What Loot would you drop when defeated?

Spaghetti will dump out of my pant pockets upon my demise
- Thats not spaghetti 🤢

A Linux boot USB
- What distro?
  
  The devs didn't think that far ahead. It's just Linux.
  
  Gentoo

Anxiety
- Wh...why won't it stop? It just keeps coming. Where is it coming from?

Please don't mug me.

Phone | 1 | Legendary | $750 Leatherman Surge | 1 | Epic | $200 Flipper Zero | 1 | Rare | $150 Lock Picks | 1 set | Uncommon | $15 Mini Multimeter | 1 | Uncommon | $15 Random Tools | 1-3 | Common | $10 Mini Mouse and Keyboard | 1 set | Common | $10 Cash | - | Common | $33-$83 Cable | 1-5 | Junk | $5 Random OS Installer | 1-3 | Junk | $5 Keys | 1 stack | Junk | $0
- This guy securities
- Is a phone really legendary if every person you kill drops one? 🤔
  
  It's legendary to me. Don't rarity shame my loot table.

An ear or a tooth that would contribute towards satisfying your quest, but inexplicably only 10% of the time.
- So it's a quest in Appalachia?

A pair of glasses that nobody else can see through, a fixed size watch that will only fit the smallest of wrists, and a mostly empty wallet with cryptic notes in it going back over a decade.
- Nope, Gulf Coast USA. But yep, that plus a couple other items would be my loot.
  I also have a couple fun cards in my wallet, one is a Fresnel magnifying lens, which can be used to start fires, and another card is a folding pocket knife.
  Edit: Also a multitool plus a spiked watch wristband coming up very soon. I'm not a fan of metal detectors LOL!

My +3 poop knife

a rucksack with a bunch of nifty tools inside

Cargo Shorts of Holding.

A bunch of fully functionally cables that you'll keep forever but will never have any practical use.

A suit of armor that looks very different when you put it on depending on your gender.

No loot, just 3 exp

Debt

a second, smaller me - and their loot is an even smaller me
- "I'm filled with tinier men!"

A pair of black Timberlands, a bag of salted peanuts, and a copy of the Codex Borgia in English. All item qualities are grey to white.
- I feel like Codex Borgia would be a legendary item
  
  I love it, but it's the easiest Mesoamerican Codex to get copies of. I do have a 5% chance of dropping a copy of the Codex Nuttall and that's at least an orange quality.

A small plain wooden box, with a gold-looking clasp.
Upon opening, the person would be granted anxiety, depression, empathy, and self-loathing, or an increase of the same, to the point they'd often wish they'd never existed.
If by "defeated" you mean "killed outright", there'd also be a small slip of paper saying "Thank you."

A bunch of replacement organs that would look nice on first look but would actually drain your stamina at 5 % per year.

Meat.

Cigarettes (12)
BIC lighter (62% filled)
Wallet (empty)
Keys (unknown)
T-shirt (dirty)
Jeans (condition low)
Shoes (uncomfortable)
Scrap of Paper with writing (quest item; bind on pickup. The weight is bugged so instead of being 0.02lbs it's actually 200lbs)
Three 9mm rounds
- I read this as a zomboid inventory
  
  Then you are right at home inside my head, because that's what I was thinking of when I posted it (with a bit of Elder Scrolls for the bugged quest item) 😃

I would have the RPG classic, a few medicinal herbs

Pee

Clinical depression and student loans

3 copper
1 Linen Cloth
1 Crucial BX500
Truly worthless items

Egg

I fully intend to go out like a minecraft zombie, so whenever I leave home I carry a nearly broken shovel, an iron ingot, or a carrot.

- At least you could use it to make pretty much everything else!

Empty beer can, an overly expensive but highly niche PC part (for example a fiber channel card or backup capacitors for raid controllers), a guitar pick, and an airport lounge access card.

Probably a locked cell phone, a keyring with some unidentifiable keys on it and a wallet with cards but no cash in it.

