I would suddenly feel very sad for the one of them that bottled it up for 40 years, and for the other who obviously has known for many of those years...
I’d be fucking pissed. You disowned me for how fucking long over my queerness and were gay the whole time‽
If mom was still alive and gay I’d be surprised but happy for her and probably try to set her up with someone. She actually took me to my first gay bar.
One of my kids is trans and pan. The other is lesbian. My niece is trans and lesbian. My other nibling (look it up) is gender-fluid. My sister is bisexual. My aunt was lesbian. I have multiple gay uncles and grand-uncles.
There are a lot of LGBTQ+ people in my extended family, on both sides, and it's not a small family. So if either came out as gay, I wouldn't be particularly surprised.
Especially if it's my mother, who is already out as bisexual.
As for how I'd react? Mostly by saying, "Thank you for telling me, that must have been very hard for you." No recrimination or anger, of course. I love my parents, and either of them coming out wouldn't affect that in the slightest.
So funnily enough, she has had romantic interest in 2-3 women in her life who were very close friends that were gregarious, successful,kind, and independent.
But she wasn't actually attracted to them. It's like her brain recognized "oh hey these people would be wonderful to have has life partners."
But she's not attracted to women. So yeah still hoping she'll decide she likes women. Cause my dad was rock bottom and her recent boy friends were looking for a new mom to take care of them at 55.
So yeah, her taste in women would hopefully stay high if she decides she is gay!
My mother loathes the fact that my brother is gay, not even for religion reasons but because she's psychotic, so for her to come out would be highly satisfying because then maybe I could make her feel bad about it the way she makes him feel, cunt that she is.
My real ones, it would be fine. They've always backed me being active with gay rights issues going back to the eighties. They had no issues with my openly gay friends. They even let two of those friends live with us for a while. So, if it turned out they were gay the entire time, it might be a bit surprising that it took so long to come out to me, when I'm the extended family's established "safe out" person; I'm the one the people in the family come to for that because I've been very open about support.
Hypothetically, if it weren't my actual parents, it would really depend on the circumstances how I would show support. Someone coming out to you is a big deal. They'll have individual needs and hopes from the decision, so navigating that without a history to pull from for predicting those needs and hopes can be thorny.
Like, some folks want the support to be super casual, like "Yeah? Cool, what's for dinner?". Others might need hugs and reassurance, or calm verbal recognition, or even celebration. It could be anything; there's some folks that want/need it to be a little opposed or otherwise rocky because they can't believe, in their hearts, that it's possible for it to go smoothly. Without a little "drama", they stay stressed. Mind you, I'm not really able to do real drama, though I can fake being upset it didn't happen sooner as long as I can make it lighthearted and a little jokey.
Seriously, anyone reading this far, be the person that people come out to early on in their process of coming out. It's such a beautiful thing to be part of.
My parents are in their 80s. They've been married 50+ years. I know that they came very close to divorce at one point, and ultimately only stayed together because their religion says that you shouldn't divorce (except in cases of physical abuse and infidelity). To discover that they had stayed married, and both of them miserable, for 50+ years because of a bullshit religion would be heartbreaking.
I'd be very surprised because neither of them have ever struck me as even so much as being bi (and I am, so I feel like my gaydar is at least tuned in a bit), but if either of them did come out, I would of course be very supportive.
it would deeply pain me that they've had to suffer staying in the closet for so long, but i would be happy that they are now free to be what they feel they need to be.
I'd probably have to help my mom accept herself, but she's actually open minded when engaged in sincere conversation. I'd probably have to help her reconcile her faith with her sexuality, which won't be too hard. She's actually one of "the good ones," when it comes to being very Christian but also the parent of a queer child. (Me)
My step-dad would be interesting. If he came out it would be a genuine shock given he is a bigot. While it might feel really good to point and laugh at him, and not care what happens after he comes out to his very conservative family, thinking on it I'd rather offer my support to him and maybe gain an ally. I could at the very least be out to him. I'm not currently because I don't know how he'd take it and I live in his house.
My dad's dead. If he was alive I wouldn't be a part of his life. If someone told me he came out, I would say, "Neat!" Then move on with my day.
Well, my step-mom already came out to me as bi as soon as I came out to her, so that would be a bit anticlimactic, but if she decided to come out in a more public way I’d be happy for her.
My other parents are all dead, so that would be very weird.
Honestly, I’d chuckle to myself and then let them know that doesn’t absolve them of the decades of hell they put hundreds of kids through by being very vocal against it in community leadership. They have some cleanup to do. I’ll help with the cleanup, but you got some cleanup to do.
I'd laugh and walk away shaking my head. It's a kinda hard to explain but it's them being in that situation thing. If my brother or sister did I'd be fine not really react as it's not a big deal.
Very thorough response! Thank you for sharing. I'm gay myself and just thought it was an interesting question to ask. I had an older guy in his 60s at a gay event tell me he has been married to a woman for 40 years and finally came out. He said she accepts him and "knew" for years. They have adult children together and are staying together. It was a fascinating conversation.
My dad was almost a duplicate of the ex-Marine neighbor in the movie American Beauty. So, 1) I would not be too surprised but 2) if he came out to you your life is in danger.
My mom would never have actually come out either. She would have insisted that, “Oh, don’t be crude! She and I are just good friends,” until death.