I literally asked my wife to marry me on the first date and she said yes. Getting right to the point is a woman after my own heart. Neither of us have ever dated before or, naturally, since.
We've been together for ten years.
We are also on the spectrum so that may have been a factor.
Yeah that was a major factor
I had food come out my nose when I read the last line of that post. Lol...phew...
Why marriage? Can't you just start living together first?
Asking someone to marry you on the first is just stupid. Many things could not work out and marriage is a big thing. Imagine spending time and money and then find out that you are not fit together. Then you live a miserable life or fill for a divorce.
We did--After we agreed to get married, because we were quite sure, but at the same time we didn't want to impose such a stark change right away in case the change would exceed one's ability to cope with change which could lead to panic, meltdowns, etc. Neither of us handle change very well. We didn't actually get married immediately of course. She packed up a pod and moved in next. It was months before.
We also talked about having kids right away. Not having them right away! But we talked about it immediately, I think like five minutes in, because isn't it important to know?
As a counterpoint: nothing in life is without risk. I've seen friends take it slow and end up divorced, too.
Why marriage? Can't you just start living together first?
Or not marry at all?
i wish i was on the fios instead
Many guys don't realize but a spectrum lady is perfect. They get to the point, tell you when something is wrong, and are excellent listeners. They also have incredibly complex hobbies that seem really simple, like knitting or baking, that can pay off for helpers around them as snacks and gifts. If you ever felt you didn't find the person who speaks to you, think different.
Oh, the old "I know somebody with X so everybody with X is the same" ...
Those attributes are an important part of what I like about her! Very direct, very plain to a fault. She has never and probably will never have an interest in playing interpersonal games. Zero drama. Loyal, because she doesn't like change. She's obsessive in her interests meaning we both easily get sufficient time to be our own person.
Sure, she's exceptionally sensitive about certain textures and sounds, but I understand because I'm the same way. Meeting her was like living a life where everyone speaks this language that I just wasn't born with, and finding someone else who is just as confused as I am was really validating.
So yes, I suggested that we marry, and she says yes you will suffice... which is perhaps the highest compliment she has ever paid me.
Ok, but what about the most important thing? Are they freaks 😈
What in the world is a "spectrum lady". I have some friends who'd be interested in this adjective being assigned to a lady!
Jesus
I think that I rather get to know someone better though 😅
My wife and I started living together after 3 months, talking marriage at 6, and formally engaged at 9 months. We've been married over 6 years now.
I don't have time for high school nonsense. I'm not going to burn 1+ years of my life on a "maybe". The older I get, the better I learn what I want and don't want.
We both had similar goals, or rather, goals that we could grow in together and not go separate ways. We had a shared sense of humor. My weaknesses were her strengths and vice versa. And we have activities we love doing together and things we love doing alone. It's fucking great.
A major advantage of dating when you're closer to 30 is that, for most people, you're finally secure enough in your own identity to where you worry less about whether they like you and more about whether you like them.
If I had stopped to ask myself the latter question at 22, I would have saved myself the raging dumpster fire that was my first marriage because the answer was a resounding "No." My first wife was a horrible person with very little to like. But back then I didn't like "me" very much and I guess on some level I was afraid that no one else would either. Despite plenty of evidence to the contrary.
I think I got too secure in my own identity. Now I just feel like I'd be annoyed trying to incorporate most of the women I meet into my lifestyle (doesn't mean they're bad people, just not a good match for me). Every so often I meet someone I feel like would be a good fit but they're usually already in a relationship or not interested. At this point I'm just doing my own thing and if a relationship happens, I'll roll with it but until then I'm happy being single.
For various reasons, I'm now considering that just staying alone might be the better choice, and yeah, I almost feel like I need to walk around with a disclaimer on my back. That if I don't flirt back or stop flirting, that it actually is a me-thing.
I'll often even be the dickhole sending mixed signals, because I actually do think you're omega-fucking-cute. But at this rate, it essentially needs to be a perfect match before I would even consider dating, which may come off as disapproval to anyone still looking for validation...
