When the pizza party is too expensive, you go with the EncourageMint

Way back before Scott Adams went completely off the deep end I had a tin of Dilbert branded mints called Encourage Mints. This is literally a joke from the hackiest office comic ever yet some manager(s) still thought it was good idea. WTF does business school teach?
- Company making millions due to its workers efforts, while rewarding them with practically nothing? Sounds like business school is teaching capitalism perfectly.
  
  They aren't teaching psychology in them. Stupid "gifts" like these are a net negative. You are so much better off giving nothing than a crappy gift.
  
  what a disappointMINT.
- They should just attach a turbine to Karl Marx's coffin .... his spinning could probably supply enough power for all of Western Europe.
- As far as I can tell, business school teaches people how to enthusiastically participate in the capitalist circlejerk. That’s kinda it.

OP is a goddamn liar and is trying to spread misinformation. Notice how there are TWO staples but only ONE mint??? Nice try OP, but we all see through your poor facade and know you're actually a two mint-having bitch elitist!
- Dammit, don't tell HR..
  
  Sorry, you meant damMINT
- Wait 2 mints?!?! Well goddamn if that doesn’t change everything!!!
  
  True, one would be a half hearted thanks but two...
- F
- Totally an AI-generated mint.

Reminds me of getting a note from HR admonishing me to pick out my 20th work anniversary "gift" from "pages 12 to 16" of the supplied catalogue. I knew nothing of it. They concluded with "or we'll choose for you, i.e. a clock". I got luggage tags. For 20 years of my life. The best years of my life. Luggage tags. FML.
- You actually might very well end up paying taxes on it
  
  Attention all Hudsucker employees. Attention all Hudsucker employees. We regretfully announce that at thirty seconds after the hour of noon, Hudsucker time, Waring Hudsucker, Founder, President, and Chairman of the Board of Hudsucker Industries, merged with the infinite. To mark this occasion of corporate loss, we ask that all employees observe a moment of silent contemplation. [moment of silence] Thank you for your kind attention. This moment has been duly-noted on your time cards and will be deducted from your pay. That is all.
  
  There will be a $20 gift fee and an additional service and shipping fee. How much would you like to tip? 12, 16 or 20%?
  
  $400 for luggage tags
- What was on pages 1 to 11 and who were they for?
  My old boss got a TV for 20 years and that was a shit company
  
  I got a transfer to a province with a language I didn't speak for my 15th!
- I got a digital camera that only took blurry pictures. This was Merrill Lynch in the 2000's.
- I got some drinking glasses that broke when I held them the wrong way
  
  Should have paired them with an OptiGrab,

They are not even ashamed of doing this!
- "What? It's cute!"
  -some dipshit with an Agile certification
  
  Gonna get an agile certification to get such a position and then coach my team into a fucking union
  
  It would be cute if it was how the person was getting a 10% bonus on what they helped make the company
  
  Lmao
  
  Always the Agile circlejerk certification

- What are the odds they've evaded taxes with the governmint?
  
  The guvmint*
- And that should be good for your mintal health!

thanks for making us six million here's a lifesaver
- This is the real reason why torches and pitchforks were invented.
  
  What double sucks about this is that every time I've seen something like it, it's some middle manager who fights tooth and nail to try to get their team anything and is given a budget of $6.37 and whatever they can find in the break room for 100 people. I have unfortunately been that guy a few too many times and had to explain to absolutely clueless managers that doing nothing instead is preferable.
- Six million more than expected

Thanks for making our shareholders money! Remember not to call in sick or ask for a raise and that unions take your money with no benefit!
- Got our bonusmints

DisappointMINT
DiscourageMINT
Lack of commitMINT to fairly compensating your employees

There's no way this is real - nobody would be that stupid, even in a management role, right?
- When I was at Costco, for Member Service Week they literally gave us a rock, like from the gravel outside the office, with the note: "You rock!"
  
  Your resignation letter should have just said "Now I'm about to roll"
  
  I would rather not get anything than get a rock for recognizing my efforts.
  
  That sucks. Costco is usually decent to their employees. Feel free to make and shame the dumbass who thought that was a good idea.
  You could always light the boss' garbage can on fire with a message saying "You're on fire!" Or a poo on their desk with a message saying "You're the shit!"
  
  How many of those broke a window you think?
- I’ve seen this kind of cheesy thing as party favors for company Christmas parties. It’s a thing, but it’s almost never the ONLY thing. It’s more likely someone in management saw it on Pinterest and had to incorporate somehow to seem like the fun boss. The. Did some other lousy stuff to make it not seem so bad.
  
  Yeah, notice the top. This was taped to something.
- I don’t know man, my sister in law just got made redundant while she and her family were on holiday. They rang her out of the blue while she was abroad to tell her. Who the fuck thinks that’s a good idea?! “Oh hey, you have no job now and just 4 weeks severance. But lemme ruin the last holiday you be able to afford for a long while by telling you now when there absolutely nothing you can do but worry about it”. Someone made that decision instead of waiting just 48 hours. Fuckers.
  
  Isn't it better she know as soon as the decision is made?
- You missed the opportunity to say "ManageMint"!

