How do you make proper "I am interested in you." eye contact?
I have heard from multiple people that eye contact is essential in letting a girl (or guy, I guess) know you're interested.
But what is the 411 when it comes to said eye contact? Do you keep looking until she does? Do you then keep staring? Or is like looking at the sun? What's the deal?
You won't get good answers on social cues from Lemmy. You might get good Linux tips though.
From my experience, if you make eye contact, look away briefly, then look back. If she's still looking at you, hold eye contact for a moment and smile. If she likes you, she'll likely smile back.
If she's purposely avoiding making eye contact the second time, don't be a creep, carry on with your day 👌
There’s a very thin line between the longing look of admiration and the cold gaze of a serial killer.
No no no. If she's purposely avoiding eye contact you have to stare at her with wide open eyes and a big smile.
If she walks away follow her, if she starts running away from you, run after her. She's telling you to come over.
That's how you conquer a woman /s
In her book "How to talk to anyone" Leil Lowndes suggests that when speaking with women it's best to maintain constant, unbroken eye contact to signal attention and interest. She goes on to note that even when engaged in conversation with multiple people one should act as if their eyes are constantly glued to the woman, only briefly looking away when another person is speaking and behaving as if your eyes are irresistibly drawn back to the woman of interest. She believes this formula is best in male to female conversations and female to female conversation.
By contrast, she notes that when engaged in a male to male conversation, one should regularly break eyecontact as not to be perceived as a threat. However, one should still act as if your eyes are being irresistibly drawn back to theirs.
.... I have no idea what Lowndes's qualifications are and frankly this sounds like a formula written by an alien trying to understand humans but hey maybe theres some merrit to it idk
She goes on to note that even when engaged in conversation with multiple people one should act as if their eyes are constantly glued to the woman, only briefly looking away when another person is speaking and behaving as if your eyes are irresistibly drawn back to the woman of interest.
Honestly, as a woman, if a man started doing this to me in a group I'd be freaked the fuck out
Kinda sounds like it would be the same kind of thing that brought forth the whole "alpha male" thing.
I got that vibe throughout the entire book. It really smelled to me of someone trying to justify their own success when in reality she was probably just born with the right connections.
Almost like sex hormones change the way people act and react
Okay but where's the line between "unbroken eye contact to signal attention and interest" and just being a creepy stalker?
Well, I got the impression that the author was mostly hanging out in upper class society. So while she's asserting that these rules are universally applicable, her frame of reference seemed to be mostly talking to people in situations like fundraisers and galas. I imagine she's operating on a framework of always having some prior knowledge of the people she's engaging with.
Gotta follow rules 1 and 2, of course.
the line between [...] just being a creepy stalker?
Depends mainly on your own looks, and a little bit on the question if she's already into you:
Are you closer to George Clooney or The Real Life Hunchback?
The only community I've been in where men constantly break eye contact is the military. And that's because we were in Iraq and constantly checking out surroundings as we talked. Men are not gorillas. Eye contact is perceived as paying attention to the conversation.
I love the errors you get and the timing of the errors
lmao!
The idea is that y'all both Exchange a glance long enough to both notice, short enough to not creep each other out. A subtle smile to seal the deal.
Then go say hi to confirm.
If you feel awkward at any point either you suck or the answer is no, that's where the real skills is at IMHO
The fact that your autocorrect is capitalizing Exchange makes me think you've had some bad times.
I feel awkard at literally all times, even when alone. Got any tips for that, aside from not sucking?
So I think the question could be refined a little. Eye contact helps build connection between people, but it's not the only piece of the puzzle. Maybe a better question is "'How do I communicate more empathetically?"
There's another question; "How do I let someone know I'm interested?" This question is related to the first in that trying to get close to another person (being vulnerable with each other) and communicating your feelings is how you let someone know your interested.
TLDR: get to know them and tell them you're interested. If they say they're not interested you can probably still be friends since you already got to know each other. Empathy and humility/vulnerability are key in building relationships.
Yeah people like it when you take a genuine interest in them so asking about their hobbies and passions is also a good way to flirt. Basically you are trying to give the other person the sense that you are equal parts interested and impressed by them.
Edit: Been with my wife for 13 years now so this is probably bad advice for youngsters. These days they likely stare at their phones and send aubergine emojis to each other while sitting 2 feet away
I'm not yet 30 and I think it's good applicable advice. I think you can actually practice a lot of these skills by making friends. The difference between romantic and platonic isn't that big.
