whatsoever. Nothing i've made has my name on it, none of it made me happy, and i got paid for very little of it.
A lot of people are deeply insecure like i am, but the difference is i have the financial privilege to not have to get out of my comfort zone, so i never did. I made a locked safe box for myself that nothing ever pushed me out of.
I'm not even rich enough to help people that much, at least not when i don't have an income. So i don't even have that satisfaction.
But a lot of torrent users have appreciated me over the years so that's nice
Wasted? I've browsed more dank memes than all of my ancestors combined.
You should try to move away from chasing goals, especially goals which are dictated by others. But even with your own goals, keep in mind that achieving a goal means little in comparison to the road there.
Imagine you dream of buying a house, or big car, whatever status symbol is your jam. You work your ass off for decades, are possibly miserable all the time and then achieve your goal. Do you think this will change anything meaningful? Sparks of joy never last, so take them when they come, try to be happy about smaller things in life and stop chasing grand goals. Embrace the present, not the future. You live now and only now. Always.
How old are you OP? Being "normal" isn't time wasting. You grew up, you went to school, will find a job, find love, maybe build your own family (or not). It's beautiful. You don't have to achieve greatness in life. Be yourself, be kind to others and that's actually enough. If you find something you're passionate about, and you can dedicate yourself for it and in time be good at it, it's good! If you have an unremarkable career, it's also good! The obsession with "success" is not a good thing, in my opinion. Be happy, and be the source of happiness for other people. The time you enjoy wasting is not a time wasted!
It’s not just you, it’s all of us. But what people really regret when they are facing the end is perhaps different from your fears as expressed here.
Five wishes of the dying:
- “I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.”
- “I wish I hadn't worked so hard.”
- “I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.”
- “I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.”
- “I wish I had let myself be happier”
From The Top Five Regrets of the Dying: A Life Transformed by the Dearly Departing by Bronnie Ware
Do what matters to you. For me, it's traveling. Doesn't have to be expensive, or far. I just like to see as much of the world as I can.
A carpenter and his apprentice were walking together through a large forest. And when they came across a tall, huge, gnarled, old, beautiful oak tree, the carpenter asked his apprentice: “Do you know why this tree is so tall, so huge, so gnarled, so old and beautiful?” The apprentice looked at his master and said: “No…why?”
“Well,” the carpenter said, “because it is useless. If it had been useful it would have been cut long ago and made into tables and chairs, but because it is useless it could grow so tall and so beautiful that you can sit in its shade and relax.”
Source: Henri Nouwen, Out of Solitude (Ave Maria Press, 1974, 2004), pages 26-27
For the vast majority of my life my only goals were gettimg academic satisfaction and doing unproductive stuff in the free time to get temporary pleasure. No end goal whatsoever.
The question you have to consider is what the purpose of life is? Is it impressive achievements? Because a lot of people who have done that are depressed and look back with regret as well.
IMO its just happiness. Do the things you enjoy that will don't harm those around you and allow you to properly enjoy the future as well. If academic satisfaction and "unproductive stuff" meets those goals, why worry about third parties? Do you want to match those achievements for your own enjoyment, or is it to avoid feeling shame? If it's the shame, consider whether that shame is meaningful because of your internal desires or of it's being pushed on you by societal expectations.
If it's internal, then recognize that and start taking steps to meet your internal goals. If it's external, try to let it go and understand that societal expectations are not laws to live by.
Not really. Part of my life's adventures have just been showing up.
"Wasted" as in how? Who are you answering to? What standards are you judging by, and are they your standards, or the cultural standards pushed onto you by a capitalistic "must be productive" mindset? Or parents pushing their own hopes and dreams unrealized by the same mindset? Are these friends really successful?
Maybe I was cursed or blessed by having parents who really didn't give a shit about me, were constantly "disappointed" by who I was, and not really caring about me as an individual person but how I made them look. My dad was a sociopath who never wanted children, and my mother was an alcoholic who wanted children to show that her marriage was successful and good unlike what all her relatives kept saying. Until she committed suicide and my dad threw me out while I was still a teen. Thankfully, I learned early on that my parents would NEVER be proud of me because it wasn't about me at all. It was about them. The disappointment was their motivator with no real strategy behind it, and they set me up to impossible standards with bad examples, and frankly, lies they were trying to make into truth. So I stopped seeking their judgement, because I could predict it would always be disappointment.
Last time I spoke to my dad (1998), he asked what i was doing career wise, and I told him, and he dismissed it as "you have no idea what you are talking about," as if I was making it up. The thing was, I was still making money. The money was real, his opinion of my success was worthless. He had to one-up me, and always will. I felt so free after that, and never spoke to him again. He never missed me because he does not love me or hate me. He just doesn't think about me at all.
