I think it's that you don't feel older mentally. I though I would feel a certain maturity once I reached an age where I had a solid, advancing career and owned a house. Turns out, I feel pretty much the same and am just better at dealing with things that arise and pretending that I'm mature. My body hurts more and my face looks older, but I don't feel all that different. I'm sure I've mentally changed to some extent, and I notice it more when I talk to younger people, but I still feel the same.
The thought of dying gains more optimism because you get more and more fatigued by people and their bullshit. The toxicity, self-entitlment, tribalism, narcissism, hate... There's enough of them out there to just ruin it all enough that it gets exhausting and saddening. I figure by my old age, I'll be happy with checking out.
If there's an afterlife and it has to be shared with people of Earth again, I'll be so pissed off.
How many people actively vote and influence against their own self-interest
How much more slowly injuries heal. Get a cut on your hand? That'll take two weeks to heal. Catch a cold and you're down for a solid week. I'm only in my 30's but I feel like a decade ago it would have only taken a few days to recover from a minor injury or illness.
Edit: Thanks for the concern guys. I really do appreciate it. I get checked out fairly regularly. "Two weeks" is probably an exaggeration. I just mean it takes longer than it used to.
I was very surprised to find that I feel more calm, more balanced, more confident and true to myself, less worrisome and controlling, and just generally happier with every passing year.
I've had a very sharp mind, but I must confess I've noticed it slowing a little in the last few years. One of the mysterious benefits of that is now it causes me to reflect for just an extra moment before I respond. That has opened up so many more lines of communication and understanding in my personal relationships.
I didn't realize how much younger women would love older guys with some grey. I didn't realize how many women thought going unshaven and looking like a bag of shit (joking here but not)... was incredibly sexy.
I got a lot of experience seeing relationships all around me, and my own. And I came to discover some things about how we work inside. Majority of people never figure it out, but a lot of people do around 40. I found it very refreshing and surprising to see that within others, and it was a really cool light bulb going off for me when I got it.
I was super surprised to find out that despite my thrashing, really mostly my life was a series of random events or unlikely confluences. That is to say, through experience and reflection, I discovered that we really have far less influence in our own lives than we think. This goes for the high points and the low points.
I was really shocked actually to see how little emotional maturation there generally was as I watched my peers age alongside me. I know people who are in their 50s and 60s who do nothing except gossip in a sinister way about everybody and stir up shit. I am aware of a group of 50-year-old women wherein a marketing director got into a spat with 3 other women over a man at our social group, which ended with slashing tires. I really, really did not expect to see this kind of insanity at my age. And it still surprises me every time I see it, I must be naive at this point for giving people the benefit of the doubt.
I'm very surprised how quickly life changed from being so bored you purposely extend a poop from 2 minutes to 20 while you read the shampoo bottle for the 50th time... To the point where there isn't a single second in our day where interaction isn't available! We wouldn't miss a phone call for the world in the '70s-90s even if it meant jumping off the garage roof in the middle of reshingling to answer in time. I'm surprised at how bored I feel with more media to consume than ever before.
It gets worse every family member you lose... You don't get used to it. It just gets worse and worse.
How quickly the second half of my life has gone..i guess it has been filled with more variety and more going on. Could be the monotony of it all too that it all blends in. It's bonkers how quick things pass. I mean, COVID started 4 years ago..where has that gone! I have a 15yo son! l still feel like I'm 21 ..but with less-than-ideal moving body parts. My knees, no pain, just don't move like they used to. I wish I could do half the things i see some 50 year olds doing in the movies..jumping over fences like I used to as a teen..and and and
everything hurts.
That I still mentally think and feel like I’m 20+ years younger but my body and people around me won’t let me act like it.
You realize how some people never grow up and some people never mature. I see these as two separate entities. Having an inner child is one thing, but being completely disrespectful to others like a 5 y/o as a grown person is something else entirely
Everyone my age is angry about something that happened two decades ago and is working off a mental life story that "explains" why they are doing awful things. As if they get angry enough or disagree enough it can somehow backwards correct the unfixable.
I find it surprising that conversations and interactions with my cohort are basically an eternal thanksgiving dinner without the food or happiness. People are reduced to sore points, don't mention x, don't talk about anything related to x, whatever you do dont downplay x. They will demand you take a side about x.
One day you think you have 0 responsibilities and tomorrow you discover that you actually had a lot of stuff to be done, but it's impossible to finish them because today's things are piling up already.
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How much shit I've had wrong with me this entire time that I didn't realize was happening because it wasn't as bad and I was young
The fact that history gets shorter as I get older
Your actions, whether good or bad, will eventually affect you. Luck, which is defined as the factors that are beyond your control, such as genetics, family upbringing, and place of birth, is a major determining factor in life.