As I near 50 my plan if I ever have to date again is just to wear a pin with my age and "single" on it and if anyone wants to know more they can ask.
clinical anxiety speedrun
if skyrim has taught me anything, it's that wearing jewelry that says single will attract literally everyone
A: "Hey, remember me?"
B: "Oh yeah, we used to date. You single now?"
A: "Yeah. You too?"
B: "Yeah. Wanna give it a shot?"
A: "Hmm... OK."
My sister-in-law got divorced and re-entered the dating pool recently.
She skipped the big family Thanksgiving because the guy she was talking to wasn't free any other day.
He flaked on her, lol.
Meanwhile my ADHD ass is like: "I really liked her we should go out again... Next season".
Frieren be like
Are you about to have another intense burst of compatibility with a girl we never see again?
God dammit thats happened to me with the past like 4 girls.
Out of sight out of mind. Chuck a photo on the fridge door next time.
Can't really relate, because I am only 24yo. Rant incoming;
Though I am sort of reluctant to try dating. In the past, I tried dating apps but they yielded no results. The women I matched with all ghosted me. Really did a number on my self-esteem. Who knows? Maybe I've got the face for radio?
And in all honesty, it feels like I've got to abide by ridiculous standards. The likes of being buff and tall, owning a car and house, a 6-figure salary, etc. I am still studying and trying to get my bachelor degree. All of these requirements put a ton of pressure on me. Is every woman looking for that? Of course not—that's not what I am implying. But from my personal experience it's certainly starting to feel that way.
Not surprised why redpill content is booming. They're not right, but there is truth to be found in some of their statements. In the end, I do introspection to identify my flaws and improve on myself. Nevertheless, even by doing all of that it feels like it's never enough.
There are so many benign reasons you can reject someone.
Maybe you just deleted the app because you're done with trying for now.
Maybe you like someone but move on because things just got serious someone else you found first.
Maybe you like someone but there's some dealbreaker like distance or having kids or something else random they have a bias about.
Maybe you reject someone without thinking there's anything wrong with them, you just don't feel compatible.
And yeah some people will reject you because you're not rich or your looks aren't perfect, that happens too, but only a small percentage of people are rich or look perfect, you just have to make peace with not being that. Just about everyone else is in the same boat.
Don't let incel types cause you to shape your impression of why you're being rejected and turn it into a reason to hate a whole gender. Some of them have shitty standards, sure, but don't turn it into a rule about them. That leads to a downward spiral.
Don't let incel types cause you to shape your impression of why you're being rejected and turn it into a reason to hate a whole gender. Some of them have shitty standards, sure, but don't turn it into a rule about them. That leads to a downward spiral.
Absolutely, I agree. What I was trying to convey is that to me it never feels like I am enough. I know rejection is part of the game. However, it does hit hard—it affects my self-esteem. That is my problem and I need to work on that.
Still, I think you can agree there is a lot of competition going on. It's axiomatic that there are more men on dating apps than women. That leaves me at a disadvantage. To make matters worse, these apps are designed to judge someone based on looks. I am pretty fit, though nowhere near extremely strong. Just plain average.
I don't blame women for choosing the top percent of men on these apps (if the roles were reversed I would've likely done the same). Yet for someone the likes of me the only winning move is not to play.
Also, I am no misogynist. I don't abhor women for being rejected. They don't owe me anything. That is not to say that I don't find the process of finding a love companion difficult.
Wish you a wonderful Happy New Year bud!
The problem with dating apps is about the app themselves mostly. They promote shitty behaviours.
When you're ghosted, it çan be from 3 reasons: you're actually ghosted ; the person is no more on the app ; the person didn't really looked at your profile, or it has too many matches.
It is very hard on self esteem and on your appreciation of the other sex.
Dating apps are crap. You literally have a higher success rate walking up to a random person at a bar than with a first message on Tinder. They could be a good tool, but we live in capitalism so they are made to extract as much profit as possible, even if that means promoting toxic, mental-health-crushing behaviours.
It's important to understand that being on dating apps is not the same as dating in real life. We often see people in more superficial ways on apps and judge them in a way we wouldn't necessarily do in real life.
Women looking at men that way in dating apps is definitely a reflection on how they do in real life but it's amplified quite a bit.
