Phone calls still assume the people on the receiving end are attached to a desk.
Phone calls still assume the people on the receiving end are attached to a desk.
Why couldn't this call be an email? Why would you call, when you know that you are near indistinguishable from spam calls about Microsoft services and Nigerian princes?
For me an email is when I don't need a quick response. A text is when I want a faster response but I don't want to interrupt what the other person is doing. A call is when I want a quick response and I think it's worth interrupting the person.
I very rarely call.
Phone etiquette for the 2020s:
Message:
Hi, I wanted to talk about X. I think it’ll take about 5-10 minutes. When would be a convenient time to call?
Phone calls themselves don’t annoy me. People who expect to call you at any time and then get upset you won’t drop what you’re doing to speak to them annoy me.
This makes me irrationally angry because whenever I hear this, putting the time it took to ask would have been enough time to just type up a few sentences in an email that would explain everything everyone needed to know and then we've also got it in an easily searchable format so we can reference it later if needed.
I may be a little bitter.
Phone calls also assume the person on the other end wants to be bothered. If you choose to not answer, you're treated like the a-hole and are expected to explain why ("I've been trying to call you. Why haven't you picked up?")
"A telephone is a fantastically rude thing. I mean, it's like going 'speak to me now! Speak to me now! Speak to me now!'. If you went to someone's office and banged on their desk and said, 'I will make a noise until you speak to me' it would be considered unbelievably rude."
I was trying to explain to an elderly friend that people don’t just phone other people now and certainly not at times they will be doing something.
She found it hard to accept that many people find it rude to be called unannounced.
As an example, at one time if someone was organising a social event (eg party) they would phone around to invite people.
But that’s incredibly rude you are imposing on someone and also asking them to decide or excuse themselves on the spot.
I have a coworker that if you try to call her and she doesn't want to talk she straight up changes her status to away or busy and then just ignores your call. She is an a-hole but not for this reason, lol.
I greatly prefer messaging, but sometimes I call because it'll take me 5 minutes to talk on the phone and 25 minutes to get it all hashed out through texts.
Shortly after getting a cell phone, I made a personal policy that most people don't get a free pass to interrupt my life whenever they want (there are a handful of people on the short list, of course). I've had friends and family comment that I'm hard to contact by phone, and I've always pleasantly agreed (and explained politely if they seem interested). Even texts or other messages can wait until I'm at a good place to respond.
For me, having my phone on silent most of the time is a mental health thing. I know people that have their attention diverted every few minutes, and I have no idea how they survive.
Try having a brain that is compelled to actively search for new distractions, and
Squirrel!!!
My wife has ADHD. I feel you, fam.
When my dad wants to talk, he texts me something like "Hey Stephen, give me a call when you have a chance", and then I oblige when I have a chance. Most of the time it probably could have been an entirely text exchange, but whatever.
When my mom wants to talk, she just calls out of the blue, I don't answer, and usually we don't end up talking.
...I forgot where exactly I was going with this, but something about lining the call up beforehand
Yeah, at this point, it's polite to arrange a call, especially if it's probably more than a minute or two. And as you've noted, it's also more successful than a cold call.
Generally I get work emails to tell me things and work phone calls to ask me things. One twenty minute conference call could equate to about 800 emails going back and forth. (Also, some of our best staff don’t read and write (English) too well.
For me it would help if there would be an option for me to see the at least the reason why the call is being made and also an estimated time of the call.
And with work related calls, it kind of makes me insecure to not know the topic beforehand. I don't want to blob out some half information. Write it in email, I'll see for it and get back to you.
For me it would help if there would be an option for me to see the at least the reason why the call is being made and also an estimated time of the call.
There is: the person calling can first send a short text asking if they can call you to talk about ________.
I was more thinking about as something that should be baked into the "phone app" from my point of view. So when the phone rings, I'm seeing who calls, why is he calling and what amount of time would he need. If I'm missing the call, I would also see these info in the recent calls.
I think context makes a difference on whether a call is welcome or not, appropriate or not.
If the email asks me to write out a bunch of info I know off the top of my head, just call me. Don't make me write out something that I can just tell you much faster.
If you're asking something that kicks off a conversation going back and forth like if you need help walking through something, sending emails back and forth is annoying and dumb. Knocking it out in one call is faster and easier than exchanging 15 emails.
On the other hand, if you don't need an answer right away, if you need documents or images or if you need to communicate about something that requires a record of the communication, email is better.
