You ever had a crush on someone back in the day, see them now and go "what was I thinking"?

this reminds me of how a friend of mine took this girl to prom. I would describe her as quiet and seemingly normal.

anyway, by her mid 30s, she was posting on Facebook non stop about how Obama was in the Muslim Brotherhood and actively helping ISIS into the US. big Operation Jade Helm brain. like posting memes of Obama with like evil red eyes and stuff, unironically.

I can't even imagine what level of Q / JFK manifestation energy she is on now.

Facebook is going to be remembered like that racist newspaper that Henry Ford stuck in cars. Or maybe like cigarettes or heroin. It's the most effective brainworm tool ever created and it's caused multiple generations to have severe cognitive problems.
- It's the most effective brainworm tool ever created
- Once a month I'll log into FB. Even with my lefty friends and what I'm following, the content is just super bad. It's gotta be the worse social media out there now.
Some of the most generic white people from 20 years ago are the most aggressively reactionary now.
- i used to be the douche with shitty politics in high school. they were all relatively disengaged and civility types. in defiance of the historical american trope, i grew up in a large urbanized metro "blue" area of a "blue" state and moved away to live/work in a series of smaller towns, mostly underserved regions, generally in starkly "red" areas of "red" states. and, much to others' shock, my political development has gone in a completely different direction than that of my stayed-in-civilization high school cohort, who now find themselves in a battleground/contested area with suburban pockets of extreme reaction.
  
  i don't feel like my life's arc has particularly been smart. my internalization of the information and ideas around me has been slow. all the pieces have been there for decades, but i was not putting them together mostly due to stubbornness and laziness. it all seems obvious to me how wrong i was back then and i am embarrassed at who i was.
  
  i swear to god, every time i looked up somebody from high school back when i still had fb, they became massive chuds. they used to be chill and disengaged when i knew them, but somewhere along the way they plugged into the dumbest info streams and just plain gobbled it like hungry piglets. like just 70% "build the wall" type immigrant-hating chuds. and then like 25% anti-bernie, homeless fearing LIBS with the difference being weirdos who went off the rails, moved away, and vanished into the mists.
  
  watching it has given me a lot of antipathy towards the passive assumption that in relation to rural life, urban life in america is an engine of tolerance or progressive politics. rather, that particular view is driven by the uncritical positionality of researchers and thinkpiece authors.

i spent highschool trying desperately to be attracted to men

so dear god yes what-the-hell hexbear-lesbian

That sounds like a special level in hell. I'm glad you realised after high school.

My standards are pretty much just

wears a mask
not literally a fascist
not utterly bloodthirsty and completely opposed to veganism on principle

which limits my options in my area to a total of... 0 people. As far as I can tell. I have literally never met someone who meets these three criteria. death to america.

Unironically you're the most attractive person in your area. I wish there was more people like you.
I wish it was safer to date as a leftist.
- How so?

Dated someone for like 2 weeks, felt stuff for them. At one point they say they have something special to show me, something I'm going to like.

They pull out a wood carving of a swastika interlaced with a star of David. I'm immediately like "huh." They're all smiles asking me if I feel anything from it. They get confused when I ask if this is a weird joke or something.

Over the next hour I put together they're a deep level member of the Raëlian Church. UFOs, magical symbols, seraphins visiting and a weird amount of transphobia even though 1) I thought Raëlians were cool with that and 2) I'm very obviously non-binary. They tell me stories of how the covid vaccine gave them amnesia, how they believe they're a clone. After the second date I get a bunch of texts claiming that aliens had replaced them in the night, with some sounding panicked. I got pictures of their hair with things like "Abduction last night. Clear change in hair length on left side."

I should have noticed all the signs, but they were really into me and I was desperate for attention. Sometimes I think about what it could have been like, they were actually a vegan, seemed to have legitimate interest in me as a person too. I kept getting a "I can fix them feeling" but looking back now I realize I was just starved. They were one of only two people who ever expressed romantic interest in me.

I should have noticed all the signs, but they were really into me and I was desperate for attention. Sometimes I think about what it could have been like, they were actually a vegan, seemed to have legitimate interest in me as a person too.

I've been exactly here, comrade. Loneliness is hella painful. I'm glad that you're OK now. I hope that she's fine.
- Yeah I'm ok, I'm more comfortable with myself these days and realizing I'm more on the grey-asexual spectrum, which has really helped with the loneliness somehow.
Fam you dodged a bullet and deserve way better. You are a queen
- thank you, you're sweet. I try to be better for myself these days.
I get vibes of someone with a psychotic disorder. Sounds like they needed help, though I don't mean to imply you needed to be the one to help them. I think you made the right choice; just hope they can someday get the help it sounds like they need.
- Yeah I eventually got that vibe too and had no idea what to do. There was an instance one night where I got about 150 text messages in a row, sometimes of repeated numbers or people's names. It got scary.
You rejected the Prophet of Yakub (PBUH) and now you will be punished.
Abduction last night. Clear change in hair length on left side.