The expectation of others is a powerful drug, I won't claim to be immune to it. But at a certain point, you have to ask who you are answering to when you determine your own success and failure.
There is no objective purpose to life. Having a hobby is a popular way to enjoy the limited time available.
There is no end goal in life. If you are satisfied on the day to day, there's no reason to be depressed because other people do other things. An infinitely small number of people do the things you mentioned.
If the world was a better place for having had you in it, even by so much as a single smile, then your life is not wasted.
If not, there's still time to do something about that.
Comparison is the thief of joy. It's good to be just yourself being weird and happy in your own way. If it feels like you are really missing something from your life that's a normal feeling as well. Listen to yourself without the comparison. What are you missing what do you want?
Permanently Deleted
A few thoughts:
-
As others have said comparison is the thief of joy. It’s also not a very useful motivator. Feeling a bit better off than someone else isn’t going to push you to work all night when it’s required. That motivation is going to have to come from an intrinsic place - some well of meaning that has significance for you.
-
I’ve had the chance to study a little philosophy in pursuit of my profession and having a foundational system of thought - or several to compare - from which to approach decision making has helped me to determine my path and give meaning to my time alive.
-
If you’re trying to do anything difficult, doing it alone is courting failure. Find other people doing similar things and figure out how you can help them out. Equally, if you want to learn something you’ll have a much easier time if you find a teacher.
-
Bruh you are 17. Life is just starting for you. My advice would to be find something you’re passionate about. If you’re not sure what you wanna go to college for, that’s okay, focus on what you love, and eventually you’ll make a career out of it. If you can live with your parents until you get your feet off the ground, you’ll be in a great position. I wish you luck. But please know you never wasted your life until you’re actually dead.
From the outside many people would consider me extremely successful, but I have found that my life feels like it has the most meaning and my well-being is the highest when I focus on my family and simple things. We have a society that’s quite literally sick with the idea of “chasing the grind.” I think working to better society is a virtue—but success in it may not necessarily bring you happiness.
I highly recommend the book “Four Thousand Weeks.” Speaks to some of this.
You can’t reach self-actualization without grinding through the rest of the hierarchy. And when you get there you realize the only thing that matters is if your life was a waste for you and what other people think or do didn’t matter
Kind of felt that way for a long time. Still kinda there but I feel like I'm finding satisfaction in other things than a yuge career, like my family and home improvement. The time I spend being useful to someone else than me (and my boss) don't quite feel like a waste of time. To me, it's not about "pacing up", it's more about finding what makes you feel the best version of yourself.
A shift in perspective could help. You focused on different things than them. We're you successful in your studies? Your leisure?
Putting perspective into place, you're in a different position than them. Direct comparisons like that are unfair and a fallacy.
As an approach, radical acceptance may help in coming to terms.
Or seeking to gain what you desire - but at your own pace and focused on yourself and your situation.
Focus on your own milestones, steps, and successes. Practice could internalize. Maybe a thankfulness diary. Listing 3 or 5 things each day. Or forgiveness for letting go, or successes.
I'm very successful in some things and utterly unsuccessful in others. I don't often feel envy, more often frustration, and probably often anxiety. I try to accept and suffer through what I can't/am unable to change. I distract myself and do/focus on what I'm good at.
You are the only one who decides what gives your life meaning, and you decide what counts as "waste". If your meaning is keeping up with people who have achieved big goals without working hard to achieve big goals of your own, you'll probably end up envious and miserable. A lot of people like doing that so you've got plenty of company to wallow in your misery with if that's what you want to do.
I'd suggest finding another form of meaning.
The beauty is there's no right way to live, because we're all going to die one day and you won't be around to care about your achievements or lack thereof. If you want to set those goals and strive for them, go for it if that's what makes you happy. I had a similar crisis at one point that caused me to go back to school and do a bunch of new stuff I had never done. But eventually, I realized it was pointless to stress too much because there's no true value, there's only value to you. For me, that meant spending more time with family while they're here, and studying things that interested me. If you sit around doing nothing but watch movies for years, but every single day you did what made you happy, how could that be a waste? It can only ever feel like a waste when you compare yourself to others and aren't confident in yourself. Even if your values changed over time, and now you want to do stuff you never did, go do it! You didn't waste time before, during that stage of your life you lived how you wanted to.
Psst you are 17. You can't even legally waste your life on alcohol or drugs yet in Canada. Maybe you are/were messing around and causing trouble. You can still get out of it at this stage.
You are still growing up. You are at the starting line. What you do from here is up to what you want.
I know almost everyone has a parent or relativ tell a kid to be the next Galileo, Mozart, Bill Gates, Elon Musk, or invent the next thingymajig. But it's more about what you desire to do, what you desire to be.
