1mo ago

Christmas = DEBUNKED

checkmate Christians

104 comments

Isn't it kind of fucked up to teach your kids about Santa. Like you're basically telling them that family didn't do much gifting for them it was all Santa. Its better for the kid to know you love them and thought about them rather than lie to them and subvert your relationship
Anyways I'm going to the local mall to debate a phony Santa
- I do think about that a lot, and how not receiving gifts is explained as a consequence for bad behavior. As a kid, if you notice all the poor kids aren't getting gifts, isn't the obvious implication that they're all naughty?
  
  Santa is just another part of the American Civic Religion that reinforces prosperity gospel. The rich children are rewarded by gifts from Santa while the poor are punished by being ignored.
  
  Naughty kids get clean-burning coal, the backbone of our Nation's energy supply. If the poor kids would just save up their coal and start a Koch competitor, they wouldn't be poor.
- As a postal worker im also kinda annoyed with Santa. Mfer I busted my ass all month delivering presents and even the elves get more credit than me
  
  I stand for the troops and salute the flag
- if you're gonna lie to your kids, lie about fun shit Calvin's dad would say.
- Current parenting best practice is to have Santa bring one gift that's not the ~~penultimate~~ best gift of the day. Helps prevent kids from realizing too early that Santa tends to favor the rich kids.
  
  Why specifically not the penultimate?
  
  Santa brings our kids like socks and maybe some candies. Mom and Dad get that good shit.
  "Aren't socks like the worst gift dad?"
  "No buddy, socks are the best gift, Santa knew you needed some."
  He knows I'm full of shit, but I do love a good pair of socks.
- My kid is 4 and Santa is hitting hard this year even though we don't play up the Santa stuff. The level of pervasiveness of Santa in American culture is huge. What I've started saying to her is: "did you know that anyone can be Santa? Sometimes mom is Santa, sometimes Dad is Santa, or grandma and grampa, and one day you'll get to be Santa too."
  She gets all her ideas about Santa from media and other people. It feels almost impossible to avoid.
- At our house the big gifts under the tree is from family and loved ones. But each of the four Sundays of advent Santa puts small gifts in the children's rooms at night and on Christmas eve he knocks on our door and leaves a bag of small gifts after they've opened the ones under the tree.
  There's also a Christmas fox who hides treats in their rooms in the afternoon on the 24th, which helps pass the time until Christmas eve and the big gifts.
  That way we get both things. The kids know they are getting gifts from the people who loves them and they get the excitement of Santa visiting them.
  
  Yeah but why make kids do magical thinking? Its far better to teach them dialectical materialism and scientific rigor
- Teaching your children about Santa is good because it makes them learn that figures of authority lie just for the hell of it and they should never be trusted
- I figured out santa was fake when I was 5 and the toys said made in China

Ngl I do like doing the “if this obviously fake thing were real what would that take” but Neil is still annoying as hell

please god make neil delete his twitter and shut the fuck up forever i'll never ask for anything again

He's magic, Neil. He does it with magic.
- ☝️🤓 Ah, but, have you considered that any significantly advanced technology would appear as magic to those who do not comprehend it? Santa simply uses quantum teleportation to achieve this miraculous feat!
- Neil doesn’t have the Christmas spirit, he will never believe
- More magic than Trump?

I think ots important for there go be people from the scientific community who act in the role of "popularizers of science." Its good to have liasons to speak to a general audience and make people aware and excited about what they do and discover.
But damn if this guy isn't the most insifferable prick about it
- The “I heckin love sciencerino” crowd has a lot to answer for
  
  They're literally the opposite of what the point of popularizing science is supposed to be
  
  Reddit Atheism and its consequences have been a disaster for the human race...

Santa is a very powerful wizard. Possibly the last wizard on earth. Next question
- There is a good series on tiktok about how santa is an eldritch horror. It is much more fun. He killed the other wizards and stole their magic.
  