They have a cat? one of my friend's cats regularly munches on her hair while she sleeps

That's rough though, I can definitely relate to just being like "but they like me that never happens" to excuse shit just not working
- From the pictures I got sent there was no change. They'd also claim to suddenly have different colored eyes or a different colored aura. It was not normal stuff they were saying.
You always have the most amazing stories.
- that's weird because I lead a very dull life comparatively. I think I'm just a weirdo magnet.

I grew up in small-town Oklahoma so pretty much every person I ever crushed on back in the day falls into the 'what was I thinking' category.

Tbh I think most of the people I had major crushes on in my teens/early 20s ended up becoming communists, so young me was onto something subconsciously! Kindness has always been important to me, so that's probably part of it.

About masking, though... yea I don't technically know for some of them but I would be shocked if they were still masking. Unfortunately, the commies and libs in my life have been utterly indistinguishable on this front.

Not really because I know the answer to what was I thinking is always "I wasn't thinking, he was gorgeous and I wanted to fuck him."

The ones that I actually did fall in love with I still love and still see within them the things that made me love them.

Lol. I'm embarrassed but ya it was pretty just physical at the time.

I used to do this thing where I'd start a new job or someone would start at my job and I would have a crush on them just to the point where I got to know them. Every time this happened, I ended up completely turned off by their personality after a little while. Not that I would date a co-worker, but where else do you really meet people anyway?

I realized I would build up this version of the other person in my head based off of a couple friendly/flirty interactions, then they would shatter it. I was always glad when the illusion vanished, because I'd rather just go to work and do my job.

It made me realize why I had so many bad relationships though. Glad I met my wife. I didn't go through that process with her.

I'm glad you found someone!
- It's been great! Just had our six year anniversary

I have never been sexually attracted to anyone volcel-judge

Oh my god being in my thirties, I still remember dating a guy who kept a katana in his bedroom. I'm so glad to have my standards where they're at now.

A vegan guy who respects masks and pronouns is the bare minimum.

True. I forgot to add "not a transphobe" to my list.
I had a friend make the news because she was chased by a long term bf wielding a katana.

Gonna go against the grain and say: not really...no. There are people I wouldn't pursue now due to incompatibilities and/or that know well enough now in hindsight to know their shitty qualities out way their positives...but I still kinda get what I was thinking at the time. In some cases, at the time I was interested it was because back then I was a different person.

I think if anything the way my perspective has changed is that I started to open myself up to people that back in the day I would have written off more quickly. Like with my current partner for example I think I probably would have just noped out the first time she talked about her obsession with skin care routines and how often she visits Sephora...but now that I'm not an angsty/shitty twenty year old I get that's just the thing she geeks out about in the way I geek out about nerd shit.

Ya past me probably thought that women caring about their beautify was cringe. Nowadays I just see it as a personal interest.
This is how I feel. I always find it a little odd when people reflect on their past negatively or with some kind of confusion. Like, you don’t know what you were thinking? You don’t have access to your own thoughts???

To be fair I see myself back in the day and think "what was I thinking"

gamers

Not really. When I was younger I would give it a go with pretty much anyone who showed interest in me because I wasn't very confident, so a sure thing was very appealing. I only ever met two people I really clicked with. The first one I dated through most of college and the second one I married ten years ago this month

Congrats on the ten years!!!
- Shocking that anyone would put up with me this long, but here we are!

This is the energy I've been having about my former partner (I don't like saying the word "ex" for some reason) with whom I broke up with very recently. I was the one who asked her out, I was deeply into her, and I really appreciated how kind she was to me, but I started to realize that we were at odds in some ways, especially since she was rather libby. She ended up eventually being more in love with me than I was with her, but I couldn't take it.

