What are some silly ways to say you gotta go poop?

Train's coming in to the station, I can smell the smoke.

Desperate need of a haircut!

https://www.npr.org/2024/01/06/1196550688/best-of-car-talk-draft-01-06-2024

Instant weight loss plan.

Sorry im late for the meeting folks. I just took a massive bio break.

Gotta make room for dinner

"I'll be right back, gotta check if the bathroom still works"

I tell my wife I have to go blast a dookie.

It’s a Simpson reference.

I find myself quoting a line from Farscape a lot:

Must...Excrete...

If I have to pee I'll say "I have to pee" if I have to shit I say "I have to go to the bathroom"

I'm gonna try and lose some weight

I gotta drop the Browns off at the Superbowl.

"I gotta go do some paper work" or "I need to get something down on paper" are my two go-tos

The chocolate bus honks.

A silly Dutch one is saying you got a fax from Darmstad, which is a city in Germany but also Darm=intestines and Stad=city.

In Dutch or Flemish at least we say: Ik moet een grote boodschap doen.

Which is a literal translation for: I have to make a big message.

"Gotta see a man about a dog."

Had a coworker that would go the the bathroom and sit in there for 10 to 15 so I started calling it a "Tony ten-er."

someone's faxing me a snickers

Touching Cloth

I'm gonna run for the White House

Two of my favourites are:

• I'm touching cloth.
• Dropping the kids off at the pool.

Dropping the kids at the pool.

Hard insider, "Doing an Olli". We had a coworker named Oliver and when ever we were at a customer on site he not only showed up late but always went straight for the toilets making us wait even longer.

Going to "take a comfort"

Gotta paint the town brown

Gotta curl one out

Gotta pinch a loaf

In our language "sitting" is a synonym of "meeting". So in the office setting, I always say "I have an important sitting coming up".

"Gotta use the sandbox"

Gotta make a deposit at the porcelain ATM.

Dropping the kids off at the pool

Honk out a dirt snake

I've got shit to do

Evicting a slug

Lay a sewer pickle

"Gotta go read The Hobbit" after my dad claimed he could do it in one 'sitting'.

Touching cotton, gotta go.

Turtle's poking its head out.

Farting freckles.

Making fuzzy rope

"All hands rig for dive. DIVE DIVE DIVE"

And my absolute favorite to use in the office or around older family / the youngins, "I gotta go make"

"Gotta sit on my thinking chair for a bit" or "lemme go listen to my own shit for a while"

Usually in dutch tho, "ff op de denkstoel zitten" or "even naar m'n eigen gezijk luisteren"

“Prairie dogging it” always makes me chuckle when I do a comparison between the two mental images.

"I need to poo-poo in the pot-tay"

"I'm sitting on a cigar"

Taking the Browns to the Super Bowl

(the cleveland browns are an american football team)

I need to practice the tuba.

Gotta do some heavy lifting

Gotta work my shift at the fudge factory.

I need to pinch a loaf.

Pinching a loaf.

I have to see a man about a horse.

I'm gonna knit a brown sweater. If you guess what I'm gonna do, I'll let you have half of it.

Gotta unload

Not pooping, but whenever i have gas, I say I ate a kitten. Not many people get it: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-sjRO6BQFMw

Gotta give birth to a pond of fudge

The turtle is peaking out it's head from the shell.

I sometimes say that I have to powder my nose.

I have to turn a bolus

Choke Jürgen or cook Jochen. Doesn't even make sense in German.

Gotta run, I'm groundhogging!

Say it in snowboard.

"I gotta go pinch a loaf" still makes me laugh out loud

"I gotta grumble" is good

Gotta go burn some toast.

Tear a wicked cable

Gotta shake a tit.

Dropping the kids off at the pool

Bust a mess.

Do a real paint job.

Gotta drown a brown baby.