fakenews

More as the situation unfolds.

"AI sucks my butthole" he said in a translated interview to Business Insider, "so we're bringing back that old bastard BonziBuddy, remember him?" He went on, "little shit is going to do all sorts of cool shit like play Minecraft for you or order take out. It's not going to be stupid like it used to be all spyware and shit, nuh-uh, we're doing it way better so be on the lookout for the ape."

After a tense 3 hour long stand off from the bathroom of a Burger King, Peterson surrendered peacefully to RCMP officers.

Mambo No.6 is expected to include returning characters Angela, Pamela, Sandra, Monica, Erica, Tina, Mary, and Jessica. Sandra and Rita are presumed not to return, due to their characters' deaths in Mambo No.5. Fans have speculated that Mambo No.6 may include Samantha, who was teased in the post-credits scene in No.5.

> Mr. Trump blasted Vance during his rally in Wisconsin, saying "What he did was not good folks, not good!"

> Melania Trump did not immediately respond to requests for comment

> a source familiar with the matter, who requested to remain anonymous because of close ties to the campaign, report chaos within the Trump circle after the alleged altercation. "Mr. Trump was privately complaining about his marital trouble with Melania and requested to sleep on Mr. Vance's couch when the altercation took place."

Gig economy giant Door Dash is now extending their services to include cleaning services advertised at those who live amongst their clutter. CEO Derick Dash claims that a survey conducted late 2023 found that 67% of customers had a minimum of three previous orders worth of trash accumulated in their rooms. “This is profit” Dash said, “the more people stay in the less likely they are to go out, in turn perpetuating the cycle of isolation and cutting them off from society and in turn, creating loyal customers who await their food on their door step. The “humanity” in introducing this new model into our system, the caretaker, we reawaken a part of our customers brains similarly to that of the mother, the mother comes, the mother cleans, the mother feeds, Door Dash is the mother that has been absent from our customers lives once they’re reach adulthood.” The TED audience stood and cheered for the length of an entire presentation, roughly 45 minutes. We asked audiences what they thought.

Barry Gillmore: “I love when businesses think like a family, makes it a lot more easier to grow attached to. You have a loyal customer in me”

Sarah Spaghetti: “I think this genius idea is one of those that comes and goes much like a comet, Steve Jobs was one of those comets and now I’m feeling the same about Door Dash. I don’t even need my mom anymore”

Kyle Cumming: “I am a proud and loyal customer and they have my business till my kids are ordering a family meal at KFC on the day of my funeral, god bless America”

Interesting. Door Dash is offering the same service to their food delivery workforce to the cleaners, cleaners will now be able to log onto the Door Dash app and be hired by people who demand the service. Door Dash discourages tipping, but suggests you donate proceeds to charities located in The Israel and The Ukraine. Cleaners will receive a flat rate wage of 3 dollars per hour of service.

The shooter wanted to impress Lady Gaga who he had a crush on and wanted to be featured in the upcoming Joker 3 as the lead character.

This goose is a secretary bird. You might think that whoever named it had the hots for their secretary, but the etymology is actually some nerd shit instead.

In a move that has surprised countless fans of the classic Kyoto Animation animated series, and the comic strip by Kakifly on which it was based, the national flag carrier of Iceland announced on X (formerly Twitter) that a third season of the K-On! anime would be released exclusively on Icelandair in-flight entertainment (IFE) systems from June to November 2025, beginning just in time for the Nordic island's tourism high season, and ending just in time for the Iceland Airwaves music festival. The announcement of the exclusive anime came shortly after Icelandair's earlier announcement that the airline would begin making direct flights from Keflavík to Kansai — the airline's first destination in East Asia.

K-On! season 3, also known by its Icelandic title Rokkstúlkurnar, is to be an "ambitious multinational project" which will "bolster the tourism and creative industries of two famous island nations", the anime's official website states. Characters Mugi, Ritsu, Yui, and Mio, now in their early 20s, find themselves studying abroad in Iceland and working part-time jobs together at a petrol station on Laugavegur under the supervision of Georg Bjarnfreðarson of Næturvaktin fame. At the same time, the girls see famous sights of Iceland, and practice music with famous Icelandic musicians such as Björk (co-performing the ending theme) and Bubbi Morthens (co-performing the opening theme), in preparation for their band Ho-kago Tea Time's big performance at the annual Iceland Airwaves music festival. The real-life Ho-kago Tea Time, consisting of the characters' voice actresses, will perform at the festival in real life as well.

Episodes of K-On! season 3 will be released three at a time on the first of every month, each episode having a 30 minute runtime. The season's total runtime will then be 9 hours across 18 episodes.

Industry commentators have questioned the purpose and efficacy of this "publicity stunt", considering whether an eighteen-episode IFE-exclusive anime will be effective enough at promoting tourism and the Iceland Airwaves music festival to be worth the cost for the parties involved, and whether making the anime IFE-exclusive might alienate fans of the series. Other commentators theorize that the anime serves to distract from criticisms of Icelandair's carbon footprint and contributions to overtourism.

Nevertheless, many fans of K-On! expressed joy and cautious optimism following the announcement.

White House Doctors report that Joe Biden has passed away today in an apparent spray tan overdose. White House Doctors state that the formula for the former Presidents spray tan contained lead, asbestos and plutonium.

Always remember to read the safety instructions before using chemical products.

A source close to Disney CEO Bob Iger said "woke Star Wars has made us a lot of money off white male tears and we plan to keep it that way but Biden's old dementia having ass is fucking everything up."

"Gimme the hottest ya got!" screamed the President at a campaign fundraiser in Wilmington, DE hosted by OpenAI and Wells Fargo. When Hexbear News Network's Junior Corespondent MaxOS questioned First Lady Jill Biden on whether the president can handle the level of spice, she responded "It's a trial by fire. We'll have to see..."