It took me over a year to find work in my field in the industry I wanted to be in (railways). Did I waste a year of my life? From some perspectives, yes, but I think not really because it was a terribly challenging time keeping my mental health, job applications are so bullshit but I got what I wanted eventually.
Did you want to change the world? Here's how I did. I had a casual chat with a homeless person by the parish, gave them 10 dollars, and the dollar store gloves on my hands to help them on the cold winter's day. It didn't do much to combat poverty in society overall, but for this person on this day it seemed like I meant the world to them. Even if that was 2 or 3 years ago, that's something I can feel just as proud about (if not more) as all my programming, hobby projects, school and work accomplishments.
At 17 I was a total waste of space. Didn't even attempt to get my life together until I was about 23, and even then it was a long process. I barely even graduated high school.
Now I'm 32 and I'm that guy people are jealous of that "has his life together". I've got a family, a good career, an education - all the societal boxes are checked.
I don't think anybody really has their life "together", though. We're all just trying to get through life as best we can. I'm not necessarily any more "happy" now than I was at 17, I've just had more time to improve my situation a little at a time. Just live your life, my dude.
why you compare an achievement of someone who have live vastly different than you ? like for example you live in europe so you mostly eat bread, and people in asia mostly eat rice, you cant expect yourself as european to suddenly envy asian just because they eat more rice than you
I have thought that way before.
But nowadays I have a different perspective. I've got everything I need to be happy, and that's enough for me.
You're not going to be obsessing over all your career achievements on your deathbed, you're just going to wish you had spent more time with loved ones.
There can only be so many people with impressive achievements in a world of 8 billion people that deserves to be recorded in the history books. And then you should think about the millions and millions of people lost to history and prehistory (pre writing) period that have left this world with barely a trace of even the city that they and thousands of their community occupied. So many people completely and totally lost to time.
When I think about it like that, I realize it's my ego making me feel bad for not "accomplishing" something when there's so few of us who get to alter the thread of civilization.
Live your life for yourself. Everyone's path is completely different, and you are only seeing the highlights of others loves, not their struggles. So stop comparing yourself to others and do what will bring you long-term joy.
Having goals for yourself is important, but they should be based on self improvement for the sake of it. Not for some weird one-sided vendetta. For example, I eat healthy and do yoga so that I can perform better at my sport. Does it matter if I actually improve at said sport? No, I'm never going to be the best in the world, or be able to compete in the Olympics. But improving gives me satisfaction in life and it is fun. So I set goals around it that give me something to strive for. I'm healthier and happier for it and that's all that matters.
Find the things that are important to you and focus on them. Life is much better when your focus is on what actually matters to you, and not the things that matter to others.
It’s never too late to make a change. Be the you that you want to be but don’t judge your worth against other people’s achievements.
Set a goal for yourself. Learn Japanese, release an app, cure cancer, whatever you want and aim for it on your terms. But be realistic and if needs be set a small goal first and work your way up.
Edit. Typo
You live in a world with 7 billion other people and the weight of all of history to compare to.
Huge numbers of them are going to just be flat out better than you in every single way. Incomprehensibly large amounts are going to be comparable in certain ways and just luckier at times when it counted.
None of those people brightened your friend's day with a joke, cooked and shared a beautiful meal with your family, planted a flower patch on your street, whatever you did that contributes in some local way.
You can be meaningful and find contentment without being world changing, and every single world changing person was supported by a world of people doing their own little things to contribute positively to their life.
Don’t overthink it. If you have a good place to sleep and are happy, healthy, and not hungry then you are good to go! Success is almost always felt in the moment and doesn’t last. Sure there are some great discoveries that change the course of modern civilization but the rest were just a moment in time. Also some people are just full of themselves and not telling the truth.
Don't bother just to be better than your contemporaries or predecessors. Try to be better than yourself.
- William Faulkner
The race is long, and in the end its only with yourself
Yep. Nothing's ever worked out, I've never had the opportunity, ability, and inspiration to get anything done. Some inspiration but I just can't. Mental problems, financial problems, social problems, always something in the way and I just kinda give up and play video games for a few months because that's all I can do. All' the cheap philosophy around here is like, "Oh, but you have a warm bed and a safe home and Internet access" but the bed's too warm to sleep some nights, the "home" is really not safe or healthy for me, and the Internet is a pile of memes and memers and several kinds of news that make me glad humanity's driving itself extinct and ready to jump ahead on that. I'm just not compatible with this hell-world.
It's a journey, they say. Yeah, the kind of journey where some of us get tied to a truck and dragged around town. "Enjoy the ride!" they say. Yeah, sure.