Works 100% percent of the time.
60% of the time it works all the time.
I look like this...
Behavioral mirroring is often a sign of trust or comfort, and applies to levels of eye contact as well. If someone is subconsciously doing the same things you are doing (e.g. longer and more direct eye contact if you initiate, more or slower blinking, more smiling, more relaxed postures to mirror yours), those are good signs of interest.
The converse is also true. If you are doing a lot of direct eye contact, and it seems like the other person is often looking away or closing up their body (crossed arms or rotating their torso away), that's a sign to reduce some of those behavioral signals to match.
I'd say there isn't a "This exact amount" to most things, as people are all different in their preferences, and it's more about adjusting up and down with someone, in response to their small non-verbal or body language signals. They will likely be doing the same with you. Also, as others have mentioned - you can be more direct with words. If this is something you're unfamiliar with and there's someone you trust, you can say directly that you're uncertain and ask something like "I'm not great at knowing how much eye contact feels correct, could you let me know if you notice too much or too little?". If they are friendly with you, they'll also likely be comfortable with the small request.
Also, just to say it - eye contact can mean the general eye area - it doesn't mean your exact pupil to their exact pupil. I find that if I focus on the literal eye/pupil, then I get strained trying and keep attention on that specific small area. If I focus on the general eye area (nose/forehead/eyebrow/general eye) - they both can't tell that it's indirect eye contact and it's easier to let my body auto pilot focus
It's literally going to change per person
What do you mean by this, exactly?
Different people are different and therefore feel differently about how eye contact should work. Eye contact isn't a magical love potion that works the same for everybody.
I'm going to need class 101 on 411 as I've no idea what it is
In the US, 411 was/is a phone number you could call for "information", specifically directory assistance. Many carriers no longer offer it.
411 is number I think they post on high ways when people don't know where to find what they need in the area.
bro the last paragraph makes you sound like an ailen trying to mimic humans ngl
Do I sound like a handsome alien, at least?
GREETINGS FELLOW HUMAN
I have no idea what you're talking about.
First you need to approach in a non threatening way. Ideally, by shouting "I am bigger and stronger than you! If I wanted you dead, you'd be by now!"
That way they know you are NOT a threat
If possible, make them feel secure by brandishing a weapon of any kind. That way they know they WILL be safe near you
Ah yes, the pufferfish method.
You look them deep in the center of their eyes and breath deep and smile and then you use your fucking words to tell them.
There is an evolutionary trait that checks potential partners for eye dilation after prolonged eye contact, supposedly to check for defects, but all it does is a little Seratonin so it's useless in a world of rational choice.
like this 👀 idk man how am i supposed to show you from here
My opinion is that nothing insincere works, and you'd better find that interest inside yourself and allow it to guide you. Even if you won't manage a lot of eye contact.
But admittedly I have a diagnosis and I don't have a girlfriend.
find that interest inside yourself
I looked in my asshole but found something else entirely. Where is can I look? What other spot can I pick?
I suppose you don't really need a girlfriend with such looking skills.
There's a song:
"I was looking back to see if she was looking back to see if I was looking back at her"
And also an Islamic proscription against looking twice at a person of opposite sex since it signals interest.
So at least one sort of look that signals interest is the looking again. I also think the kind of sideways look with a smile is good.
Do not go for intense and smoldering. That is some sort of advanced level shit that we civilians cannot manage, it will go wrong.
There are plenty of videos out there on body language or "non verbal communication". A common one which i picked up on long ago and to myself referred to as "the uppy/downy" look is what you want. It's a clue someone MIGHT be into you when they make eye contact, look away (usually down), then make eye contact again. Allegedly they are checking you out, looking away, then looking to see if you're still looking. It's fair to say it works both ways.
It’s not just eye contact, there’s all the rest of it too including other body language and how you’re speaking to someone.
That said, I used to occasionally hang with a guy that chased all the girls (the kind of guy that would ignore you as soon as a girl he could be interested in showed up) and he would all but stare at her in conversation. Made me uncomfortable by proxy, lol. Seemed effective, but that’s what he did.
Snap snap grin grin wink wink nudge nudge say no more! Know what I mean, nudge nudge?
Any advice for autistic people who are uncomfortable with eye contact?
The image actually comes from an eye contact practise video
I don't know if it actually works or not. But I heard that looking between someone's eyes or slightly upon their forehead also helps.
It's all vibes. There is no cheat code, you just have to grok social ques by spending lots of time with people. Put your 10000 hours in, its worth it people are fascinating.