I have been annoyed equally by getting calls and emails when people use them for things when they aren't ideal.
I can see both points. In my experience, people misuse calls more often, since a work-related call would often require a follow-up email anyway, but that's more anecdotal evidence
I’m so glad that spam calls aren’t a thing where I live yet. SMS spam is a relatively new phenomenon here.
EDIT: I completely skipped over the point of the post. If you’re busy, or you don’t want to be called, can’t you just decline the call?
My work gave everyone digital desk phones. The calls come through the computer.
I still barely ever get calls, and the Voicemail go to my email.
At my last job they assigned one of those to me and never told me. I had already been there about a year when I discovered it. I had like 500 voicemails. Haha.
I remember a very rude university lecturer called me once when I was in Tesco. He told me to turn off the Tesco self checkout because of background noise. I was in the middle of buying my groceries. Wut.
Calling is faster
Ah yes, I want to listen to your "uuuhm" and "hold on, little Jon just shit himself", incoherent, un-premeditated thoughts, with absolutely no proof of the contents of the conversation.
At the end of the phonecall, I'll probably ask you to send me an email with a summary of what we talked about, because I can't be bothered to keep all that mess you've just unloaded in my memory.
Unless you're my dad or my mom, you're sending me a message in a way it's convenient to you.
here we go, socially awkward redditors moralizing their awkwardness around phones again
It's called a human conversation, try it some time assholes. I'm sooooo sorry someone speaking to you is inconvenient.
have you considered returning to monke? nah then you'd just whine about fecal baseball being awkward
Why are you so upset?
because it seems like nowdays everyone isolates and pretends their discord relationships are real, and then complains when an actual human being calls them. there's already no connection between people, no communal spaces, no in-person relationships. it's so hard to see anyone anymore. and now you all want to shit all over one way to connect more directly?
and how almost every commenter in this space has the same mentality. it's horrifying. are you all shut-ins? it reveals something dark about the kind of people that post on this site and really undermines other communities.
and seeing people moralizing mental disorders instead of taking responsibility for them. that does real harm to others. anxiety is manageable and treatable. retreating into these closed systems only exacerbates it, and encouraging others to do the same only exacerbates theirs.
With this attitude there is no way in hell you should or could be the leading authority on human conversation.
It's called social anxiety. I'm so sorry someone being anxious is inconvenient to you.
Have you considered not commenting?
oh no you might be uncomfortable!!! that's so sad. whoever calls you is totally responsible.
anxiety sucks but stop blaming others for it. it's not their fault you choose to avoid the phone. maybe seek help for learning how to do a very basic human function instead of blaming others for it? or encouraging others to become defunct in a basic human function?
Ok boomer, let's get you back to bed.
If I'm calling it's an emergency or extremely time sensitive. Otherwise I text. I can understand when you don't want app or even text notifications. But understand and accept the risk that comes with it.
What pisses me right the fuck off is when I call, then call again, then text, then text again, and you, "mr/mrs im so important I can't be bothered by notifications" are somehow offended at me because you missed out on something because you didn't bother properly configuring two calls in a row from a known contact through your deny-by-default filter.
Those people, family or not, can fuck right off.
I don't like telemarketing or spam calls. But I also take responsibility and check if it's actually important. It's nbd to me to hang up on a spam call. And to be honest I have gotten a fair share of legitimate calls from numbers I don't recognize.
TL;DL Answer ya damn phone, you damn well know tiktok and insta still gonna be there 5 seconds from now
I can tell by this comment why people don't answer when you call them.
As I have stated I only call if it's an emergency (I'm in an accident, im in danger, someone else is hurt) or it's time sensitive (someone has face value Taylor Swift tickets at work, want me to get them for you?) I almost always text first, wait 5 min then try calling, I'm not a monster.
I find it pretty self important of people to cut off last resort real time communication with close friends and family because you think 2 minutes of your day is that much more important.
You can configure unknown numbers to go to voicemail. Heck you can make it so that only a certain subset of people ring.
Shame on you for blocking everyone instead of learning how to filter communication, and double shame on you if you get mad when you missed something that someone was trying every possible method to get a hold of you.
as another commenter said, imagine if when you wanted to talk to someone you begin banging aggressively on their desk screaming "TALK TO ME TALK TO ME". thats what letting calls control your attention does
so you can message first thanks :3