Anyway, what the bollocks am I even doing here? Idunno. Answer is yes, you're not the only one who feels like it's all been a waste but I think it's not just a "you're some kinda loser" sort of thing. While it's true that not everyone can or should do "incredible things" it's also the case that this world's pretty aggressively built to prevent much of anything from happening :-\ Go to work, rest for work tomorrow, repeat, repeat, repeat. Consume some memes. No thoughts, no room to breathe. It's amazing that anyone does accomplish anything. And then it gets taken and sold. still rantyrambling for some reason. Better just post and hope no one notices, I guess
Look, I spent my entire adulthood addicted to drugs. I have done nothing. BUT I wouldn't trade my experience for the world, because ultimately I like who I am because of it.
You need to appreciate experience for what it is. There is no goal, but death, and that is the ultimate completion.
Life is pointless. The only point is what your able to mine from it. I have settled on appreciation, and enjoy the ride (:
Eh I wasted a lot of time in my 20s could've been more aggressive about a career/family compared to other people... but I'm not other people. Think I needed that time to figure my own head out
If i am making stuff and it effects the tiny bit of the community i felt fulfilled.
Well... no and yes.
No - I don't feel like I've wasted my life. I feel like I'm supposed to feel that way, and I know that many (most?) people looking from the outside in would believe that I have, but I just don't feel that way. I'm content, and as far as i can tell, that's the only thing that matters.
Ah, but there's the rub - I'm content. It sounds as if you're not.
Unfortunately, the only thing I can definitely recommend is to try to assess your own feelings and figure out if you really are discontented or if you're just going along with the idea that you should be.
But if you really are discontented... I guess I could say to try to look at what it is that you really value (which is likely not coincidentally what you've mostly done with your time) and try to actually feel the value in it.
But I have no idea how that's done, since its apparently just something that I do naturally.
Sorry if that doesn't heip...
Funny...as I age I tend to have a similar view. But we're told hindsight is 20/20. The one motivating factor for me is the fact that a lot of what I have accomplished has made a difference to those who have shared in it. Which, to me, means we're doing incredible things people envy just at a different scale. Besides..there may not be a tomorrow, but there is always a today to do something better.
I used to feel the same way sometimes, but then I thought about it for a while, and reflected on my own life as well. I see all these people around me that are busy pursuing fancy degrees and high-paying jobs. But at what coast? I thought to myself that following societal norms/expectations does not seem fulfilling or interesting to me at all. Why would I want to do things I don't enjoy, just because it's what everybody else is doing? No. I decided not to worry about it, and just do whatever I feel like doing, regardless of what other people think about it. If you enjoy laying in bed all day, reading Lemmy content, and nothing else, then fine. Do it. You are not wasting your life because you don't do what everybody else is doing. You are wasting your life if you don't do what you want to do, that's it.
What's the point of people inventing all this cool stuff if nobody else sits down to enjoy the improvements though? Think of all the people who are actively RUINING the world right now. As long as you're not one of them, its all good.
My one friend, Rob Antecki, was a scientist and musician on the verge of working towards a treatment to prolong the human life-span, maybe even eventually ending the aging process. He worked his life whole towards that goal! Then one day in his late 40's, he was coming home from the fundraiser for his new biotech startup and whammo, hit another car, died on the spot. He never achieved his goal of ending aging or got his music app company going. His business partners will be lucky if they can even salvage his work because its so high level few people on the planet can understand it.
There's like 10 billion people in the world. If you try to measure yourself against everyone else, well, that's your choice, but there's always a bigger fish. There's also some people who begin the race farther ahead with more money, more connections, family of legacy, etc. Success is not the measure of a soul's worth or a life's pursuit. To better oneself though, it is a noble goal. That is not connected to changing the world, only changing yourself.
Nah. I look back at Tesla. One of the greatest people to have blessed our planet. Certainly among the top if not the top inventor to have existed. But I don't envy any part of his life.
How about Turing? Another great example. The father of computer science and AI. A great person too. One of the most accomplished human beings, even back when he was alive. I don't envy any part of his life.
I sure have picked unfortunate examples. But these should highlight how success alone isn't enough. I don't think life satisfaction lies in obtaining more, but rather wanting less. If you observe well, you'll notice people living very simple lives and being very happy while at it. How about the wealthiest person, Musk. Does he look satisfied with life and happy? I don't think a happy person would behave that way.
If you have so little, then perhaps you can afford greater risks. If you can't afford greater risks, then perhaps you don't have so little.