Every month my boss tells us how big a profit we're making. I think he thinks it's morale building. I'm guessing everyone thinks the same thing I do- "then I should be paid better." My Macbook Air, which I never took anywhere, was dying. I needed a new Mac for work. I suggested a Mac mini. They cost like $500. And I had to literally wait until my Macbook wouldn't stay on for more than 20 minutes for them to pony up the $500. God I hate it. I'm on FMLA right now though, which gives me time to look elsewhere.
- I used to do a lot work with the owner of my old company's financial advisor. One time, he was sitting there complaining to me about how the owner had to pay like 1.5 million in income taxes that year. I'm like, bruh, cry me a fucking river.
- Why mac?
  
  Because that's the ecosystem we use for the designers where I work, I hate Windows and there is no way I would convince the IT guy to run Linux. I would have to run the Adobe software through a VM anyway and I couldn't run our own software.
  
  Why would you even ask this question, its clear they use them already...

I assumed this was a nursing sub until I looked closer. Hospital management only does horrid shit like this for staff.
These “rewards” are awful. My condolences.
If you’re lucky though, maybe you’ll get a small rock with a “You Rock!” printout next time.
- The only place that rock should go is through your boss’s windshield
  
  A friend of mine was working in a movie theater and he got a nickel raise after three years. He said he was going to save up all the nickels and put them in a sock to hit his boss over the head with.
  
  Or head.
- I worked for a bank that did this shit. Gave us a packet of seeds and a note that said “Thanks for helping us GROW!”

You forgot "seething resentmint"
- The disillusionment makes me feel like I need to abandonmint.
  Where's the CEO? I think he needs a disembowelmint.

Love that the staple pierces the mint's wrapper, essentially contaminating it and rendering it potentially unsafe to eat. So you don't even get that, lol.
Time to find new employMINT.
- The corner is missing from the package, but slightly to the left the corner can be found underneath another staple.
  I almost thought they re-used the paper for the next guy

I mean it seems outrageously greedy, but stop and think about it: if they'd paid for a pizza party, the banner would've had to read "Thanks for driving sales and beating plan by $5,999,727!!" And that's just ugly.

Pictured: the moment Bob decided it was time to form a fucking union.

This is like in the UK when everyone clapped for the NHS workers during the COVID pandemic, including the PM and other government ministers.
But when said workers ask for a pay rise? Fuck off

I feel this will just breed resentmint

Actually adding the amount of additional money you made them to the card is the cherry on top.
- That's the worst part to me. There are some people who skew very positive and would just think "Aww, that's sweet" without that, but who could fail to notice it when their nose is rubbed into it?

My company gave everyone a 5% bonus just because we beat the forecasted numbers, but idk a mint looks fine too
- Why not both?

Here is DisappointMINT

An invitation to burn your place of employmint to the ground.

I kept thinking "surely this was attached to something else and they didn't just give a mint and a few stupid jokes". Then I noticed another one of these stuck to a locker in the background. What pieces of trash. You don't show appreciation by saying "You are appreciated". You show appreciation by compensating your employees for their work.

I broke my back to make a company's CEO $6,000,000 and all I got was this stupid Polo mint
- AND 2 used staples. Don't you forget that.
  
  I had to go back and look after your comment and it made me realize that the mint is already open and they stapled the torn off piece of the wrapper to it too.

I kind of don’t care what company / industry / whatever this was. If you surpassed sales targets by $6 million dollars, you have some cash for decent gifts. Hell a six pack of beer would be something… don’t print me out a goddamn insult. At the same time, knowing how sales compensation usually works, these folks probably got hella paid, weak gifts aside.
- No, you don't understand, that profit is for shareholders and executives. They were the ones that bravely cut lunch breaks and asked the staff to work harder, and they deserve the fruits of the staff's labour.
  All the employees did was produce 100% of the value, but that's just their job. Can't go setting any precedents by rewarding them.
- Give me the money, I'll treat myself instead of giving me something I might not even want.

If someone pulls this shit with me. I quit
- dont forget to pack your equipMINT

Suddenly switching to papyrus font at the bottom lol

That is worse than nothing. I got angry just reading this.

Your labor is worth 6 million dollars. How much of that do you get?
- Their labor is worth 6 million more than they thought because it was exceeding plan not total sales
- A 60¢ mint.
  
  Those mints are far less than 60 cents.

Did you roll the Mint into the manager's office with a note "looks like I'm rolling out of here!"
- LodgeMINT of resignation

For fuck sake, not even a werther's.
- Hey at least they splurged on actual life savers
  
  There are knock off lifesavers?!
  
  And stapled through the package, ripped the corner and then stapled through the packaging AGAIN.
- Clearly the boss is not a grandparent.

- Abandonmint
  
  I read this in a Kiwi accent, and the only reason I can think of why, is shid, though that doesn't really explain it lol
- My brain: "I hope you don't mint if I quit!"

I got a paper sack with a note like this and a bag of peanuts and a slim jim (one of the small ones, not the big ones).
- I would be dumping that shit on the ground. And slipping the janitor $10 later for the mess.
  
