Skip Navigation
traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns @hexbear.net
AshenWolf [she/her] @hexbear.net

Trans Megathread from February 3rd, 2024 to February 9th, 2024

Hi everybody! My schedule has been really unforgiving, so I may or may not end up writing something and making changes to the post later in the week.

Regardless, I hope you all have a good week!

Join our public Matrix server!

https://matrix.to//#/tracha-space:transfem.dev

https://rentry.co/tracha#tracha-rooms

As a reminder, please do not discuss current struggle sessions in the mega. We want this to be a little oasis for all of us and the best way to do that is not to feed into existing conflict on the site.

Also, be sure to properly give content warnings and put sensitive subjects behind proper spoiler tags. It's for the mental health of not just your comrades, but yourself as well.

Here is a screenshot of where to find the spoiler button.

192 comments

  • How do you even meet other trans people IRL? I guess there are places where they meet or whatever, but I am too afraid of everything to go to an unfamiliar place somewhere alone to meet with people I never seen before.

  • Weekly depression/anxiety post/cry for help incoming: (possible CW: stomach problems)

    Im still in the closet and living at home. I went to peer counseling one day last week and couldnt open up as much as I could when I went in October (I was more optimistic in October and now im completely hopeless, the place temporarily closed the week after and I could only do phonecalls between the two times). They recommended a few therapists I still havent called. Im in a near constant state of panic. I used to be able to chalk up my inability to go through with transitioning to my extreme anxiety, a male sexuality (when i imagine emotional “making love” sex im a female that gets held but then i get a boner and it all goes male) and concerns about wiping due to IBS and hemorrhoids. I wasnt happy but I was accepting. Then I Saw the TV Glow came out and idk im also a failed filmmaker and not only was the movie about my life, it also completely nailed the mood/setting/atmosphere of movies I wanted to make (my movies were silly genre fare tho). My friends even noticed how eerily similar it was and even in trailers it looked that way. I saw it in theaters five times. I uber for work and thats all Ive been doing for work for seven years. My parents are Liberals who would have hot n cold acceptance of me that ultimately went cold when I was younger and more able to tackle all this. My mom has apologized since (and my dad indicated he may be closeted himself which makes it way worse actually) but idk they did things like when I failed two classes freshman year of college they had an intervention telling me theyd be accepting (I wasnt ready I was a virgin and unfortunately didnt realize im trans until I was 14 and the only stereotype of trans people available in the late 2000s/early 2010s was “knew since I was 5”) but the next year I was ready and they threatened to kick me out. They would also always tell me I was doing it wrong and that people who transitioned in their 60s/70s were doing it right. It took Caitlyn Jenner media blitz for them to get accepting. I need to move out and estrange myself, Ive been open about this and theyre supportive/graceful about it. (Honestly it may be differing political views that motivates my decision a lot more, it feels like they never took my autism/anxiety seriously either and I just dont fit in with my family). Ive tried to apply to the post office but I sent in one application a few months ago and didnt notice a further quiz/assessment they sent me. Ive sent in another application but Im worried that not doing the second quiz/assessment blacklisted me. If I really lock in I can make $1050-1300 ubering 40ish hours a week. Theres always the constant risk of car accidents though. I dont know how I should go about getting my own place.

    Lately theres so many horror posts I see about new ways they find to fuck with us and Im in a constant state of panic. I just dont know what to do. People acted like the sky was falling during first Trump admin and that genocide was at our door any second. It scared me last time even though if I genuinely just tuned it out/pretended it didnt exist I wouldve been ok. It doesnt seem like thats the case this time. Im still 100% pre everything and I honestly need a much more robust irl support network. I just dont know what to do. Should I just stay in the closet even though Im really sad because its too dangerous? And if I do, how do I cope? What drugs should I take to tune it out? Im always sleepy so I need stims (been taking Adderall nearly every day for the past few years by buying it off a friend) I also really dont want to live as long as normal life expectancy probably even with transition. Im almost 34 now. Tbh 40 sounds like enough life.

  • Just finished changing my driver’s license. With little fanfare and much relief, all the state documents that I can change are done.

    We’ll see if my passport actually gets processed, and my state doesn’t allow sex marker changes, but that’s a fight for another day. So happy to have finally earned the F on all my documents.

    Death to Amerikkka and all its vassals.

  • A new razor blade really does make a difference. Doesn't hurt to shave nearly as much.

    (I still really need to start laser though, there's a section on my neck that just doesn't shave off 😖)

  • "I don't care enough to keep trying to fix this," she said before continuing to try and troubleshoot why her game mods weren't working for another hour.

  • Teleconferenced into my first meeting of a trans support group. It was mainly talking with a provider at a regional gender clinic for the process on getting care and approval for surgical treatment, so unfortunately didn't do any icebreakers or really "meet" anyone. I need to go in person at some point, but it's an hour drive.

    There's an in-person group this weekend however, which is only a 15 minute drive so I am excited for that.

  • Only getting two hours of sleep was probably not ideal, but I do love being able to earnestly call myself God's Sleepiest Princess.

  • Lots of exciting developments happening lately. I got my FFS surgery officially scheduled and it's less than a month away now. Electrolysis is going well; my upper lip is almost clear (at least for this growth cycle) and my facial hair is visibly reduced in most areas except chin. I bought and used an epilator for the first time and though I was worried about pain at first, it's honestly nothing compared to what I've been going though every week with electro. I'll be starting speech therapy for feminization soon. I've been more social in 1 month than I was for all of last year, and I've already started work on (further) radicalizing my new friends. Oh and I'm like 99% sure I'm going to get the job I really want that I interviewed for recently, mostly because my resume was put forward by the boss and have other recs from inside the org supporting me.

  • I've been keeping a transitioning journal ever since my egg cracked months ago and it's funny how shortly after I started HRT, it went from lengthy, emotional reflections on my life and thoughts about gender, to brief rudimentary and primitive phrases. they used to be one, if not multiple paragraphs, but the last two are just "booba itchy" and "so fucking horny rn". it's like in a horror game when you find logs from characters documenting getting infected and turning into a zombie, but instead of getting the T virus, I'm just turning into a girl.

  • hi, does anyone wanna make the mega in the upcoming weeks? if so, reply to this post and i'll add you to the list!

    the list as it stands: 

     undefined
            GayTuckerCarlson* (2/10 - 2/16)
    oscardejarjayes* (2/17 - 2/23)
    EstraDoll (2/24 - 3/2)
    Eco* (3/3 - 3/9)

    ​ * after name denotes someone who has posted before and will be skipped by first-time posters

  • Today has been moving so slowly. Can something happen, or it be bed time yet, or something? I'd like to hurry this up a bit. I already slept as much of the day away as possible. Now I'm just stuck.

  • One time long ago, I was in a first year English lit survey course. And the prof asked "but who does the bell toll for?" And I summoned all my 18 year old inner strength to not say "it tolls for thee" but looking back I think she wanted us to speak up at all lol

192 comments