The important thing is that you feel satisfied with what you do or achieve. In my family there is a lot of pressure to be “successful” but after a while I decided that I have to be happy with whatever things I can achieve, and believe me, after that change in my mindset, good things began to happen with apparently no efforts. So as other ones are saying, believe en yourself, don’t be so harsh on your past or decisions, and remember that there is no race or goals you need to get, you create your own life.
I feel the same way a lot, but I realize that the negative feelings are what I associate with my life, not a true reflection of how my life has been.
Maybe I haven't done all the things I've dreamed or used my days effectively; why does that matter in the end? I've been lucky enough to afford a home, food, a loving pet, create friendships, experience love.
Also I tend to underestimate the accomplishments I have done. Having your eyes set on the horizon can cause you to miss the shells in the sand.
They likely have their own insecurities and demons as well. Likely have the same feeling as you about others with a different context. Be a hobbyist. Experiment and find your "calling" or passion. I've never personally really tried to pace with people as they are on their own journey as well. Friendly competition has always helped but it was agreed upon items (running X amount of miles a week, getting A,B,C, qualifications together).
From what I’m getting, you see the end point of major goals other people had, and you wonder how you could ever do anything like that.
What you need to do is turn that into a main quest line. In a video game (most of the time) you don’t start with “kill the big boss and save the realm” but every little thing progresses you to that point. The first thing you get as a goal is something stupid simple and abstract like Equip your sword and block some arrows. Eventually all the little side tangents culminate in “Kill the Boss, Save the realm”.
So try to use that principle in your life. Ask yourself a question, what do I need to do right now to do “XYZ”, come up with two things that would help you accomplish it. Now ask yourself, of those two things, is there anything I can do within the next 5 minutes to make that happen. If your answer is no (let’s be honest it most likely is), split each of those tasks into two things that will help you accomplish that minigoal.
Eventually you will have broken the tasks in two enough times you can find your “Equip your sword, Dodge some arrows” and start crawling your way up that quest tree.
People always flaunt and embellish their accomplishments, especially online. You're comparing yourself to liars and attention-seekers. You gotta find the path that brings you satisfaction, not material reward or approval from your peers.
“Perhaps I'm old and tired, but I think that the chances of finding out what's actually going on are so absurdly remote that the only thing to do is to say, "Hang the sense of it," and keep yourself busy. I'd much rather be happy than right any day.” ― Douglas Adams
A carpenter and his apprentice were walking together through a large forest. And when they came across a tall, huge, gnarled, old, beautiful oak tree, the carpenter asked his apprentice: “Do you know why this tree is so tall, so huge, so gnarled, so old and beautiful?” The apprentice looked at his master and said: “No…why?”
“Well,” the carpenter said, “because it is useless. If it had been useful it would have been cut long ago and made into tables and chairs, but because it is useless it could grow so tall and so beautiful that you can sit in its shade and relax.”
Source: Henri Nouwen, Out of Solitude (Ave Maria Press, 1974, 2004), pages 26-27
Don't compare yourself to other people. Compare yourself to who you were yesterday.
Do you have a goal? Set realistic achievable milestones. Come up with a 5 year plan of how you're going to get where you want to be.
One of the biggest rules I adhere to that has changed my life is "Nothing is supposed to be anything"
I went to high school with a couple of people who went on to do truly incredible, world class things. Both of then in fields I treated as a hobby / entertainment. Meanwhile, I've been midlevel mediocre at everything.
And I figured out years too late that I completely blew it when it came to three separate relationships, any one of which would have been life changing for the good. I was just very, very stupid and thought relationships came around like a bus service.
Now that I'm much older it grieves deeply me all the things I took for granted. All the missed opportunities. All because of some mix of laziness, lack of a long term perspective, lack of focus, lack of self discipline, and cowardice. Looking back, I realize many of my peers were more mature and focused.
I have to accept that I am a fundamentally unremarkable person and have burned up most of my good years of potential. I try not to dwell on these dark thoughts all of the time. But there's no way to truly come to peace with it.
I don't care much about "leaving a legacy". Just wish I'd made better decisions, especially when it comes to finding and keeping a loving partner.
If your not enjoying your life, you're probably wasting it.
I’ve felt that way a lot in my life. I dropped out of college and lived essentially in my parents basement until my mid 20s. Turns out I had a bad case of undiagnosed depression and ADHD. I kinda naturally worked my way out of the depression mostly. I’ve fallen back in a few times. And that entire time I could think about anything but how little I’ve done with my life. How boring I must sound talking to anyone because I have zero experiences. But about 8 years ago, I got diagnosed and medicated.
I’m just some average guy, now with 2 kids and a wife, and I work 55 hours a week. It took a lot of work and finding good medications for me, but I’m honestly the happiest I’ve ever been. And I recently noticed I don’t dwell on comparing myself to others anymore and it’s been freeing. I don’t need to be distinguished for anything more than being a good father, husband, and human. And that’s enough for me.
