Anon owns a pair of cursed jeans

First rule of living with constantly upset stomach: before ever trying to fart, go sit on the toilet. Preferably with pants off.

After I got my gallbladder out the nurse in the post op room told me that I should take a laxitive because they didn't want me straining to poop.

Well let me tell you what you definitely don't need immediately after getting you gallbladder out or for the next several months, if you guessed a laxitive then you'd be 110% correct. Holy shit it was bad. I didn't even take the full dose. Just one fucking pill and I couldn't so much a sneak a squeak for the next 12 hour without completely spray painting something. My gut is thankfully back to normal now nearly a year later but I still can't bring myself to trust my farts. I've never so much as had a close call since then but I just can't bring myself to trusting my ass. It burned that bridge.
- interesting. After my gallbladder removal, I didn't have any trouble.
  
  The only thing they said to me was "you'll notice it if you eat anything super fatty"
- Not gallbladder but my recent surgery they put me on a bunch of laxatives and softeners after, also for straining reasons. It took me five days before I pooped and it was an absolute landslide. I remember being super drugged, exclaiming to whoever was near me "I just had the riskiest fart in the world I need to get to the bathroom right now"
- when i was in icu after a majour accident, they gave me a laxatative a couple of times. its was incredibly painfull in a shit related way. your insides feel like you ingested a bucket of tabasco sauce.
  
  and try shitting when lying prone in bed.
  
  the whole thing is so traumatic that all shame is out the window when they have to clean you up afterward. i mean, i had like a bedpan, but that thing would overflow and what not.
  
  AND i was in pain because of the accident. i pooped midday, slept till evening to eat something, slept till next morning, it was this exhausting.
I call those the safety farts.
Ive reached an age where I simply cannot trust a fart. I can be 99% sure its a fart, but Ill still hold it until I get to a dunny and play the porcelain tuba.

I'm regularly surprised by how many people manage to shit themselves, and how it's common enough that people have a casual laugh over their "shat myself" stories. I feel left out. I laughed so hard I peed myself once when I was 5?

I have IBS, and while I've had many close calls I can proudly say that I've never shit myself. As someone that's basically a flight risk for accidental pooping, as well as having heard these stories before in-person, I often wonder if more people have stomach/bowel problems than they'd like to let on.
- you've jynxed yourself and i kind of hope you shit yourself now just so i can say "shouldn't have shitposted about it" in response.
  
  this might be my most elaborate shitpost yet.
- i left work right after clocking in because a fart felt like pushing out more than just air. so embarassing
I sneezed and shat myself the other month, maybe you're young or maybe you've got a good bowel sytem.
- I coughed, burped, and sharted simultaneously a while back. It was disorienting and I felt violated
and how it’s common enough that people have a casual laugh over their “shat myself” stories

That's how we deal with the trauma.
Never trust a fart.
- So say keto dieters
Clearly you're all blocked up. You should eat more fiber.
OP has a gaping asshole.
Drink way too much cheap liquor and you too can have the opportunity to shit yourself the next day.

I was almost at work when I sharted.

Thought, well, "oh shit" lol. But I was like "OK, get to work, immediately to toilet and alls good."

My desks in a corner and none of my team were in that day. Can't get rid of the smell totally but it won't be terrible and I'd be well away from everyone else.

Then I have to go upstairs and spend the day in the very small secure room. Obviously the super cute girl I have a crush on is also working in there that day.