With this in mind, I have a list of five things that I require my partner to have in common with me, and she missed the mark in some way, shape, or form on practically all fronts. I actually am so strict with my requirements that I had to conceptualize what all of the nuances around them look like on paper. This is my "dating requirements manifesto:"

Angel's Dating Requirements Manifesto [Quite Long]

For me to be comfortable with entering a long-term relationship with someone, they have to meet the following requirements:

Straight Edge: I want a partner who follows a straight edge lifestyle. They don't have to identify with being straight edge as a label, but they must abstain from recreational drugs such as alcohol, tobacco, marijuana, psychedelics, etc. while intending to stay that way permanently. I have personal trauma with drug use in my family and even myself for a very brief period, so I don't wish to be with someone who doesn't have a principled rejection of drug use for themselves personally. I have no issue with coffee and prescriptions whatsoever, as the only reason why the sXe community ever tried to include such is a semantic concern. For instance, they might say something like "Well, they're by definition technically drugs, so we should abstain from them to be logically consistent!", but it's silly to me because straight edge subculture came out of hardcore punk fans wanting to reject excesses in the scene, and problems with those excesses sure as hell weren't from drinking coffee or taking medication.
Vegan: When I say vegan, I mean abolitionist-minded ethical vegan. This means no carnists, apologists, utilitarians, and people who are "doing it for health" or "doing it for the environment."
Radical Leftist (Preferably Marxist): Anyone who identifies with any of the following terms: anarchist (excluding ancaps, anprims, etc.), communist, radical leftist, revolutionary socialist, and of course, Marxist, likely meets this requirement. I'm not fond of considering social democrats or any kind of liberal, but I possibly might consider a democratic socialist that is an actual socialist and not just someone who uses it as a synonym for socdem.
Non-Religious (Preferably Anti-Theist): I am an anti-theist, but I open the door for people who are atheist (without simultaneously identifying as anti-theist), agnostic, and irreligious/unlabeled/something like ignostic or apatheist. The gray area consists of people who identify with religious terms like Christian, Muslim, or Hindu for maybe cultural reasons but are non-practicing. It's a gray area because I don't know how truly comfortable they'd be with my anti-theism. The red area consists of people who actively practice a religion and those who might be "SBNR" or a new age kind of person.
Childfree: Out of all of them, this is the most black and white. They have to not have any children, not desire any children in the future, and they must be completely settled on it. I have this one so strict because it's one that cannot be compromised on whatsoever. There basically is no middle ground between "wants kids" and "doesn't want kids." At that point, somebody would just have to comply with the other's wishes and roll with it if they are to stay together, and that doesn't sound pleasant at all.

I'd love a mask wearer too, but these are generally the 5 things I consider a part of my definitive list. I sound extremely picky, right? I know, and that's why I have a few additional considerations I've thought out.

Overlap: These things overlap in the order I listed them, i.e. straight edge people have a higher chance of being vegan, vegans have a higher chance of being radical leftists, radical leftists have a higher chance of being non-religious, and non-religious people have a higher chance of being childfree. You can't necessarily overlap all of them, though, in that you likely can't easily say "non-religious people overlap with straight edge people" for instance.
Comfort in Being Single: My last relationship gave me a shit ton of comfort in being single. I was so deeply in love with her, and that all got shattered into the ground simply because I couldn't reconcile our differences. Hell, some of our differences weren't as big as you might think, but it still was a deal breaker for me regardless. For example, even though she was vegan, she was a far more utilitarian type and an apologist, and that alone was something I felt highly uncomfortable with, let alone dating a carnist. I'd rather be single for the rest of my life than loosen my standards, full stop.
Casual Stuff: I might be open to more casual encounters that aren't intended to be long-term but more like a FWB kind of deal (volcel police, please stop monitoring me. Chill!) This person wouldn't be a candidate for marriage or anything like that, but I'd be totally fine doing these kinds of things with people who do not meet all of my strict requirements to the degree I desire. However, I'm not a fan of one-night scenarios; I'd like some kind of emotional connection with this person, and I'd establish these boundaries with this person as soon as we agree upon it.
Conversions: Some people I've told this about have asked me "Would you be open to dating someone who you could convince to change to meet your requirements?" I'm not comfortable with this for the most part because of a few reasons: A) It makes me feel like I'm "manipulating" or "forcing" things, and that sounds very off-putting and just not fun, B) I'd be concerned about the genuineness of some people changing, e.g. I wouldn't know if my partner would actually accept vegan ethics wholeheartedly and they might just see it as "appeasing" me, and C) It'd just be really damn hard in most instances. A lot of people are really hard to change, especially in the regards that I listed above.

All this being said, the one caveat I will offer for conversions is that, even though I'm seemingly leaning in the direction of "no, I wouldn't be fine with 'converting' someone like that," I still think this could be case-by-case. Like, say, for example, if I meet someone who is a straight edge, anti-theistic, and childfree Marxist, but happens to be a lacto-ovo vegetarian who doesn't understand why vegans oppose dairy and eggs. It'd be at least worth an effort. If we do end up being more than just friends, however, things will remain at the 3rd point of "Casual Stuff" unless they end up changing.