I spend a lot of time searching for evidence that the true percentage isn't actually 100%.
In the end everybody's life is wasted. Of 120 billion or so humans who have ever lived only a couple of hundred thousand even have more than the most basic details recorded about them. In 100 years you will be a distant name, in 1000 more no one will know you ever existed. Just live however you are comfortable with and quit worrying about wasting it.
I was lucky in this regard, to have someone who has the drive to create and do things as my roommate. And also another roommate, who was the exact opposite - your standard "go to work, and then watch netflix all the time". First of all, seeing the contrast between those two was eye opening.
And second, the drive is infectious. I usually don't manage to find the motivation to do things on my own, and tend to procrastrinate. But having someone who has the drive, and just joining his projects, will get you the motivation. The best advice for life I can give to anyone is to surround themselves with people who have hobbies you want to have, to join communities and offer help as a volunteer with running it (this is important - don't just join as a lurker, but as a volunteer). Sure, you may not be good at it - but you're no longer doing it for yourself, which will usually end with me giving it up - but the community depends on you. And that's something that helped me tremendously with learning new things, or just getting out and doing something.
Thanks to that, we have a indie studio that is working on a game in our free time. I'm also helping with organizing and DJing at events for our smaller music subculture, because I just offered my help to volunteer and help with it, which has also prompted me to start learning how to do stage lighting, so I can make the parties better - which was a hobby I wanted to do, but never found the motivation. I was volunteering at gamedev conferences, where I've met amazing people that eventually landed me a job, while also not having to pay the ticket for the conference. I have joined a group that organizes LARPs, and even though I had basically nothing to offer aside from a pair of hands and my time, just being in the group chat was inspiring - and it's only a matter of time before someone asks "Hey, we need someone to do projection mapping, can anyone do that?", and you'll be like "Never done that, but I can try". And now you're not just doing it for yourself, so you will get better motivation to do that.
So, if you don't have the drive or motivation to do stuff on your own - find someone to do it with, who has the drive, and help him. It is infectious. Everything I now do in my free time, be it stage ligthning, DJing or projection, I had no experience with when I offered my help to the group of organizers that were doing it. Sure, at first the only thing I did was carry stuff from place A to place B, but just being around those people, in their groupchat and part of the planning they do for events, eventually led to the "I've never done that, but I can try learning it". And if it doesn't work? Well, in cases like that I was the only one willing to try, so the alternative would be to not have the thing in the first place, and if I said "Hey, I tried, it's not gonna work", then nothing was lost.
Also - watch this video. While it's not exactly about finding motivation, it shows that it's ok to not be the guy coming up with ideas, but the world needs more people who are willing to help the people with drive and motivation and embrace their thing.
Starting my life from scratch in late twenties again. Learned 99% about life in the past couple of solitary nothing-to-do years, or I'll just say, my thinking/ doing has changed completely. Now, I'm having a hard time relating to things other people relate to. Spending a lot of time alone surely is life changing. When you start to believe in nothing, you have a hard time dealing with people.
Without getting super philosophical, what do you believe the goal of life is?
It's very easy to look at people that are allegedly achieving more than us and believe that there is something wrong with us or that we can do more, etc. This type of comparisons invite introspection and can be helpful sometimes to motivate oneself, but most of the times they are a road to depression.
Here is how I look at it: if I died tomorrow would I be okay with who I am? Of course I want to do more, grow, make an impact, etc, but ultimately IMHO life is about whatever you want it to be. There is no ultimate goal, there is no recipe, we ultimately all die.
Enjoy life right now. Don't worry too much about what other people are doing and create your own meaning.
There are an infinite number of things you can do with your finite amount of time on this earth, so keep in mind you can never do everything! Comparing to other people isn’t productive, but measuring your own satisfaction can be. I’d try making a plan for your leisure time to begin with, and get outside a lot more, nature is so satisfying and calming. Remember that it’s amazing to be here and alive at all, no matter what you’re doing, so try to enjoy every moment with that thought in mind.
Edit spelling.
Being a kind, generous person, being a good, supportive friend, such things matter so much more than having a startup or some patent. There are plenty of people who have "success" in the latter sense (often because they are good at bullshitting, boasting, marketing) but are - overall - a drain on society and their surroundings in terms of the first.
Only 99%?
You're a good candidate for taoist philosophy. While I'm not sure what having absolutely no long term goals really feels like, I've had them my whole life, I can tell you that people have their own paths, and its in this diversity of paths that one of our strengths as a species lies. This is why authoritarians suck on the modern battlefield--too much conformity, leaves them inflexible. We allow diversity of thought and encourage initiative and independent action, in our militaries.