Men are the same. How many times have you swiped left on a girl just because you didn't think she was attractive? She seemed really cool and like someone you'd get along with but she just wasn't attractive.
This again is a reflection on how men view women in real life but amplified. In real life you wouldn't be that harsh.
It's important to stay grounded and remember that everyone is just a stupid human who thinks they know what they want and may put high expectations on someone but often doesn't take a moment to think 'Am I all that though?'
How many times have you swiped left on a girl just because you didn't think she was attractive?
Zero times. Always swiped right to increase my chance of getting matches. Didn't use some hookup app the likes of Tinder either. Used OkCupid since I heard good stories of it at the time.
I am well aware I may be an outlier. I know other men certainly do swipe left.
Though I agree with your points. After all, we're all thinking like troglodytes at times. We set unrealistic expectations. Think social media skewed our views of what's realistic and what is not.
Well, right about online stuff. I would also have ridiculous standards if there were 10x more women than men. Just expand your social circle and eventually you'll meet normal people XD
Man, I can relate, I was in a bad way when I was 24. I was very lonely and dangerously far down the incel path (though nobody called it that then) before I snapped out of it.
What I wish I had understood then is just how vast the bredth of human experience is. It may be hard to imagine right now given experiences you've had, but there are a lot of women who would be into you if given the chance. I know this is true because women are people. Quite a few of them are into men, of those quite a few are available and also yearning for a connection, and of those quite a few still are into some of your interests and particularly like various traits that describe you.
Rejection can be hard, but it only means it's not just right just now for just her, not that there's anything wrong with you.
I am older. You want to hear me? Stop giving a shit about them altogether. What I mean by this is love yourself and focus on yourself. Women love psychological manipulation and think they are the hot shit, until they start going "good guy"-less by their 30s and the "beauty" starts to subside. Too much high school teen garbage, and most have not mentally grown out of it.
I will just enlighten you with the Tears Of Rain scene from Blade Runner. It changed my perspective on life. Men do not shine as bright, but men shine for all their lives, and this is all that western feminist man-hating ideology is formulated around to counter.
Oh, and you need no redpill or any pill to understand this. Just avoid the "bluepill" or garbage aimed to diss on men and masculinity. True masculinity (said by certain kind of people to be toxic) is about resilience, emotional control, inner strength, confidence and the ability to withstand life's hardships without resorting to insecurity (dissing manhood) or abusive behaviours (psychological manipulation). The whole societal game is played in heads and with physical seduction techniques.
You will do better by watching Robert Greene's relevant podcast talks and Dr. Huberman's talk on the Science of Love, Desire and Attraction. Some masterclass style long podcasts of Matthew Hussey are also great, since he does cater to women for dating scene.
Permanently Deleted
...and eventually you get desperate enough to drink that milk that expired 30 days ago.
I’m not too sure you’re right on that. I’m just recently separated (divorced soon), and my uh, “fridge“ is full of many good things and I wasn’t even stocking it.
Look, I’m no Brad Pitt, more like a tall, chubby Jason Stantham. So when I tell you I’ve got a few offers from my self defense class girl partners for coffee or a movie, I suspect the dating life is going to be fine.
I've just given up at this point...
The problem with modern dating: you have to get a smell of them to find out if you're compatible or not. Any metric available online is only going to do way more to fuck up your chances than anything. If you want to find someone based on shared passions it's more than easy enough to just find them through going out there and being yourself. Easier said than done with alienation being at an all time high...
My problem is all my passions are things I do at home by myself.
Username checks out.
I hate being the kind of person that ties things back to "we live in a society," but our town planning sure isn't helping....
Probably not.
My sisters: "You're way too picky when it comes to dating!"
Also them: — date dudes with so many personal issues that it ends up driving them up the wall and disrupting their lives with obsessive neediness and constant insecurity —
Me: lol ok.
My standards aren't even that high. I just live in a shitty conservative town and don't feel like traveling 1 hour+ just to see a human that might just be trying to hookup even though I clearly say that's not at all what I'm interested in.
Just give me a stable dude who can communicate well, is secure in their sexuality, doesn't have a criminal record, likes Stardew Valley, lizards, and is cool with stuffed animals, and I'll give it a shot.