What do you do with the vibrations? What frequency?
I’m told you are supposed to pick up the good ones.
grok social ques
Best possible word choice to tell us you can't do it yourself.
how dare you. I have friends they just go to a different school
One element is to smile with your teeth. If a woman smiles with her mouth closed, it's just a friendly thing. Old gf told me that and a couple of decades of observation have born that truth out.
Know that face you make when you really want to smile, but are obviously holding it in? That can work.
Making strong eye contact, holding-it-in-smile, then blushing away, just to look again with a full-teeth smile sends a strong signal.
OTOH, if you have to consciously think about how to compose your face, you better be a trained actor. Humans have a solid sixth-sense for the disingenuous.
In any case, don't merely stare without expression. Yikes.
Very cultural dependent. I've been quickly recognized as an American because we tend to smile with our teeth exposed more often than other cultures.
Here, I'll do you one better.
Just smile, like genuinely, and wave or acknowledge her with your head when she looks. And if she turns away then stop, she's not interested or she's playing manipulation games. There's no "right look", that's something Hollywood made up for romance movies. The only bad thing you could do is exactly what they do in those movies. Sitting across the room and trying to just use your eyes reads as creepy. So if you're trying to catch her eye, you should also be trying to get to her, talk to her.
Smile with your eyes.
Whatever that means.
It means squint, pucker your mouth, and blow a fart.
The trick is to never look away. Stare till they notice, then keep staring. Have to get up to use the restroom? Maintain eye contact as long as possible and reestablish it the moment you're back in sight. If they get up, the responsibility to maintain that eye contact is on you. Make sure to stay within eyesight, following them if necessary. This is your chance, we're rooting for you!
All eye contact is “I am interested in you” eye contact.
To do this, you look at the person’s eyes while they are looking at yours.
Eye contact is basic human communication of “I’m cool with you.” Don’t rely on it to express romantic interest. Avoiding eye contact can express a lot of things, most of them negative. Sure, you can express more with a look but it can come off creepy if you don’t have a rapport with that person.
Make eye contact when talking to or listening to all people you like. That’s just basic social interaction. If you’re interested in someone romantically, tell them—ask them out.
There’s no secret handshake or look. Talk to them.
There’s no secret handshake or look. Talk to them.
Oh absolutely, I'm just looking to make a spark (like making eye contact) and let my social skills be the fuel. Or not, if she's not interested.
At first, you look at them until they notice, then you look away. The first time, they'll probably be irritated, because for all they know, you looked at them, because their hair looks silly or whatever. Then give it some time before you look again. In some sense, you can play it like you've just been caught looking at them, so you don't want to be caught again right away.
Then you repeat that a couple times and try to gauge their reaction (without directly looking at them). If they catch onto you and make an ew face, then definitely abort mission. If they smile, that's a good sign.
Then you can try to hold the stare a little longer before looking away and again, see if they smile. Eventually, you can try keeping the eye contact for a few seconds while they smile at you and then you smile back.
At that point, it's definitely time to talk to them. They would not keep up the smile, if they had doubts about going on a date, although it's obviously still not a guarantee. Sometimes, they only realize that they can't follow through when it gets serious.
But this whole spiel does communicate that you're shy about it. If that's not how you feel, it's better to talk to them right away.
In general, the more time you take before doing the talk, the more serious it is, because then it's not just a spontaneous "you're cute, wanna go out and see if we fit", but rather a "I've been observing you for the past weeks and worked out that you are my dream partner please marry me right away". So, yeah, don't take too long before you talk to them.
Who is this picture of? She looks familiar.
Is she a movie star?
Okay this isn't working I just sucked face with my phone for like a minute.
sometimes i keep looking until she does, sometimes i keep staring at her. it doesn't matter, based on the condition
Wink and point. Licking your lips is good too. Also, the Elvis lip curl. Bite your lower lip.
There are so many.
Don't forget to rub your hands together like a fly
Hell if I know, it just seems to happen. I don't think I can consciously do it.
It's all in the eyebrows.
no amount of body language can replace real, audible, words.
You know what erases all of this? Just SAYING it. TELL people what you mean and skip all the games.
Adding a smile goes a long way, or at least it used to.
But how is OP meant to do that if they don't know what they'd even be listening for? I'm not single these days but I never figured this whole body language thing out either, people's movements just don't seem to mean all that much.
You're a grownup. Use your words.
I'm thinking more like this.