Anxiety, and some cupcakes
- What color is anxiety mana

None, I self-destruct when defeated
- Haha, got ya beat; I self-destruct when I win OR lose 😹

A 20-foot-long sarissa, not because I'm armed with one but because that's what you rolled on the drop table.

phone
watch
handkerchief
wallet
sigh of relief
performance of "screw you guys, I'm goin' home"

Legendary rhombus of doubt

If I'm in everyday clothes, a Leatherman Skeletor and a pair of ear buds.
If I'm at work... a Leatherman Signal and a pair of ear buds. And 8 zip ties.
- Why precisely 8 zip ties? Only a few things need securing?
  
  For bags of hardware (that get zip-tied to a removed panel for re-installation). Somehow all the zip-loc bags get used or lost, but tiny zip-ties just keep collecting in the bottom of my cargo pockets. So I always end up having zip-ties.

Two eyes, a brain, a liver, two kidneys, 10 fingers and 10 toes.
Fuck if I know how it takes some people 30 kills to collect 5 eyes.
- I usually do headshots, but the majority are eyeshots. And when I use my shotgun there isn't much left from the torso up...

Random electronics components, tools, or sex toys.
- Those are all the same item though. Unless you have more than one..
  
  I have too many of each of those things, with more on the way. Literally, in the mail right now.
  In the ultimate synthesis of things, I’m currently working on building a new bed frame/headboard. I’m building one that has flip down cushions at the headboard with storage behind them, and a shelf (or two) up top. It’ll have integrated sensors/buttons and lights for reading, viewing inside the storage area and adding mood lighting to the room. It’ll have a lot of available power inside the storage area, so we can keep our sex toys stored and charged there, and not in the bathroom where we have to wonder if we’ve hidden things appropriately before we have company, in totes (where they get forgotten) or like, on our bedside, where they wind up with dust or stolen by a pet that thinks it’s a chew toy. Oh, and it’ll have hard points, obviously.

A phone, a wallet, assorted keys, a pair of gloves.

Organs for as many people as can take them.

Trick question, I will never be defeated.

3 randomly rolled unique quality items off a table of 1000. All 1000 of them have flavor text that eludes to them having hidden stats, but actually 500 of them have no stats at all and the 500 others modify stats irrelevant to the game with things like "30% more percentages" and +0.0001% more ‽"
- "30% more percentages"
  This seems like a munchkin's dream. Meta-items can be super overpowering
  
  That's the best part, I myself live for these things so I can ensure each item is tantalizing close to being abusable but never truly useful in any way.

i dunno, but whatever it is will forever curse the scavenger in ways that linger long after the loot is discarded or destroyed.

Numbers smaller than 314159, surely.

phone, used clothes, maybe a pocket knife. Rare loot would be a steamdeck or other portable game machine.

45% chance: Random 3D printed cosmetic item
45% chance: Uncommon keyboard loot box
10% chance: Legendary keyboard loot box

anxiety-inducing notebook (incomprehensible)

Sweet potatoes. 🍠

Dank Nugs!
- I needa farm me some zaphodb2002 mobs

a phone, a wallet, and a bundle of keys
also, maybe some bullshit manifesto

I'm that NPC that sits some in the corner and doesn't drop anything, who the devs placed there to make you feel bad for doing a genocide run

3d4*100 polyhedral dice, most of which are d6s and d10s. Each die will have a 50% chance of being glow-in-the-dark, and a 1% chance of being unusually shaped.

A god-tier travel mug, a rare leather armour (+1 vs cat claws) and a pair of comfortable walking shoes.

Weed pen, Some cute socks, 10 bucks, Scrunchie.

Right now:
iPhone 12 Mini 128GB iPhone 15 128GB
Keys to work, apartment, attic storage and laundry room.
Wallet with debit card, public transport card, driving license, public pool membership card (expired several years ago), European health insurance card, eyeglass perscription.

A pile of shit... literally. I have IBS, so there is always more shit just waiting for the wrong time. Aside from that... extra clothes, see above. Lol
- Are there any meds that can be added to the loot table? Like whatever the opposite of laxatives are?
  
  Lol. Fiber. Probiotics... modern medicine really is still in the dark ages.

If I'm defeated at night: Three bottles of bourbon, a guitar, two tacos, and a beaten up cowboy hat.
If I'm defeated during the day: Bad code, a cup of coffee, and a gallon jug of water.