  $10 for the janitor, get the fuck outta here, clean your own damn mess or pay up. What's fucking next, slip me your EncourageMint. This is crazy.
- I got a star-shaped paperweight with my name on it together with 100 dollars worth of gift cards.
  This for two years in a row, because everyone really needs two star-shaped paperweights with their name on them.
  The truth of the above statement is borne out by its sheer pedestrian banality in the sense that it's not something anyone would ever bother to lie about.
  The sad part about it is that I am a dues-paying union member. One can only imagine how much worse it is for the non-union blokes.
  At least the union gives me a way to fight back and to have a little dignity and self-respect.
  
  I may join our union but I feel like they're a captive organization. They negotiated 1.5% cost of living raises for us 2022-2024. We had a lot of old-timers who are retiring with pensions now and they can't find anybody to hire at the starting wages they have on offer.

During university I had a part-time job at a business that sells coachings, seminars and online courses to executives and management. It's disgusting how these people talk and think about their employees.
And it's disgusting what they learned through coachings. It's always about how to distract or guild trip employees who dare to ask for more money or who don't work overtime. They aren't even shy about it.
- It is gross, but I find the honesty a little refreshing.
  Half of the time in meetings I wonder if we're really trying to accomplish what we're saying we are or if the whole thing is farcical and driven by ulterior motives.

[you] [are] [very] [appreciated] [insert employee name here]
- [mint]

"And if you work this hard next year, I'll get another Ferrari."

You got a whole brand name lifesaver? Are they hiring? /s
- And at one point before the photo was taken, there WAS 2!!

Wow, just wow.

Oh come on. Obviously you’re very appreciated. Says right there. 😜

This karma whoring. If you're in a position to create $6m in revenue without variable comp, I don't know WTF you do for a living. Your deserve a mint.
- I'm sure op is part of some giant sales org.
  
  Just part of big mint
  
  Although the optics are still really bad. Maybe the CEO is dividing that by employee count in his head, but most people are just going to see a sum that would be enough to never work again.
- OP could MINT their own money with those skills.

How to radicalize your workforce 101

Shit like that is when I start keeping notice of good places around the work place to start fucking fires.
(The above comment is not advocating for arson or any other related crimes. It is however advocating for keeping a keen eye out in your work place surroundings, which is sound advice for all.)

Better than the fake money (representing the record profits they had made) they handed out at a previous employer of mine. I'm pretty sure it was supposed to be funny.

Six million in extra sales and they give you a life saver? If you only make the shareholders an extra 5 million do they rob your house to make up the difference?

It looks like they were going to give two mints but thought better of the added expenditure.
- They were shipped back to the same sweatshop in Bangladesh to have the 2nd mints ripped off. The whole operation cost the equivalent of 47 pizza parties.

Surely this is just a joke. Right?
- I don't think its a joke, and don't call me Shirley.

They couldnt even spring for the other R in arrive. lol
- The other R in drrive?
  
  If you're not arriving sales I dunno what you're even doing.
  
  Hahaha. I feel stupid lol

Good work team let's hope for another 6 million

One of my SOs supervisors actually gave gold stars for good work. These were full grown adults, with children/mortgages/cars and, they thought, professional careers. She had worked there over 30 years when this happened.
Moral was quite affected by this "genius idea"!

I've seen this image before...
..and yet I never noticed that this person is so low to the ground in a file cabinets room, that they must be sitting on the floor.
- It looks like the locker room of their job, looking downward.
  
  dont ruin my depressing narrative ok lol

- We got a formula one team.

Here's my guess. There was a decent incentive payout, which is why they explicitly mention the +$6m. Some idiot person in HR thought this "mint" play on words would be clever without realizing how it would be exploited. By people like you.
- Here's my guess: this is a prison warden thanking his inmates for the slave labor that helped his investors profit off of the prison industrial complex. This is fun! I like making shit up with you.

Is there a DevastateMint?
- Mostly ResentMint
  
  I'd like a ResentMint

Huh you get a mint?/We get a "good job bro!👍👍"

Don't salespeople make a lot of money on commission if they're involved in selling expensive equipment? Like, even if they have a 1% commission, if they sell a state of the art MRI machine that goes for $3 million that's a good $30,000 from just one client alone. Even without a salary, it only takes a few sales per year to make a living wage.
- They can, but $3mil dollar deals don’t just line up outside your office. Getting 3 of those per year like clockwork probably isn’t normal.
  
  Not normal or everyday perhaps, but the equipment is still needed for other businesses to function.
  Also the notion that sales is the most important department in corporate since they, well, bring in the sales.
- Sales people generally make a commission, but you're assuming they are selling expensive equipment to begin with. My cousin does inside sales at a tire company, mostly tires for construction vehicles. His commission is based on whether they meet sales numbers, and is considered part of his "normal" income, typically referred to as "on target earnings" or OTE.
  A company that beat their number by $6mil and isn't popping champagne means they are probably a billion dollar or more corporation.
  Source: I work in pre-sales, get commission, do not get mints or pizza. I did get a $40 credit to our company store, which lets me buy shirts and hoodies with the company logo on it WITH MY OWN MONEY.

Ah, this must be Home Depot.