I don't think you should look to other people's accomplishments if accomplishing those things was never your goal in the first place, though. Was your goal, perhaps, learning? If so, those folks usually wind up with an eventual responsibility of handing their knowledge down to future generations, once it is accumulated sufficiently. I don't see how that contribution is worth any less than a start-up though.
I get that all the time.
Graduated with a History degree ten years ago, spent 18 months afterwards unemployed because my degree closed many more doors than it opened, spent another 3 years working in dead-end customer service roles then worked my way up into a finance career. Last week I got my 'big break' where I managed to avoid redundancy and secure a financial reporting role that's relevant to my ACCA studies. This is one of those rare times where the stars aligned.
My love life (or lack thereof) is my biggest grievance with life. People my age are married/cohabiting and have children of their own, meanwhile I am turning 32 in the next two months and still haven't even lost my virginity because from my experience, women have often been very frigid and judgmental.
Maybe I am the wrong person to answer, but no. I've had one hell of a life so far. I worked in television, I interned for the Walt Disney Company, I served in the military, and as a result, traveled the world and lived in Europe. I even was a part of the convoy that recused Joe Biden in Afghanistan (my role was minor but I was there). All of that started because I didn't want to stay in my hometown and left to pursue something much more interesting.
I'm a father.
I know that life is fleeting. Consider it a success if you're remembered in 2 generations after you pass.
Am I saying "have kids"? No. I just know that what I taught to them will be passed on. Even if my name was lost, my contribution wasn't.
We live on by what we pass on. You're not a failure when you stop trying to keep up with the Joneses. If one idea continues, so do you.
To answer the topic question, no I don’t, and its not a good thing. I’ve pushed it too hard for too many years and now my mind and body are suffering from that toll. And it wasn’t worth it.
My advice is take up a few hobbies, and enjoy life. Don’t bother chasing others or “Keeping up with the Jones.” Enjoy existing, because it is short.
Jealousy is a huge motivator. Having to do something for a purpose is even better. What do you want to do? Because the endeavors you mentioned don't happen overnight. When your sitting at your desk solving some problem that you didn't even anticipate and you're not even doing that thing you set out to do, it's hard to stay motivated. So, what is it about those endeavors that you mentioned piques your interest?
Permanently Deleted
-
don't compare your life to other peoples. Everyone has their own path to follow. Some people are simply more motivated than others, and that's okay. As soon as I accepted I wasn't a money hungry ladder climber and just wanted peaceful stress free life carved on my own terms my goals were much more clear.
-
figure out what you really want. A person is like a ship at sea, it must have a destination, something to work towards, otherwise it floats adrift aimlessly. Picture what you want in your mind and want it so bad that you have to have it. If you don't know what it is, think harder and dream in your minds eye until a picture arises.
-
Comparison is the thief of joy.
Most people feel like this, in my experience. People usually don't feel totally satisfied with their accomplishments, but will assume everyone else is very satisfied with theirs. In reality, most people feel neutral about their situation 99% of the time, no matter how good it is. Past a certain point, when you've accommodated all your lower-level needs like food and safety, the only way to get legitimately happier is to count your blessings and be thankful for what you have, instead of chasing something you perceive as "better". Those things almost never actually make you happier, especially if they're materialistic.
Most people also show to others a fake version of themselves that has basically no problems in life. It's important to remember that what you see isn't usually what you get with most people. There are some who present themselves as being extremely happy but are severely depressed. It's important not to compare your genuine self to people's front-facing personas.
i am going to tell you some universal truths.
-
first truth: you will not fully understand these truths. though i list them here clearly, you will still learn them the hard way.
-
do not compare yourself to others. regardless of how you measure their success, you will find only a brief moment of satisfaction upon outdoing them, followed swiftly by regret, insecurity, and, not long after that, emotional crisis.
-
financial and professional success are antithetical to happiness and fulfillment at least as often as they aren't.
-
you can only ever know yourself. everyone's life is a series of choices. only you can know what choices are the right ones for you. you cannot know anyone else's choices. you cannot know if anyone else is making the right or wrong choices. you cannot know what motivates others. your dataset for anyone else is so incomplete as to prevent the drawing of any good conclusions. no good reason to compare yourself to anyone. but when you do, there's no good reason to feel bad about it, or good about it, and certainly no good reason to feel bad instead of good.
-
what follows is a cliche, but it is not a cliche: your life begins now, and now, and now. you can only do something now. not back then and not in a bit. now. really understand this. if you're not happy now, it's because you keep doing things that make you unhappy. now, if you're not happy now, it's because you're still not doing anything to make yourself happy. what are you doing to make yourself unhappy?
