Kicking my ex out. I'm terrible at any kind of confrontation and at this point I do have the option of calling the police to assist. I just know that I am a doormat and am afraid I will cave if he gives me a sob story. He's had over two years to get his shit together and leave but it's come to forcefully removing him. I could use someone besides the police with a firm voice to convince him to get up and moving.
I'm done with my job.
I hate the company because I'm ethically opposed to the business model, I want to actually help people instead of building more efficient ways to steal money from small businesses and the families of dead clients. On-top of that our latest manager is the next in a line of increasingly intense micromanagers who keeps looking at our engagement scores and is basically making our jobs harder and more annoying in response, he can't work out why it's getting worse...
I want a new job, anything that lets me actually help people. Hard to do when you don't have any official qualifications, a disability and are neurodivergent so interviews are a nightmare.
I’m a software developer but a lot of the work is ambiguous and the instructions are lacking sometimes. My company puts no pressure on me and is amazing with my neuroticism and ADHD. Yet I can’t not wreck my mental state by worrying about things and thinking I’m not cut out for this. This issue is worst Mon-Tue and then gets better towards the weekend. It’s also dependent on the work load and client emails.
Also, crashed my mums car last night by not paying attention and rear ended someone. Then they tried to fight me cause I asked them to all stop screaming as nobody is hurt and it’s only material objects and I’m fully comp so they’ll be fine. Fucking cavemen. I’m not adverse to hitting someone, but it would have to be over something more serious than a minor accident.
Everything. Or just this.
I need to get my car fixed so I can leave.
I need to empty out my car so I can get it fixed.
I need my car fixed so I can empty it out.
I need to go shopping so I have food.
I need to bike to go shopping.
I need to eat to bike.
I need food to eat.
I need to get paniers and a rack for a bike so I'm not so reliant on my car.
I need to get my car fixed so I'm not so reliant on a bike.
I need to find a therapist to feel safe.
I need to set up a computer to email every provider in a whole state to try to find one.
I need to set up a computer so I can work.
I need to feel safe to set up a computer.Everything seems like the most important thing to do right now. I know the actual only important thing to do today is get food for at least 3 days so I can have at least 1 day when that's not a problem. I need someone to tell that to even though I'd already thought of that and thought that I have nobody to tell it to, so thank you for asking.
I got rear ended and I think I may have a concussion.
My finances are so tight right now. I’m at an ER right now, because everyone I know says to get any symptoms documented ASAP.
Rear ended at a stop light two nights ago (Thursday). Tried to work last night (Uber driver), but whereas I usually do 4-5 hours before a break no problem, I could only go about 1 hour before being too exhausted and feeling my attention slip.
I really, really need to make money this weekend. I hope there’s some kind of lost wages support I can get, because I’m afraid if I drive (a) I could be unsafe and/or (b) I could prevent my brain from recovering by not resting enough.
I don’t have any buffer to cover me for now, even if I’m awarded some kind of lost wages judgment later. I’m worried, overwhelmed. Don’t know what to do.
On top of this, my nephew who’s in a rough spot in life just showed up in town unannounced. He didn’t ask, but I offered to let him stay with me. He’s homeless. He says his plan was to just stay on the street or at a shelter.
He’s a good kid, but he’s a total spaz. He found some gig work today, but he botched getting up on time and I woke myself up early to drive him to this job.
I really, really need my sleep. When I wake up there’s like a 30 second window for me to go back to sleep. But I rolled out of bed and drove him to the job site. Because he didn’t plan well enough for getting there.
I grilled him the whole way on how he can avoid making that mistake in the future. His answers were vague at first. He literally just said “discipline” when I asked how he can avoid this in the future. I was like “no, I’m asking what specific steps you can take to avoid this”.
He’s got a seizure disorder. He’s in and out of mental hospitals. He’s been on the street in Oregon. Got OR gov’t to provide him a train ticket to Denver.
I feel for him, but I really really need solitude and rest if I’m gonna recover from a concussion.
Fuck.
He’s got really bad adhd. I keep finding food he took out of fridge then just forgot.
I’m in my 40s, he’s in his 20s. This is my first apartment ever. I’m struggling to survive. Living week to week doing uber with a rented car. But the shelters are full as far as I’ve heard. Meaning he’d be on the literal street.
I’m praying. My own father is helping me out.
The fucking timing on this is crazy. Was heading to the train station to meet him, stopped at a red light, when the other car just ran into mine. Like, just sitting there then bam, my world is changed.
Nephew is weirdly childlike. He’s turning 30 this year, but he talks like a teenager. Thinks like one. I find myself naturally fathering him, like “Did you remember your coat?”. Shit like that.
When I lived on the street it made me grow up. I don’t understand how it hasn’t made him grow up. Or if I’m mistaking mental illness for childishness (as others have done with me).
I’m sitting in an ER waiting room right now. Staff giving me dirty looks like I’m a drug seeker. Don’t know what the fuck I’m gonna do.
My own father, in his late 70s, is offering to lend me a little money to get through this. I’ve got shame issues around accepting that. Trying not to let the shame control me.
I might just tell the nephew that he’s got to go out for the next four or five days. Figure out other housing or sleep on the street. I simply cannot rest my mind unless I’m alone. It took me until my fucking 40s to secure an apartment that was mine, where I could be alone. Then when I really need the solitude, in order to let my neurons relax and recover from the fogginess of this concussion, is literally the same day (out of the approx 15,000 days of my life) that my nephew drops out of the ether needing help.
I don’t even know what kind of help I need. I guess I need clarity and courage. Clarity to know exactly what I need to do, and the courage to do it.
I think the right move is:
- Accept the loan from Dad
- Kick Nephew to the curb (at least for a week while I recover)
But I feel no certainty about that. It feels wrong. My mind and my heart are out of alignment.
I've got 2 bush cords to stack....
My daughter is taking a nap, and my wife is out for most of the day coaching soccer. Things are peaceful now, but when my daughter wakes up, I have to do the grocery shopping for the week and start meal prepping. Not sure if you guys have dealt with a toddler in a super market, but it's a nightmare. Then I have to figure out how I am going to get the groceries up to my 3rd floor walk up apartment while wrangling my daughter. I can't just leave her in my apartment while I make trips because toddlers are basically constantly trying to kill themselves, and it's my job to make sure that doesn't happen. Then I have to start meal prepping with a toddler in my care. This is another set of challenges. I could wait until my wife gets home, but then I'm shopping late and won't be able to cook until tomorrow. And if I have to cook all day tomorrow, then we don't get to go on a family bike ride, and this time of year is so perfect for bike riding. I could order the groceries online, but they always fuck it up and then I end up having to go to the store anyway.
This might not be as big as some of the other problems people are having today, but man, I could really just use another set of hands to help me through today's responsibilities.
I've just stripped and primed 6 kitchen drawers. They need 2 coats of paint after that. I have to silicone around the new bath panel later on and maybe make a start at replacing the curtain rails. The old rails and baton need to come down, new wood cut, finished, routed, painted then afixed to the wall. It'll look good when done, but I'm not looking forward to it.
I want to help myself feel better but I don't want to do anything to make myself feel better. Week 2.