  That's fine too. Sick of magic deniers acting like the laws of physics apply to things beyond our realm of understanding

In case you were wondering, for Santa to pass through every chimney of the houses of all those who celebrate Christmas, he must be no wider than 25 cm. However, not every house has a chimney—and technically, breaking and entering via a chimney is a crime. If Santa were caught, he might end up in jail!
AITA because I shot Santa while he was entering my house via the chimney??
ELI5 how big is Santas sack?
- NTA your chimney your rules
- ELI5 how big is Santas sack?
  NSFW?
- A lot of houses have a chimney that's just an exhaust for a gas furnace, not a fireplace... an interesting twist I've never seen an attempted explanation for
  
  in the Santa Clause movie Tim Allen goes down those too.. as he thins out to fit into the pipe and goes down, at the bottom the wall turns into a giant fireplace, until he goes back up again and it turns back into a normal wall.
- Santa is a wizard. I believe that answers all of the questions
  
  Uhm actually Santa is a sorcerer

Thank god for epic reddit science man to explain this mystery

Santa has developed a Uber-like app to outsource delivery work to the exploited elfs
- What would an elf union look like

I don't really hold this against him, tbh. It might sound insufferable but also is a nice piece of trivia. Maybe because I'm autistic I tend to sympathize with people who write tone-deaf and completely pointless infodumps
- This is also exactly the kind of thing every kid gets into after they find out Santa isn’t real, they go through an ex-Santa believer nu-grinch phase where they need to find facts to process their new reality.
  People leaving religions go through the same process of militant atheism because they have to dispel the lingering doubt in themselves
  
  Realizing Santa wasn't real at 4 years old was the beginning of my radicalization. After that I believed nothing without looking it up first, which of course led me to communism. Idk how all these other contrarian fucks ended up libs
- I don't hate him because he's annoying, I hate him because he is (allegedly) a sexual assaulter
  
  also every one of these tweets seems to accompany a fresh accusation. wonder who accused him on Christmas two years ago

Santa is confirmed as an Omega level mutant with reality warping powers so thats easy for him

I hate Elon Musk for a lot more reasons than NDT but for those reasons where my hatred of them overlaps I hate them equally

so? he's just really good at his job

Expanding the definition of night to some 36 hours to improve the lore is a pretty good bit. Like, he is racing the international date line so he gets one hour of night for each time zone and about 10 hours he could spend in each zone to play around with does cut down the time pressure a little bit.

Has anyone powerscaled Santa yet?
- According to robot chicken, equal to superman and they will fight you if you say otherwise

What Mr. Tyson doesn't understand is that there are four simultaneous 24-hour days in a single earth rotation
- He is already too educated stupid
  
  Evil oneness

Quantum Santa entanglement

If Santa Claus was real, he would not survive the yankee reich. This would be mitigated by no USAmericans being on the good list

adult santa enjoyers are SEETHING. they can't withstand his logic
- If they join forces with Disney adults they would be unstoppable but alas factionalism wins again

we never had wrapped presents from "santa" under the tree... all the presents were from mom and dad.. but on christmas morning our stockings would have candy and small toys like a yoyo or a harmonica or something in them and the implication was that it was from "santa"

It's actually a 26 hour night. That sounds like it makes no sense, but trust me, time zones are weird.
- Its actually a, don't ducking bother, make it someone else's problem, time and timezones are a nightmare, hour night.
- Kota Ibushi math

It's literally no issue, Santa can just stop time. Haven't you heard of his stand? He has "The World". It can stop time. Santa is all-powerful. He can stop it for as long as he wants. Checkmate.
- Can confirm, that's indeed how it works.

If magic was real it would defy the known laws of physics. Yeah, that is how magic works.

and he will visit them, as santa is an eldrich horror beyond our comprehension and our belief keeps him banevolent

So fucking glad my siblings never told their kids that Santa is real. I'm so happy that I don't have to pretend this guy is anything but a Christmas Mascot

Not accounting for the naughty kids who flipped a light switch on the Sabbath. Probably Santa would have to visit about 3 homes in total, which is why most adults don't believe in Santa.