-
you're making yourself unhappy. it's not them making you unhappy. they might be doing things you're not happy with, but you're the one doing unhappiness. now, if you want to bank all your happiness and fulfillment on outdoing these people, that's fine, but it's going to be awhile. years, decades, you're entire life, perhaps. but, don't forget number 2: happiness can't be found on this route. i wonder what it would look like, what choices you'd have to make, to be happy, and much sooner?
let me know how it goes. also, apologies for the length. it's all stream of consciousness and i'm to lazy to edit.
homework: read The Tao of Pooh
❤️
-
Comparison is the thief of joy
“Comparison is the theft of joy.”
Just focus on being a better version of yourself than the day before, small gains lead to major momentum over time. Don’t be too hard on yourself, just keep moving in a positive direction consistently. Little bits add up quite a lot with time.
Remember to find a balance. You might have been doing the right things for the wrong reasons. Questioning is good...
I like to focus on the little things rather than the big achievements. The big things are fun for strangers and the gram, but my family and friends care more about my homemade lasagna, the cool things I knit and the hugs and advice I give them when they're going through it. I press myself to achieve, but I doubt I'll ever get my own wiki page or anything.
For me? That seems low to be honest.
Its time for me to read desiderata again.
TLDR - focus more on what you have control over
I feel overwhelmed for trying to pace up with these kind of people
Same.
How did you deal with this?
One thing that helps is trying to avoid that kind of information, whenever possible. The less you know about something that bothers you, the less it ends up bothering you. Still on that page, another thing that kind of helps me deal with it is knowing that a good portion of those "30 under 30" from Forbes might be grifts or scams, like Elizabeth Holmes, Sam Bankman Fraud and Charlie Javice.
Another thing that helps me cope is knowing that this whole pressure for overachieving is cultural poison. It's the same shit those NLP quantic coaches peddle, a way to blame YOU for not having an amazing life, full of riches and recognition, because YOU didn't try hard enough. An easy, culturally acceptable way to look down on people with deadend jobs or unemployed.
I don’t like the way the things are
Me neither and, like you, I don't have the means to change shit. Apes alone weak. But, like the TLDR, you have to focus more on what you CAN do, even if small and irrelevant. That's still on you and that's your part.
The funny thing is that the older I get, the more I understand why huge communities can make everyone feel so lonely. You live somewhere close to, say, 20 families, but barely know 2, despite being physically close to where they sleep. How weird is that? All those closed doors and passing sights create a huge disconnect with people that you should care about, because they're so close to where you live that their lives can directly affect yours.
Huge thread, wow.
I know that by thirty years old you know something of what you are aiming at so bear in mind that at that point if you're not doing what you're supposed to be doing you'll feel it. Nothing wrong with that.
Permanently Deleted
For every 1 dude who does incredible shit, 99 of us are getting by being content. Being content and unremarkable is the norm, don't let social media or fucked up parents tell you otherwise.
The only meaning to life is being happy and content. There really isn't any meaning to it, so the former is the best option.
If you really feel like you need to do something or regret it forever, then you need to get off your ass and start making changes. Otherwise surprise! You're just like everyone else!
Nobody TRULY cares except YOU and MAYBE your closest loved ones. Even then you realize people pay way more attention about what people think they think about them vs what they actually do. Most people generally don't give two shits as long as you treat them with GENUINE love, openness, bare minimum respect.
Only compare yourself to yourself if you’re doing better than you were a month ago, year or even decade you’re going the right way. Everyone has skeletons in their closet to you rarely get to see medical issues, spouse cheating, debt up to their eyeballs all this can be hidden for a long time.
Kind of. I've amassed a fair amount of knowledge over the span of this life I'm over halfway through, but very little in the way of accomplishments. (Not counting the achievements in video games.)
Yea but I go easier on myself these days as I see it now as part of a larger systemic problem. Living in suburbs, having social anxiety, struggling with toxic family issues, etc. It all played a part in my escapism into video games and unproductive time sinks. I forgive myself for the past and try to do better today. It's about making the most of the opportunities that are given to you, cheesy as it sounds.
I grew up evangelical, and I definitely wasted my young years not living life because of it.
If you grew up with any portion of your life spent under Neoliberalism or worse, that portion of your life has been at least partially wasted. And that's ok. We don't choose the traumas we experience, just what we do with those traumas. No one will ever live a completely fulfilling life, you just do what you can and learn to accept what you couldn't do and understand that no one is 100% perfect 100% of the time.
well living in clown world doesn't help, seeing as how we're at least a hundred years behind where we should be if history didn't go the way it did. if anyone's to blame it's JP Morgan after he shut down Tesla's funding way back then.
Found the millenial.