Love is Irrational: The last thing I want to acknowledge is that I'm wholeheartedly aware that love is hella irrational. I often develop pretty intense feelings for people who do not check even 3 of these boxes, let alone all 5. It creates a very rough battleground in my heart and mind, but ultimately I tend to let rationality lead the way with this stuff regardless, especially with what happened with my former partner. I literally have avoided pursuing relationships with people I was into simply because of the fact that I enforce this stuff very harshly.

I am strikingly weird—you don't have to tell me.

The VOLCEL POLICE are on the scene! PLEASE KEEP YOUR VITAL ESSENCES TO YOURSELVES AT ALL TIMES.

نحن شرطة VolCel.بناءا على تعليمات الهيئة لترويج لألعاب الفيديو و النهي عن الجنس نرجوا الإبتعاد عن أي أفكار جنسية و الحفاظ على حيواناتكم المنويَّة حتى يوم الحساب. اتقوا الله، إنك لا تراه لكنه يراك.
Honestly comrade, you're super cool, and your requirements are very good. You deserve someone do can do the basic minimum. And honestly, so many people's requirements are bougie, and you have none of that.

Ya I find drunkness to be unattractive, although no shame to my using comrades. I just seem to date people who drink less as that's my vibe.

2-3: Hell ya!

Not a massive big deal for me. Although I've dated a religious person and it can create problems, although this ex was religious and conservative.

Totally fair, and this is my thinking too
Love is Irrational: The last thing I want to acknowledge is that I'm wholeheartedly aware that love is hella irrational. I often develop pretty intense feelings for people who do not check even 3 of these boxes, let alone all 5. It creates a very rough battleground in my heart and mind, but ultimately I tend to let rationality lead the way with this stuff regardless, especially with what happened with my former partner. I literally have avoided pursuing relationships with people I was into simply because of the fact that I enforce this stuff very harshly.

Ahh the magic of stated vs revealed preferences. It's why I don't take a lot of dating advice seriously, people, including myself, don't actually know what they want until they get it. To be honest I'd date a "lib" with their heart in the right place over a self righteous leftist 100 times out of 100.

My first girlfriend is now married to a Baptist peacher, and one of the more recent ones is now married to a fairly well-known (he has appeared in the dunk tank) Dark Enlightenment trad weirdo, recently converted to Catholicism, and has 6 children under ten years old. Really dodged some bullets there. Luckily, I found a rad communist lady to settle down and get a bunch of cats with.

I had a crush on this girl when we were in 8th and 9th grade. Fell for her the second she was introduced as the new girl for like 30 seconds before disappearing lol.

Long story short, she somehow was subsumed into our friend group by a mutual friend. At that age, I always thought the “friend zone” was a one sided thing affecting the rejected person, but I later found out she was angry then depressed after she found out I liked her because she considered me a good friend and it could no longer be the same, so our friendship would have to end.

Anyway, she moved elsewhere after, then in senior year of high school someone discovered she was posting nudes using my full name on social media (they thought I was the one posting pictures of her and other girls lol) and later got arrested for stealing and crashing a cop car

Nah, crushes just sort of happen. I can despise the person years later, but it's not like Dr. Doofenshmirtz fired a Crushinator at me or something.

I have a thing for goth girls and bookworms. Most of my crushes or former flames became some variation of leftist with a few becoming liberals.

Permanently Deleted

In grade school, I had a crush on a girl every year from Kindergarten to Grade 9.

I've never really had a full-blown crush, and I don't have any idea why not.

At the grocery store a few days ago I saw a girl I liked in high school. She had been one of the best students and was really nice. She’s some kind of naturopathic doctor now and was, like almost everyone there, unmasked. I pretended that I hadn’t seen her.

Another girl I liked was also nice and an excellent student. She now has the ADL on her résumé and is not Jewish. Thankfully I haven’t seen her since high school. I only found out about her involvement with the ADL because I googled her once.

A third similar girl I was obsessed with for years got a Ph.D, married a Spanish astrophysicist, and moved to Germany. I ran into her a few years ago and we had some nice conversations.

I am also completely surrounded by liberals and chuds. My spouse is a staunch anti-communist but masks, is okay with Free Palestine and landback, is to the left of Bernie, wants to travel to Cuba, is open to living in China, is a unionized nurse, has no interest in voting for Biden, and is super hot. Most Americans would consider her a communist if she described her political beliefs. But she thinks it’s okay to be a landlord. If I were single, I think I’d be happy with someone who at least identified as a communist.

My last partner